The Double Bind
by rpfangirljr
Summary: With the help of an abusive father, and a passive mother, Edward Anthony Masen, Jr. has, over time, found a way to cope with life. The others help him in dealing with love, anger, and the interactions necessary to make it through any given day. It's been such a difficult life, and they just want to survive it. This is their story. Welcome to The Double Bind.
1. If you'll grant me your indulgence

**A/N: ****This is a new story that I have written with a wonderful author in her own right, ItsJustMe1217. This story is complete, and we intend posting one chapter a week until all chapters are posted. (Real life not being a bi-otch, you know.)**

**We have to warm you that this story isn't for the faint of heart. We've had to rate this story as M because of the violence, language, sex, and situations that this story holds. Please don't take the rating lightly.**

**Thanks for taking the journey with us into a Twilight fiction that reaches through to more than Twilight. We have not only Edward, but all of the characters that Robert Pattinson has played to date (with the exception of Eric Maddox from Mission Blacklist). Each chapter's title is a quote spoken by the character in the respective movie.**

**This chapter holds not only Edward Anthony Masen(Jr. - Twilight), Rawdy Crawley (Vanity Fair), and Giselher (Ring of the Nibelungs, or Curse of the Ring) . For more info on our story and the characters within, and/or Rob's characters and movies, please check our profile page for links to our blogs (story and fan).**

**Before we start, we'd like to thank our wonderful, braTTy beTTa, kiTT (Tongue Twied). Without her guidance and editing skills, this story would not have come together as well as it did. **

**AND AN FYI... Chapter two is already up on our joint account, RobsH00rs (those are zeroes and not os in H00rs)... You are more than welcome to read it over there. I will post it here next week. You can also check out our blog at** .com** for other extra story tidbits, our character castings, and other random fun stuff.**

**I think I've already typed you enough notes for now, I'll leave you to read...**

**~ItsJustMe1217 & RPfangirlJR**

**-oOo-OoO-oOo-OoO-oOo-OoO-**

**Our disclaimer: **

**We do not own Twilight. Sadly. That Belongs totally to S. Meyer. We do not own Rob's movie characters. They are of his bringing to life, and the screenwriters' imaginations. And lastly, we do not own ROB. We wish. ROB is a man who totally rules our worlds, and we do our best to obey.**

**-oOo-OoO-oOo-OoO-oOo-OoO-**

***~*I hope you'll grant me your indulgence. -Rawdy Crawley, Vanity Fair*~***

You mustn't read and yet you have to read.

This is the double bind.

It's wrong to act and it's wrong not to. There's no escape and whatever happens it's your fault. When Daddy tells you that he loves you, that you are special, but then hurts you horribly; when you're told that you'll go to Hell if you tell your secret; when you are instructed to honor your father and mother despite their betrayal and when you know that you are responsible for making these horrors happen, you're in a double bind. The double bind, repeated over and over, is a living contradiction that simply blows your mind.

*~***Anthony***~*

My head is pounding. I try to open my eyes but with every crushing blow my eyes automatically blink closed again. Damn thing feels like it weighs fifty pounds. The smell. _What is that smell?_ I lie completely still and close my eyes again tightly, trying to will away the blinding pain. After a few long, excruciating minutes, I realize I can't just lay here. I have to get up and do...whatever it is I am supposed to be doing. I feel that there is something I need to finish but I have no idea what it is. The thought nags me, digging at the back of my subconscious, making my head pound harder.

_Pussy, you've had headaches before. _

It's true. I often have headaches, some more debilitating than this one. I've got to get up, my mind tells me the consequences could be severe if I don't. I slowly open my other eye and try to gain my bearings. _What is that smell?_ Nothing else on my body seems to hurt but the pounding of my head is so severe that I may not notice any other pains for a while. That's good-different, but good. A great deal of the time, my unexplained and sudden headaches are accompanied by other bodily aches and pains, sometimes gashes and bruises too. The most troubling part is that I can never remember how I got the wounds. I tend to black out and when I wake up, I have lost hours, sometimes days, of time. It's disconcerting, but what can I do?

_Time is an elusive son-of-a-bitch; it flies, it crawls, and sometimes, it disappears. _

I don't want to cause any more trouble for my family. Money has been tight and I have noticed that things are steadily getting worse. The water was shut off two weeks ago and I don't reckon I have had a shower since then. I feel disgusting but it's not that different from the repelling feeling emanating from the inside of me that no amount of water could possibly rinse away. _It's normal right? That's how all people feel? _It must be because that's how I feel all the time. My dad's been laid off for a couple of years now and with no prospects in sight, my parents have enough to deal with.

Upon remembering my parents, I sit up so quickly that my head spins.

I feel like I might vomit but I don't think I have anything to expel. I hang my head in hands and try to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth to steady myself. My hands, against my face, feel wet and sticky. _What the hell?_

I remove my hands and look down. _Blood. _My hands are covered in blood. I stare at the congealing liquid drying into the creases of my hands and fingers in some places but still trickling down my arms in others. The smell, I now recognize as the metallic scent of blood, fills the room and the need to vomit is an overpowering reaction. I dry heave and my stomach contracts violently. I wrap my arms around my middle, trying to hold myself together.

I can see tiny nicks and cuts up and down my arms and, on my hands. I look down my body and see that my pants are ripped down one leg from my thigh to my shin. My shirt is hanging in tatters and I only have on one shoe.

The blood, it's everywhere. My clothes are soaked and suddenly I can't breathe. _What the hell happened here?_ I look around me and see that I am in the kitchen floor of my home. There is blood all around me on the floor and red hand prints on the faded white walls.

_Red_.

I rack my brain for any tiny piece of information that I can conjure to explain this but come up empty. The last thing I can remember is standing in front of the refrigerator with my stomach growling. An urge to run hits me so hard that I am on my feet before the thought is even complete in my mind. The kitchen is a total disaster. There are broken dishes on the countertops and floor. The window above the sink is broken. The refrigerator door stands open and askew. Jugs filled with water are overturned, and some of the water is leaking out onto the floor, mingling with the blood and spreading it further.

I walk around the island in the middle of the space and slip in a puddle of blood, hitting my chin on the counter and letting out a yelp of pain as I go down hard. I wince as my hands reach out in front of me to break my fall and broken glass pierces my already bloody skin. I sit up rapidly, scooting out of the puddle and come face to face with my mother's form sprawled in front of the open fridge.

Her eyes are open but she doesn't move when I call out to her. Slowly, I reach my hand out and touch her shoulder. I give a little push but she doesn't move. Bracing myself, I reach out further and feel along her neck for a pulse. Nothing. My legs kick out in front of me and I scramble away from her, my feet leaving trails in the puddled blood.

"Oh God," my anguished scream echoes through the house.

Deep breaths, in and out, in and out. I have no idea how long I sit with my back to the wall, breathing and trying to make sense of the utter fuckery around me.

Deep breaths quickly give way to sobs and my heart feels torn in two-like part of me is dead as well.

"Your heart can't possibly break when it was never really whole to begin with," a voice in my head growls.

"I loved her. She...she was my mother," I desperately reason with myself aloud.

'Is love supposed to bleed?" another voice asks quietly.

I shake my head to rid myself of the confusion and anguish I feel.

_Where do I go?_

_What do I do?_

_Where is my dad?_

I don't want to think about that. I push it away. Way in the back of my mind, up the staircase and behind a brick wall is a steel file cabinet where I keep the things that I cannot deal with. I lock the scary and horrible truths of life there where no one can find them-not even me.

"Get up. Get up. Get up," I hear it growing louder and louder and realize it is my own voice. In a panic, I leap from the floor and run for the bathroom. The blood on my skin is drying rapidly and feels too constricting. I throw off my shirt and kick off my other shoe as I race down the hall, intent on getting this blood off of me. My throat feels tight and it's getting harder and harder to breathe.

I make it to the bathroom, throw open the door and twist the knobs on the sink. Nothing. I forgot about the water being shut off. I can't rinse the blood off and I'm suffocating.

"Suffer. Suffocate. Suffer. Suffocate," I find myself chanting these words, over and over. It relaxes me somewhat, although I'm not sure why.

I place my hands on the grimy vanity and look down at them. Blood. I jerk my head up and look in the mirror. My face and neck are caked in it. Red. As I watch, a few drops drip down my forehead and into my left eye. Suddenly, red is all I see. I scan the room for something to wipe my eyes out with but all that's here is the faded yellow shower curtain surrounding the tub. It's pulled open slightly and half of the curtain is swept inside while the rest hangs over the lip of the tub. Dread fills my stomach as I step closer and see a foot dangling over the edge.

"Dad?"

I don't want to see but I have to look. My feet move of their own accord, propelling me nearer.

The naked body of my father is sprawled in the empty tub, his left arm bent at an unnatural angle behind him. A bucket with water is between his legs and empty milk jugs litter the floor.

"At least, he got to clean up," I say out loud, and then I hear myself laughing. The sound seems to come from far away, hysterical and wild.

I see the tattoo on his right bicep and it causes me to laugh harder, clutching at my stomach. Most people have the names of the people they love tattooed on their bodies; my father has his own name, Edward, scrawled on the muscle in flowing black script.

My eyes travel higher and the laughter dies in my throat. The part of the shower curtain that is pulled in the stall is wrapped around his face so tightly, I can see the outline of his features, his eyes cold and lifeless and his mouth agape. Vomit erupts from my mouth and all over his cold body.

"Oh Dear God," I pray, "I can't handle this. I can't. I'm strong on the surface but not all the way through."

Backing out of the room, I keep going, through the house and out the door. Faster and faster, I move, around the house and into the woods. I run until, my feet my won't carry me any further and I sink to the ground under a maple tree.

My chest hurts, my stomach is sick, and my head is thumping. My body is a road map of pain.

"_King of pain,_" a voice whispers.

I lean my head back against the trunk of the tree and watch the snow pepper lazily from the sky and through the branches. On one limb, above my face, hangs a single red leaf.

Red.

The color makes me feel ill again.

No, it makes me feel like a sinner.

My head hurts so bad, I can't keep my eyes open. I allow them to drift closed but I can still feel my left eye twitching wildly. The spasm spreads through my body, racking me with tremors, that causes me to slump over and curl into myself. There is only one place to go. One place I can escape.

In my mind, I climb the stairway and step behind the brick wall, making sure to stay well away from the padlocked cabinet.

*~***Sam Uley***~*

A quiet night. I am thankful for it. Not like there's ever much going on in our small town, but it seems that lately, business has been picking up. Not a good thing when you are in 'the protect and serve' business like I am.

I pull the squad car outside of the Forks Café and order Paul to run in and get our coffees and sandwiches. He grumbles but does as he's told. I pick up the newest issue of _Fisherman Magazine_ from the center console and flip through the pages, stopping on a full page ad for the Olympic Peninsula Steelhead fishing competition. Two more weeks, and I would be on vacation and praying to win the grand prize of ten thousand dollars.

"What are you smiling about?" Paul asks as he sits in the car and pulls out my coffee, handing it to me.

"Just thinking of my vacation in a few weeks," I answer, taking my coffee and sipping it slowly.

Paul hands me my sandwich, and as I take it from him, he tells me, "Emily says hello."

I set my coffee into the cup holder and take my sandwich from Paul. As I take a bite, I give him a '_Hmmmm_.'

"So when are you going to ask her out?"

I shrug and take another bite, savoring the delightful club sandwich made especially for me by Emily with her own mayonnaise recipe. As I move the sandwich to my mouth for another bite, a call interrupts my peaceful meal.

"Deputy Chief Uley… we have a 415-B, " the dispatcher notifies us.

I pick up the handheld unit of the police radio. "This is Uley. Proceed."

"Sorry to interrupt your quiet night, Sam, but there's a domestic disturbance call that just came into the station a moment ago," the dispatcher replies. "I thought you'd like to take it."

"Location?" I ask as Paul packs up our sandwiches and fastens his seat belt.

"I'm sure you already know, Chief. The Masen place."

I glance to Paul and roll my eyes. "Thanks. We got it."

I replace the handset and fasten my seatbelt as Paul says, "I can't believe it. Third fucking night in a row!"

I start the car up, put it into drive and turn on the lights but no siren. I don't want them to know I'm coming. I was just hoping that I could get there and find that man in the act, something that would allow me to take him down once and for all.

It's something we have been dealing with for years now in our small town. It's like our fucking small town secret. Everyone knows but no one speaks of it.

Edward Masen beats his kid.

I have been trying for years to help out Mrs. Masen – Elizabeth – and her son, Anthony, but they never say a word against him. They act as though I'm the crazy one. It's frustrating as hell, because without their word, I have nothing concrete to arrest the bastard on.

It's not long before I am pulling into Red Alder Heights, a newer, upper middle class suburb of Forks. Most of the houses here are two–story and fairly grand, although they are not mansions. The cars in the driveways are lower-end BMWs and Volvos with a sprinkling of some Jeeps and larger SUVs. The neighborhood is decorated for Christmas with lights on almost every house. The lawns are nicely manicured, but this night they are covered with snow as we experience the first snowy days of the winter season.

Turning on Juniper Circle, I make my way to the last house on the street, at the apex of the circle. The large, sprawling one-story stone house has a few lights on as we pull into the driveway. The clouds are hanging low, almost touching the tree tops of the forest of tall trees behind the house. _Eerie_.

Paul and I get out of the squad car. As I slide my baton into my belt, Paul remarks, "This is fucking giving me the creeps. It's too quiet."

I nod in agreement. Something wasn't feeling right. Usually on a call, we hear yelling, screaming, crying… something that gives their secret away. But not tonight… Tonight, the silence is deafening. I take a deep breath and begin crunching through the snow towards the front door. I look around then knock.

Paul and I wait…

No answer.

I ring the bell and yell, "Mr. Masen, it's Deputy Chief Sam Uley with the Forks Police Department. We had a disturbance call come in."

A few more moments pass, and there is still no answer. I look at Paul and tell him that we're going in. He draws his weapon, as do I, and on the count of three we ram our shoulders into the right door of the double-door entry. The door flies open with no resistance and we stop dead cold in the foyer.

"The door wasn't even locked," I say, making a mental note of the odd fact.

I point to the dining room behind Paul and tell him, "You check that way, I'll start in the room behind me. If you see anything, call for me."

Paul nods and starts walking slowly through the dining room, his weapon is by his head, ready to use, if need be.

"Mr. Edward Masen, this is Deputy Chief Uley. There are currently two officers in your home. Please stay where you are until we come across you!" I yell as I slowly step into the formal living room. I check around the curtains, the unlit Christmas tree, and around the furniture to find no one at all.

The second I step back into the foyer, I hear Paul scream, "Sam! We have a woman down!"

I put my gun into the holster and run the same direction that Paul walked moments before. I turn the corner, almost running into Paul who had the kitchen blocked with his arm.

I stop and he points to the woman on the floor in front of him. Elizabeth Masen. Her eyes are open, but dilated. She is covered in lacerations and blood, with blood drying and puddled on the floor below her.

"Pulse?" I ask and Paul shakes his head sadly.

"What's with the streaks?" I asked, nodding towards the long tracks made from someone sliding in the red pool that extended from Elizabeth's lifeless body.

I tell Paul not to touch anything and to call for backup as I walk back around to get to the other side of the kitchen. I make my way through the dining room, then the foyer and into the family room, where I see a trail of bloodied footprints going from the kitchen to the hall on the opposite side of the room.

"Fuck! Paul, I need you to close off the house! I'm going to follow this trail!" I instruct him, redrawing my weapon. I carefully enter the hallway, trying not to disturb the prints on the carpeting.

"Mr. Masen! Anthony!" I call out, hoping to get an answer but only receiving silence in return.

I slowly walk down the hall, passing a shoe and a discarded, blood-soaked shirt, and see the trail turn into a bathroom on the right side. I carefully step inside and am horrifically shocked at what I am seeing. There are bloody handprints all over the counter and the sink. Blood is smeared on the mirror, as well as splattered across the floor.

I hear a gurgle and turn my attention to the bathtub. My mind isn't processing as fast as it normally does, and it takes me a moment to realize that it is Mr. Masen wrapped in that dingy yellow shower curtain in the tub and covered with vomit. I try not to step on the blood as I make my way to the tub, carefully reach my hand down to check him, and pull it back in surprise as another gurgle escapes him. I reach for his neck and feel the slightest pulse beating beneath the curtain.

Half of me wants him to die there for everything he has done. He didn't deserve to live. He was an asshole who beat his son and had him so fucking terrified that he couldn't… he wouldn't ask for help. His wife was so afraid to say anything herself that she virtually withdrew from the world. I don't think I saw her in town once over the past few years. God only knows what he did to them in this house behind these closed doors.

And no matter how fucking much I want him to die, I can't do it. It goes against my core… my internal promise to protect and serve the citizens of Forks. Saying a quick prayer, I pull my pocketknife from my belt and cut a slit into the shower curtain and loosen what was wrapped around his neck to help him breathe.

Embry shows up in the doorway and reports, "Jared is outside lining the police tape around the front perimeter. The investigation unit is on the way."

"Call the medics and tell them we need another ambulance. Mr. Masen is still with us. You stay with him. I need to find Anthony… I pray to God that he's still alive."

Embry nods and takes my place at Masen's side. I look back into the hallway, looking for a hint or clue as to where to go next. Then I notice something a few doors down on the jamb along the left hand side of the hallway – a small streak of blood about shoulder height.

I go into the room – their office – and look around. There are blood covered papers on the desk that are being blown by the light, icy breeze blowing in through the back door. I notice that the handle and curtain on the glass door is covered with blood as well. I look out into the backyard and see droplets and footprints that are being covered as another round of snow begins.

"Anthony!" I call out into the large yard. "Anthony, are you out here?"

I receive no answer, but my gut is telling me to follow the prints. I order into the walkie and say, "Close off the entire area. I'm following the prints that run through the back yard. Still no sign of Anthony."

"Yes, Chief," Jared's voice replies.

Keeping my weapon ready, I slowly make my way through the backyard. My feet are crunching in the snow with every step I take. My breath is coming out in cold, smoky billows as my breathing picks up speed. I quickly follow the prints that are leading me through the yard and into the dense forest that extends beyond.

I can't tell how long I've been following the trail before I got within earshot of the stream, but it's not long after the trail stops cold, buried under the blanket of the new snow.

I mumble an expletive, and the curse floats in a cold haze from my mouth. I lean against a tree for a moment, thinking of where to go from here. _Where should I look? Did I miss a turn back there?_

Just as I'm about to continue, I hear a small breath hitch from behind me. I turn and notice Anthony Masen; he's curled into a small half-naked ball against a large maple tree. I approach him slowly. "Anthony, are you alright, son? What happened? Is there someone out here with you?"

He looks at me blankly. I have never seen him look so empty… so disconnected before.

I click the button on the walkie that's attached to my jacket. "Paul, I found Anthony Masen. We're out beyond the property line in the forest about thirty feet away from the stream. Oh God, he's covered in blood. He seems to be in shock. His arms and hands are covered in contusions and lacerations. I need you to get the medics out here ASAP. That son of a bitch Masen finally did it. Once he leaves, make sure Embry notifies the Chief of all of this. He'll want to know. I'm staying with Anthony until he is on that gurney."

"Yes, Chief. The second ambulance is pulling away with Mr. Masen right now. I'll radio for a third."

I pull Anthony towards me and I notice that he feels sweaty and cold. I look closely and see that the area around his lips have a bluish tone; he is pale white otherwise. His breathing is rapid and I fear that he may be starting to suffer from the cold as well as being in shock.

I start to wrap him in my jacket and I see a sight that would put _me_ into shock. There are all sorts of bruises along his ribs and abdomen that I had never seen before. He leans against me, and as I start to wrap my jacket around him, I see the same bruising all over his back.

I finally wrap him snugly in my jacket and keep him close to me to help keep him warm.

As we sit there, I wonder how many more bruises are being masked by blood, how many bones are broken this time, and how much pain he endured at his father's hands. I want Masen dead.

"Help is coming, Anthony. It's almost here," I tell him quietly, although I'm not sure he can hear or understand one word I am saying.

*~***Anthony***~*

The red flashing lights of the ambulance terrified me but I was so cold and so tired as I slouch and allow Officer Uley to help me into the back of the truck. He's climbed in behind me and holds my hand, telling me everything would be okay. I have no idea what he means but I am calmed by his voice.

The hospital was bright-too bright and I had to squint my eyes. They put me in a room alone and for that I was thankful. A small, balding man who said I could call him Dr. Marcus takes x-rays. He speaks softly to me, explaining what he is doing, and I allow myself to drift off while he did his job. When he is finished, he dims the lights in the room and says I can take a shower if I want.

The hot water felt so good. I stood under the spray and watched as the dirt and redness from my body swirled down the drain. The small bar of soap they have allowed me smells clean and and I wanted to be like that-fresh and sweet. The cuts on my hands and arms stung when the pulsing water hits them and I'm a sick bastard because I like the way it hurts. I don't want to anger anyone by taking too long so I finish quickly, put on the gown they've given me, and exit the small bathroom.

As I sit on the edge of the bed, an elderly, grey-haired woman in pink stripes carries in a tray of food. The smell is delicious, my stomach rumbling. The woman laughs heartily and uncovers meatloaf, mashed potatoes, green beans, a small roll, and green jello on the tray and my eyes well with tears at the sight.

"Awww sweetie," she coos and reaches to ruffle my hair.

Her voice is loud, startling me, and I flinch from her touch. Her eyes become very sad and I feel bad for making her feel that way. I hadn't meant to and I smile slightly letting her know how sorry I am. After that, she sits by my bed while I eat and seems to make an effort to keep her voice muted. She encourages me not to eat too quickly but I can't help it. I shovel the food in my mouth, barely chewing before I swallow.

"When was the last time you ate sweetie?" she asks. I think about it for a moment but I can't remember, and it hurts my head when I try, so I just shrug my shoulders.

I am still hungry when the food is gone but I don't want to seem ungrateful by asking for more. She removes the tray and I recline back into the pillows, suddenly so overwhelmed with exhaustion. I hold very still and let the lady cover me up with the thin, white blanket, feeling a strange tugging in my chest at the action as tears trickle down my cheeks.

"Close your eyes sweetie. You're safe. I promise," the lady says with conviction.

I vaguely remember hearing that before.

It was a lie. It was always a lie.

The light is streaming through the windows when I hear a noise that wakes me from a terrible dream in which huge flocks of sparrows were sweeping down from the sky, hitting windows and bouncing off cars hard enough to leave dents. I open my eyes and realize it is a knock at the door but pull the covers closer to my chin, feeling exposed and disoriented from the dream.

The door opened a fraction and Officer Uley poked his head in. Noticing that I am awake, he strolls calmly into the room.

I smile when he nears me, he has always been nice to me and I like him.

"_He's a cop, not your friend. Don't trust him,"_ a voice whispers assuredly.

My smile falters and I scoot down in the bed farther, shrinking away from him.

The officer didn't seem to notice my hesitance and continues to foot of my bed. "Did you sleep well Anthony?" he asks with honest concern in his voice.

"_Lie,"_ the voice sneered.

I nod, not knowing what to say. My head is begins to hurt again.

Officer Uley nods too, looking guiltily away for a moment. "Son, I need to ask you some questions. I think you know that," he says, raising his arm to rub at the back of neck.

"_Lie better,_" sneers the voice.

Officer Uley pulls up a chair from against the wall to my bedside and takes out his pen and paper. He sighs heavily and returns his gaze to me, "Can you tell me what happened last night, Anthony?"

"I-I-don't know...I..." I concentrate, trying to think of the best way to respond but before I can pick out any words Officer Uley speaks again, "Was there someone else in your home? Did your father have someone over? A business associate maybe?"

"Ummm..." He seems to want me to say something, expects it almost, but I'm not sure what. I search my mind, through the shelves of stored memories. On the floor, in the section referenced as 'folklore,' I find a Polaroid photo. The photo shows no subject. Instead, overexposure had turned the square photo completely red.

"Something bad happened...," I sputter out, feeling my legs and arms begin to shake violently.

"_Bring on the shackles._..," the voice speaks sarcastically.

"Well, we noticed that the front door was unlocked, but there is no physical evidence that someone other than your father, your mother, and you had been in your home," the officer leads, watching me wearily.

"Anthony, just calm down son. I only need you to tell me the truth." He considers a moment, looks me pointedly in the eye and adds, "No matter what that truth is, okay?"

I agree wearily with a nod.

"Look, let's start with your mother. Do you know what happened to her?"

"No," I moan out, covering my eyes with my hands as rocked, trying to control the tremors.

"She was found in the kitchen in front of the refrigerator. Do you know what state she was found in?"

"No," I said loudly, "I don't know. I can't...can't...r-rrremember."

"Anthony...," Officer Uley speaks hesitantly.

"No, no, no, no," I chant.

The door pushes open and Dr. Marcus barges in, demanding, "Officer, what do you think you're doing? My patient requires quiet." The doctor pauses then speaks more softly, "This boy has been through a lot."

"I know that doctor. I'm only doing my job," Officer Uley says, suddenly sounding unsure. "I want to help him," he adds conspiratorially.

I clear my throat, easily feeling in charge now that I have relinquished control. Another voice speaks now. His voice will be just like my own but more authoritative. The door to the memories is open but I bypass it and instead retreat up the stairs, thankful to be able to breathe better with every stair I climb.

"Anthony...," both men ask tentatively, stepping toward the bed.

"My name, Sir, is Lord Rawdy Crawley, and I'll thank you both to exit my chambers immediately."

The two men stare at me in awe, then exchange a sad, knowing look before turning to leave.

"Punishment for your rudeness will be swift! Send in my guards!" I call after them.

Days have passed as I sit in this wretched place. There is no peace to be had as they refuse to leave me alone. I have tried to be patient, as a gentleman, I hold my tongue, but the restraint on my temper is wearing thin.

A knock at the door causes me to grit my teeth in annoyance. Dr. Marcus and Officer Uley, as they have introduced themselves, enter. They hesitate by the door, increasing my frustration.

"What say you?" I beckon, ready to put the preamble behind us and move forward from the dread of these chambers.

"We'd like to ask you a few more questions Ant...er...Rawdy," the doctor speaks first.

Officer Uley speaks up then, stepping closer. "Just please tell me the truth, Anthony. There is no need to lie or pretend. I know what you've been through Anthony, and I will help you, I swear to you I will."

"I make no false pretenses. What are these accusations?" I demand.

"We know that you were the only one in the house Anthony," the officer says sadly. "I understand. I do. I just need you to tell me the truth."

"I do not know what you are speaking of. And my name is not Anthony, it would bode well for you to remember that," I reply harshly.

The officer and the doctor convene, whispering amongst themselves. My eyes begins to spasm as I take in the display of brazen discourtesies.

When Officer Uley turns back to me, his face is a mask of anger, marching toward my bedside.

"I know you Anthony Masen and I have tried to help you but I will not be played for a fool. Now, tell me the truth," he spits out.

"I don't..." my voice quells in my throat, my muscles seizing abruptly.

"Tell me Anthony. Tell me right now," he yells.

The sound of his angry voice focuses on me, sending shivers up my spine. Suddenly I am wracked with trembling. Tighter and tighter, my body clenches as I fade away from this ambivalent tribulation.

The man standing over me is frightening, but I am a warrior and therefore show no weakness.

"Your stance suggests war. Shall we draw swords?" I challenge, moving to stand from the bed.

The doctor moves to stop me, asking, "Are you alright Anthony?"

"You, my good sir, may call me Giselher."

**-oOo-OoO-oOo-OoO-oOo-OoO-**

**A/N: Well, we did say not for the faint of heart. Any thoughts or comments, please don't hesitate to leave those. Chaper two can be found over at the ff RobsH00rs account. Thank you for reading!**

****The inside of Anthony's mind, as described, is a tribute to Stephen King's 'Dreamcatcher' which, of course, refers back to Twilight.**


	2. I believe in living life by the sword

**A/N: Chapter 2 is here! Thanks to those of you who have read and/or reviewed and/or favorited our story. This week's Featured Rob Character is Giselher from Ring of the Nibelungs (or Curse fo the Ring). You can learn more about him on our blog ( .com - links on our profile page). **

**Also on the blog is a small snippet of our Mike Newton's POV about life in Forest Meadows.**

**Chapter 3 is up on the RobsH00rs ff...**

**Before we begin, we'd like to thank our wonderful beTTa exTTraordinaire, kiTT (Tongue Twied) for her hard work on making sure each chapter is up to par.**

**~ItsJustMe1217 & RPfangirlJR**

**-oOo-OoO-oOo- Our Disclaimer -OoO-oOo-OoO**

**We do not own Twilight. Sadly. That Belongs totally to S. Meyer. We do not own Rob's movie characters. They are of his bringing to life, and the screenwriters' imaginations. And lastly, we do not own ROB. We wish. ROB is a man who totally owns us. We are at his mercy.**

**This story and the images for it are entirely ours. Now we leave you to enjoy...**

**-oOo-OoO-oOo-OoO-oOo-OoO-**

**I believe in living life by the sword. ~ Giselher, Ring of the Nibelungs**

**-oOo-OoO-oOo-OoO-oOo-OoO**

**Forest Meadow Mental Health Facility**

**CLINIC NOTES**

**Physician: **Carlisle Cullen, M.D.

**Time: **7:30 am, Monday, January 3rd

**Ward/Floor: **S. Meyer Wing, 5th Floor, minimum security

**OBSERVATIONS**

**Brandon, Mary A.**

Mary Alice was awake before 7 a.m. again this morning. She is already involved with a tea party set she made from her paper and crayon stash. She still has the mind of a 10-year-old child although she is almost 19 years old. Increase adult interaction throughout the day, speaking only in adult terms that a child wouldn't comprehend.

**Hale, Rosalie**

Rosalie's depression induced by post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) seems to have worsened over the weekend. She had managed to get scissors during the day yesterday, for the second time since she's been here, which were removed from her possession overnight. She was caught by the night orderly, Felix Volturi, trying to cut all of her hair off again. Her self-hatred is increasing by the day. She needs extra security at night and will have to be monitored throughout the day as well. Consider upping her Zoloft dosage to the full 50 mg.

**Whitlock, Jasper**

Jasper is still under the impression that he is a Civil War Major for the Texas Confederate Army. He spent the last evening planning a battle near San Antonio. He is still not seen as a threat to the other patients and keeps mostly to himself. Continue monitoring throughout the day, as every day. Consider increasing his dosage of clozapine.

**Newton, Michael**

Michael Newton was moved to the Stream Song wing in the fourth floor medium security ward as was Eric Yorke, for causing problems and making violent threats against the patients here over the weekend.

**PLAN**

During group therapy, try to get Alice to interact beyond the realm of a child. Maybe introduce talks about boys and dating, which may also help Rosalie Hale try to reintegrate the thoughts of being around men again. Maybe talk to Rosalie about the possibility of starting counseling with her family present. I am still unsure about Jasper's therapy route until we try the newer dosage for his meds.

**-oOo-OoO-oOo-OoO-oOo-OoO-**

*~*** Carlisle's POV** *~*

"Here you go, Emmett. Please make sure you put this one in the correct file," I say, handing our day orderly my notes from the morning rounds.

"Dr. C, it was only that one time," Emmett whines in response.

"Yes, well we don't want to go through another 404 moment, do we?"

"No, sir," he answers.

Before I could I get three feet towards my office, he is calling me back to the desk. "Yes, Emmett?"

"Dr. C, I forgot to tell you that we have a new patient coming in a few hours. Here's his file."

I take the folder from Emmett with a quick thank you and leave for my office. I flip through the information as I walk, only remembering my new patient's name and his ailment.

Anthony Masen. Suspected Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) Also known as Multiple Personality Disorder.

**-oOo-OoO-oOo-OoO-oOo-OoO-**

*~* **Giselher's POV ***~*

"Where are you taking me?" I demand. When the men in strange white clothes came and told me it was time to go home, I had assumed they would be bringing me to the castle. I see now, I should have been skeptical. I shan't make the mistake twice.

The men had pushed me into a large, metallic box with wheels and I had been delivered to _this _wretched place.

"Traitors," I scream at them when we arrive. I should have known better, my brother always says I am too quick to trust. I study the men as we walk through a corridor, committing to memory any information that could possibly aid the warriors in overthrowing this clan.

We stop when a light haired man approaches and speaks with the traitors. He wears different clothes but is clearly a leader of their tribe.

"Sir, what is the meaning of this?" I interrupt. _How dare they speak amongst themselves, ignoring my royalty._

"Anthony, this is a hospital, and I am Dr. Carlisle Cullen." The leader speaks holding his hand out toward me.

I stare at his hand as I cross my arms. _Surely this man does not expect that I would show him my clan's ritual handshake_. "I know nothing of this Anthony. My name is Giselher."

The sound of footsteps reached my ears and I looked up to see a woman being led by the arm by another man in white. The girl shuffled her feet as she walked, never moving her lifeless eyes from the floor.

"Am I meant to be held prisoner here?" I ask, watching the pair.

"You will not be mistreated here, Anthony...ummm...Giselher," the man stated confidently.

"_We've heard that before,"_ a trio of voices sing, their voices sweeping through my mind like wind through a meadow.

_It would do to remember that these are dangerous times filled with dragons, dark magic, and horrible curses_, I remind myself.

I steal my reserve and speak authoritatively as my father had taught me, "My good sir, my brother is King. He will stop at nothing to ensure my safe return to the castle. Your beheading will not be delayed due to kindness now."

One of the men in white coughs and I spin on my heel to see him. He shifts his weight from one foot the other as I scrutinize him. "Insubordinate," I mutter under my breath. Shaking my head, I turn my gaze back to the leader, Carlisle.

"Who are these men?" I ask, pointing.

"These men are orderlies," the man answers freely.

"What is this 'orderly' of which you speak?" I ask, not bothering to hide my disdain.

"They are like..." The man seems to be searching his mind for the proper word. _Does he not know his native tongue_? I resign myself to the knowledge that these men are renegades.

"They are like guards," the man called Carlisle sputters. "They will not hurt you and they will not allow you to be hurt."

I nod in understanding, asking, "Why am I here?" I whisper lowly so the servants cannot hear.

"You will be staying here, Giselher."

I gasp. "Are these my brother's orders?"

"Uh...yes, he sent you here to keep you safe."

I eye him speculatively. This Carlisle is certainly a devil and a profound liar but perhaps I could gather information for my brother. "Very well. I shall stay." After all, I have nothing to fear, I have the protection of the gods.

"Let me show you to your...bedchamber, Giselher," Carlisle says, gesturing broadly with his arm.

I walk through the estate predatorily, like a large cat, letting all who see me know that I will not be humbled. I show no fear, and walk confidently, ready to spring into action and defend myself if necessary.

Carlisle walks me farther down the corridor, where we meet with another man in white. This one is much bigger than the first two.

The orderly speaks, his voice booming in the empty space, "This is the new guy?"

"Giselher, I would like to introduce you to Emmett McCarty. He can help you with any questions or concerns you have during your stay."

"I thought his name was Anthony?" The man inquires of Carlisle. Shaking my head again at the atrocious lack of respect the servants have in this manor, the leader speaks, correcting him, "Emmett, this is Giselher," he says pointedly, motioning toward me with his head. Carlisle's eye twitches a couple of times at the man, in anger I'm sure, and the big man stands straighter, recognition of his mistake written on his face.

We step around him then and through a door. Carlisle says this is to be my sleeping quarters and pushes me through the threshold. "Are you mad?" I ask incredulously. "This is no suitable establishment for a prince. Where is the wine? The slave girls? Where are my robes?" My voice grows in volume with each accusative question.

Fighting to control my temper, I remind myself these men are heathens and, no doubt, knew no better.

"Fine," I seethe. "You will leave me now." With a flourish of my hand, I dismiss him.

Carlisle seems to be amused by me, saying he would give me a moment to meet my roommate but would return to collect me for a tour of the grounds.

"A roommate?" I wonder aloud.

Suddenly, a man in an ill-fitting dressing gown enters the room and holds his hand to his forehead. "Major Jasper Whitlock," he yells out, throwing his arm down to his side after the introduction.

I walk around him, my hands clasped behind my back. "Have you taken the oath and pledged allegiance to your country soldier?"

"Yes Sir," the major says eagerly.

"Very good. I will need an ally," I muse.

"Sir, I assure you we are on the same side. The enemy will never see us coming."

I consider but a moment. "We shall join forces," I speak with finality. The major seems quite pleased by this prospect and mutters about cleaning his weapon before disappearing into the privy.

When Carlisle returns, he beckons me to a room he calls common. I hang my head, ashamed, that this man thinks that I, the prince, would have a taste for spending time with commoners.

A petite dark haired girl sits with her legs folded under her, her back hunched over the papers before her. When she sees us, she abruptly stands and walks on tiptoes to the doctor squealing, "Daddy!" in an exaggerated childlike voice.

The doctor smiles affectionately as the girl bounds into his arms for an embrace.

He turns her toward me, saying, "Alice this is Giselher. Giselher, Alice."

"You bring your child into battle?" I whisper, looking at the angelic girl.

Carlisle clears his throat and motions for the girl to go back to her drawing.

With Alice's attention elsewhere, Carlisle explains in a low voice, "She's not my daughter. She just likes to...pretend."

"Ah," I mutter knowingly, the child is not right in the mind. 'Tis a shame.

A beautiful maiden enters and the doctor speaks her name in my ear, "Rosalie."

The woman appears weary, not fully entering the room. This will not do. Women are meant to bring pleasure to a man and I shall see that this woman does her duty.

I cross the room quickly, grabbing her arm, and spinning her around, "Go forth and wait for me in my chamber, wench."

"Giselher," the doctor says harshly, drawing my attention away long enough for the wench to slip out of my embrace and disappear. "That is inappropriate behavior and will not be tolerated. Human beings are not owned here. We are all free. Equals," the doctor says emphatically.

"Surely, you jest," I ask in awe.

"Time for dinner," the big burly man called Emmett announces from the doorway, effectively ending our conversation.

"You go on with the others, Giselher, and I will check on you shortly," the doctor says, sighing.

In what Emmett calls a cafeteria, the smells are different but very good. My stomach rumbles and I try to recall when last I have eaten.

I receive a tray of food and sit at one of the many tables in the room, making sure to stay clear of the woman, Rosalie. I have no need to force a woman into my bed, many would beg and plead for the honor, I remind myself.

The major stomps over, clicking his heels together when he comes to a stop by my side.

"Permission to speak, Sir?"

"Granted."

"Sir, a sweep of the area has proven the location to be secure."

"Very well major, your loyalty to the king will be rewarded," I assure him.

The girl child, Alice, skips over, linking fingers with the major.

Looking down at her, his expression softens, his posture relaxes from the rigid stance he held moments ago.

"Miss Alice," he drawls.

Alice's lips pout. "You kept me waiting," she whines indignantly.

The major apologizes profusely, taking her hand and tucking it into the bend of his arm as he escorts her back to her table. I watch them retreat before turning back to my meal, feeling a tug in my heart.

I break the bread and have just begun to eat when Carlisle enters and looks around the room, spotting me, he strolls over. He sits in the chair next to me, looking concerned.

"How are you doing Giselher? How do you feel?" he asks, his voice soothing.

I stare at the man, my spoon stills half way to my mouth.

"You can talk to me..." he begins again, leaning toward me.

Instinctively, I pull back, my arm hitting the tray of food and sending it flying off the table. The bowl of red tomato soup clatters to the floor, the liquid spreading.

Suddenly, my eye begins to spasm wildly and my body shakes with tremors, "I've been poisoned," I choke out clutching at my face.

Carlisle hovers over me, feeling my wrist and pressing a metal circle over my heart as I writhe.

Closing my eyes and drawing inward, I focus my mind on the safe spot, up the stairs and behind the wall and in my pain and panic, I turn and run. I see it then, clearly, a Polaroid photo of a linoleum floor puddled with blood. I shrink from the photo as it floats wildly in the air around me like a bee buzzing in the spring.

"Help me, please," I beg, sliding down the wall to the floor.

"Giselher! Anthony!" I hear Carlisle's voice from far away, vaguely, calling to me. He can't assist me in my time of need. He cannot even hear me here, in the space between his world and the safe place. No, only one can help me, the protector.

I scream out for him. "Edward!"

He swoops down from the rafters, crouching before me. He snatches the photo out of the air between his thumb and forefinger.

"What is it Edward? It frightens me. What does it mean?"

"This is not for you to concern yourself with Giselher," he tells me, tucking the picture into the back pocket of his jeans.

"I do not understand brother, please help me," I sob.

His hands rake through his hair harshly but his expression softens. "You call me brother. Am I not also your king?"

"Yes, my lord, always," the words rush out but are no less sincere.

"Do you trust me?"

"I do, implicitly brother. Tell me...what are your wishes? Has the time to fight come?" I inquire, even while my body convulses.

"There is no need to worry. I have taken care of everything. I...took liberties. It is my wish that this be our new home, our new family."

I nod my head in understanding, the panic subsiding. He stands and turns toward the world and as he does I see the corner of the Polaroid sticking out of his jeans. The panic rises again but I push away nobly. "May I be of assistance to you in any way, brother?" I say, pointing. "The photo..."

He turns quickly, stalking, his hands fisting and his body coiling.

"We call you Giselher, but your name is naivety," he speaks simply. "You are no warrior boy. You are but a child, spoiled, self-centered, and gullible. I am the protector and you will do as I say. Is that clear?"

Torn between feelings of immature pettiness and relieved gratitude that this war is not my own, I creep up the stairwell. Just before slipping behind the wall, I hear Edward's voice speaking with Carlisle and I smile to myself at his control.

"Carlisle, please, call me Edward."

"You seemed to be having some difficulty there Edward," the doctor replies.

"Yes, but I feel safe now."

Carlisle smiles kindly, "That's good Edward, that's real good. I want you to feel safe because if you'll let me, I can teach you a whole new way and give you a brand new life."

**-oOo-OoO-oOo-OoO-oOo-OoO-**

*~* **Carlisle's POV** *~*

_Hmm… pulse is normal. Heart is regular. Why would he think he was poisoned?_

I continue checking vitals, and everything seems normal. I notice Mrs. Cope peeking her head out of the kitchen.

"Mrs. Cope," I ask our cafeteria manager, "Was there something different with the soup today? Was it too spicy again?"

"No, Dr. Cullen," she replies with a huff. "It's your run of the mill tomato soup."

That isn't the news I was hoping for, so the sudden tremors had to be caused by something else, but what?

"Would you please call Riley down to get this cleaned up?" I ask her.

As she walks into the kitchen, where her phone is located, I ask Emmett to grab a wheelchair so that we can get him up to his bed. I turn my attention back to Anthony.

"Giselher! Anthony!" I call, hoping one of the names will evoke him to give me an answer.

"Drama Queen," I overhear Rosalie groan.

"Oh pretty! It looks like a painting, doesn't it Jasper?" Alice squeals loudly, pointing at the soup that has spilled on the floor.

"Poor soldier," Jasper mumbles quietly. "I'm not sure the medic will be able to help him. The enemy made a surprise attack. It's my fault really. I should have checked the perimeter more closely. They wouldn't have had the opportunity to sneak poison into his meal."

"Everyone calm down. Go back to your lunch," I tell them. I turn my attention back to Anthony and see that he's coming around. I help him into a sitting position and pull out my light and check his eyes that seem to be slightly dilated and more brilliant shade of green than before. "Interesting," I mumble.

"Carlisle, please, call me Edward," Anthony says, smiling kindly. He seems much more at ease than moments ago when he wanted to be called Giselher.

I watch his expression as I say, "You seemed to be having some difficulty there Edward."

"Yes, but I feel safe now." He says that honestly and I actually believe that he feels that way.

I smile at him. "That's good Edward, that's real good. I want you to feel safe because if you'll let me, I can teach you a whole new way, give you a brand new life."

He nods in agreement.

Emmett returns with the wheelchair and helps me situate Anthony in it. I ask him to take Anthony up to his room and to send Demetri down to watch the others. Emmett nods and rolls him out of the cafeteria.

I look at the others. Rosalie hangs her head low avoiding eye contact with me. She touches a spoon of soup to her lips but doesn't bother taking any in before returning it to the bowl.

Alice is rubbing Jasper's back. He seems affected by the incident the most. I walk over and sit across the table from them.

"Jazzy, it's okay," Alice tells him over and over.

"Jasper, what happened wasn't your fault, okay?" I tell him as I reach across the table for his hand.

He allows me to touch him and hitches like he's crying before looking up at me. His green eyes look sad and he explains, "You don't understand, doc, the perimeter check was my duty. I failed. I'm a worthless soldier."

I shook my head. "Jasper, sometimes things happen that you just cannot be prepared for. There wasn't anything that you did that was wrong. Did you see that he's still alive?"

He nods. "I saw you help him, doc. Good work. That doesn't change the fact that I failed at my post assignment."

"Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, Major, because I think you succeeded in helping me do my job. I appreciate it."

Jasper perked up. "So, you're saying this was an exercise?"

I nod and Jasper beams, thinking fully that he was successful after all. I'm thrilled with the fact he let me help him easily this time. Now I need to go try to do the same for Anthony... or Giselher... or Edward... or whoever he is now.

I take out my notepad and quickly note:

_Anthony's demeanor has changed dramatically in the past few hours. He has gone from being utterly defensive to feeling like he is home. He has yet to respond to the name Anthony, but it's only been a few hours. It seems his seizure in the cafeteria has something to do with his change in personality. I cannot make the diagnosis to DID at this point, but it seems that may be the direction of my diagnosis. I'm hoping something of note can be found during his first group therapy session tomorrow._

_*Reminder: Make sure Jasper isn't dwelling in self-hatred from his proclaimed failure this afternoon. He will withdraw from everyone if he isn't reassured again in the morning._

**-oOo-OoO-oOo-OoO-oOo-OoO-**

**A/N: We really don't know what to do with Giselher. He thinks he owns the world... New chapter to be posted next week. **

**For more of The Double Bind, visit the blog: .com**

**Thank you for reading!**


	3. Ignorance was bliss to the human mind

**A/N: Chapter three! It seems to be moving along faster than I had planned, but no matter. In this chapter, we finally get to meet some of the favorite Twi characters... Including Jasper Whitlock (*sigh*).**

**This week's post on the blog ( .com) has a small snippet of Rosalie's POV as well as a playlist of inspiring music for this chapter.**

**As always, we thank everyone for reading and/or reviewing and/or favoriting our little story and celebrating ROB's hard work.**

**And let's never forget our beTTa braTT, kiTT (Tongue Twied)... Without her help, especially in this chapter where Daddy C has a spot to talk, it would have been a huge nonsensical mess. THANK YOU!**

**Now we leave you to read...**

* * *

**3.**

**Ignorance was bliss to the human mind. ~Edward Cullen, Midnight Sun**

* * *

*~* **Carlisle's POV** *~*

First thing that morning, I walk into the ward to find Emmett standing by Anthony's door.

"Hey, Dr. C," he says, noticing me.

I immediately worry that Anthony became violent overnight and that's why Emmett is standing guard, so to speak. So I ask, "Anything happening with Anthony? Did he lose control?"

"No, sir. He's... he's just not the same guy as before. He's relaxed and calm... hell the guy even joked with me and told me that I was like his big brother."

"That was all?"

Emmett shrugs and after a moment answers, "Yeah."

I pick up my morning rounds chart and begin my day.

**Forest Meadow Mental Health Facility**

**Physician: **Carlisle Cullen, M.D.

**Time/Date: **7:24 am, Tuesday, January 4th

**Ward/Floor: **S. Meyer Wing, 5th floor, minimum security

**CLINICAL NOTES**

**OBSERVATIONS:**

**Masen, Anthony  
**Anthony seems to be a different man than he was yesterday. McCarty informed me that he was pleasant and jovial, even referring to him like a family member. He is entirely different than he was when he first entered into the ward - defensive and arrogant. I hope to find out more about the real Anthony today. I expect, though, that Anthony may only keep this current personality (Edward) until he is comfortable or upset in a situation. He will need constant monitoring so we do not miss anything.

**Whitlock, Jasper**  
Jasper is patrolling the halls this morning. After the incident in the cafeteria, he seems to be doing better than he usually does when he feels he has failed. I am pleasantly surprised to see him on a usual routine this morning. Talk with him during group therapy to ensure that he is not dwelling nor suppressing those feelings. The upped dosage of medication last night seems to have helped. Continue administering the same dosage.

**Brandon, Mary Alice**  
Mary Alice sits quietly in the common room, coloring a castle on a piece of paper and humming to herself. She is content in her childlike state at the moment. Continue having the staff talk to her as an adult. Consider creating a situation that will cause her to make an adult decision in the near future.

**Hale, Rosalie**  
Rosalie is still in her room, sitting on her bed and staring out of her window. Volturri noted that she has kept that position since coming back up from their dinner last night. This was the first night in months that she hadn't slept a bit. Find out during group therapy if the interaction with Giselher or the witnessing of the incident last night triggered any memory or pain for her. Maintain current medication administration.

**PLAN:****  
**Group therapy should be beneficial throughout our ward today. It will be interesting to see the dynamic a new person brings to the group. If Anthony keeps his Edward personality, will he see us all as a family or will he change again, dooming us all? Make sure to note the interactions between him and the other patients, especially during therapy to know if he plays into them, accepts them, or belittles them, as the Giselher personality did with Rosalie yesterday.

* * *

*~* **Edward's POV** *~*

"Good morning Carlisle," I say, smiling at him openly as he enters my room. Standing from the bed, I step closer to shake his hand.

"Good morning...Edward?" the doctor replies hesitantly, his infliction at the end forming a question from the statement.

I chuckle and nod my head.

"Okay, Edward. Did you sleep well?" Carlisle asks as he pulls his pen out and begins making notes.

"Oh I don't sleep," I inform him seriously.

"Ever?"

"No. Not ever," I tell him, amused by his reaction.

I lean against the wall watching him as he scribbles furiously on his clipboard. When finished, he tucks his pen back into the top pocket of his white coat and meets my eyes. "Edward, I would like for you to attend group therapy this morning, after breakfast."

"Very well," I answer, pushing off the wall, shrugging my shoulders.

Carlisle's face beams. "That was easy. Thank you Edward."

"I look forward to meeting my new family and I wish to please you," I tell him honestly. The doctor seems genuinely pleased.

"_You are bound differently than we are. We each still have our free will," _the voices whisper in unison, always there to remind me.

My smile falters and my face grows serious as I reiterate, "I will allow you to lead Carlisle but my first priority is to Anthony."

The doctor's eyes widen, "Edward, you know about Anthony - who he is?"

I snort, "Of course, I know him."

"Edward, where is Anthony?" Carlisle asks, his forehead creasing in concentration.

"He's afraid. He lives behind the brick wall."

"Does he know about you Edward?"

I shake my head sadly, looking down at floor, "No, he doesn't want to know."

"Are there others Edward?" he asks lowly, his features sympathetic.

"Yes, we are many."

Carlisle nods silently, his thin lips pulling into a frown, "Do they all live behind the brick wall?"

"Behind the wall is the safe place. We hide the secrets, horrible things that cannot be spoken, in a locked cabinet there. We do not live there. We live in the library of memories and we come and go as we are needed," I reveal.

"Edward, I want to help you, if you'll let me."

"I want you to help me, Carlisle. I don't want to be monster anymore," I tell him, my voice laced with emotion, threatening to burst from me.

"Edward, it would help me a great deal if I knew the secrets locked in that cabinet. I could help Anthony then. You do want to help him, don't you?"

I shake my head in frustration. "Anthony is fragile. To say it, out loud, would be the end of us all. I fear some will be lost anyway," I say, pinching the bridge of my nose between my fingers.

Looking back at the doctor, I tell him in no uncertain terms, my mind is made up, "The secrets are my own. I, alone, bear their weight."

Carlisle smiles slightly, "Edward have you ever heard the phrase, 'the truth will set you free?'"

Silence fills the room. I narrow my eyes and tell the only truth I know, "I assure you there is no comfort in the truth, Carlisle. Pain is all you'll find."

Carlisle's lips press together tightly, sadness washing over his features. I had no wish to disturb him further but I felt it important to be completely honest and upfront. Even a child raised in the absence of honesty can see the benefit of a trustworthy family.

"Carlisle, you should know," I began, hoping that this would not be something that would send him running from my room. There was a great deal more to be revealed when the time was right. I needed him to be prepared, strong. "You may call me Edward but I go by many names - protector, revenge... punishment..."

"I see," Carlisle nods sadly. "Enjoy your breakfast Edward," he says before slipping back out the door.

Jasper comes out of the bathroom just as Carlisle leaves, as if he had been waiting to give the doctor and I privacy. If he had been listening he makes no show of it, as he sings _Live and Let Die_ loudly. After the chorus he asks to escort me to breakfast before checking the perimeters. I've only just met my new roommate, my brother. I'm not sure what to make of him yet but it is clear that he runs a tight ship and I respect that.

Jasper walks just behind me down the hallway and I have to smile at the irony of the protection I feel for a change. That is, until I see the blond, Rosalie, standing in her doorway. Ignoring her, I continue walking.

"What's the matter with you?" She calls maliciously, her words spitting from her mouth in anger.

I slow my footsteps, "Excuse me?"

"You act like you're better than us but you're not. You're here. Something's wrong with you," she says accusingly, her eyes daring me to dispute her.

** "We all have a sickness. That cleverly attaches and _multiplies_," I quote over my shoulder, smirking, and picking up my pace again.

Ever the gentlemen, I hear Jasper asking Rosalie if she would be in need of an escort to breakfast this morning. I just shake my head and keep walking.

The meal is uneventful. I sit at the table in the cafeteria with my siblings and push the food around my plate. I sit next to Jasper, who linked arms with Alice as soon as we entered the room. Rosalie reluctantly sits next to Alice, eyeing me hatefully, but I find that she is easy to ignore. Emmett stands behind us, with his arms crossed, as acting bodyguard.

All around me, I see people who are just like me. While some may think that boring, I could not be more grateful. It feels good to be with people who just understand and don't ask questions. I can't completely relax though, because it's my job to protect Anthony. I take that job very seriously, and I'll take any measures necessary to ensure his safety.

I was created for one sole purpose. Designed to do what he will never be able to after all he has suffered. I fight back. I'm not scared of anything, and the sight of blood makes my body vibrate with lust. I love the thrill of the chase and stalking my prey - there's nothing like it.

I must be careful though, restrain myself from my selfish desires. I don't want to be a monster, far removed from my humanity. So this is my attempt to blend in with the humans. The plan was to get out of that hell hole so I could be with my new family, those who are just as fucked up as I am.

Soon, it was time for the family meeting, or, group therapy as Carlisle called it. Emmett leads Rose, Alice, and I, with Jasper once again behind me and to my left, looking around suspiciously for enemies to attack, to a large white room down the hall with metal folding chairs placed into a loose circle.

We all take seats, except Jasper who stands anxiously guarding the door. Carlisle arrives and smiles at us all, inviting Jasper to join us. After checking the hall, both ways, three times, Jasper finally relents and takes the chair next to me.

"Jasper," Carlisle begins, "I wanted to take a moment and thank you for your diligence in ensuring the well-being of everyone in this room."

Emmett pats him on the back and Jasper beams with pride. He straightens his back in the chair, instantly appearing taller and more confident.

Alice jumps from her chair, skipping around the back of the chairs until she reaches Jasper, clasping her arms around his neck and kissing his cheek.

Jasper's face reddens brightly and he shifts uncomfortably but still grins from ear to ear.

Carlisle lets him have his moment and then addresses Alice. "Please return to your seat Alice," he says smiling indulgently.

"Yes, daddy," Alice sing-songs while skipping back to her seat and perching daintily on the edge.

The girl is cute, you couldn't help but like her. Her hair inky black and spiky, her energy never-ending, she reminds me of a Tasmanian devil.

Carlisle turned in his chair toward me, a serious look on his face. His entire demeanor shifted. I recognized the professional side of him absolutely in control and I felt a kindred spirit in how quickly the transformation was complete.

"Edward would you like to tell us how you came to be here with us?"

I snort. He doesn't mince words or make polite conversation. He gets right to the crux of my now dead soul. Resting my elbows on my knees, I lower my head to my palms. I feel Jasper's hand on my shoulder and it gives me strength. I clear my throat and rake my hands through my hair.

Stating it in the simplest way that I know how, I answer, "I needed a new family."

Carlisle's face shifts again, fatherly, saddened, "That's the truth isn't it, son?"

"Yes, sir," I agree, nodding my head.

"Oh daddy," Alice wails, bounding into my lap, "you upset him."

Her tears soak my shirt as I allow her to comfort me, cry for me, the feeling new but welcome. If I could cry, I would have wept. It would have pleased me to have the emotional release but it was just not possible. Humanity is beyond my reach.

"Please don't be sad, Edward," Alice sniffles, raising her head to look at me.

"Yeah, don't be sad soldier," Jasper says quietly, wiping at his eyes.

"Now Jasper and Alice, keep in mind that Edward has the right to be sad if that's what he feels," Carlisle interjects.

"It's all right Carlisle," I said, looking up to meet his eyes, hoping he can see my sincerity.

Directing my gaze back to Alice, I smile at her, "I don't want to be sad anymore Alice. Maybe you could help me with that?"

Alice giggles, squirming on my lap, and clapping her hands. Her glee was impossible not to respond to and my face broke wide in smile, and I laugh warmly.

Alice's movement in my lap froze, her eyes glazing, her head tilting to the right. She brought her hand up and cupped my cheek in her tiny hand. "You're really pretty Edward," she says in a dreamy like voice.

The girl really was very cute, and flattering to my ego. She is up and out of arms faster than a streak of lightning. She tiptoes around my chair and stands next to Jasper, bending slightly to press a soft kiss to his temple. "Not as pretty as you Major Master," she whispers, entirely too loudly, before running back to her own seat.

Alice sits swinging her legs, watching Jasper as he leans toward me, whispering, "It's going to be a good day, soldier."

"Indeed it is, Jasper, indeed it is," I respond, grinning.

All this time, Rosalie had sat quietly sneering at everyone around her.

"Is there something you would like to say, Rose?" Carlisle asks.

"Humph," she mutters, turning in her seat, her back to us.

"Rosalie," Carlisle warns, "Edward is one of us now and we take care of our own. I'd like you to think about that this evening."

My once still heart rattles in its cage at Carlisle's words. I want more than anything to belong here, to meet everyone's expectations, even those of Rosalie. I require a refuge but I wish so badly for someone to love me. I know I don't deserve it, but oh how I crave it. Just a small symphony for the devil, that's all I ask.

I once heard it said that you can't expect someone else to love you if you do not love yourself. I loathe myself, still I want these people to like me. The complexity and confusion I feel is staggering. I could never admit to my desire, let alone ask outright. I'm a good liar, I have to be and this is the very least of sins. In my existence, the things I have done will ensure that I thoroughly land in hell.

My thoughts are interrupted when the door swings open and a brunette woman walks in, wearing the same doctors' white coat.

"Carlisle, I'm so sorry I'm late," she says striding quickly across the room.

Carlisle holds up his hand, waving off her concerns. "It's fine Esme, we were just getting to know Edward," he said, smiling at me.

She stops in her tracks, looking quizzically at Carlisle.

He, again, holds up his hand to stop her ramblings. "Esme, you remember I told you about Edward?" Carlisle says, winking at her.

"Ahh, yes," she replies, spinning on one heel toward me.

Esme's face is pretty but comically confused. I want to like her right away. She has a warm smile but I am reluctant. I have not survived my years without learning some key facts about human nature. And the simple truth is that just because a woman has a warm smile doesn't mean she'll share it with you.

She doesn't approach me right away and I am thankful for the distance to study her. Instead, she goes directly to Alice, who bounds into her arms with a squeal. Esme ruffles Alice's hair and pats her back. "What'd you bring me?" Alice asks happily. Esme laughs and produces a small box of crayons from her coat pocket, holding it up for Alice to see. Her shrill, excited scream echoes off the walls and makes my eardrums throb.

After putting Alice back into her chair, she speaks quietly with Jasper who blushes profusely. He sits, looking straight ahead holding his posture rigid, like the soldier ingrained in him, but the smile on his face is priceless and goofy. She places a small, clear bag in his lap, filled with various colored plastic army men.

Esme is clever, I understand what she is doing, allowing me to see her interact with the others so I can feel more comfortable. She glances at me before making any movements to be sure that I am watching. Carlisle is watching too, I notice; his eyes never leave her as she moves around the circle.

She steps beside Rosalie and hugs her lightly with one arm. From her pocket she pulls a tube of lip gloss and presses it into Rosalie's hand. Rosalie doesn't move but her face is lit from within. Esme stands, rubbing circles on her back for a moment before crossing the room to me.

I stand as she nears, wiping my nervous, sweaty hands on the front of my thighs. She is nice, I can see it in her eyes. She is obviously a part of this family and I want to make a good impression. She extends her hand and I reflexively do the same. I look down to our joined hands wanting to both see and feel this new connection.

Looking down at our clasped hands is my first mistake because that's when I notice the red sheen of her nail polish. My second mistake is pushing her away, Carlisle looks so disappointed. I realize it's too late to apologize or try and explain - the process has begun.

Bright white flashes, like that of an Instamatic camera, blind me from within. The voices grow louder and louder, becoming a deafening roar.

Carlisle and Esme wear identical expressions of helplessness while Alice cries on Jasper's shoulder. Rosalie never moves from her seat nor bothers to look my way as Emmett wraps his arms around my waist, pinning my arms to my sides to control the tremors that wrack through my body.

Quickly, before time runs out. I walked briskly up the stairs away from family to shoulder my responsibility, my burden. I think of Carlisle's disappointment as I climb the steps, and of Anthony's screams. I can only hope that the two of them will understand, in time.

Snatching the photo from the air, sweeping around me, and removing the other from my back pocket, I affixed them to the wall. Then, using all my strength and one small prayer, I hold the voices at bay, forcing Anthony to emerge from safety.

"Edward, Edward," the name is called all around me as I blink open my eyes, adjusting to the light. People stand all around me, in a circle that seems somehow familiar. They hover, staring down at me. I suck in a deep breath as the fear overwhelms me.

"Edward, are you alright son?"

"W-w-who's Edward? Where am I?" I stutter out.

"Anthony?" a blond man asks.

I nod my head yes and the man looks relieved.

"No one is going to hurt you Anthony. You live here now. We're sort of...your new family. Is that alright?" he asks, kindly.

I nod my head again, unsure of what to say.

"Can you tell me what you remember?" he questions reaching for pen from his breast pocket.

"Pictures," I whisper, "…photographs hung on the wall for me to find and then a blustery wind that pushed me from my hiding space. I'm scared," I tell them, drawing my knees up and wrapping my arms around them, hugging myself tight.

"What were on the photos Anthony?" the man asks slowly.

"P-pp-puddles of blood," I blurt, hanging my head.

"Tell me what is on the other photos," the man demands. He is going to make me tell even though it made me sick, sick and afraid. I am weak though, just a core of the person I could have been and I've no strength to defend myself. So, taking deep breaths, I force my face to lift but I meet no one's eyes as I answer.

"A foreclosure n-n-n-notice, with b-bloody f-f-fingerprints," I finally push out before collapsing into darkness.

* * *

*~* **Carlisle's POV** *~*

I rush to Anthony's side and quickly check his vitals. Just like before, everything seems normal. I tell Esme to make a note in Anthony's chart and ask Emmett for help getting him into his bed.

We carry him to his bed and I ask Emmett to stay by the door and let me know the instant he's back with us - either as Anthony, Edward, or whomever he is claiming to be. I go back to the room where we hold group therapy to find that my assistant, Esme, has already calmed the others and sent them to the common room for free time.

I shut the door and turn to her. "What do you think?"

"Well, he's definitely suppressing a lot. I'm worried about him."

I smile at how much she truly cares for our patients here. "I know you do," I say. "He did mention bloody fingerprints, right?"

She nods and adds, "It must be from the trauma he dealt with shortly before coming here."

What can I say? She does her homework. We discuss other possible diagnoses for Anthony, but it seems that everything is pointing towards DID. I'd hate to make that call too soon, though. I just want to help him so much. That's not an easy thing to do when you haven't spoken with the actual patient.

Esme and I get busy filling out paperwork and making recorded notes for Anthony's file, detailing every bit of information we can about his therapy session and the sudden seizure that may or may not have been provoked from a memory of the tragedy.

We are just about finished when Emmett knocks on the door. He pokes his head into the room and says, "Doc, he's back."

"Anthony?" I ask with high hopes.

"No," he replies. "Edward."

"Good. I'll be down in a minute. I'd like to speak with him."

Emmett leaves, and Esme and I finish our work. As she shuts the file, she looks at me, smiling ever so slightly. "I take it you'll be staying tonight."

I glance at her and ask, "How did you..."

"Carlisle, you care a lot about your patients. You treat them as though you are their loving father. It's why I love you so much." She leans over and places a small kiss on my lips.

"I love you, too, Esme. I'm glad you understand why I'm cancelling on you tonight." I hand her the tapes to file away as I get up and tell her good night. She tells me the same and makes me promise to call if things slow down. I agree and walk to Anthony's room.

When I get there, Emmett is standing in the doorway, trading sarcastic banter with the patient. When I walk into the room, the patient tells him, "Later, bro."

I sit beside him on the bed and pull out my notepad, readying to take notes. "Edward?" I ask.

He smiles and nods. "Carlisle."

* * *

**A/N:** ****The quote Edward recites to Rosalie is from the Incubus song, 'Dig'.**


	4. For a minute there I thought you were

**A/N: So so sorry for missing the past few weeks of posting a chapter, between having no internet and starting up with school. But, here it is... CHAPTER 4! Major apologies for my major FAIL!  
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**This chapter features one of Harry Potter's beloved characters, Cedric Diggory, as well as the Twilight usuals. For more information about this chapter and the characters within (including a thought from our Jessica's POV) check out the blog at .com.  
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**As always, major thanks to our BeTTa BraTT, kiTT (aka Tongue Twied) for all of her guidance and whip cracking on getting it right.  
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**Thanks to you all for reading, reviewing, & favoriting this little Rob story.  
**

**We leave you to enjoy...**

* * *

**4.**

**For a minute there, I thought you were going to let that thing get me. ~Cedric Diggory, Goblet of Fire**

* * *

I walk into the ward early the next morning not quite sure what to expect. Emmett greets me, chipper as usual. After giving me quick updates about our resident patients, he hands me the morning rounds form.

**Forest Meadow Mental Health Facility**

**Physician: **Dr. Carlisle Cullen

**Time/Date:** 7:07 am, Tuesday, January 11

**Ward/Floor:** S. Meyer Wing, 5th floor minimum security

**CLINICAL NOTES**

**OBSERVATIONS:**

**Masen, Anthony  
**For the first night in a week, Anthony has slept. McCarty notified me that upon taking the prescribed sleeping aid the night before, he seemed to have fallen asleep quickly and has shown no signs of nightmares or night terrors. Volturri's notes from the night seem to concur. I am concerned as Anthony has maintained that he is Edward since our group therapy session last week. He claims that we are like his family, and knowing that, he seems content, especially in the face of the tragedy he has suffered. I'm glad he's adjusting well, but am concerned that there is no hint of a different personality appearing. Maintain constant surveillance over him throughout the day to see if there are any signs of a change.

**Brandon, Mary Alice**  
Alice is reading a wizard book this morning. She's been busy buzzing about. She has seemed to find a brother in Anthony. He seems amused by her childlike ways. I have noticed that they watch out for each other. This may be beneficial to Mary Alice's mental state overall. Increase interaction with Anthony as long as his behaviour permits.

**Hale, Rosalie**  
She is more withdrawn and avoids any conversation with Anthony. The Giselher personality has caused a great setback with her. Even with the increased dosage of anti-depressants, she is withdrawn. Have Esme talk privately with her and try to get to the root of the problem. Talk with her again about the possibility of starting family therapy. Try to have Emmett approach her and speak to her reassuringly.

**Whitlock, Jasper**  
He seems to be taking his new roommate in stride. I have overheard him speaking to the Edward personality as though he really trusted him. It seems they have bonded and that has brought out a side of Jasper that I have never witnessed before. Monitor Jasper as normal, but keep watch for a change if Anthony changes from Edward as it may affect him negatively. Maintain prescribed dosage of Clozapine on schedule.

**PLAN:**

Today's meals will be held in ward as the cafeteria goes through it's six month health inspection. Try to get Rosalie involved with the others and not let her get away with hiding from everyone. Allow Alice to interact more with Anthony. Allow Jasper the same consideration.

* * *

*~*** Cedric's POV** ~*~

My eyes pop open, and I wake up to begin the day. I am _so_ excited to have a day at school. I go through my morning routine - breakfast, washing, and dressing - and prepare everything to head out. My friend Jasper wakes up as I am about to step out of the door.

"Where are you going, soldier?" he asks as he sits up on his bed and stretches.

"School, of course," I reply and head out for the day.

I manage to get to school quickly that morning as I am already walking through the halls. I happen upon a girl sitting on the couch, looking at a really neat book with a wizard and dragon on the cover.

I walk over to her and say, "That book looks so cool. What's it about?"

She flips through the pages and answers, "It's about wizard games and dragon races."

"That sounds like fun. Do you mind if I sit next to you and look along?"

"Not at all." She smiles and pats the couch next to her.

After I sit, I make my introduction. "My name is Cedric Diggory. What's yours?"

"Mary Alice, but I like to go by Alice more."

"Is this your first day of school, too?"

"School? No. I've been here for as long as I can remember."

We discuss the book's pictures. She tells me how much she loves the wizard's cape and I tell her how cool flying on dragons could be. She explains the different dragon colors, and I add in what I knew about casting spells.

"Could you keep it down?" a voice hisses from behind us.

Alice and I get on our knees and peer over the back of the couch. There is a beautiful woman sitting there flipping through a stack of books. _She doesn't stop to read anything, which is really weird_, I think.

"Is she the librarian?" I whisper.

Alice leans over to me and answers, "That's Rose. She's mean. Like... an evil wizardess type of mean."

"Oh. That bad, huh?"

"I said quiet!" Rose spat with an evil glare.

Alice and I slink down on the couch in hopes that her evil magic would float above us.

"You wanna go to another room?" Alice asks. "We can do something else."

"Okay," I agree.

Alice grabs my hand and leads me through the plain school halls. She begins to skip, and I follow her lead. We run right into a very large guy. He looks like a wrestler from TV with his tight shirt and big grin.

"Sorry, Emmett," Alice apologizes. "Cedric and I were trying to get away from Rose. She's in a mood."

"Well, be careful as you go through the halls. We have food carts coming in soon. If you want to get rid of your energy, go to your room and do some exercise."

"Yes, Coach Emmett," I say with a small salute, like I had noticed Jasper doing earlier.

He gives me an odd look as Alice and I pass him slowly.

"Good salutin', soldier," Jasper says with a wink as we pass him standing in a doorway.

Alice leads me through the halls, and we pass by an office. There is a blond man sitting at it and writing up a storm. He glances at us and calls us into his office. After Alice introduces us, we are back on our way to find something to keep busy with.

"The principal here is really nice," I comment.

"You mean daddy?"

"You're dad is the principal? That is awesome! I bet you can do almost anything you want around here."

Alice shrugs. "Sometimes. You wanna see what mommy gave me the other day?"

"Sure."

I tell Alice that she is very lucky as she explains that it isn't her birthday. I can't imagine getting random presents for no reason. Gosh, I barely remember getting presents for my birthday. Or even Christmas. As I think about it, I don't even remember ever getting a present. Weird.

"Aren't they beautiful?" she asks, holding out a box of crayons.

"Very. I see you haven't even used them yet," I note as I see the points are all perfect.

"Not yet, but soon. I'm still working my way through an older box."

"Yeah... I know it can take a while."

We sit discussing favorite colors and I can't think what mine is, so I just blurt out blue for no reason. Alice's is purplish pink. She shows me her art, drawings upon drawings using all sorts of shades of purples and pinks with the occasional green and blue tossed in for variety. Well, that's what she said anyway.

As she offers me a piece of paper to color on and her older crayons, there is a knock on the door. Coach Emmett was letting us know that it was lunchtime in the common room. We get off of the floor and hold hands back through the hallways again.

We make it to the big room with the TV, we spot Rose sitting alone at a table picking at her food. She glares at us, and we turn for the other table that was occupied by Jasper. He stands up and escorts Alice to a chair, pulling it out for her and everything. It was cool... just like grown ups do.

I eat whatever the slop is that is served to us. You'd think we would have had picnic stuff since we were eating on paper plates and with plastic spoons, but instead there was this brown stuff on top of a piece of toast. At least we have cherry juice boxes that help flavor the nasty goop.

After lunch, Alice asks Jasper to join us, but he declines saying he has his strategy maps to look after. Alice and I look at Rose and she rolls her eyes and curses us under her breath. I feel weak and am almost quite sure that she cast a spell on me.

Alice walks me through the halls to her room so she can check me over. We pass by a beautiful woman that she points out is her mommy. I wave, say hello, and make a comment about her pink nail polish that sparkled like fairy dust. Alice explains our emergency and we continue to her room.

She lays me on the bed and looks at the book with the wizard on the cover again. "Let me try this," she says waving her hand over me. "Thistle burns, winds blow, if there's a spell, let it show."

I close my eyes tightly and she lets out a disappointed sigh. I open one eye and ask, "Nothing?"

"Nothing came up. Hmmm... I thought for sure Rose did something to you."

"Maybe you need a wand? The wizard on the cover has one."

Her eyes widened in excitement. "You're right!" She looks around her room and says, "I got it!"

She walks over to her box of new crayons and takes out a pretty color that she had told me was Orchid before.

"Okay, I have the wand. Let me try again." She repeats the spell and murmurs, "Oh dear."

"What?"

Her head shakes as she flips through the book. "You have a _Respiritio NonCompensus_ spell cast upon you. If I don't act fast, you won't be able to breathe."

I begin to choke and gasp for air. I clutch my throat and gasp, "It's working. Help."

She waves her wand over me and chants what she says is an _Anapneo_spell. When she points her wand to me, my airway opens and I can breathe again. "Thanks, Alice. I thought for sure Rose was going to kill me with that spell."

"Glad I had my wand. Maybe you should get your wand before she tracks us down to see if she's succeeded."

"Good idea." She extends her hand with the box of crayons towards me and I choose my wand, a lovely green color.

"Good pick, Cedric. That matches your eyes. I bet it will work the best for invisibility spells."

We practice our wizardry for a few hours. I wasn't feeling safe still, so I pull out two small blankets that were resting on the small shelf near the window. I chose the black one for myself and hand Alice the purple one.

"What is this for?" she asks puzzled.

I tie the corners around my neck and answer, "It's our cloaks. I used the invisibility spell on them. It will help us hide when we need to."

"Good thinking." She copies me and ties hers around her neck. "Now what?"

I sit and think for a moment before it hits me. "We should have a dragon race!"

Her eyes light up and she smiles. "That would be so excellent!"

"Let's pick our dragons out."

We walk through her room and she stops. "I want the pretty orange one. Orange means fast."

I nod. After a moment, I announce my choice. "Black. He's good with turns. The turns are important in racing."

I walk out of her room onto the race course. I wait for a minute for Alice to come out. She is carrying her box of new crayons, and I ask, "Why do you have those?"

"In case we run into the evil Rose again. We will be prepared for any spell she might cast." Alice was a very smart girl. She was totally thinking ahead.

We prepared for the start of the race. Alice gave her dragon a pep talk, and I gave my dragon some food. When it was time, we mounted our dragons and got ready for the race.

"On the count of three," I say. "1... 2... 3!"

We were off. Alice and I were neck and neck until that first crazy turn.

"Watch it!" Emmett yelled as she almost ran into him.

"Sorry Coach," I apologize for her as I pat my dragon for making that tricky turn.

"I'm catching up," Alice yelled as she was back at my side again.

"That was close, Alice. Thank goodness my dragon's steering is perfect."

"Yes, but mine is faster." She passes me as we make a run to the main entry. "I see the finish line!"

There is no way I was going to lose to a girl. I run faster to catch up, but my dragon loses control. I fall into Alice and we slide on the slippery track into a tall metal wheeled cart. The cart falls over with a loud crash, food and drinks spilling everywhere.

"Alice, are you alright?" I ask helping her sit up.

"I'm good," she replies wiping brown goo from her cape. "I think the dragons will need to go to the vet now."

"Yeah..." I say as a very upset looking nurse steps from behind her desk.

"What the hell do you two think you're doing?" she yells at us with a scowl on her face.

Alice's eyes widen. "It's the evil queen. She practices baaaad magic."

I pull my green wand out of my pocket and wave it around, chanting a spell for niceness.

"You two are in a lot of trouble."The evil queen grabs my arm and yanks me up, making me drop my wand. Alice starts waving her wand and the queen does the same to her.

Alice pulls out her box of crayons with her free hand and opens it go get a new wand, but the evil queen rolls her eyes and takes the box from her and places it in her desk. Alice screams and the evil queen yanks hard on our arms.

Thankfully, Coach Emmett came in time. "Nurse Stanley, what are you doing to them?"

"They're going to get in their rooms. Look what they've done."

Coach Emmett looks at the mess and scolds the evil queen. "Jessica, sometimes things happen, but that is no excuse to hurt the patients. I'll take care of them, you call Riley up to clean the mess."

She nods and shoves us towards Coach Emmett. He takes us in his gentle, yet firm grip and starts walking us to our rooms.

Alice is in tears and can barely breathe. Jasper steps out into the hall and asks if he may be of assistance. Emmett asks him to walk her down to her room.

With a loud, "Yes, sir," and a salute, he offers Alice his arm and walks her down the hall.

Emmett stays behind to make sure I get into bed until the principal can be notified of the events. I try to explain about my dragon having a malfunction. I try to let him know that she took Alice's present. I try my hardest, but he just doesn't listen.

He leaves me alone in the low-lit room, and I feel scared. Doomed. I start rocking on my bed, trying to comfort myself, but for some reason I am feeling worse.

Just then, Jasper opens the door and hands me a folded piece of paper. "From Miss Alice."

I take it from him and open it. '_I'm sorry, Cedric. Maybe we can play again soon_,' was scribbled in bright red cursive letters. Upon seeing that, flashes of red squiggles on plates run through my mind.

Although I don't know why, the instant I see that, I begin to cry, totally freaking out. I lay down on my bed and my knees seem to know to pull up to my chest, my arms feel right clutching them tightly. As I am crying uncontrollably, a bad feeling rises into my chest.

_Something bad is going to happen to me. I just know it._

* * *

***~*~*Anthony*~*~***

_I'm scared and alone. I don't know what's happening and I don't want to know. I'm just desperate for it all to stop. Please God, make it all go away. Voices, on the other side of the wall, cause me to cover my ears with my hands. A Polaroid photo floats through the air, swaying slowly to the floor. Closing my eyes tightly, I try to ignore it. _

_It continues to flutter around my head, making my hair ruffle. Hushed whispers of many voices culminating together to a dull roar inside my head. _

_I don't want to look at the photo. I know it's bad...a real bad, memory. However, the voices are insistent. That gnawing voice urging you to be brave and do what is right. I often wonder if other people's conscious is as loud as mine...or as precarious._

"_You aren't exactly the best judge of what is or isn't dangerous," one whispers harshly._

_Things had been getting better. I had felt safe for a little while. Now, terrible dread flows through my veins, rippling under the surface of my skin. Rocking back and forth, I wish as hard as I can for someone to make it better, make things right, even just for a little while. _

Opening my eyes, I was filled with the knowledge of how to make it right. One track minded, I spring from the bed.

"Soldier?" my flatmate asks, groggily.

"Go back to sleep," I tell him quietly.

"Is it the enemy soldier? I can help," he says, reaching for his belt, hanging on the bedpost, with one hand as he pulls back the covers with the other. He's wearing his boots already, still tied tightly. I roll my eyes and motion for him to stop.

"Stay here. This is more of a...private mission."

It takes him a moment but realization lights his face and he nods in understanding.

"Have fun soldier," he murmurs, covering back up.

I shake my head at him, scrunching my face. "Don't call me soldier. Call me Richard," I say, slipping out the door of our room.

Taking my time, I swagger down the hall. I smell her perfume before I turn the corner and I take a minute to fluff my hair. Looking down at my body, I see that I am wearing a plain white t-shirt and blue striped pajama pants. Whipping my shirt off, I sling it over my shoulder. Then, releasing the drawstring on my pants, I feel them fall loosely on my hips.

Breathing deeply, I feel the confidence and pride wash over me. "Yes," I hiss, loving the power overwhelming me.

One last breath and I'm turning the corner and walking right over to Jessica. I don't stop in front, I walk right around the desk, staring her down.

She jumps when she sees me and quickly stands, slamming shut her top desk drawer, but not before I notice the pack of Crayola's inside.

"What do you want boy?" she asked, not taking her eyes off of my chest. She's not looking at me like a mere boy, I muse. Smirking at her obviousness, I kick the chair out of my way and close the short distance between us, wrapping one arm around her waist and pulling her flush against me. As I predicted, she doesn't even struggle, instead, melts into me.

"I want the crayons," I whisper in her ear, allowing my breath to wash over her neck.

Her body freezes against me, as she remembers, "Cedric," she seethes, spitting the name out with disgust.

Locking my arm tighter, I gaze down at her in contempt.

"Cedric has one of the purest, sincerest, kindest minds I've ever heard and I am lucky to have his thoughts to share," I tell her.

Her breath hitches and she involuntarily pushes herself against me. Her eyes grow wide as she realizes the same thing I do, she likes it rough. Aiming to please, I palm her ass rudely and when she reaches for her sore backside, I capture her wrists in one hand, raising them above her head. I hesitate just for a moment, gauging her reaction. When she meets my eyes, I see no hint of fear, only lust.

Seizing the opportunity, I shove her against the desk and smash my lips to hers. When she is panting hard and unable to breath, I pull back slightly, biting her bottom lip. Using my grip on her hands, I pull her to me and spin her around like a doll.

Jessica moans loudly but her enjoyment is over, she deserves to be punished and I have been chosen for the job. Jerking her skirt up over her hips, I smack her harshly on the ass. Before she can catch her breath, I strike again and again until her skin is an angry red.

When she whimpers, I step back, completely removing my hands from her. She whimpers again, pushing her body back towards me. When she realizes I am not near, she looks over her shoulder, using her eyes to plead with me.

I close my eyes again, inhaling the power I now exuded over her, feeling it flow through my veins. Looking at her again, I smirk cruelly then, turn and walk away, leaving her unsatisfied. As I turn the corner of the corridor, heading back to my room, I slip the box of crayons into my pocket that I stole from Jessica's drawer while she was otherwise preoccupied.

Jasper smiles fully when I show him my treasure. I hid the box in the drawer with my shirts and slip under the covers of my bed. Allowing the scene to replay in my mind, I fist my erection, humming throatily. When I get to the part where I left her, bent over the desk, broken and willing to do anything for me, I come all over my hand.

* * *

***~*~*~* Carlisle POV *~*~*~***

"Felix, would you please come in here?" I ask as he walks by my door, doing the nightly room checks.

"Yes, Dr. Cullen."

"Would you mind taking these boxes of last year's files down to the records room for me? I would have had Emmett do it, but he left for the night before I had the chance to ask."

He smiles and happily says, "Sure, I'll do it. Not a problem, Dr. C."

As he pushes the dolly cart with the three boxes out of my room, I realize what has him so eager to help out. "Tell Jane I said hello."

He stops and looks at me, utterly shocked. "How did you know?"

I shake my head and chuckle, saying, "Everyone knows about you two. Just remember that you are needed on the ward, all right?"

He nods and goes on his way.

I finish up my verbal notes and log them into the computer. After gathering my paperwork and sliding it into my briefcase, I remove my white coat and prepare to head out for the night.

I begin my walk through the halls toward the elevator. I pass by Alice's room and can her her singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star over and over. I glance through the window in Rosalie's room and see her sitting on her bed and staring out of the window. I pass by Jasper and Anthony's room, and notice that the door is slightly ajar. I peek in and see that Jasper is in his bed, but Anthony isn't there.

I go searching through the halls, hoping to find him myself before a missing patient alert had to be sounded. I walk back through the halls, re-checking the rooms. He's not in any of them. I walk through the common room and he's not in there either. I quickly walk up to the front desk to see if Miss Stanley had seen him.

As I approach the desk, I can hear two voices, one of them Anthony's.

"Cedric." Miss Stanley's voice was breathy, lust filled.

The other voice belonged to Anthony. But, there was something to his tone that sent a chill up my spine as he spoke, "Cedric has one of the purest, sincerest, kindest minds I've ever heard and I am lucky to have his thoughts to share."

It isn't Anthony, though, nor was it the personality I had met earlier that day, Cedric. He was innocent and very childlike. This one... this one was different, more dark. I peek around the corner and see that Anthony has Miss Stanley pressed against the desk, kissing her.

I lean back against the wall, not wanting to start a disruption without having Felix or Emmett around to help restrain him. I stay there, listening. I hear heavy breathing, and then smacks and moans.

After a moment, there is nothing but silence. I peek around the corner again to see Anthony looking back over his shoulder and smirking. As he walks by, he holds a posture I hadn't seen on him before - tall and proud as though he were a male peacock in mating season.

I peer back into the hallway and see Anthony enter his room and quietly shut the door. I am left with so many questions. Who was Anthony projecting himself to be that time? Why did he force himself upon Miss Stanley in that way? If he sleeps tonight, who will he be when he awakens in the morning?

I walk back down the hall as I pull out my cell phone and scroll through the names, finding the one I needed. "Hello, Esme. There's been an incident and I won't be coming home tonight."


	5. Be safe

**A/N: Here it is, chapter 5. Can you believe it? It's not just chapter 5, it's a new character. A Twilight beloved... Bella is joining the ward. Oh, and Edward is all kinds of excited... ;) If you'd like to see who we have playing Bella in our story, and other info, check our blog at .com.  
**

**Thanks to all who have read, favorited, and/or reviewed our story.  
**

*****Just a note: If you wish to read chapter 6 now, it is up under our shared author account: robsh00rs**

**Mega Thanks to our TTerrific Betta, kiTT. (Tongue Twied) WIthout her guidance this chapter (as well as the others) wouldn't be possible.  
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**We leave you all to enjoy...**

* * *

**5.**

**Be Safe. ~ Edward Cullen, Twilight**

* * *

**Forest Meadow Mental Health Facility**

**Physician: **Dr. Carlisle Cullen

**Time/Date: **7:37 am, Wednesday, January 19th

**Ward/Floor: **S. Meyer Wing, 5th floor minimum security

**OBSERVATIONS:**

**Masen, Anthony**

Anthony has been living under the identity of Edward Cullen for a week now. He has been content with his 'family' as he puts it. He has told me a few times that he is happy to finally have one where he feels loved and accepted for himself. I feel that this new found bliss of his may not be everlasting. Make sure McCarty, as well as the other staff, watch for any signs of distress and notify immediately of any changes in his behavior.

**Brandon, Mary Alice**

Alice still seems a little withdrawn since the incident last week concerning Cedric/Anthony and Nurse Stanley. She hasn't spoken much to anyone which is very unlike her. Try to engage her in some of her favorite activities such as coloring even though it goes against her treatment of treating her as an adult. If she continues to withdraw, watch for signs that she may be is slipping into a depression. Discuss medicating her before it progresses too much further.

**Whitlock, Jasper**  
Jasper has already done his morning patrol of our halls and deemed us safe. He has really taken to the Edward personality. They have talked and interacted as though they were really siblings. I am relieved that Jasper is acclimating to Anthony, especially after his intense dislike of his previous roommate, Eric Yorke. Maintain current prescribed dosage of Clozapine on schedule.

**Hale, Rosalie**  
Rosalie still seems leery of Anthony. That incident his first day was more of a setback than I had originally thought. She hasn't left her room, nor had she interacted with anyone. She has also refused family therapy again. As of today, Rosalie is required to participate in activities in the common room as well as interact with others. Maintain her current prescribed dosage of Zoloft on schedule.

**PLAN:**

Depending on how the patients interact this morning, consider an after lunch activity or game that everyone has the chance to participate. Let's make sure all the patients are communicating, respectfully of course. During the evening's group session, make sure all patients have the opportunity to talk. Interaction among each other is what they need right now.

* * *

*~* **Carlisle's POV ***~*

I finish writing in the rounds chart and sign off. "Here you go, Emmett."

"Thanks, doc. I'll get that filed for you," Emmett replies with that grin of his.

"We have to make sure the patients start interacting again. This silence among them isn't beneficial."

"Well, maybe this will help," Emmett replies, holding out a file to me. "It's another new patient. She'll be arriving in fifteen minutes or so."

I take the file from him and quickly flip through the pages. Bella Swan, eighteen years old, is being transferred from Port Angeles, diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder after an incident in her family. She is on twenty milligrams of Prozac, but is still showing signs of severe depression. _Poor child._

Emmett interrupts my reading by asking, "Should we put her in the empty room or with Rosalie?"

I shut the file and look at him. "We won't be leaving her alone and in Rosalie's current state, I don't think that placing them together would be a good idea."

"But I thought, since they had the same diagnosis..."

"No, I think it wouldn't be beneficial for either of them. I think we'll put her in with Alice. That way she won't be alone, and hopefully Alice will snap out of whatever funk she's in."

"Alright, doc, I'll prep the empty bed in Alice's room."

As I turn to walk to the elevator, I give Emmett one last order, "Make sure that you tell Alice that she's getting a new roommate."

"Yeah, I will," Emmett answers, walking away from me in the other direction.

I go down to patient receiving to wait for Bella. Miss Mallory meets me in the lobby with the paperwork that I have to sign to accept the transfer. As the ambulance pulls into the bay, I quickly sign the forms and send Miss Mallory on her way.

My heart drops as a timid girl walks into the hospital, shuffling her feet. Her hair hangs in her face like a veil. She is rail thin and pale; I'm almost positive that she hasn't been eating. She keeps her hands folded in front of her, not wanting to touch anything. She trips but regains her footing and flinches when the EMT tries to help her.

She stops in front of me when the EMT tells her to. She looks at me through her veil and doesn't say a word.

"Hello, Bella. I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen," I say to her with a bright smile in hopes that it would ease her tensions.

She doesn't say a word. Instead she just looks at me.

"Well, let's go upstairs and you can meet everyone, okay?"

She nods slightly and starts shuffling along behind me towards the elevator.

As we wait, I tell her about Alice and the fact that they will be roommates. I mention Rosalie, briefly. I tell her about Jasper, but when I get to Anthony, I stop after mentioning his name. I don't mention Edward or Cedric... none of the other personalities I've witnessed for myself. I didn't want to scare her more than what she was.

* * *

*~* **Edward's POV** *~*

Time moves quickly and complacency is a gift. Routine and stability is not something I, nor the others, have experienced. Though Anthony is still skeptical and refuses to come out of hiding, he is content, and peacefulness has settled throughout. I have allowed him to rest and rebuild his strength during this time without showing him any more memories but the time is drawing near. For now, we watch and wait.

Mornings are my favorite time in my new home. Everyone seems so content. This morning is no different than any other and, for that, I am grateful. Carlisle always comes to speak with me and my brothers and sisters enjoy some quiet play as we await breakfast. Jasper is teaching Alice to crawl on her stomach in case she ever needs to escape under low strung barbed wire fence. I lean against the wall watching them move through the hall, dragging the lower halves of their bodies by the force of their forearms. Rosalie systematically ignores us all, while Emmett stands watch, allowing me to let down my guard.

I am so happy in this place, with these people-even Rosalie. Happier than I ever thought I could or should be. I have a warm place to sleep, a place where no one wakes me up in the middle of the night to yell at me. A place where I didn't have to worry about whether there was enough food to eat, and no one tries to drown me in soapy dishwater if I eat the last slice of bread. I had no idea life could get any better. I have never imagined wanting anything else.

But then I see _her_.

She walks in the door with Carlisle and my entire world shifts. For a moment, I am stunned. The voices, talking all at once, are a dull roar in my head, but my eyes never leave her as she crosses the floor, being introduced. _She takes my breath away and I can't even see her face yet. _Her head hangs low, long mahogany colored hair streaming down the sides of her face, cutting off my view.

Rosalie, of course, completely ignores her, choosing instead to examine her fingernails. She doesn't look up when Jasper salutes but she lets Alice clasp her hand, overcome with joy about her new roommate. Irrationally, I am jealous. I want to be the only one to hold her hand. She's moving toward me now, shuffling her socked feet.

Suddenly, I am nervous. I hear Carlisle say good morning as he gestures to the girl, "This is Bella Swan..."

"_Bella Swan. Bella Swan. Bella Swan,_" the voices sing in harmony.

I hold my hand out to her and much to my surprise and joy; she takes it in her own. Her skin is so warm in mine, fitting perfectly.

"Hello. I'm Edward."

I glance at Carlisle; he is smiling and nodding his satisfaction. When I look back down to Bella Swan, she is looking up at me through her eyelashes and I gasp at the sight of her beautiful brown eyes. I see sadness and confusion swirling in their depths but there is something else too, something that leaves me hypnotized-hope.

A tiny smile curls one side of her lip and it is the most adorable thing I have ever seen. Time seems to slow as we stand here together, holding hands and gazing into each other's eyes. It doesn't bother me that Carlisle is standing by watching us, grinning knowingly. I don't care that Alice is skipping around us, singing "You are My Sunshine". All I care about is this moment, this slip of a girl in front of me and the warmth of her skin against mine.

The _others _are yelling so loud my head is spinning. I listen for Anthony's voice, straining because his is now the weakest. He remains silent, oblivious. Each one wanting me to listen to them, their reasons, their thoughts, on why I should or should not be with her, with this girl right now and what they want future encounters to involve. My head is filled with pictures of their planned activities.

Richard wants no part of her. Showing me Polaroid's of danger signs.

Cedric shows a photo of a smiling him in a tux sweeping Bella Swan across a ballroom floor.

The rest of them show variations of the same. All have their own agenda of how to save themselves. Normally, I would listen to everyone respectively and make a decision based on what's best for Anthony but this morning, in the sunshine, with her hand in mine all I can think about is how my life just changed.

Before I could find out any more about her, Esme sweeps into the room, heading straight toward us. "Carlisle, I've brought the morning medicine," she smiles happily.

I had to let go of Bella's hand and immediately felt the loss. Each of us receives our paper cup of pills and takes them without hesitation. Drugs are the least of my worries; I've done much, much worse. I notice that Bella seems embarrassed, her face beet red. I raise an eyebrow at her in question but she shrugs her shoulders, resigned and tips the cup of meds into her mouth.

Carlisle and Esme wander away discussing something privately. Alice and Jasper go back to their war game and Rosalie goes back to pretending we don't exist. I, however, cannot move from my spot, watching the lovely Bella Swan.

Her hands shake as she twists the, now empty, paper cup between her fingers. I want to reach for hand again to try and calm her fidgety nerves, but I don't for fear of rejection. The way her eyes are darting to me and quickly away is making me anxious.

I observe silently as she begins ripping the cup into tiny pieces, allowing them to flutter to the floor like feathers. I know she's scared, I know that look well; I've seen it many times in the mirror. Although I know she is right to be, I don't want her to be afraid of me.

Shreds of white paper litter the floor in a pile when suddenly she jumps, yelping.

"Paper cut," she says timidly, shrugging her shoulder as one drop falls from her finger to the pile staining the purity of the white snowflake effect she has created.

In a flash I am back there, in that house, stacks and stacks of unpaid bills covering the kitchen table. The memory taking me by surprise, I am rocked by the overcoming feeling of helplessness that surrounds me. In the span of a second the memories infiltrate. The lingering musty smell of the parents' home descends powerfully over me. I say _the parents' home_ because it was certainly never my home. None of the others were welcome there either and I was paralyzed with their pleas.

Through the emotional panic and the horrible screams from the others, my eyes never leave Bella Swan as she stands before me slowly lifting her finger to her mouth. Internally everyone ran to hide as I turn my anger at the memory inward. Closing my eyes for one brief second, I inhale deeply to steady myself before I really scare Bella.

I swear I can smell her fear and pain; it's palpable in the air when I breathe heavily and focus. My mind settles to clarity immediately. Concentrating on moving slow and gentle, I reach and grasp Bella's wrist.

"Allow me," I say catching and holding her gaze.

Reverently, I bring her hand to my lips, flicking my tongue out across the pad of her finger and lapping up the drop of crimson that has bubbled from the wound. She gasps softly, her eyes wide, but she does not pull away.

The voices whisper her name in many languages as her blood sings through our veins.

Puckering my lips, I place a tiny kiss over the cut and release her. Her arm hovers in the air between us as she stares transfixed between it and me. Seeming to come to some sort of conclusion, she reaches determinedly and places her tiny hand on my cheek. Her eyes roam my face, studying every feature. The softness of her touch is something I have never experienced.

I close my eyes and revel in it, allowing her to do as she wishes.

Unfortunately, the contact doesn't last nearly long enough. Jasper and Alice, who have witnessed the accident and have serious personal space issues, are running toward us, Jasper yelling, "Medic," and, "Man down," while Alice cries, "Oh Bella".

Bella's warm touch leaves me immediately as she covers her face with her hands and begins backing away. Filled with anger at having been disrupted, I quickly step up, pushing her behind me. My protective tendencies kick in full force and I crouch, my fingertips brushing the linoleum as I prepare to defend this wisp of a girl from the onslaught of my own family.

Jasper never slows his stride and Alice's shrill screams never subside as I spring, shoving Jasper's chest with all of my force. He crashes against the wall, his legs splayed out before him. Pandemonium ensues, a crying Bella and Alice are led away by Esme while a crying Jasper is helped up by Carlisle, all of them shooting me worried, angry glances.

Emmett puts his hand on my shoulder, saying, "Come on bro, you can apologize later. Right now Dr. Cullen wants you to take a time out before breakfast."

Emmett walks me back to my room. Hopelessness descends over me. I have never loved anything or anyone before now. The concept has always eluded me. I've been taught that love is painful and well-meaning emotions are rarely returned. _Funny how one sliver of time can change everything you spent your life believing_, I muse.

Once again, I have ruined everything. It's what I'm good at, I've been told. It is probably better this way, I admit, I don't deserve Bella Swan's warmth or compassion. I am dangerous and unpredictable-even to my own family.

Pacing back and forth in my room, I argue with the _others _about Bella Swan and her place in our life. Between their banter, I realize resistance is futile. The decision has already been made and written into the stars. I am hers. Now, I need to know if she could ever consider being mine.

Jasper enters the room tentatively while I try and calm the others. Everyone is suddenly silent as we observe him, his usual bravado gone.

"Jas, I'm so sorry," I tell him honestly.

"I was only trying to help," he says, the hurt evident in his voice.

He sits on the edge of his bed, his palms pressing into the mattress by his sides, his shoulders high and his head low. He is not his normal, proud self any longer and for this I am truly apologetic.

Sitting next to him, I clasp my hands in front of me and rest my elbows on my knees.

"I don't want to be that sort of man, Jasper. The kind that uses violence first and asks questions later. Though, that is all I have ever known. It is my nature to defend and protect those that I care about."

Turning to him, I continue, "I would do the same for you brother."

Jasper gasps, his head jerking toward me. "Brother?"

"You're a good man Jasper. I should have known better than to think you would hurt her. I do think of you as a brother and I hope you can forgive me."

Jasper doesn't say anything, but reaches over and pats me twice on the back. Carlisle clears his throat in the doorway, alerting us to his presence. We look to see him beaming at us in his fatherly way.

"I'm glad you boys have worked things out," he says. "Time for breakfast."

Jasper stands, "May I escort you brother?"

"Lead the way soldier," I answer, smiling.

Breakfast is unusually quiet this morning and I am terribly disappointed. Bella and Alice never walk through the cafeteria doors. Jasper and I eat alone, with Rosalie sitting at the opposite end of the table. I had wanted to talk more with Bella. I want to learn everything about her. Even if she doesn't want to talk to me anymore after this morning, just being near her would be a great relief right now. She's been away from me too long and I feel constricted, antsy.

_Is that normal?_

_What the hell do you know about normal?_

I laugh out loud at the _others_. Rosalie scowls, but Jasper just laughs along with me. That's what I love best about Jasper, he's happy no matter who he is with or what he is doing. He doesn't long for anyone; when you're gone, he doesn't miss you. Out of sight, out mind is certainly true for Jasper. I envy him that right now.

I dump my untouched breakfast into the trash receptacle and place the tray in the window to be washed. Exiting the room, I wave to Jasper. I have to find Bella. If I can just look at her, I think I'll feel at ease again. Maybe she'll let me sit outside her door or watch while she sleeps. I set a brisk pace to Alice's room trying to remember if there is a tree outside their window.

Standing outside the door, I brace myself for rejection. I run my fingers through my hair a few times, remembering that I didn't comb it this morning, then knock on the door. I wait for a minute, listening, but no one answers.

"Something wrong?" Emmett asks, startling me.

"I was looking for Bella Swan," I replied nervously, praying that she hasn't left due to my behavior.

"Bella and Alice had breakfast with Esme this morning in her office," he said, answering my unspoken question.

"Oh," I acknowledged the information, stuffing my hands in to my pockets and staring at the floor dejectedly.

"Dude, you're so emo," Emmett said loudly, rolling his eyes. "Come on, I'll walk you down there." Emmett started walking, assuming I would follow him, which I did.

Walking the hall with Emmett allowed me to observe him better. Sure, I've been here for weeks but I am not always the one in control. Emmett is mostly quiet, blending into the background easily despite his large size. He is always friendly, however, and has kind words in abundance.

"Emmett...?"

"Just ask me already, Edward," he said grinning.

"It's just...well; when I first came here Rosalie said everyone here is because there is something wrong with them. I...Is something wrong with Bella?"

Emmett stopped walking and turned to me, "Edward, you can't listen to everything Rosalie says, she...uh...well, it's like this. Everyone in the world has problems and has been through bad times. The people here have been in bad circumstances and through such terrible things that they need a little help starting over," Emmett said in a rush of words.

"Starting over?" I said tasting the words on my tongue. "I really like the sound of that. Thanks Emmett."

"Sure."

We both started walking again. Emmett clamped a hand on my shoulder and asked if I'd like to hear a joke.

"So these three pirates walk in to a bar..." Emmett says, already laughing, as we round the corner. His words and laughing abruptly end as he rams straight into Bella Swan knocking her to the floor in a whoosh. A yelp of surprise escapes her as she lands. I'm on my knees beside her before I even realize my intentions.

She cradles her arm against her chest, her elbow scraped raw and bleeding.

I moan loudly, horrified, "Oh God, she's bleeding."

In despair, my hands hover her, afraid to touch. She's spilled blood in front of me twice today. I know what blood means; it means death. Death to the body, heart, and soul.

_An omen_, the others whisper.

Throwing my head back, I pull at my hair in agony, screaming out for them to shut up. Emmett grabs me roughly around the collar and jerks me to my feet.

"Keep yourself together, Edward. You're scaring her," he whispers between gritted teeth into my ear.

Frequent flashes invade my head. My fists clench, nails biting into my skin as I try to reign it all in. The _others _scramble to put away the memories. Taking deep breaths, with my eyes clenched tightly closed, I slowly regain control.

When I turn back to Emmett and Bella, he has helped her from the floor and is speaking softly, as he assesses the damage. He lingers at her elbow, where she has scraped the skin raw and bloody.

Emmett looks back to me and looks skeptically into my eyes for a second. He relaxes after a moment, obviously satisfied he found what he was searching for.

"Would you like to help Bella clean up, Edward?" he asks sarcastically, with one eyebrow raised.

"Fuck yes," I say way too loud, then backtracked. "Yes, umm, I would like very much to help you Bella."

She looks up at me, smiling widely, and immediately reaches her out for me. My answering smile is beaming and my heart clenches. Suddenly, she pauses and pulls back, looking up at Emmett with uncertainty. As if he would take away something she wanted after dangling it in front of her.

_From this day forward, anyone who dares hurt this girl will die_, I thought internally. To _them_.

"Yessssss," they hiss in response.

Emmett nods encouragingly at her and she wastes no time placing her hand in mine. I take it gratefully and with a grin, raise it above my head, twirling her under my arm. She blushes the prettiest shade of pink, and her eyelashes flutter against her rosy cheeks.

"Beautiful," I whisper reverently.

She gasps and I realize that she has heard me. Clearing my throat, to hide my embarrassment, I ask, "Will you come with me?"

"Anywhere," she replies with conviction.

Emmett pats me on the back and, with a wink, excuses himself as I guide Bella to the nearest washroom, my hand on the small of her back.

I hold the door open for her as she glides past me into the small space. She turns the tap water on and holds her arm under the stream. Seeing her blood rush down the drain brings the flashes back in full force and I stagger back against the wall under the overwhelming flood of memories.

Over and over, I see a version of myself in front of the mirror in the midst of a panic attack, blood on my hands but no water to wash it away. No water to drink or cook with, no water to wash my clothes, no water to rinse my body of filth.

Her hand on the back of neck stops the flood, hushes the voices. I open my eyes, and she stands before me like an angel, having driven away my demons.

"Edward?"

Snapping out of it, I look down at her face and notice the creased brow and wide, concerned eyes. I've never felt so fucked up. I should leave this girl alone. I'm sure she's had plenty to deal with in her life, if it's led her here. I know exactly what I should I say to send her away and make damn sure she never wants to be near me again but to do so would be the blackest kind of blasphemy.

Why should I have to give up something that I want, no, something that I _need_? I have given everything for my purpose. My entire life I have seen things that I love disappear. Taught that complaining makes me a pussy. Led to believe that wanting more for me is selfish. I'm sick of other people's choices taking away my own. I won't do that to her.

"Bella, you should stay away from me. We...shouldn't be friends, but I really want to be," I tell her as I stare at the wall over her shoulder, unable to meet her gaze.

She takes her hand away from my cheek and places her index fingers over temples, rubbing vigorously.

"You're so confusing it makes my head ache," she says, moaning a little.

I sigh deeply and pull her to me gently. She rests her head against my chest, allowing me this intimacy without a word, and I know I'll tell her. I'll tell her everything, as soon as I find the words in my vocabulary to explain, and let her decide if I am worth the trouble. I'll find a way to show her and make her understand that no matter how impossible it may seem, and no matter how difficult it may be at times, I can take care of her. I have many attributes on my side, well, none that I can think of right now but just wanting to be a better person should count for something. I hope.

I decide to wait and find the right words, wait and let her get to know me a little, wait and...

"Bella, may I kiss you?"

Shit, that's not what I meant to say. The voices chuckle at me, some while blushing profusely. I had meant to say that we should take things slow. I had meant to tell her that she was special. While all that is still true, it's out there now and I really want to fucking kiss her. Eagerly, I await her decision as she stands, biting her lip, and considering.

Just as I begin to wonder if she is going to run away from me screaming, she pushes up on her toes and places a light kiss to my jaw. It's not exactly what I had in mind but it's perfect and I am unable to stop the smile that threatens to burst my cheeks apart.

"Thank you," I breathe out, still feeling a tingle on my skin from her touch.

She grins at me and we exit together, holding hands.

"This will end badly," one whispers. "When she finds out what you are-that you have no control."

I ignore the voice in my head. Being with her right now is all I care about. Everything else be damned.

"You'll damn her too," he says, menacingly.

This information gives me pause because I know it's true, I'm just as damned as I seem. My steps falter and I stop walking, not looking at her.

"Edward don't."

"What?" I snap too harshly.

She winces but steps closer to me anyway. "You're over thinking again."

How does she know? Am I that transparent? She looks at me and I feel like a brand new man. Her eyes hold so much concern. Shouldn't I be the one comforting her? For one second it occurs to me what is wrong with this girl that she could have sympathy for the devil.

"Edward, you are such a beautiful disaster," she says, giggling.

My heart clenches at her words, "You think I'm beautiful?"

"Dazzling," she adds laughing. It's contagious and I find myself laughing with her, my somber mood dissipating. For once the voices have nothing to say.

I walk her to her room and tell her to rest. I don't want to leave her but I know I need some distance to clear my head. I head to my room and flop down on the bed, thankful Jasper's not here right now.


	6. I don't want you to be afraid

**A/N: Well, look who's back with the rest of these chapters... I know, I'm late, but what's new, really?**

**First I need to make sure I put this out there... MANY, MANY thanks to my co-writer, ItsJustMe1217, and to our beTTa braTT, kiTT. This story would have never happened without them.  
**

**Second, there would be no point in writing this story without all of you who read it. Thank you for your support and we do hope you enjoy this one and the way it plays out to the end.  
**

**Third, I will be removing my stories soon. It might not be today. Maybe not tomorrow. Knowing my track record, it will be next year. It's not that I'm hiding them. It's not that I don't want them here. It's that I'm polishing a few to possibly publish. Others will be posted on my story site or blog... They'll still exist, just not in the same way.**

**Thanks everyone for reading, favoriting, commenting, and just your support.**

**I'm posting all of the chapters left for this story... I truly hope you all enjoy it. If you do like, send a comment, or just favorite. Thanks!**

* * *

**I don't want you to be afraid.**

**~Edward Cullen, Twilight**

* * *

After some solitude, a little brooding, and a lot of soul searching, I feel better about things when Emmett knocks on my door to announce that it is lunchtime.

I enter the cafeteria, eager to see Bella again. Spotting her at a table by herself, I stop walking and stand still, just watching her for a minute. I notice the way she moves and all the little things that make her Bella.

She bends one leg and places her foot in the seat with her and the chair wobbles. I can't help but chuckle to myself. Of course, she sits on the one chair in the cafeteria that is wobbly.

_Maybe she's drawn to things that are broken. Does she choose them or do they choose her?_

Ignoring that comment, I watch as she places her foot back on the floor, looking sewn to see if something is under a leg of the seat. Seeing nothing, she shrugs her shoulders and scoots forward to distribute her weight, instead of moving to another chair.

_I think she chooses them._

Bella reaches to pick up her milk and drags the sleeve of her shirt through the chili on her tray. She doesn't appear to even notice as she pulls the carton to her. She struggles with the container, trying to open it. When she can't get the spout to pop out, she sticks her nail inside the cardboard to pull it open.

"Ow!" she says yelps, jumping slightly in her seat.

I'm behind her before I realize I have moved. "Bella," I say, worried.

She yelps, jumping again and spinning toward me. "Edward, you startled me."

She gazes back down at her finger where she has broken a nail. The very same finger she paper cut this morning, the Band-Aid still wrapped tightly round it.

The carton of milk sits in front of her, a drip of blood sliding down the front. I feel dizzy as the memories infiltrate, gallon milk jugs spread haphazardly across a bloody floor. Water carried from the creek out back and boiled for bathing. The anger wells inside of me, as comprehension at the unfairness of the situation spreads through me to the others.

Water for _him_, but none for me, even though he washed yesterday and the day before and I can't remember when I last bathed. The cold, masculine voice of Anthony's father hurls insults that roll around inside my head like a marble on track, infecting us all. Over the years since my existence, the marbles have increased rapidly until there are too many for the track to accommodate. I suppose you could say it snapped.

Some hide their eyes and cover their ears, they don't want to know. _Those _only exist because of their innocence. However, keeping these secrets will ultimately destroy us all. It's true some may die so that Anthony can live. There is a very good chance that I may not come out on the other side of this unscathed.

I think about Bella and how much I want to be with her, how happy she makes me feel. Will she miss me if Anthony takes over? Will he love her as much I already do? How will she feel about the others? Momentarily, I am overwhelmed with the burden I carry.

There is no such thing as forever. Tomorrow holds no promises for me, the demons could come at any time. I will do my penance in hell, of this I have no misconceptions. Is it fair to bring Bella into this? _What will become of her if I lose control? _The questions that I am unable to answer are many. Bella doesn't deserve to be dragged into my darkness but I can't help myself, I am unable to stay from her.

Smiling assuredly, I take her hand and lightly kiss the abused finger.

"So are you always this accident prone?" I ask, then cringe realizing I've just insulted her. She just laughs though, quipping, "Yeah. You better be careful, my dangerous ways may rub off on you."

_Ditto_.

She stares down at her lap, her face blushing. "Are you always this heroic?" she asks.

The irony of her question does not elude me. While I cannot tell her what I am and what I have done, it is only fair to warn her.

"No Bella, I am not always so heroic. Sometimes I have to be the bad guy." There. I told her. Now she can run away afraid of me.

"_It's better this way_," one voice whispers.

Bella lifts her head and looks into my eyes. "I don't believe that," she says sincerely.

_This girl has no survival instincts. Utterly absurd._

I am a selfish bastard for taking advantage of her naivety. It's one thing to make myself miserable but a whole other matter to be so involved.

_She should be afraid._

I don't want her to be scared and I crave her company far too much to do what I should and walk away. I hold her hand in mine and rub circles on the back with my thumb.

I hear snickering to my left and, turning, I see Rosalie sitting with another girl. They are giggling loudly and pointing at Bella. When I look back to Bella, red face is red in shame, her back bowed, hiding her face again.

"Come for a walk with me Bella?"

"Yes," she whispers after a pause, still with her face hidden.

I follow her from the room and down the hallway, our hips brushing as we walk side by side.

"Can I ask you some questions?" I inquire. She arches an eyebrow, her expression guarded. Hastily, I add, "Nothing too personal. I just want to know you better."

"Depends," she says. "Can I ask you questions too?"

"Okay," I agree. "We'll take turns."

She smiles nodding and we continue to walk, asking each other about likes and dislikes, making sure to steer clear of heavier topics. Before I know it we are in a part of the hospital that I have never seen before. It doesn't bother me much as I would gladly get lost with Bella any day.

Piercing shrieks halt our progress. The sickening screams of someone in the throes of severe pain fill the corridor. I know that sound. I hate that sound. Some of the voices cry and hide in the bookshelves. My gut clenched in fear. I want so badly to run and hide as well. There was a time when these sounds would have brought the guardian in me but this is different.

I have only ever protected myself, and now Bella. I don't know how to feel about another's pain. I don't know how to deal with it. I feel sick, nauseous, with indecision. I won't risk Bella's safety, of that I am sure. But do I leave the screamer to his pain? The bully to his abuse. Can I turn my back and walk away? This is my home now, shall I not protect it, prevent the cycle from beginning? Likewise, am I able to walk into a minefield and set myself up for insults and mistreatment? I know from experience that trying to come between an abuser and his victim can have severe consequences.

My feet move unintentionally forward, closer to the sound of screams. At the end of the hall, a door stands ajar. A small woman in a white lab coat moves about the space, oblivious the sounds she elicits from the man strapped to the bed before her. The woman wears a name tag over her right breast declaring that she is Dr. Kate.

She moves around the man's bed, placing small circles with connecting wires over his naked form. I can see from where I stand that the wires link to a metal box. When Dr. Kate turns a dial on the box, the man's body jerks convulsively.

I look down into Bella's terrified eyes and I know what must be done. The girl is devastated from this horrific sight. A sympathetic voice whispers a simple plan into my ear. _Get her out of here. _I grab Bella's arm, swiftly pulling her back the way we had come.

Down the corridor, I open a door and drag Bella in to the stairwell with me.

"Edward, please slow down," she begs.

I had been a man on a mission and I hadn't taken into account what Bella might need. Maybe she needed me to stop the torture we had witnessed. Perhaps she'd like to go back and watch me rip Dr. Kate's head off. It might make her feel better to have closure. I know it would make me feel better.

Letting go of her abruptly, I stopped to find out what she wants to do. I notice that her breathing is rapid and she rubs at her arm.

"Bella, I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was walking so fast." My eyes followed the movement of the circles she rubbed onto her arm. "Bella, what happened?" I inquired, moving her hand away so that I could see her flesh. Small purple bruises were forming on her upper arm. When I placed my hand over the marks, my fingers matched with the bruises.

Dropping her arm as if I had been scalded, I stepped away from her.

"Edward, don't. It's all right."

"It's all right that I hurt you? Left marks on you?" I gasp out, appalled.

"Edward, you did it to help me right?"

"That doesn't...that's not..." I pace, pulling my air. How could she think this was okay?

"Edward? If someone were running at me with a knife. Wouldn't you push me out of the way?"

"Of course," I answer, annoyed at her line of questioning.

"Even though when you pushed me, I might fracture my wrist or something?"

"Bella, you're being absurd. Of course I would still place you out of danger. It's better for you to have a sore wrist than be dead."

As soon as the words left my mouth, I immediately stop pacing and looked into her smiling eyes. She was right, she knew it and now she knows I know it.

"You take everything so coolly — it's unnatural. It makes me wonder what you're really thinking."

"You don't really want to know that, Edward," she says, looking down shyly.

"I want to know whatever you want to tell me," I assure her. Sitting sewn on the steps, I motion for her to sit next to me but instead she climbs into my lap. I could get used to this. Feeling needed is very agreeable to me. I brush her back from her face in what I hope is a soothing manner. I want to be everything for her.

"That really scared me back there," she admits.

I placed my hand on the back of her neck and rubbed her cheek with my thumb. "I'm so sorry," I tell her honestly.

"I've been scared for a long time," she says almost wistfully, her voice becoming small.

"What are you scared of Bella? I can make it go away," I whisper determinedly.

_Yes_!

"You can't help me Edward. There is no one to make go away. There's no one at all," she said mournfully, her voice breaking at the end.

She wiped at her eyes and sat a little straighter, attempting to steady herself.

"My story really starts about five years ago when my mother, Renee, began feeling trapped in her life. She wanted a way out, so she opted for a divorce from my father, Charlie, who was heartbroken when she left," she began.

"Renee tried taking me with her on her search for happiness. She had me packed and in the car with her as we started driving out of the small Washington town we lived in. She didn't even make it out of the city limits before getting pulled over by the police."

She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath before shrugging her shoulders. "I never thought she had the chance, really. My father was chief of police after all. So my mom was arrested for attempted kidnapping and that was what began the two year custody battle over me. The beginning of the end I guess you could say," she laughed bitterly.

"My father wanted me with him. He felt he was the only one who could protect me and raise me right. He didn't want my mother's insane actions influencing me in any way. He told me that he just wanted me to have a stable childhood, maintaining the same friends at the same schools in Forks. My mother wanted me with her; she felt that my father was too strict on me. She wanted me to be able to experience life away from the drab little prison, as she put it. She felt that having friends all over the country and learning different ways of life would be better for making me a well-rounded person. And I was torn between them."

She paused momentarily, breathing deeply, before she continued. "My mother could barely take care of herself, and she needed me to keep her grounded – well as grounded as she could get. Without me, she couldn't remember to pay the bills or take her medication. Little things like that. It was like she was my daughter and I was her mom. My father worked more often than not, keeping our little burb safe. As the city grew, so did the amount of time he worked. It was my job to make sure he ate healthy. I made sure he was never late for a shift and had clothing to wear."

I held up my hand, interrupting her, " So you took care of them. Who took care of you?"

Bella snorted loudly, shaking her head at me and rolling her eyes. She didn't answer, just resumed her story.

"After two years of court appointed psychiatrists, lawyers, and paperwork, the judge made the decision that I was to stay with my father. My mother was distraught over the judgment. She refused to move from Forks, unless I could go with her. But since that was not an option, my mother turned to drinking and drugs to help deal with the fact she was stuck in life. Charlie had even managed get the judge to allow almost no visitation with my mother. I was allowed to talk to her on the phone once a week, and see her once a month. I missed her but I was kind of glad it was over and that I had some stability for a change."

I nodded in understanding, motioning for her to continue.

"Life seemed to be going okay. I was going to Forks High School West, enrolled in the advanced placement program. My grades were stellar. I was accepted into UW Seattle under their early admissions program. I was even awarded a full scholarship to attend, meaning the financial burden on my father would be light. I was just a few short months away from graduation. Just few short months…" she trailed off and I knew that the worst was coming.

I touched her skin everywhere I could. Giving soft caresses for comfort. Tears ran in a steady stream now as she began again to talk.

"I was out with my friends at a study session at the Forks Café. Really it was more of hanging out, eating, and talking about boys and kids from Forks High School East. We finished up early and I drove myself home in my old red truck. When I got there, I recognized my mother's car parked crookedly in the driveway. It surprised me that she was there. I admit, I was a little excited too. I couldn't wait to share the news of my scholarship."

She pressed her hands over face, mumbling, "I was so stupid."

Prying her hands away, I shook my head no. "Bella…"

"Let me finish before you judge," she said sternly. I nodded and sat back to listen. She continued robotically, as if she were telling about a movie she had watched.

"I ran into my house all excited to talk to my mom, but was welcomed to the sight of Renee shooting my father with his own gun. I remember screaming at the top of my lungs, 'Mother! What the hell are you doing?'

"She looked at me in shock. She began explaining how it was for the best. That it was her turn to have me with her before I left for college. She was begging me to just go on the run with her.

"'Mother, I'm not going with you! You're drunk and hopped up on who knows what!' I yelled at her.

"She grabbed my arm and I did what I thought was right and tried fighting her off of me. All I did was succeed in making her mad. She threw me against the steps. I hit them hard, screaming as my head bashed against one of the risers. She stood before me pointing the gun at me. Between that and the bout of dizziness from my head knock, I couldn't think straight.

"She took the opportunity of my silence to speak. 'Bella, baby, you need to understand my point of view here. Your father has had you in his life for the past few years. We've grown apart. I just want one last moment of time for just us.'

"'So you killed him?' I screamed to her at the top of my lungs.

"And she came back with, 'Your father deserved it. He was being selfish and not sharing you. I did it for you… for us, can't you see that Bella?'

"By then I was feeling just sick. My father was gone. My mother was had lost all sense of sanity. I just screamed at her, 'No, mom. What you did was fucking wrong! I can't believe you shot him!'

"Her hand, holding the gun, started to tremble and she spat at me through clenched teeth, 'You uppity little bitch. You think I was wrong for wanting you? You think you're better than me? That's what he thought. And look at him… look at him!'

"I refused to turn my head, and she reached out with her free hand, squeezed my cheeks and forced me to see my father. He was on the couch, blood splashed across the painting over it. There was a hole where is left eye was.

"I clenched my eyes shut and quietly whimpered my father's name, 'Charlie…' Tears were pouring down my cheeks. I could barely breathe.

"My mother pulled my head back so I was facing her. She leaned down to meet me eye-to-eye. She spoke in growls, saying, "You dare mumble his name? You insolent bitch. You've always loved him more. You love him so much… then fucking join him.

"That's when she stepped back and raised the gun, pointing it towards my chest, She fired and it hit my shoulder. I screamed in pain. She was yelling at me to stop, and I just couldn't.

"Then she lifted the gun again, this time pointing it at my head. I closed my eyes and didn't say a word. I just waited for it to be over and said a little prayer that it would be quick and painless.

"The shot rang out and next thing I knew, I felt this burning across my temple and down the left side of my head. I fell back and laid motionless as I was preparing for a third shot. I just wanted it all to end.

"But, instead, my mother came to my side. She used her sweet motherly voice as she whispered to me, 'Baby. I am so sorry I did this to you. This is not how I wanted things to go. You should have just come with me.'

"It got quiet for a moment… I thought for sure I was dying. It was just too quiet. Then I heard the gun cock and a shot ring out. I felt my mother fall into me. I didn't bother opening my eyes to look. It was just easier to slip into the darkness.

"A few days later, I woke in the hospital, screaming from night terrors. The doctor sedated me and I returned to sleep. And that began the recurring cycle of night terrors. Now here I am... almost a month later... a patient at Forest Meadow Mental Health Facility."

She looked to me narrowing her eyes, her voice cold, "So there you go Edward. I am a mess. My mother killed my father and herself and tried to kill me. There's no coming back from something like that. Ever. Normal is what I'll never be again. So you see Edward, there's nothing you can do to help me because the thing that's wrong is inside of me."

I sat stunned. This beautiful broken woman is...is...the same as me. Hastening to reassure her after my silence, "Bella, you're not going to push me away. Normal is something I know very little about."

I look down the stairwell and back behind me, making sure we are still alone before taking her face in my palms and urging her to look at me. "I hear voices, in my head," I tell her in a whisper.

"So you don't think I'm a freak?" she asks, frowning.

I throw my head back laughing. "Silly Bella. I just told you I hear voices in my head and you think you're the freak?"

She rolls her eyes, but gives a little laugh, seeing the absurdity of the situation.

"I can handle that," she says. "I mean, if there's more, I can probably handle a little more. Is there more?" She starts rambling incessantly and I hold up a hand to silence her.

"Enough. I've already said more than I should." I ran a hand through my hair, pulling at the ends. "I've got to quit telling you everything before it becomes habit."

I help her gently back to her feet then stand, offering my hand. "Come on, let's get you back to your room so you can rest. You've had a long day."

We walked in silence to her room, each of us lost in her own thoughts. I can't stand the thought of her hurting. I need to do something. I'm a man of action.

We stop in front of her door and she stands on her toes to kiss my cheek. Her skin is ashen and her eyes swollen and bloodshot. I cannot bear to see her this way. I'd give her anything, everything, is only she'd let me.

"Tell me _something_... _anything... _Bella, that I can do to make you feel better. Please." I plead.

A small smile plays on her lips. I'm going mad and she's smiling? Oh how I wish I could read her mind. She never does what I expect her to do.

"Please Bella, if you value my sanity, tell me what you're thinking," I say, my voice sounding strained even to me.

"Books," she answers simply.

"Books?" I questioned. I couldn't wrap my mind around the strange request. I thought girls liked flowers and frilly stuff.

"Yeah, well I really like to read. It's takes my mind off of everything. I can forget when I read. Sort of enter a whole new world. You know?" she asks, sounding unsure.

Smiling to reassure her, respond. "Okay, so books."

She nods, grinning, and waves goodbye to me as she enters her room and closes the door.

Jamming my hands in my pockets, I continue down the hall, feeling lighter than I ever have before. The voices were strangely quiet except for the occasional snickering and showing of Playboy centerfolds.

Ignoring them, I head for Carlisle's office. Knocking lightly on his door, I hear him call out to enter. Poking my head through the door, I ask if he has a moment for me.

"Of course, Edward, please come in," he says politely.

"I'd like to speak with you about Bella," I admit, taking a seat across from his desk in the small room.

"Okay," Carlisle agrees, propping his elbows on the desk and steeping his hands.

Suddenly nervous, I am unsure what to say. I suppose this wasn't a well thought out plan. Carlisle has already given me so much, a home, a family, and wide berth. He doesn't push me like the others and I am eternally grateful for the blessings he has bestowed upon this wretched body. _Do I even have a right to bother him with this request?_

_For Bella._

And those words just might be my undoing, but nevertheless, I am reminded of my mission. "I want to see about getting her some books. She's very stressed and feels that books would aid in her suffering. She's very fond of them, you see, and I'd like very much to be able to do this for her."

"I'm sorry Edward. I can't do that. As a rule we don't allow new patients such items until they can be properly evaluated."

Before I can interject, he holds up a hand, effectively silencing me and continues. "One must be cautious, in Bella's case especially. As a part of her condition it is customary to retreat within. Items such as you speak, only exacerbate the symptoms. They allow her to run and hide from her problems, instead of facing them head on."

Carlisle smiles sadly, "Sound familiar, Edward?"

It does sound familiar and I say nothing as guilt turns my stomach and my jaw clenches painfully. Anthony. He's never going to listen. I keep trying to tell him. The others and I taking photos of every memory to make him understand but he doesn't want to. He ignores the Polaroids now as much as he can. He can't ignore them all though, small pieces infiltrate, I can feel it. It's chipping away at him but I'm beginning to wonder if he can handle the stress of the truth.

In this case, I too, must follow orders to a degree. I do not make the plans, I have not enough control for that. No, this course has been set and we shall see where the track ends when Anthony snaps. For that is an eventuality that we can all see.

As a gallant, last ditch effort for Bella, I mumble weakly.

"But, Alice has various books. So does Rose and Jasper." I whine, sounding like a petulant child even to my own ears.

"I'm not saying never, I'm just saying, not at this time. I know you want to help her and that is very commendable. You're a good man, Edward."

Looking up sharply, I search his face for sarcasm but I find none. No one has ever said that to me before. Self-loathing overwhelms me and I slump in my seat. No one has ever said it because it's not true.

I'm the reason teachers warn students not to venture into the shadows. The reason parents tell their children to be home before dark. I'm the boogie man lurking around your home. A creature of the night slipping through your bedroom window. A monster.

Carlisle breaks through my racking remorse, imploringly. "Edward you have got to focus on getting yourself better before you take on the responsibility of someone else. Getting better is the best way that you can help Bella."

He smiles knowing he has caught my attention in a way I cannot deny. "Since I can't gift Bella at this time. Perhaps you'll allow me to offer you a gift instead."

Carlisle pulls open a drawer, taking out a leather bound notebook. Handing it to me he explains that I can take notes, or draw in this journal to release my feelings.

Back in my room, I lay on my bed, thinking over what Carlisle said about getting better for Bella. The problem is that getting better might just take me away from her forever. While that thought makes my chest ache, I know that Bella deserves better than what I can give her. All I want is for her to be happy, even if that means me walking away.

It is with this thought that the others agree, and a plan is whispered. Already, we are leaving photographic memories for Anthony. Possibly this journal would provide another means to relaying our messages.

Without hesitation, I take the journal and begin to write, in detail, the recovered memories from earlier today with Bella.

I write late into the night. My only other thought of how to get Bella a book.

*~* **Carlisle's POV ***~*

After Anthony leaves my office, I log into my computer, and begin my verbal notes for the evening.

"Wednesday, January 19. It's been an eventful day here in our ward. The new patient Isabella Swan, Bella, seems to be adjusting to her new surroundings better than I had originally hoped when I first met her this morning.

"It seems though that Anthony Masen, through the personality he's created, Edward, has taken notice in her. It seems that he feels he is her protector and watches her closely. Although I think it is one of the reasons, Bella seems to be fitting in here, I am concerned what will happen when Anthony's personality changes again. I worry how that will impact Bella negatively.

"Jasper Whitlock seems to be taking the day in stride. He seems to have snapped out of his upset state after Anthony/Edward pushed him this morning. I listened in on the apology that was offered to Jasper. I think he was brought around by Anthony/Edward using the term brother. He has never had that association before in his life and seemed to warm up to it immediately.

"I was hopeful that Rosalie would be a little less withdrawn with the event of a new ward mate, but she seems to have remained withdrawn. Her angry interjections may be a sign that she is repressing her feelings. I intend on talking with her later tonight when Esme can be present as Rose seems to respond positively to her.

"Alice was thrilled with having a new roommate. She instantly warmed up with Bella. I do hope that Bella, who acts like an eighteen year old should, will help Alice move beyond her childlike impulses. Only time will tell how having that older, more age appropriate interaction will help.

"Note about Anthony Masen... This evening he came into my office and asked me man-to-man about getting Bella a book. While I did have to turn him down at this point and time, I did offer him something that I hope will aid him in dealing with everything that has happened. I gave him the journal and explained that he should use it to piece together those puzzle pieces that he's recovering, one at a time. I also suggested that he should write his feelings about the day-to-day life here.

"He seemed a little reluctant at first, but eventually took the journal from me. I'll check in periodically to make sure he's using that journal. I hope this will give me insight to his other identities so that I can start logging each one and their behavior traits. I anticipate that this will unlock a lot of mysteries for Anthony and maybe he can start becoming whole again.

I turn off the recording and make several copies onto discs for the patients' records. Just as I am finishing there is a knock on my door. Esme opens it and pops her head in.

"You busy?" she asks with a bright smile.

"Just finishing. Are you ready to go down to Rosalie's room?"

"I was just picking you up for that date."

I chuckle at her and say, "Let's go." I pick up my note pad and escort Esme down the hall.

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**A/N: Thanks again. The rest is now...**


	7. You think you know me but you dont

**A/N: Ah yes. It's been a while. And I forgot to add a disclaimer.  
**

**DISCLAIMER: We do not own Twilight. We do not own Rob. Rob owns IJM... Jackson's my drug of choice, but I'm still a H00r for Rob... We do not own any of the movie characters brought to life by these wonderful people. I'm trying to think of what we do own... **

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**You think you know me but you don't.**

**~Tyler Hawkins, Remember Me**

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**Forest Meadow Mental Health Facility**

**Physician: **Dr. Carlisle Cullen

**Time/Date: **7:26 am, Thursday, January 20th

**Ward/Floor: **S. Meyer Wing, 5th floor minimum security

**OBSERVATIONS****:**

**Masen, Anthony**

At last check, Anthony remains under the impression that he is Edward. I am anxious to see if he's put the journal to use. I hope that if he did use it, he is willing to share it with me. I won't force the issue at this point. I have his trust and want to keep it. As always make sure the staff immediately notifies me of any changes in his demeanor. He cannot keep with the Edward personality for much longer. At some point something may trigger a change.

**Whitlock, Jasper**

I am pleasantly surprised to see Jasper completing his morning routine. I was expecting some sort of set back last night as he's done in the past after such an incident as yesterday. I am thrilled to see that Anthony's personality is having such a positive effect on him. We do need to monitor him closely, though. We need to make sure all of his interactions remain positive. Continue to administer Clozapine on schedule.

**Hale, Rosalie  
**After last night's discussion with Rosalie, it's evident she doesn't feel safe with Edward in the ward, citing his treatment of her that first day. Esme has promised to try and help Rosalie with feeling safe during the day. McCarty has been instructed to keep watch during her interactions with him. I should note that Rosalie insisted that he be the one to watch out for her. It may seem that some progress was made as she is putting some trust in a man. Administer her current Zoloft dosage as scheduled.

**Swan, Isabella  
**Her first night here was rough. Felix Volturri noted that she would wake up, screaming and not wanting anyone to touch her. Her night terrors are not what the previous doctors had noted, making them seem mild and unimportant. If these terrors keep up or increase, we may consider placing Bella on sedatives (Zolpidem ie Ambien or Eszopiclone ie Lunesta) to aid her in getting a full night's sleep. I am unsure of how long she has been sleeping for approximately an hour or two a night. I will not let this continue. Notify McCarty and Volturri to allow her naps and keep track of any sleep she receives. If there's no improvement after a few days, prescription will be our next option. Continue to administer 20mg of Prozac on schedule.

**Brandon, Mary Alice**

*~*~*~*** Dr. Carlisle Cullen's POV** *~*~*~*

As I write Alice's name, I realize that I hadn't seen her yet that morning. I find it odd since she is usually one of the first two patients I greet.

I close the chart and walk the halls, looking for her. I peek into Anthony's and Jasper's room to find no sign of Anthony, Jasper, or Alice. As I walk to the common area, I almost walk into Emmett who is watching Rosalie flip through a magazine in the corner. Jasper is studying a civil war book and making notes.

"Emmett, have you seen Alice this morning?" I ask with some concern in my voice.

"I saw her walking down the hall near her room, carrying her animal cracker box as a purse and some crayons. That was about ten minutes ago."

I thank him and walk towards Alice's room. As I arrive, I look in the room to find Bella sitting on her bed, quietly staring out of the window across the room.

"Bella, have you seen Alice?"

She keeps her gaze out of the window, somewhere far and distant, as she quietly answers, "No."

"Thank you for your help, Bella. I appreciate it," I say in an assuring voice, hoping that it helps her to feel a little safe.

I resume my walk down the hall peeking into rooms and offices with no avail. As I round the corner, I happen upon Alice coloring away on the wall, drawing some giant wall mural.

"Mary Alice Brandon! What in the hell do you think you're doing?"

***~*~* Anthony's POV *~*~***

Waking alone in a strange bed is terrifying enough without the shouting outside my door. I don't know what to do. Drawing my knees up to chest, I huddle under the covers.

_I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. Please. I don't want to be here._

I want so badly to go back to my safe place. I feel a push though, something, or someone keeping me out.

Indecision overwhelms me. I don't know what to do. _Will the shouting voices descend on me next? Will I be in trouble if I am in bed?_ I spring from the bed with that thought. I pace back and forth, back and forth, between the bed and the door. _Will it be better if I just go out there and face the consequences-for surely there are some?_

Unable to bear the terror any longer, I open the door, no more than three inches, just enough to see out with one eye. A man in a white coat is scolding a young woman who is pouting petulantly. The girl crosses her arms and huffs dramatically as the man points to a wall where a large red dragon has been drawn.

I don't like the dragon. I hate the red. It scares me. I try not to look at it. The man looks over and notices me. I wish he hadn't. I don't trust them. _Men hit and women ignore_. I can't remember how I know this but I do. _Someone must have told me_. Shrinking back, I close the door a little, still carefully watching them.

_It's alright Anthony,_ a melodic voice, inside my head, soothes.

"Edward?" the man asks.

I shake my head no.

"Anthony?"

Nodding, I ask softly, "Are you mad at me?"

"No," he answers quickly. "I'm not angry with anyone," he says, glancing at the girl.

"I'd like very much to speak with you Anthony."

"Do I have to?" I question, nervously. Scared to hear his answer, I glance around the hall, not wanting to meet the man's gaze. The dragon on the wall gives me a shiver so I avert my eyes to the side.

"No," he finally answers, begrudgingly. I can tell he wants to say more but he doesn't. He just watches me. My gaze is automatically drawn to the dragon and I close my eyes to avoid the sight.

Gasping, my eyes pop back open. Then, I close them again to make sure of what I have seen. Like sunspots on an especially sunny day, when I close my eyes I see no dragons, but red hand prints on a similar white wall. Photographic memories flood my brain and it hurts. My head thumps like a jackhammer, making my neck stiff and my teeth ache. I know what the prints mean, the memory is right there for me grasp but I don't want it.

"Please leave me alone," I whine, slamming the door.

In the corner of the room, my back pressing against the wall, I slide down and hug my knees. I'm scared to close my eyes now. I try not to even blink but my eyes burn and I must. Every flash brings a whimper from my lips.

A stray sunbeam pierces through the window and lands on a small black notebook.

"No. Please," I beg miserably.

_Be brave Anthony. Just a little while longer, _the voice implores.

I have no choice but to rise and retrieve the book. Something has been set into motion and I am powerless to stop it. No fight lives inside of me. Only fear. My feet are shuffled for me across the floor, and my hands reach out of their own accord.

My hands tremble as I read of blood and unpaid bills, hunger and filth. It's all familiar, too familiar and my heartbeat accelerates to the point that I am sure it will burst through my chest. Again, the feeling of the knowledge being within me overcomes me and again, I push them aside. The voice sighs heavily as I begin to cry, great racking sobs echoing in the small room, and I collapse to the floor.

_Suffer. Suffocate. Suffer. Suffocate._

My body writhes with tremors that slowly spread from the inside out. The door swings open and though I have no control over my limbs, I can see the man in white enter and sit on the bed cautiously watching me. The girl from the hallway and two others enter as well. Falling to their knees around me, weeping.

A young man and the girl both look around my age. The boy appears terrified and wipes at his eyes unashamed. He hugs the tiny woman but both are inconsolable. The pretty girl...

_Bella_.

...leans over me, touching everywhere, repeating the name Edward hysterically.

The man in white is now crouching by my side with a syringe. I do not fight. I wouldn't if I could. I want him to take it away. Take me away. Calming numbness spreads through my veins as I fade to black.

***~*~*Tyler*~*~***

Waking in Edward's bed, I swing my legs over the side and sit up, slightly dizzy. More than that, I am pissed off at Anthony for being such a pussy.

"Soldier?" the blond man called Jasper asks.

"Tyler," I correct him, rising to my feet.

"Oh hey Tyler!" Jasper drawls easily, with a wave of his hand.

Suddenly he stands from his bed and walks over to me, his eyes shining. "Hey, do you ever wish your name was Tom?"

"Tom?" I question with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, then I could walk up to women and say, 'Meet Tom, Dick, and Harry.'" Jasper explained animatedly, as if the knowledge should blow my mind.

"Okay...?"

He rolls his eyes at me and then points to his head, "Tom." He then points to his groin, indicating his cock and balls. "Dick and Harry. Get it?" He laughs loudly, proclaiming himself a genius.

After a moment, his face turns serious and he sits beside me on the bed hesitantly. "Want to see a picture of my loved ones back at home?"

Jasper pulls a folded picture out of his sock. It appears to have been ripped from a magazine and features a beautiful man and woman in a western scene. Both are wearing loin cloths, standing in front of horses.

"Which one?" I ask him.

"Both," he answers with a wink and a grin. "My love knows no bounds."

I shake my head at him. The guy is hard not to like though and I soon find myself laughing along.

Jasper grows quiet and the air around us becomes uncomfortable. Finally, he speaks up. "Soldier..."

"Tyler," I interrupt.

"Tyler," he amends. "Listen, I know how hard it is being in battle day in and day out. War breaks a man down. The constant fighting, with the enemy surrounding you, it's hard to let down your guard."

He stops, turning to face me. "No point in living and nothing to fight for if we don't enjoy ourselves from time to time," he says pointedly.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," I say cutting him off quickly. I know where this is headed and I don't want to hear it.

Jasper huffs but stands and walks to the door. "I'm going to practice some drill maneuvers," he calls over his shoulder, conversation seemingly ended. But then he turns back to me, quipping, "Not everyone can recite poetic bullshit and brood prettily all damn day."

_Asshole_. I throw my pillow at him but he ducks out the door, slamming it behind him. The pillow bounces off the wall to the floor and I stand to retrieve it.

Jasper opens the door, leaning back in. "Want to come with me?"

"Not this time Jas, I have to find a library."

He looks at me skeptically but then shrugs his shoulder, closing the door again.

I took a long look in the mirror after Jasper left. He was fun. I hadn't had a lot of fun. It wasn't like me to participate in life, I usually prefer to stay at a distance and observe. I can't make sense of the chaos of life. I want people to do the right thing, even the right thing isn't always a clear cut path, it seems to me that people only care for themselves and someone always gets short changed. It pisses me off, fucking pussies.

_I gave you a job._

"Yeah, I know."

Fucking Edward came to me and made me put away my reading. A job he said, mumbling about being sick and tired of my attitude toward everything but remaining a spectator. I wanted to punch him but he grew more solemn as he explained that the favor he requested was for the illustrious Bella Swan.

Yes, I had seen here through the others eyes but I wanted to see for myself. She looked an average girl, someone who I would meet in class in school if I was normal. Maybe that's why we drawn to her because she seems just as fucked up as we are.

_Will you stop moping and get the damn book!_

Right, a book for Bella. That's my assignment. However, I was also promised that I would be able to meet my new sister, Alice and I was going to make sure I got the opportunity. I had a sister once...

_Don't_.

"It's wrong not to remember, Edward. We all loved her. You can't take her memory or the pain away."

_Tyler please, the young ones will hear._

Edward's imploring doesn't do any good as images fill my mind of the day I came to be. Born of desperation-that's me. Poor Anthony never had a chance. There were already others when I was born of necessity. I wasn't the first or the last. We each serve a purpose though I tend to distance myself from the others. I care about them all but sometimes that's a bad thing-caring.

I cared for that little girl as soon as I opened my eyes to this life and watched her dangle from a rope, the light gone from her eyes. Whether or not the father figure actually tied the noose is irrelevant to me. It's his fault, everything is his fault.

_Do you want Cedric to hear you?_

"No. I'm sorry Edward."

_Then what do you want?_

"I want what I always want-justice."

_No amount of your justice will bring her back Tyler, Edward whispers sadly._

"Goddamnit!" I scream, balling my hands into fists and punching the wall.

_What's the problem here, Richard asks. Am I going to have to come and bail you out?_

"Fuck you Richard! I don't need you to bail me out of anything. Justice, thy name is Tyler."

_Justice or insecurity?_

"Shut up Richard and go back to your porn magazines and let me take care of business."

Slipping into my shoes, I head out the door and follow Edward's directions to Alice's room. I just want to spend time with her. Feed off of her innocence for a while. I need it.

When I spot her, she's sitting on the floor with a book in her hands. She's not little like the other sister but she is tiny in stature.

"Alice?" I ask quietly, so as not to alarm her.

"Cedric!" she exclaims, jumping up for her place on the floor. "Did you come to play with me?"

"Um...my name is Tyler." I explain carefully.

"Hi Tyler," she says automatically. "Can we be friends?"

"I'd like that very much," I tell her happily. "May I read with you?"

"Okay." she agrees easily, handing me the book. "You can read to me," she says and I stifle a laugh at her bossy attitude.

Alice crosses her legs and makes to sit back down in the floor but I stop her. My sister doesn't sit on the floor. I motion to the tiny bed in her room and she smiles and goes willingly. After a while, she cuddles next to me and falls asleep as I read the poetry to her. She snores lightly and I gingerly extricate myself from her.

Quickly, I check the room to be sure there is no rope or cords and when I am satisfied that there isn't, I take a bit of her warmth and acceptance with me as I step out the door to find the library.

Searching the corridor, I open random doors scanning for books but every room looks exactly the same. Two twin beds, two wooden dressers, white walls and white bedding. Cold and sterile. I don't like it that Alice lives like this, my sister deserves better. I feel the anger coursing through my veins and I am relieved. Angry is how I function best.

Hearing voices down the hall, I draw closer. The voice is sweet like honey and vaguely familiar.

_Bella_.

As I near the door, I hear her sobs and suddenly everything in my vision turns red, violence pumping through my veins. I listen at the door for a moment as Bella cries and begs Carlisle for a book and he adamantly refuses.

"Oh hell no," I yell, throwing the door open and bursting into the room.

"Edward," Carlisle and Bella both gasp out in surprise.

"Wrong," I tell Carlisle with a smirk. Keeping my eyes on him, I slowly move to stand in front of Bella. I catch a small glimpse of her as I enter and quickly evaluate her safety before turning my gaze back to Carlisle.

As much as I want to keep control, I can feel it slipping. Edward has always been better with the control but, then again, that is not why I was created.

"Anthony?" Carlisle asks.

"Not a chance," I answer him.

"You don't want to be called Edward today?" Bella asks from behind me.

I slowly pivot to face her, keeping Carlisle in peripheral. When I see her, I am immediately smitten. Sure, I knew what she looked like through Edward but no words were adequate. More than her heart shaped face and warm, intelligent eyes that glowed around with the edges with too much seen pain. The pull to her is strong and unrelenting.

"Tyler," I tell her, feeling nervous all of a sudden.

"Tyler," she says tasting the name on her tongue. "My hero," she whispers, smiling.

I can't help but smile back. The reaction is immediate. She's like a conduit for emotion. She's happy, I'm happy. It's that easy. I see movement and I am reminded of Carlisle's presence. She cries... I'm pissed... I remember, turning back to him.

"Tyler," he pronounces carefully moving slightly closer to me.

"Is this about the books?" I ask harshly. I'm not afraid of him and I won't cower.

Carlisle's gaze flickers to Bella but I step to the right and block his view. Crossing my arms over my chest, I stare defiantly at him. An eternity seems to pass as I wait for him to speak. When it becomes clear that he will not, I sigh.

"Edward said this situation was getting out of control," I mutter, shaking my head.

"Tyler," Carlisle questions, making another step toward me. "You spoke with Edward?"

"Don't even try it!" I yell, backing away. "No need to bother with the examination, doc. Despite what Edward has convinced himself, you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved."

"You could do worse than have someone want to save you Tyler," Carlisle insists.

"I don't need to be saved from a fucking thing," I shout, my anger surging again.

"Tyler...," he starts again, but I cut him off.

"No! Look at her," I yell, stepping back to allow him to see Bella. "You made her cry over a fucking book. Why can't that be the most important thing for one second?" My voice rises with every word and my hands fist at my sides.

"I heard her pleading with you. Begging! Why aren't you listening? Why aren't you...riveted?"

"Now, Tyler," Carlisle says, holding up a hand to silence me. But his eyes do not hold mine. I watch as he reaches for a button under his desk to call for security.

"Fuck this!" I yell and grab Bella's hand, pulling her up and out the door.

Carlisle calls out our names but makes no move to stop us as I knew he wouldn't. He'll send Felix and Emmett for us, instead of sullying his own hands. Pussy!

I know inevitably they will find us, but first, I plan to take full advantage of my time with Bella before that happens. I pull Bella into a room I know to be empty from my previous search. Shutting and locking the door behind us, I slowly stalk closer to Bella. Keeping my movements as slow as possible, I stop before her and raise my hand to cup her cheek.

"Bella?"

Leaning in, I brushed my lips softly across hers but before I can deepen the kiss she pushes me away.

"Wait! Are...are you Edward's twin?" she asks, looking at the floor.

Laughing, I reply, "no".

Bella remains quiet, watching me speculatively and waiting for me to elaborate.

Sighing heavily, I responded on the defense. "Edward said you didn't want to know. He told me you said that it didn't matter."

"It doesn't matter. I just...I want to know that I'm not..."

Realization dawns on me and I have to bite back a laugh. "You want to know that you're not cheating on him." Shaking my head, I murmur to myself, "Priceless."

Bella huffs, crossing her arms and narrowing her eyes at me.

"Look, Edward and I...we are intertwined."

"Intertwined?" she asks, her brow creasing in confusion. Suddenly, understanding lights her face and her mouth pops open as she gasps. "Oh! You have...you are... oh!"

"Say it Bella."

"Split personality," she says meekly.

Shaking my head no, I ask. "Have you ever heard of Hathor?" Bella responded with a quiet no and so I continued. (**I took a few liberties**)

"In Greek mythology, Hathor was the god of love, beauty, happiness and fertility, also the god of the sky and the heaven. He was everything that is true and good. Hathor had many personalities, some say as many as eighteen. He assigned each of his multiples a task or job that they were to oversee. There was one to excel in creativity, one who planned battles, another to uphold justice and even one whose existence was purely to protect the others.

"Do you understand, Bella?" I ask tentatively.

"Where did you hear that story? Do you believe that? How many personalities do you have? How can you be sure?" Bella fired off questions rapidly.

I just shook my head. "I'm...undecided." I told her, answering all of her questions at once.

"What are you undecided about?"

I thought for a moment but then respond with the truth. "Everything."

Bella giggles loudly and the sound is contagious. Then comes the rattling of the doorknob. We've been found. She steps toward me quickly and fists her hand in my shirt. "Hurry and kiss me, Tyler. Now!"

Who am I to deny her? Bending my knees slightly, I press my lips firmly to hers. Wrapping my arms around her waist, I pull her flush against my body and squeeze her tight. She feels so good. Fireworks explode behind my eyes, my heart beats furiously, and every voice in my head sighs.

The door bursts open but I do not pull away. I take her top lip between mine and suck lightly before placing three soft pecks there. Bella's chest is heaving, her breathing deep and uneven. I grin at her and she grins back. Just a little quirk of her mouth and I am filled with contentment the likes of which I have never known.

A throat clears and bursts our bubble. Emmett doesn't appear upset though. He smiles broadly, his face flushed with embarrassment. "Come on guys, I'm supposed to take you to your rooms until lunch."

Parting with Bella is difficult but Emmett insists. When I told him he can go fuck himself, Bella puts her hand on my shoulder and says she would like to take a nap. She does need her rest, I remind myself. So, I kiss her lightly on the cheek but hold on to her hand while her body moves away from me. Her arm extends all the way straight out from us and her fingertips slip through mine. I stand there with a stupid grin on my face until she closes the door behind her. Then, I allow Emmett to lead me to my room as he makes wise cracks about lovesick fools.

Back in my room, Jasper and Alice are strategizing. It's good to see my friend and my sister again. No one gets me like they do. And now Bella. I finally understand why Edward is putting up such a fight about love, and honor, and family. This feels good. I feel peaceful as I sit here on the bed next to Alice, her head on my shoulder as Jasper points out fire escapes on a laminated paper by the door.

Soon, Emmett knocks to let us know it is time for lunch. We sit at a table together with Rosalie even joining us, making sure to save a seat for Bella. Meatloaf and green beans are on the menu and I feel as if I haven't eaten in days. When she arrives, I take her hand immediately in my own and hold tight. Jasper points out what he calls superior officers as we eat one handed, sneaking smiles at each other.

He motions to a man named Riley who is sweeping the floor. Riley has dirty blond hair and steel blue eyes that shifted nervously around him. Then, he points out Esme, Carlisle's assistant. Her hair is piled up on her head and her eyes are soft and warm as she moves about the room speaking kindly to people. I understand why Edward likes her.

Jasper draws my attention to a couple, Ben and Angela, whom Alice mentions are the art therapy teachers. They are sitting very close, Ben's hand high on Angela's thigh. I shake my head, feeling myself blush hotly. The last person he makes notice of is a young woman named Lauren.

Lauren, he says is a trustee. Bella leans closer and whispers that Lauren is another patient just like us but because she has nearly completed her treatment the staff allow her more responsibility, judging whether she is stable enough to be released. Lauren has curly red hair and is apparently an avid reader. Very interesting.

Jasper tells me everything I need to know when he mentions that Lauren has been locking the office doors at night. She sits, reading until the afternoon staff is gone for the evening, leaving only security and nurses. Already the plan is being made to obtain Bella's book. Plan B, if you will. Edward thanks me quietly for my help and I feel pride radiating through me from the _others_.

With lunch complete, we empty our trays and part ways with our friends. I walk Bella to her room and because I'm not sure when I will have the pleasure again, I pull her to me and kiss her softly. Before she can pull away, I nuzzle her neck and whisper in her ear.

"For what it's worth, I think you're really amazing."

Bella smiles wide and kisses my cheek before saying goodbye and slipping away into her room.

The others frenzy over the book. Georges volunteers, stating he knows the young woman's type. Although there is much deliberation due to Georges track record with women, it cannot be denied the he gets results. The decision is made and the voices quiet.

With a plan finalized to retrieve the book for Bella, I lie on my back, on my bed thinking of what Edward has been talking about in a whole new light. Some of the others have been helping but we are not united. I, myself, have remained skeptical and stayed aloof.

I didn't listen enough before when he gave his wordy speeches like a professor. What did he expect me to do, take notes? Well, maybe I should have. I knew that Edward had been leaving clues, using the journal physically and Polaroid snapshots mentally, for Anthony giving a piece at a time slowly to fill him in on all that he lost during his hiding. And Anthony has lost much, assigning a new personality to serve each of the functions a normal person needs to survive so that he effectively outsourced himself.

I resolve to speak again with Edward and learn more now that I see firsthand the importance of his mission.

Soon, my thoughts drift to Bella. Warm brown eyes, pale white skin, and soft lips float through my head as I slip off to sleep with a smile on my face.

***~*~* Georges*~*~***

When I awoke it was dark. The chap in the bed next to me was snoring softly and mumbling military ranks in his sleep. Without wasting any time, I swing my legs over the side of the bed and stand. I have a job to do and I relish the thought. Not because of this Bella Swan. Not because of Anthony and the plan. Certainly not because the others wished it so. No, I am doing this job because it is what I am good at.

Tyler, of course, could not handle this assignment. What was Edward thinking? If you want something in this life, you don't ask someone to help you or send someone to find it. No. You simply make a woman give it to you. The others may be well acquainted with failure and disappointed but these irrational emotions, I simply do not accept. I will complete this task to the best of my ability and I will enjoy myself implicitly.

I saw the girl, Lauren, in Tyler's thoughts. I've seen a hundred exactly like her. Weak and pathetic, just waiting for a man to come along and give her worth. For a woman is only good as long as she brings pleasure to a man. A woman brings a man dinner and keeps herself primped and if she is lucky she becomes a wife, otherwise she is useless.

This will be simple, I thought with an evil grin, as I slip from the room toward the administration offices in search of Lauren. I find her exactly as predicted, sitting cross-legged in a swivel chair with a novel in her hands. She looks up over the top of her book, spotting me and immediately licks her lips. Perfect.

"Hi," she says flirtatiously. Putting her book down on the desk, she twirls a lock of hair around her finger.

"You have something that I want," I state clearly.

Her eyes roll back and she moans softly. "Anything."

"No need to be mean, Georges. She's willing," Edward's voice cautions but I have ideas of my own.

"Indeed she is," I answer him.

"W-what?" Lauren asks, looking around for whom I speaking with.

Without responding, I close the distance between us.

"You have something I want Lauren. Is there anything I have that you want?"

Her face reddens as looks around once again to be sure everyone is gone. "Please. Fuck me. It's been so long and you're so beautiful," she whispers, standing and throwing her arms around my neck.

"Of course Madame," I smile, knowing I shall win my prize.

She glances down at my lips and then back to my eyes, considering. "What is it that you want?" she asks timidly.

"The book that you were reading, it belongs to me now," I tell her.

"But...but Dr. Cullen said not to share my books with other patients. I could get out in trouble and get my privileges suspended," she says quickly as she considers the consequences. "I might not get to leave on my designated date."

Bending down, I capture her lips before she can continue. Lauren opens her mouth readily to me and I allow her to taste my tongue. Ending the kiss abruptly, I pull back and smile at the lady. "Then I'll make damn sure it's worth it."

"Okay," she breathes out, staring into my eyes as if I were a snake charmer and she the serpent.

I sit in the swivel chair she has vacated and pull her onto my lap, right against me. Kissing her gently, stroking her neck, shoulders and down her back. Stroking her breasts on the outside of her shirt, I could feel that she is not wearing a brassiere. She becomes quiet when I do this, and I smile again, as I toy with the new-found knowledge of the secrets within her body.

I pull off her shirt and begin to kiss her, all over, until she murmurs that she thinks she might die. I laugh and help her to stand, watching as she pulls off her pants and panties. Lauren's cheeks turn bright red, as she gazed down at me and then away. Clearing my throat to get her attention, I tell her to relax. My fingers wander over her body and take her breasts, stroke them, kiss, lick, and suck them. And as I do, my fingers continue to wander down, until I reach her soaked clit.

Lauren's fingers begin to pick at my own clothes. "I want to see you now, and be allowed to explore," she says in a rush, her breath washing over me.

She kisses down my neck and over my chest and nipples. Lifting my hips to accommodate her, she removes my pants. She seems surprised to find me mostly hard already, but wastes no time wrapping her hand around my impressive cock.

I sigh as she strokes up and down, enjoying her eager exploration. My hands wrap in her hair as my hips lift up. She rubs my cock against her lips, I kissing it lightly. Her eyes are tender, as she watches me through her lashes. Parting her lips, she sucks me into her mouth. Her fingers entertain the bottom of my length while her mouth adjusts to the feel of sucking and licking a hard cock. After a few moments, I pull on her hair and ask if she is determined to make me cum or if I get to fuck her. She blushes but stands and climbs into my lap.

I kiss her again, until I feel her relax once more. Leaning up I press my lips to her ear. She shivers as my cock begins to rub between her legs. Positioning her above me, I search her eyes to be sure she is ready. She nods in response to silent question and she is so wet that I slip inside of her, deep and fast. When we are level, she kisses me hard, and I slide my hand between us to rub her clit.

Knowing she is ready, I begin to move her up and down my shaft, fucking her in earnest. I would lean down and kiss her, filling her completely. Then lean up to fuck her hard, massaging her breasts. Lauren was panting and sweating, as I pressed into her. Groaning, she parted her legs more, wiggling as she came hard on my cock and I followed, spilling into her.

"You were worth it," she says coyly, standing and handing me the book from the desk.

"Merci," I say, stepping away from her to pull up my trousers. Finished now and with my prize in hand, I am ready to escape.

"When can I see you again?" she asks, not bothering to hide the hopeful tone in her voice.

"Never," I tell her honestly, if callously. "We both derived what we wished from this encounter. You have nothing else to offer me and I've no further need for you."

Her face falls and her bottom lip trembles, which only causes me to laugh.

"You...you're crazy," she says bitterly but not without astonishment.

"Vous n'avez aucune idée," I call over my shoulder as I exit the room.

Looking down, I take note, for the first time the title of the book I carry, 'Cosmopolis'. Chuckling humorlessly, I slip through the bedroom door. Hiding the book between the mattresses, I sprawl myself out on the bed and take pride in the fact that I accomplished my goal and was very generous with the lady.

"Our angel," Edward dramatically responds.

"Let me help you with your wings," Tyler, ever ready for a fight, throws in sarcastically.

"Je suis pas un ange," I tell them bitterly. "But you'll never see me fall from grace."

Disgusted with the internal debate, I roll to my side, hoping Tyler and Edward are finished berating me. However, it is neither of them that speaks next.

"Do you think that sometimes the angels forget to pray for us?" Cedric speaks in a small, clear voice that rings out and echoes through my head. Nothing but silence follows Cedric's observation. Not one of us knows the answer to his question but I, for one, suspect the boy is correct.

***~*~* Dr. Carlisle Cullen's POV *~*~***

As I am heading out for the night, I see Anthony slyly walking through the halls. His demeanor is not that of Edward, nor is it the Tyler personality that I had met earlier. This one is different, and one I haven't seen before.

This Anthony is different. He has an air of arrogance about him and the way he walks. He is walking tall and carries a smug smirk on his face like the cat who finally ate that canary. There is just something about him that sends a chill down my spine.

I stay out of his sight as he lurks through the shadows towards his room. He is keeping one arm still as though he is hiding something under it. I wonder where he's been and what he was doing.

What bothers me more is that I don't know this personality. I pray that he is not a dastardly one, but something tells me that he is up to no good.

I immediately walk the opposite direction and take the long route to find Felix. I hope that he knows something about Anthony that will help.

I finally find him walking onto the floor from the stairs.

"Uh.. hey, Dr. C," he says.

"Felix, do you know any new information about Anthony Masen?" I ask, praying that he was looking for him.

He shakes his head and responds, "No, sir. Upon last check before my break, he was lying in his bed asleep. Is something wrong?"

I rub my brow in frustration. "Thank you, Felix. You can get back to your station."

With a disappointed huff, I walk back through the halls, trying to think of who Anthony is and what he may have done. I pause by Bella and Alice's room and glance inside in hopes that he was visiting one of them.

As I peek in, I see Alice curled into a little ball, covered in her blankets and desperately gripping onto a stuffed bear that Emmett gave to her for her birthday. Bella is leaning against the wall at the head of her bed, looking towards the window and desperately fighting off sleep.

My next stop was Rosalie's room. She is laying down, her eyes open, and murmuring to herself. She appears worn out and exhausted.

I walk through the halls checking room after room with no luck of seeing Anthony. I go to his room and crack the door open. Jasper is snoring lightly, on top of the blankets, wearing his pajamas and boots. He grips tightly onto a sword that he made from the cores of bath tissue rolls.

I step further into the room to get a good look at Anthony. He appears to be asleep, his breathing light. His features are smooth and calm with no trace of that personality visible. I notice the journal I gave him by his head.

I reach out for it, hesitating for just a moment, before picking it up. I start flipping through the pages, feeling guilty for doing so without Anthony's consent, but I am curious as to how he is using his journal.

As I flip through the pages, there are different handwriting present. Some of the scrawls are illegible, while others are very neat and precise. I notice that there are some drawings as well. There are splotches of red on some of these drawings. An eerie feeling comes over me as I realize that they may represent blood - the same blood seen as he witnessed his parents murders.

I shut the book and place it gently on the bed in its spot and walk out of the room, quietly shutting the door behind me. I stand thinking about what I had seen in his journal, and realize that he is repressing more than originally thought.

As I walk out of the ward, I stop and pause at Felix's desk. "Felix, would you please hand me a post-it?"

"Here you go, Dr. C," he said, holding out a blue square piece of paper to me.

I take it from him and write a quick note to Emmett, informing him that he needs to get our ward on the schedule for art therapy within the next few days.

"Make sure McCarty sees this when he gets in first thing," I say, giving the paper back to Felix.

"Yes, sir."

"Good night, Felix. Make sure to notify me if anything happens with Anthony tonight," I order him as thoughts of witnessing that sinister demeanor enter my mind again.

"I will. Good night, Dr. C."

* * *

**A/N: Thank you... next up...**

**merci = thank you**

***Je suis pas un ange = I'm no angel**

**vous n'avez aucune idée = you have no idea**


	8. Why can't you be happy for me?

**A/N:  
**

******DISCLAIMER: We do not own Twilight. We do not own Rob. Rob owns IJM... Jackson's my drug of choice, but I'm still a H00r for Rob... We do not own any of the movie characters brought to life by these wonderful people. I'm trying to think of what we do own... **

******We own this story... IJM has Rob P0rn and I have Jackson P0rn...**

******WARNING: This chapter does contain some slash content. There will be a label for you to know when to skip it if you don't want to read it... And another to say, "Hey, it's safe now." But not in those exact words. **

* * *

**Why can't you just be happy for me?**

**~Salvidor Dali, Little Ashes**

* * *

**Forest Meadow Mental Health Facility**

**Physician: **Dr. Carlisle Cullen  
**Time/Date: **7:17 am, Friday, January 28th  
**Ward/Floor: **Springtide Wing, 5th floor minimum security

**OBSERVATIONS****:**

**Brandon, Mary Alice**  
Since being punished for drawing on the hall walls last week, Mary Alice has been withdrawn from everyone in the ward. She has not tried to attempt any art projects nor has she spoken to anyone other than Anthony, which is very unlike Alice. This is twice that she has experienced such a setback in a short amount of time. (refer to Jan. 19th charts) Try having Jasper or Anthony bring her more out of her shell during art therapy today. I see no need at this moment for prescribing medication for her.

**Swan, Isabella**  
There has been no progress in her growing sleep disorder. She spends most of her nights awake and fighting sleep. When she does sleep, she awakens, screaming. I think at this point, there is no other option but to start her on a sleep aid. Art therapy is not required of her today. I would prefer for her to get some rest as she seems very much on edge. Continue to administer 20mg of Prozac on schedule. Begin a nightly dosage of 2mg Eszopiclone (Lunesta) tonight.

**Hale, Rosalie**  
She seems to finally be coming out of her shell a little more, especially when she is around Emmett McCarty. She no longer tenses up when he enters a room. She has finally warmed up to a male and has told me, herself, that she sees him as a friend. Art therapy should prove interesting as she may still be hiding her true fears, afraid to talk about anyone other than Emmett. Administer her current Zoloft dosage as scheduled.

**Whitlock, Jasper  
**Running his usual morning routines, all seems normal. Nothing he's done indicates that there is any negative effects from Anthony's personality changes. That is a real positive for him. Today will be his first art therapy session. I am curious to see what it will do for him as far as what he perceives in his mind. Continue to administer Clozapine on schedule.

**Masen, Anthony  
**For the past week, he has slipped in and out of the Edward identity. He seems most comfortable with us (the others on the ward) as Edward, and to him we are all family. Tyler has resurfaced twice during times he felt there was an injustice occurring. Cedric, his innocent personality, has played with Alice a few times - the only times she came out of her shell. Giselher has not made another appearance. I have yet to witness that other identity from that night a week ago. I have asked, but Anthony's Edward claims to not know anything. After seeing the journal for myself, I wonder what he is trying to hide about that one frightening personality. I am curious to see what will come of art therapy for him. Make sure everyone keeps a close watch over him as his personality changes are becoming more frequent, and I am worried more dangerous.

I finish the chart and hand it to McCarty. "What time is art therapy?" I ask, checking my watch.

"Umm... Two o'clock, Dr. Cullen," he answers as he checks the chart and makes notes. "Are you sure you want Bella to miss art therapy?"

"I would like her to get some rest. She's barely functioning with only a few hours of sleep a day. If she can get some rest away from the others this morning, then I don't have an issue with her tackling art therapy. But rest is what is most important right now."

"Yes, sir," he replies.

As he sets file on the cabinet behind him, out of the corner of my eye something catches my attention. I turn to see Anthony walking towards me, a little excited, a little different.

"Con permiso, señor," he says. "Would you mind telling me what time the art class is?"

"I just said two o'clock," Emmett answers, not bothering to turn around.

"Thank you, handsome stranger," Anthony replies and turns to walk away.

"When did you learn Spanish, Anthony?" I ask, thoroughly puzzled by his demeanor and his language choice.

"Dali," was the answer he gave me.

"Excuse me?" I ask, confused.

He turns to face me. "You called me Anthony a moment ago. My name is Salvador Dali," he emphasizes. "I look forward to the art class this afternoon."

He turns and walks from me, leaving me confused as to when his personality had changed. His Spanish surprised me, too. This was another new personality that I had encountered recently, bringing us up to seven known personalities, including Anthony, although I have yet to meet him.

"Emmett..."

Before I could finish my thought, Emmett held out the file and a pen, clicking it. "Here you go."

"Thank you," I say as I begin to make notations in Anthony's chart. "I'm going to be in my office researching a few things about this new development. No one is to disturb me unless it's an emergency."

"Yes, Dr. Cullen."

"Please have Esme talk with Bella about getting some rest, alright?"

It was going to be a long day.

***~*~* Salvador Dali's POV *~*~***

When I woke this morning, I was outraged at the woefully inadequate attire for a genius such as myself.

"Do you know who I am?" I scream at the big brute named Emmett.

Snapping my heels together, I indignantly shout. "Salvador Felipe Jacinto Dalí Domenech."

Emmett wipes at his face, before responding. "Okay dude. Viva revolution and all that shit. Just put some damn pants on." His sentence becomes a whine at the end and I suppose I should take mercy on the chap.

"Very well," I sigh. "Bring me the white ones."

Emmett huffs, giving me a hard look but eventually walks to the bed and tosses me the white, cotton pants lying among a pile of clothes. I had tried them all on before my tantrum brought Emmett running. They were all variations of the same. White or green cotton lounge wear, with a slight v in the neckline of the shirts. These garments do not showcase my best qualities but I suppose they will have to do for now. I ponder how much these garments may have cost and feel an indescribable need to shower.

Emmett notices my sudden reluctance. "I thought you couldn't wait to get to art therapy?" he asks, crossing his arms smugly.

"Ahh yes. Art class," I remark, pulling the drawstring tight on my breeches. "Come along then. Time and Dali wait for no man," I call over my shoulder as I walk out the door.

Art class is completely bereft of inspiration. The atmosphere I desire is positively stifled and the lack of adequate materials is grotesque. The teachers, a husband and wife team, have as much skill combined as I hold in my pinkie nail.

However, they are quite a handsome couple. Their every move is a graceful erotic dance toward one another. They gravitate like magnets, slowly and sensually. Watching them is remarkable and I feel my constructive juices begin to flow.

Picking up the water colors I return to my easel. I suppose this isn't so bad. Anthony hasn't had a pressing need to express his creativity in such a long time, thus I have been neglected. It feels spectacular to have a blank canvas in front of me. After a few strokes with my paintbrush though, my attention wanders, and I begin to people watch again.

Alice, on her stool, is swinging her legs back and forth while avidly drawing varying sized unicorns with pink and purple stripes. Her attention is rapt as the point of her tongue pokes out the corner of her mouth. She is the picture of innocence and I allow it to influence my work.

Rosalie sat stiffly across from me. She pressed the brush roughly, making harsh, angry black strokes on her paper. Everything about her screamed anger, from her posture, to her painting technique, to the permanent scowl imprinted on her face. It was not the fury that infatuated me though. It was the vehement oozing of pain that dripped from her eyes that held my interest. I wondered briefly if she even realized that she was crying as she sat in front of her easel. Somehow, I doubt it and her mask endear me greatly.

Turning back to my own painting, I struggle to capture some of Rosalie's anger and sadness, as well as Alice's childlike innocence with the pieces of Ben and Angela's sexuality that I have brought to life on my canvas.

I sense Jasper's eyes on me and I know it's him. He's been staring since I entered the room. I am not bothered by this fact. I want him to watch. I like the sensation of his eyes roaming my body. It's wrong, I am well aware of this. The father made it perfectly clear. The others do not enjoy male attention the way that I always have but here in this room with his lustful eyes boring into me, anything feels possible and nothing feels improper.

Unable to deny the pull any longer, I stand and walk to where Jasper is meticulously drawing a map of Spain. He shades in some areas using the side of his pencil as I watch from behind. Slowly, I inch closer, until my chest is pressed lightly against his back.

Jasper smirks at me over his shoulder and then rips his paper from the tablet and begins an elaborate drawing of two men embracing under an apple tree. One is dressed in Confederate grey and the other in Yankee blue.

"I am Salvador Dali," I whisper close to his ear.

"I know," he says, grinning. "I've been watching you."

"I know," I say, returning his smile.

I watch him as he sketches and what I see is amazing. It's more than lines on cheap paper. What I see in his drawing and what I feel flowing through him into me is a rare and precious thing. Hope.

"Did you know, Salvador, that nothing ever becomes outdated and no one ever completely dies?"

His idea intrigues me and I gesture for him to continue.

"The past lives in us and is passed down through generations in the things we believe, the ways we live, and the way we do things. Those people, they lived wonderful lives and passed down beautiful stories. They live in the dirt below our feet, that grows the food that nourishes our bodies. Their stories are whispered in the wind that blows through the trees. Never ending."

He has spun around on his stool to face me and my hands over his hips, wanting so badly to touch him but afraid at the same time.

"That is a beautiful theory, Jasper. Indeed, I do love the way you lie."

"It is not a lie," he says forcefully, passion igniting in his eyes. He glances wildly around the room to confirm the secrecy of our conversation before whispering conspiratorially. "I can feel their souls."

"I want very much to believe you Jasper but I have witnessed many good men go to an early grave and even more monsters roam the Earth indefinitely."

"You're beautiful," he says tenderly, brushing his thumb across my cheek.

"Don't become too invested in me, Jasper. I am only one part of a whole," I warn him.

"What does that mean?"

"It means... I was born for leaving."

"Have faith Salvador," Jasper pleads.

"I have lost more than faith, my friend," I tell him. Turning back, I sulk to my seat and sit awkwardly on the edge feeling that sudden intense needs to wash myself again. Frustration and fear have taken the joy out of painting and I can no longer bear to look upon the canvas.

Ben and Angela are circuiting the room. Ben, beginning on the left side of the room and Angela on the right, working towards each other as nature apparently intended. Angela stopped before each easel complimenting something about the artists technique. Ben, on the other hand, was handing out critiques on the artwork.

Suddenly infuriated, I jump from my stool and spin around so that I have both of them in my vision. They are both approaching Jasper as they stop to stare at me. I know, if they say one word to him, I am going to lose control, so I begin to babble.

"Bravo! Bravo! Superb," I call out, clapping my hands loudly. The sound echoes off the walls causing a gasp of surprise from many of the others in the room. I know art and I understand money. I will learn nothing about either with these people.

"Is there a problem?" Ben asks, his forehead creasing in confusion.

"You clearly have no idea who I am. I am Salvador Dali. Savior of modern art." Jasper throws his head back, laughing hysterically. The sound is joyous and spurs me on.

"Do you ever think about how the terms self-deprecating and self-defecating are alike? Literally! I love enemas. How do you feel about weevils?" I spout.

"Salvador! This is unsuitable!" Angela exclaims, just as Emmett begins toward me.

"Fuck Suitable!" I shout, leaping awkwardly toward Jasper, I grab his hand and walk quickly to the door.

Pausing, I look at him and even to my own ears, my voice softens. Gesturing, I tell the room with sincerity, "This man is a...genius." I pull him down the hallway with Emmett following close behind us. Inside our room, with the door closed against Emmett, we press our backs to the wall and dissolve into laughter.

Unable to control myself, I slump to the floor, wrapping my arms around my stomach which aches with the force of merriment. After long moments, I am finally able to contain myself, I sit upright and gulp air to sooth my raw throat and lungs, still not able to stop the broad smile on my face.

I turn to check on Jasper's condition, sensing him watching me. When our eyes lock, I feel the same reaction in my body as the laughing fit. I have no control. My chest hurts and my throat is dry. I am powerless to remove my eyes from him and I am unable to stop the broad smile on my face.

But Jasper's not smiling. "How long do I get to keep you?" he whispers sadly.

Looking at him then, I saw a man that most never would never know. A beautifully broken man who never got to keep anything. A man who know more than he let on but found it easier to forget.

"_I can sympathize," a voice whispers._

When I hear them, Jasper's spell is broken and I sigh heavily before answering his question with the least painful truth that I can. "I don't know."

Jasper stands, pulling me with him, and we walk to my bed. Sitting cross legged, we face each other, our knees touching.

"Where are you from Jasper? I want to know everything about you." I question him eagerly.

Jasper sighs, eyeing me cautiously. "You may wish you had never met me at all once you hear this story."

"¿Qué mayor tranquilidad pueden tener los débiles que son como cualquier otra persona?" I encourage him.

"I love it when you speak Spanish, Salvador. So sexy."

His comment makes me blush and my heart flutter wildly. But part of me, the part that has heard the father's hatred, causes me to frown with worry.

"Is it wrong Jasper? What I feel for you?"

"Salvador, look at me," he implores. When my eyes meet his, he smiles gently, knowingly. "Life is ours. We live it our way."

It does not escape my notice that we seem to take turns comforting each other and lapsing into doubts. It is my turn to comfort his doubts now and I do not hesitate. "Then do not be afraid Jasper. Please, tell me your story," I beg, reminding him of my earlier question.

He sighs but maneuvers himself so that his back is against the wall, then motions for me to stretch out next to him. I follow his request obligingly and lie my head in his lap.

"I grew up an only child, on a farm in Texas," he begins, running his fingers softly through my hair.

"Were your parents mean, Jasper? Did they hate you for liking other boys?" I didn't want to know the answer but I had to ask. I just had to know if his father told him the same thing that _the father _told me.

"On the contrary," Jasper answered. "My parents were very loving and supportive, even when I told them about my bisexuality. No, the one thing that my parents didn't want, the only thing that they forbid, was the one thing I wanted most. Maybe all kids do."

"What did you want Jasper?" I asked, knowing instinctively that I would have never been able deny him.

"I wanted to join the army."

He sighed and I could feel his body shake. When he spoke again, his words were no more than a whisper. "I had no friends Salvador. Everyone at school was so mean. They would kick or push me as I walked down the halls. Always taunting relentlessly, calling me names like wussy and faggot."

I thought if I could join the army, they would teach me to defend myself and I could prove that I was a man. Then, I could be in control and other men would look to me for advice instead of hurting me. I thought it would help me make friends," he said sadly.

I give him a moment to gather his thoughts and then encourage him to continue. "What happened, baby?"

"Turned out, I was right," Jasper snorted. "I followed directions eagerly and learned well. I was a role model for others and was quickly promoted through the ranks. And then...the war started. My troop was one of the first to go into action. The enemy was everywhere."

Jasper trembled, holding my hand tighter. I know that this was the part of the story where things went bad. Bad enough to land him in a mental facility.

"I was good in the field. Always staying one step ahead of the enemy but in order to do so, I had to never stop running and I was so weary. The fighting was the worst. If I wasn't running, I was fighting and dead bodies never get any easier to handle. But it's a never ending cycle, kill and run. Over and over. I still...I still think I'm there sometimes, Salvador. I still feel the enemy after me, so close. I still see dead bodies everywhere, their blood drips from the walls. I-I have terrible nightmares."

My heart aches for him and I quickly sit up and nudge him spread his legs so that I can crawl between. I press my back to his chest and stretch my legs alongside of his. Automatically, his arms wrap tightly around me and he buries his head in my shoulder crying.

"We are much the same Jasper," I tell him, placing my hands over his and squeezing.

When he's cried himself dry, he lifts his head and I raise my hand to cup his cheek and look up at him. His eyes quickly flicker to my lips. Quickly, I look away, unsure. I want to kiss him. God, do I want. But years of the father's words and action, much like those of the children in Jasper's school, have made an impression that is hard to break free from.

"Is it wrong Jasper," I ask him, knowing he'll understand and be fearful of the answer.

With a confident smirk, he doesn't hesitate to answer, *"If you shoot a gun, someone dies. If you drop a bomb, many die. If you hit a woman, love dies but I assure you nothing will happen if we have sex, Salvador."

I couldn't help but laugh, something that rarely happens and it makes me feel lighter. Free. So, I tilt my head back and allow him access. He places tiny, chaste little kisses, alternating between my top and bottom lips, so warm and soft. I feel the tip of his tongue lick my bottom lip, but before we can deepen the kiss the door opens.

A wide eyed girl stands in the doorway, and I recognize her immediately as Bella Swan. I can see precisely why the _others _are so enraptured with her. She drips with the erotic magnetism of Ben and Angela. She exudes the same lust as Jasper. She carries the same youthful innocence as Alice but also a comfortable strength as that of Emmett. Yet, she quiet and seems to harbor deep pain and anger as did Rosalie. I see before the essence of woman. A mysterious enigma and I long to paint her.

Jasper looks unsure as I lift myself out of his lap and motion for her to come forward and join us on the bed. She sits lightly on the edge of the bed and whispers "sorry" to Jasper.

"No need to be sorry, my dear," I tell her as I collect a leather journal and pencil that are lying on the small bedside table. "I do believe I have found my muse."

Noticing Jasper's wounded expression, I rephrase. "Bella, I'd like very much to draw you. Is that acceptable?"

"Just draw?" she asks and searching her eyes, I see confusion.

"Allow me to introduce myself, I am Salvador Dali. It would be in your best interest to allow me to sketch you. You see, I am a genius. I do not claim to know women but I believe with your expressive face and my outstanding talent that we could make a lot of money together. I understand money. Do you Bella?"

Bella's mouth is gaping as she shakes her head slowly. Smiling, I explain happily. "It means we never have to feel dirty or be hungry again."

Bella's face softens and her eyes turn sad. "You may sketch me, Mr. Dali," she says and I look away when I see tears pool in her eyes.

I open the journal in my lap, sitting cross on my open bed across from her. I see pages already filled in the book. Pages signed by names of the _others _I know. I recognize some of the drawings and notes as the clues Edward spoke of and I shudder seeing the drawing of the water bill, dropping the journal to the floor.

Jasper is suddenly kneeling in front of me. I didn't even hear him approach. Shocked at his quick appearance, I look at him and in his eyes, I find the will to stop the shaking. He weaves a spell of calmness over me and embrace it tightly, my entire body involuntarily leaning toward him.

Bella's loud throat clearing snaps me out of my Jasper haze. Her eyes dart between Jasper and I. With the way her brow is furrowed, one would think she was solving all the problems of the world.

"You...like Jasper," she states, already knowing the answer but wanting confirmation. A large part of me wants to deny but with him in front of me, his hands on my hips, his breath fanning across my face, I am unable to hide my feelings.

"Yes."

Jasper beams, his smile igniting his face in pure light and beauty. Seeing it, I am spurred on and quickly add, "The same way Edward _likes _you."

She is silent for a moment before her nose scrunches up and she exclaims, "That's weird."

Jasper stiffens, his smile gone, he turns angry eyes to her and she quickly amends, "I don't mean like that. I mean, yesterday, I was kissing Edward. All the _others _want to kiss me..." her sentence trails off as she considers the implications.

I feel compelled to honesty. I cannot seem to stop myself. This feeling of liberation necessitates that I purge myself. "Although, indeed Edward is faithful to a fault. Not all of the _others _have as much discretion." As soon as the words are out of mouth, I realize the weight of them and their power to hurt.

Bella surprises me though. She does not scream or cry. She simply says, "I'm not sure how I feel about that."

"On the one hand, I suppose I always knew that some of them were not committed to me. Should it matter to me which ones? I am sometimes not sure of my place in their lives."

I rush to reassure her. "Bella, listen. You surround everyone thoughts. Edward, Daniel, Tyler, they love you completely. I should not have said anything but now that I have please allow me assure you that the instances I spoke of were necessary to facility certain...plans in motion."

"I am a part of the plan," she asks hopefully.

"Indeed," I answer, smiling.

She smiles too, asking, "Edward's plan?"

"Yes," I sigh, running my fingers through my hair. "Edward's plan."

Bella's brow deepens again as she asks, "Are you going to help?"

"I don't know," I answer honestly, gazing at Jasper. "If I help Edward and we all come together, I will be lost. I am only part of Anthony. None of the others like men or are as creatively gifted as I . Salvador Dali will be nothing more than a curiosity in the back of Anthony's mind. Yet, if I refuse to help Edward, I am still lost. Only one of many, never real, never permanent."

Jasper strokes my cheek, knowingly, resigned. "Sometimes you can still lose even if you really try."

At this, Bella and I both nod.

A knock at the door signals dinner and Emmett leads us down the hall. Hands clasped, myself in the middle, we follow behind. Dinner is disgusting but I am famished so although I complain, I eat every morsel. Looking forward to showering, I ask Bella and Jasper if they are ready to retreat.

Standing from the table, Jasper gasps and looks up sharply at me. "My drawings," he says in a panicked voice. "From the art room, I forgot my drawings. I want them...to... remember the time we have spent together."

I understand. I wish I could take something with me to remember him as well. "I will retrieve them for you," I promise. Lifting his hand to my mouth, I kiss his knuckles softly before sprinting toward the art room.

When I arrive, I notice that the door is partially blocked by easels that have been pushed against the wall for the purpose of cleaning the room. Lucky for me, Jasper's sketches hang on the easel just before me. However, my grab and escape plan comes to a halt when I hear noises from inside the room.

Peering around the easel, I see Ben and Angela are on the large wooden table in the center of the room. Naked, their slick bodies slide against each other. Angela, moves rapidly, rocking and impaled on top of him. Their moans fill the room, echoing off the walls as they chase their happy ending.

Their sensuality brings all my unfulfilled lust for Jasper to the surface and before I know it, I have my pants pushed down and my cock released from its confines. Moaning loudly when I fist myself, I worry that I have disturbed them and broken the enchantment.

Angela hears only the cries of her own voice though, wrapped up in her own world of sensation. Ben's eyes, however, dart to mine and a small smile plays on his lips. Grasping Angela around the waist, he flips her over so that he can drive into her while watching me. Quick and hard, I stroke myself as Ben and I watch each other's movements. Unable to even blink, I stare at where they are joined and pretend that it's Jasper's hands on me.

Involuntarily, my eyes roll back in my head as my climax approaches. I hear Ben and Angela's orgasmic voices and their desire fuels my own as I lose control, coming all over my hand just as Ben fills Angela.

Taking a deep breath, I open my eyes and pull my pants back into place. Ben bends to kiss Angela, winking at me just before his lips touch hers. I seize the opportunity to grasp Jasper's artwork from the easel in front of me.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I see Ben reaching, pulling from the floor as I pull from the easel. My prize in hand, I stand immobilized as he drapes a red silk robe around the two them and they kiss again.

My headaches like the stings of a thousand wasps as the forbidden knowledge fills me. As my mind clears and the voices quiet, a perfect photo of the father's kitchen is immortalized. complete with blood splatters on the wall and dark pools covering the ground.

An anger fills me in this instant. I am glad to have spoken to Edward before. I know exactly what I must do and it obvious to me now that never was a choice in the matter. Horrible acts were inflicted upon myself and the _others _to endure. In turn, we did a horrible thing. All of us, we all had a hand in the breakdown. Maybe we deserve to pay for what we did.

Maybe.

It's time Anthony stops hiding. Time he learns the truth of our existence and that of his heinous parents. It is only by awakening Anthony that we receive proper help and become one. United. One person who can be whole, to love and succeed and grow. With Jasper's pages gripped in my arms, I rush to the room to do my bidding.

Jasper is asleep on his bed, with his back to me, as I enter the room. The journal I seek lies open on the white metal bedside table. Lifting it with one hand, I replace it with Jasper's drawings, and smile seeing Jasper's small script on the page. It would seem he has written me a poem.

The room is darkened but not black. The moon shines brightly in the sky and I move to the window for better vision of the words.

"Ode to Salvador Dali," the title reads and my heart feels suddenly heavy as I glance over at Jasper. I take comfort in the fact, that if this mission of Edward's is accomplished, most likely Jasper will be a lifelong friend. At least that is something, a form of love. Bending my head, I read his words.

.

Oh Salvador Dali, of the olive-colored voice!

I do not praise your halting adolescent brush

or your pigments that flirt with the pigment of your times,

but I laud your longing for eternity with limits.

Sanitary soul, you live upon new marble.

You run from the dark jungle of improbable forms.

Your fancy reaches only as far as your hands,

and you enjoy the sonnet of the sea in your window.

When you take up your palette, a bullet hole in its wing,

you call on the light that brings the olive tree to life.

The broad light of Minerva, builder of scaffolds,

where there is no room for dream or its hazy flower.

You call on the old light that stays on the brow,

not descending to the mouth or the heart of man.

A light feared by the loving vines of Bacchus

and the chaotic force of curving water.

You do well when you post warning flags

along the dark limit that shines in the night.

As a painter, you refuse to have your forms softened

by the shifting cotton of an unexpected cloud.

The fish in the fishbowl and the bird in the cage.

You refuse to invent them in the sea or the air.

You stylize or copy once you have seen

their small, agile bodies with your honest eyes.

You love a matter definite and exact,

where the toadstool cannot pitch its camp.

You love the architecture that builds on the absent

and admit the flag simply as a joke.

Oh Salvador Dali, of the olive-colored voice!

I speak of what your person and your paintings tell me.

I do not praise your halting adolescent brush,

but I sing the steady aim of your arrows.

I sing your fair struggle of Catalan lights,

your love of what might be made clear.

I sing your astronomical and tender heart,

a never-wounded deck of French cards.

I sing your restless longing for the statue,

your fear of the feelings that await you in the street.

I sing the small sea siren who sings to you,

riding her bicycle of corals and conches.

But above all I sing a common thought

that joins us in the dark and golden hours.

The light that blinds our eyes is not art.

Rather it is love, friendship, crossed swords.

Not the picture you patiently trace,

but the breast of Theresa, she of sleepless skin,

the tight-wound curls of Mathilde the ungrateful,

our friendship, painted bright as a game board.

May fingerprints of blood on gold

streak the heart of eternal Catalunya.

May stars like falcon less fists shine on you,

while your painting and your life break into flower.

Don't watch the water clock with its membraned wings

or the hard scythe of the allegory.

Always in the air, dress and undress your brush

before the sea peopled with sailors and ships.

***~*~*~Slash Alert: skip to next partition if you don't want to read it*~*~*~**.

I know then that circumstances may dictate that we not have our happily ever after in the way that I would like. But if I can't have him forever, I resolve to give him tonight. Flipping the pages in the journal, I quickly sketch my clue, just as Edward had asked.

Placing the book back on the table, I shed my clothes and slip in behind Jasper on the bed. I wrap my arms around him, and kiss his neck, feeling myself harden for him immediately.

"Mmmm," he moans pushing back against me. "What do you want, Salvador?" he asks in a sultry voice that enhances my desire.

"All I need is your cock. Are you going to take it out of your pants or shall I?" I whisper in his ear.

Jasper awkwardly hastens to remove his clothes while still pressed against me and I can't help but chuckle at him.

Muttering, "fuck this" he springs from the bed and jerks his shirt off with one hand while the other pushes his pants down his legs. I gasp as he stands before me naked. I almost can't keep my eyes from his cock, long and thick, it juts out from his body. His tongue darts out to lick his lip and I see he has noticed my cock that silently weeping for him.

He climbs back onto the bed and kisses me roughly. "Are you sure?" he asks, with a heavy breath.

"Yes," I answer immediately.

After a few more kisses, Jasper turns and lies opposite but parallel to me on the bed, placing our mouths level with with each other's prominent erections. Tentatively, he slides his tongue up the base of my cock. I stare down at him, frozen and lost. My brain connected to nothing but him as my hips move on their own. He slides me out of his mouth and I feel the chill of his absence before he plunges down again. I push against his face, more insistent now. Not able to stop myself. He feels so good and I want him to feel the same gratification.

I run my tongue across the tip of him inside my mouth, around and around, then thrust myself down on him, getting him wet. My hand moves up to the base and grabs him, firm, squeezing him with my lips.

My hand grabs his balls as I take as much of him as I can. He releases my cock as the pleasure overwhelms him and he bucks towards me and comes, hard, in my mouth. I swallow, then lick him as clean as I can and stand up, seeing that he is still hard. He pulls me back down on the bed and kisses me, open-mouthed, tasting himself.

He strokes my cock as his tongue strokes my mouth and I melt into him, wanting it all. Sitting on his knees he slowly raises himself over me. Bracing himself with one hand, still stroking, he gazes down at me. "Do you want this?"

"More than anything," is my response before his lips crash back into mine. What starts as something harsh with teeth evolves into sweet and loving.

Parting for air, he turns me around and bends me over. He pulls my ass cheeks apart to see my tight hole. He puts his mouth to it and my body jerks feeling his tongue begin to ease into me. Groaning, I push back. Just as I relax, he pulls away and begins to use his finger to open me more.

I feel a slight burn at the intrusion but the pain is small compared to the pleasure. Slowly he slips in another finger, spitting down my ass crack. Turning, I see him watching it run down to his fingers where they are pushed into me. When he thinks I am ready, he sits on the edge of the bed and turns me into his lap, facing him.

"Sit down on my cock," he says huskily. Eagerly, I straddle him and lower myself onto his hardness. I swear it had grown bigger since I had held it in my mouth. I feel the head of his cock slide into me and my tight hole grasping it.

His face was all screwed up and he was biting his lip. He pulls my hips down and I take a sharp intake of air and I slide straight down onto him, in one move, yelping loudly as the pain overrides everything else for a moment. Jasper holds me close, whispering for me to relax.

Finally, I am able to heed his words and as the pleasure increases once again, I start to ride him up and down slowly. I can feel my ass relaxing and accepting his cock. He runs his fingers up and down my back and lean closer to press my cock against his chest for friction. I've never felt so good.

"You're so hot and tight baby," he grunts in my ear, before biting down on the lobe. "I want you wet and slippery with my cum," Jasper says and it is nearly my undoing. I know I'm not going to last much longer, especially if he continues the dirty talk.

I ride him up and down, faster now, my cock against his belly, oozing pre-cum. Lifting myself off him until his cock is just at my opening and then plunging all the way back down in one stroke, again and again. Jasper screams he loves the way I feel and I know just what he means as I am convinced that we have entered heaven together.

Feeling my balls begin to tighten up, I go faster and faster. "Please come. Please come," Jasper chants, taking my cock in his warm hand. With one more lunge, I explode, shooting long heavy streams of cum across Jasper's chest. Feeling my ass tighten, Jasper mutters incoherently, as he empties himself into me.

He stills, whispering my name before opening his eyes and meeting mine. He kisses my nose, then smirking, removes his hand from my cock, lifting it to his mouth and licking it clean. Panting and sweating, I moan loudly when I feel his still hard cock jerk inside of me.

Jasper just chuckles and shrugs his shoulders. He maneuvers us to lie back in the bed, after using his discarded shirt from earlier to clean us both up. Wrapped up in each other and holding tightly, we succumb to exhaustion with smiles on our faces.

***~*~*~*~*No more slash~*~*~*~*~***

***~*~* Carlisle Cullen's POV *~*~***

"Are you almost ready?" Esme asks as she pops her head into my office.

I smile. "In a moment, I need to finish up on Anthony's notes."

With an understanding nod, she requests, "Don't take too long. I'm going to check in on the girls and say goodnight."

"I'll only be a few moments," I assure her.

As she leaves, I turn on the voice recorder and begin my final notes for the day.

"This new development with Anthony today has me concerned. I had always heard of a dissociative identity patient picking up an accent or even speaking in a foreign language under a certain personality, but until today, I had never witnessed that for myself. Not only did Anthony speak Spanish, he also became one of the greatest artists in the nineteenth century, a rather odd choice for someone who is in his age group.

"Something else struck me as odd about Anthony. I have noticed that in whatever personality he takes on, he manages to bring in his peers in a way that I can't explain. For example, the Edward personality has Isabella Swan interacting and talking as though she were a normal teenage girl.

"I am concerned at how it seems every one of Anthony's identities that appear has pulled Jasper in so easily. No matter what Anthony does, Jasper follows. Today, Jasper and "Salvador" appeared as a couple, holding hands and exchanging knowing glances. I need to talk to him. I've got to find out how Anthony is able to pull him in like that.

"And while it's nice to see Jasper interacting in such an outgoing manner with someone as he had never done before, it's very concerning as well. I am afraid that things will go too far one day and ..."

I stop there, deciding not to make assumptions. I make a note to speak with Jasper in the morning and find out where his mind is and try to see how much influence Anthony has over him.

I walk to my office door and turn off the light. I need to go home and get some rest, and try to sort out my thoughts before the morning.

**Con permiso, señor ~ Excuse me, sir.**

**¿Qué mayor tranquilidad pueden tener los débiles que son como cualquier otra persona? - What greater reassurance can the weak have than that they are like anyone else?**

"**If you shoot a gun, someone dies. If you drop a bomb, many die. If you hit a woman, love dies" ~ Pirate Radio**

"**I love the way you lie" ~Eminen/Rhianna**

"**Born for leaving" ~Zack Brown Band**

****Poem is the original work of Frederico Garcia Lorca**


	9. You can't trust vampires Trust me

******DISCLAIMER: We do not own Twilight. We do not own Rob. Rob owns IJM... Jackson's my drug of choice, but I'm still a H00r for Rob... We do not own any of the movie characters brought to life by these wonderful people. I'm trying to think of what we do own... **  


**We own this story...**

**Thanks for reading!**

* * *

**You can't trust Vampires. Trust me.**

**~Edward Cullen, New Moon (the movie)**

* * *

**Forest Meadow Mental Health Facility**

**Physician: **Dr. Carlisle Cullen  
**Time/Date: **7:12 am, Friday, January 29th  
**Ward/Floor: **S. Meyer Wing, 5th floor minimum security

**OBSERVATIONS****:**

**Hale, Rosalie  
**Art therapy yesterday seemed to have helped Rosalie. She has been more vocal with the others and has spoken with Esme about a few of the details of the rape that led to her PTSD. It seems that getting out some of her anger through artistic means has been beneficial. Consider scheduling her another art therapy session next week. Administer the current dosage of Zoloft as scheduled.

**Swan, Isabella  
**She seems confused by the events from the previous day concerning Anthony. Volturri noted in the night charts that she was crying and asking herself questions about the Edward personality. It was also noted that she didn't sleep either. I wonder if her dosage of sleep aid was administered. Check around her room to make sure she actually swallowed the medication she was dosed. Continue to administer Prozac on schedule. Administer Lunesta as scheduled, making sure that the dosage is swallowed.

**Brandon, Mary Alice  
**Art therapy did wonders for her. She has been back to her childlike, happy self since. She welcomed me as though I was her dad coming home from work. I am glad she is no longer withdrawn. Enroll her in the twice a week therapy class. Hold back on prescribing medications while art therapy is introduced.

**Masen, Anthony  
**The Dali personality was a surprise. I am curious to see how many more identities Anthony possesses. It seems that Anthony is charismatic, no matter what personality is present. He has yet to show me the real Anthony, making me wonder if he is too far buried and gone to ever come out. Make it a priority to have a one-on-one discussion with Anthony sometime today.

**Whitlock, Jasper  
**After his odd behavior brought about by Anthony's Dali personality yesterday, Jasper has not been himself. Not only did he not complete his nighttime ritual of a perimeter check, McCarty has informed me that he has yet to do his morning check as well. This is the first time since he's entered into our ward over a year ago that he hasn't completed these necessary tasks. McCarty also informed me that he slept in the same bed as Anthony all night long. A one-on-one session is needed with him ASAP to document his current state of mind. Continue administering Clozapine on schedule.

I hand the morning charts off to Emmett and ask, "Where is Jasper now?"

"He's sitting in the common room watching TV, I think."

I take a deep breath and thank Emmett. As I walk towards the common room, I am concerned for what state I might find Jasper in. He has done so many things these past few weeks that is out of character for him. I just pray that his condition hasn't worsened.

To my surprise, I walk into the room and see Jasper actually watching TV just as Emmett had informed me. I stand in the back of the room and watch as he laughs at a Seinfeld episode that's playing. He flips the channel to a Sponge Bob cartoon and pauses before laughing again.

After some time of observing him acting nothing like the soldier I know, I clear my throat. "Jasper, would you mind coming with me to my office? I'd like to speak with you if that's alright."

He turned to me and smiled. "Of course, Dr. Cullen," he said, his Texan accent flaring. It was the first time he hasn't addressed me as sir.

We walk silently through the halls towards my office. We enter the room, and I motion for him to sit as I close the door.

He sits on the couch - another surprise since he's never chosen that spot before - in the corner of the office. "What did you want to talk about, Dr. C?"

I take the chair across from him. I want to pull out my pen and pad, but I am afraid doing so will make Jasper's new found confidence recede back to nervous and uncooperative. I figure that I would put the ball in his court first, and let him lead the discussion before asking him anything.

"Is there anything you'd like to discuss about what's been going on these past few days?"

He starts by telling me about his past - his real past. He discusses fighting in Iraq and not remembering anything but tiny flashes of the occurrences after his helicopter was shot down during a rescue mission. I already knew most of that information from his files, but hearing it from him, somehow, made it all different and new.

"Tell me about your relationship with Anthony."

A small smile appears on his lips before he explains, "Anthony is like no one I have ever met before."

"Are you saying you're in love with him?" I ask, wishing that I could take notes as we spoke.

Jasper's smile grows as he speaks. "For the first time in a long time, I feel close to someone, especially Dali. I'm not sure that you know this about me, Dr. C, but I am bi-sexual."

"I was unaware," I say, making a mental note.

He nods and continues to explain that he has never felt for anyone the way he feels for the Dali personality. He tells me that he's fully aware of the situation and that if he could control the situation, he would choose Dali to stay forever, as it makes him feel alive... a whole new person.

"I understand that Dali is just one piece to Anthony. I know that he won't be around very often, but I think he truly understands me... the real me. The gay. The straight. He doesn't pass judgment. There's no pressure. I can just be myself."

As he continues telling me about his adoration for this newest personality, I can't help but feel for him. I can only determine that Dali has brought about Jasper's lucidity. I am meeting a whole new being. He's as intelligent as always, but more confident in his thoughts.

He finishes talking about Dali and asks, "Is there anything else? I kind of wanted to catch him before he goes."

I shake my head and show him to the door. "I'll see you later, Jasper. Thank you for your time."

My smile quickly disappears after he leaves. My heart breaks just a little as I come to terms with Jasper's mindset. His moment of lucidity will soon pass as it does with all schizophrenics, and Major Jasper Whitlock of the Confederate Army will be patrolling the halls and courting Miss Alice once again.

*~*~* **Anthony's POV *~*~***

_Wake up Anthony._

My eyes snapped open at the sound of the voices but there was no one near me, all was quiet. A dream. Yes, it must have been a dream that woke me. I was grateful for the peace surrounding me and lie very still so as not to disrupt it.

I recognize the small white hospital room and think of the brunette who had called me Edward. I wonder who this Edward is, he is one lucky man. I've never had a girl look at me like that. Hell, I've never had a girl even look at me before. Why would they? I have no talents, no money, nothing special about me all. My memory is for shit and I lose large chunks of time. Having a hard time dealing with any type of stress, I withdraw inside myself a great deal. Now, apparently I have hurt myself somehow again. I'm always doing that, waking up with large bruises, cuts, and, a few times, broken bones. What girl would want my forgetful, clumsy, stupid ass, I wonder, snorting aloud.

A low moan alerted me to another's presence. Turning my head to the right, I see the blond man next to me, smiling. Oh God! His smile turns salacious as he shifts closer, causing the sheet to fall away, revealing two naked bodies. Oh God! Panic overwhelms me and I spring from the bed. Did I? Did he? Did we...?

Then I see it and suddenly the shock of waking naked in bed with another man seems very insignificant. A small, quarter sized bloody spot stains the sheet. It doesn't matter where it came from, and it doesn't matter what caused it. All that matters is the memories flooding my brain. Picture after picture is shown to me as voices plead.

It's too much, I can't understand what they are saying, all the words running together. I tune them out, because the photos are infinitely worse and remind me of the journal I had found. I didn't want to know those things and I don't want to know these but this time the knowledge is being shoved at me relentlessly. The voices grow louder again, screaming as one, many; unified.

**Do you think you can cope, you've figured me out

That I'm lost and I'm hopeless

I'm bleeding and broken

Though I've never spoken

I've come undone

It's mad season

Oh God! The voices, they are...my own, I realize just as the whole world fades to black.

***~*~*Edward*~*~***

I squint, attempting to avoid the sunlight beaming through the window. Jasper kneels by my bed with a worried expression. "What's wrong Jas?"

He immediately lets out a sigh of relief. "Nothing Edward. Everything is fine."

I quirk my eyebrow at him, waiting. I know he is withholding information. He stands and pushes his hands into his pockets, not meeting my gaze. "Anthony was here."

"I know," I tell him, sitting up in the bed. "It was time to push him a bit further. He knows now, about all of us."

"Is he going to be okay Edward?" Jasper asks carefully.

"I think so, we just have to wait and see."

Jasper nods and enters the bathroom, closing the door. Clearly he didn't care much for my answer.

I notice Jasper's bed linens have been stripped from his bed and figuring it must be laundry day, I stand to do the same. A slight burning pain quickly has me bending over, afraid to stand fully or sit back down.

Glancing at the bathroom door, I yell out. "Jasper, why the hell does my ass hurt?"

Jasper laughs long and loud before exiting the bathroom and informing me, "I spent the day with Salvador yesterday." He steps closer, and the feeling that he is going to try and kiss me pushes me backward, away from him. I don't know what to say to him. I want to call him a friend but can I have a friend? Can anyone understand that the others and I are all different? Then, I remember Bella. She's so kind and understanding. I want to believe that Jasper can be as understanding as she. And just the thought of the possibility fills me with something I never understood before; hope.

Can he really understand? Not just that the others exist but what I am trying to do to help all of us. Can he really accept that we have no control over who dominates the body? He can't just ask for Salvador and be granted access. And we can't go on like this. The denial, the memory loss, the constant headaches and blackouts. This isn't all about me. This is about _all _of us. This is about Anthony, the original. He has lost so much. He's been holed up inside of himself for years.

Having dealt with enough neglect and abuse before the age of seventeen to have turned away from the world. He had created all of us by this time. Someone to handle and specialize in every situation. Cedric holds the innocence, though tenuous, he appears in childlike wonder and can dominate the body until evil is glimpsed.

Giselher, naivety with the heart of a warrior. Richard, brazen and prideful externally, riddle with self doubt and loathing on the inside. Dali, bold, passionate and creative, yet shy and self aware. Anthony has had no reason to come forth. He has no idea what the _others _and I have done been through, what we have done.

That's the thing about abuse. You hide it and from it for so long that it becomes your world. Suddenly, you're locked inside yourself with only fear in your thoughts. Instead of escaping, you wind up living in a constant world of pain. He's also missed all of his rights of passage. He wasn't there to lose his virginity. That honor went to Georges. He wasn't there for the first kiss. That was Tyler.

I can give him all of that back. I can help him. If this plan works, it could help all of us. It will be painful. We will all burn for a while, emotionally. All the memories of ill treatment will come together as well as the good, happy memories. However, as one, whole person, Carlisle will be help, to treat and cure.

Is it too much to hope that we could possibly keep Bella and Jasper in our lives? Deciding to be direct, I look up at Jasper and try to think of how to begin. In the end, I stammer nervously.

"Uh... Jasper, _we _didn't..."

"Edward, stop, relax. I know that you are not the same as Salvador. I've met many of the others. I can tell you that the young one, Cedric, has innocent eyes and a youthful flush." Jasper sits on his bed, motioning for me to the do the same. Smiling, he adds, "He's sweet with Alice."

He taps his foot as he continues. "Georges is constantly looking over his shoulder suspiciously and he almost never smiles. He speaks French sometimes."

"Richard has pouty lips and walks with a swagger," Jasper says, rolling his eyes. "Tyler has bright eyes and bitter edge about him."

Smiling, I watch him as he speaks animatedly. It is strange to hear about the _others _from another person's point of view. I've no doubt that everything Jasper says is true. _We _exist to deal with what Anthony cannot.

Jasper frowns as he looks up at me through his lashes. "I know their secrets," he whispers.

"Secrets," I choke out, stunned.

Jasper nods. "I know some of what they have suffered and I know the final straw."

"Final straw," I repeat, unable to form a coherent sentence.

"The photographs, that they are showing Anthony. For each of them, it was the final straw, that led to...what happened." Leaning toward me, he says, "I know everything."

Shaking my head vigorously, I tell him adamantly "You can't know everything. Even I do not know everything."

"Listen to me Edward," he pleads, waiting for my response.

"You all suffered. For every good purpose each holds, you also hold a fear or pain. While Georges is quite the ladies man and a master manipulator, he also bore great humiliation. Tyler is calm and reasonable but withstood beatings. My Salvador was neglected to the point that he is fearful of any type of physical contact."

I snort, shifting on the bed. "Feels like you helped him overcome that."

Jasper smirks but ignores my comment. "The horrible tragedy, trigger that caused the banding together, for that instant, when you did it, you were one. Now you think, because the danger is gone, that if everyone confesses their sins and comes to terms with their abuse that you can once again come together as one with Anthony as a whole, cured person."

"Yes, that's the plan," I agree, fascinated that he knows so much. I know the _others _have all bonded with Bella. Although, I can't always see what they are doing with her. I hear their thoughts when they are alone in the library. I don't recall hearing thoughts of Jasper, yet it is obvious that he has become important to all of them as well.

"Oh I know about the plan," he says sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "You're having everyone recall what their worst memory is, as well as what part they played in the incident. Then you take a mental photograph of it. Essentially, you make a memory. Then you show the picture, giving the memory to everyone of the personalities."

His words hold a venomous edge. "Jasper, we can do this. We can make Anthony whole again. Give him a real life," I try and assure him.

He huffs, throwing his arms up in the air. "That's exactly the problem."

"How exactly do you see this ending?" Jasper asks, his face twisted in grief and anger.

Snorting, I shrug my shoulders. "There are only two ways that this can end Jasper. Either, my plan works and we all learn each other's secrets and tell them to Anthony, show him there is no longer in any danger and we have brought him to a place where he can be well and we do just that. Or, we fail and we...lose it all." I finished, my voice growing softer toward the end.

"Edward," he said slowly, "I am sometimes delusional and I have hallucinations but I am not stupid," he says, raising in eyebrow in challenge of my arguing with him. "There is no coming back from that. Essentially, all the others die, leaving no memories, no..." he grasps for words. "...personality for Anthony. What you're talking about is a catatonic state. All of _you _silenced and Anthony trapped inside his mind forever."

Balancing my elbows on my knees, I hang my head into hands. "Yes," I moan out. I don't like hearing it this way. I need to believe we can do this.

"I want to help you Edward," Jasper sighs. "There is another way."

I raise up quickly, glaring at him in confusion. How can there be another way?

"I've seen Anthony's hollow eyes. He knows nothing but his name and that he is afraid."

"I know that Jasper," I interrupt, "but if we pull together, he will have all sides of personality back."

"And the memories Edward?" he questions. "You think he can handle knowing anymore?"

"Yes," I tell him emphatically.

"Edward," he said wearily, shaking his head. "Can't you see that there is nothing left of Anthony? He gave everything away to you and the others in order to keep himself alive." Jasper wrung his hands, watching me wearily. "Forgive me for being crude, but this is some Humpty Dumpty shit right here," he said, gesturing at me.

I couldn't believe what he was saying, that I can't put Anthony back together again. "What do you expect me to do Jasper?" I asked incredulously.

"Edward, the others are stronger than Anthony. They can deal better. Maybe it would be better if someone else took over. Leave Anthony in peace."

"Let me guess, you think it should be Salvador?" I spit angrily, springing from the bed and getting in his face.

Jasper crouched defensively but spoke softly. "No Edward, I think it should be you."

"Me?" I responded, stumbling back as if I had been hit. I couldn't decide if this news made me more or less angry.

"Edward, you're strong. The others...they listen to you, respect you. I know you can do this."

I snorted. "Jasper, I'm not...anything. I-I've done terrible things."

He held his hand up to stop my rambling. "You did what you had to do Edward."

Falling back heavily on the bed, I contemplate what Jasper said and then I feel guilty for even considering it. "I can't do that Jasper," I say sitting up and pulling at my hair, "I won't."

Jasper sighed heavily, sitting next to me. "I knew you were going to say that but I had to try."

Standing, I shook his hand but I needed to get out of that room and his knowing eyes. "I'm going to see Bella. I have a present for her."

Jasper smirked and waved me on. Before I made it out the door though, he called after me. "Just think about it."

I didn't answer or even turn to acknowledge him, I closed the door behind me and continued down the hall to Bella's room.

I heard their voices before I could knock. Rosalie and Bella were heatedly arguing in Bella's room and as soon as I heard my name I stopped to listen even though I knew it was wrong. I told myself I just wanted to hear her voice but really I needed to know if she hated me. Part of me hoped so, I stood right there in that spot and swore if she did that I would never bother her again. It would be as if I never existed. A larger part of me was praying to a God I wasn't even sure about for her to still love me. _Love me. Please. _

"Bella, he's dangerous, he's..."

"Rose, stop. It doesn't matter what you say. I'm not staying away from Edward."

"Bella, he has killed," Rose says, sounding panicked.

"I know, he told me," Bella says casually.

"How can you say it like that Bella. As if it means nothing," Rosalie screams.

"Rose, you don't know him. If you could see the way he loves me then maybe you would understand why I feel this way about our love."

"You sound ridiculous right now. And that's really saying something in this place," I'm growing impatient with the way Rosalie is talking to my Bella. Taking deep breaths, I reign in my control before knocking on the door.

I push it open revealing Bella sitting on the bed, biting her fingernails, twisting and turning her hands to get a good angle as she chews them down further and further. I can see that the nail on her pointer finger is already raw and bleeding.

Rosalie stands against the dresser, with her arms crossed over her chest, huffing loudly in annoyance at my intrusion. I barely glance at her before barking out. "You may go."

I take Bella's hand away from her swollen lips and kiss her palm. I never take my eyes off of hers as I sit slowly on the bed next to her.

Neither of us sees Rosalie leave but we both jump when the door slams shut, rattling the window and walls. Bella laughs nervously but I still can't take my eyes off hers.

"We should talk," I pushed out the words on an exhale.

Her gaze shifted and she dropped my hand, scooting back on the bed. "Yes, talk," she agreed, drawing her knees back up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them.

"I brought you something," I said hesitantly, holding the book out to her, I had concealed behind my back until now.

Bella takes the book from me gingerly. "You brought me a book? How did you...?" she whispers as tears pool in her eyes. Shrugging my shoulders, I grin at her, feeling my face heat.

She runs her fingers lightly over the cover. "Cosmopolis," she reads with a laugh.

"You know this book?" I ask, a bit disappointed. I had hoped to bring her something completely new that she could lose herself in.

She watches my face intensely, thoughtfully before speaking. "The lead character in this book is a lot like you Edward."

"Yeah? What's his name?"

"Eric," she says, sadly. "He does everything in his power to ensure his own demise."

Swallowing heavily, I hang my head. "Is that what you think I am doing?"

"If you go through with this plan," she says, choking on a sob. "I'm going to lose you and I'm so scared Edward."

"I'm trying to make it right Bella. I started all of this, I have to finish it. I have to," I stressed, reaching for her. "I'm scared too, baby."

"What if this plan fails Edward and you all...die," she whispers the last word as if she says it out loud it may come true. I don't know how to explain to her that death is easy. There are much, much worse things than dying. Dying is peaceful, painless. It's living that is difficult, wrenching.

"What if you curl up in a ball and never sleep or eat again... or speak again?" she continues. "What will happen to me without you?"

"Everything is going to be alright, Bella. Please trust me. I'm never going to let anyone hurt us ever again." I promised.

She grew eerily quiet. When she finally spoke, it was barely more than a breath. "He'll hurt me if you're not around."

"W-what?" I sputtered, my body filling with rage. "Who will hurt you Bella?"

"Riley," she tells me, visibly trembling in my arms. "He pushes me sometimes and says disgusting things. But he doesn't come near me when you are around."

"He pushes you," I say back robotically, my mind unable to comprehend the violence welling through my veins.

Bella nods her head vigorously. "He said he wants to hurt me, wants to hear me scream and watch me bleed."

As she continues to explain, I'm off the bed in a second, pacing the floor with only one thought in my head. The _others_, they chant repeatedly as one united force, "kill."

"Edward?" she calls. "Edward please."

Her voice cuts through my haze and I focus all my attention on her. "I'm going to take care of this Bella, I swear."

"Okay," she agrees after a moment.

I contain my rage, pushing it to the back of my mind until I can find the bastard, Riley. The plan is already being made and I listen intently to Jacob as he does so while still focusing on Bella.

Sitting back on the bed beside her, I cup her cheeks in my hands and take a moment to relish in how perfectly broken she is, just like me. We are two halves and without the other, neither of us can ever be whole.

My reverie is broken, however when she speaks again. "Edward? I know about Jasper and Salvador. I know about Jessica and Richard and I think I know what Georges did to get this book for me."

"How...?"

"I see and hear things Edward," she explains wryly.

I nod, feeling pathetic. I can't help what they do and I am grateful to Georges for what he accomplished but I still feel like I somehow cheated on her and I steel myself for her feelings of the same.

"I'm not mad, Edward," she assures me. "I just wondered why you don't want to do..._that_...with me."

"I do Bella. Oh God, I do. Don't ever think anything less than my love my love for you."

"Then kiss me," she says, crawling into my lap and pressing herself against me.

I lightly kiss her forehead, then rest my mine against hers, staring into her eyes. Breathing deeply and preparing myself for the heaven I never thought I would experience. I rub my nose against hers before kissing her lips softly. Once, twice, three times.

Pulling her to me, even tighter, I trace her lips with my tongue. Bella whimpers into my mouth and I feel like a god. She wraps her arms around my neck, her hands fisting in my hair. Groaning, I kiss her hard, pushing all the love and pain and rage I feel into it. It's a promise for the future and regret for the past.

Breaking the kiss, we pant, as our lips still barely touch, breathing each other in.

"Let me make this right, Bella. I want to do it right. I've never done anything right before. Please, let's take it slow, so I can treasure you and prove how special you are." I plead.

She nods in understanding, her cheeks flushed pink and beautiful.

"I'm going to go take care of something and then I'll come back to you. Okay?"

She slides off my lap, still trying to control her breathing. "I'll always come back to you Bella," I swear.

Her answering smile lights up the room and my heart.

High off of love, drunk from my hate, I leave her sitting her cross legged on the bed as I close the door behind me.

Setting my sights on finding Felix, I stroll with purpose down the corridor. So intent on my destination, I nearly walk right past Jasper who is leaning against the door to our room.

He clears his throat and I jump, startled. "I was coming to find Alice. I heard," he says, seriously.

"I'm going to find Riley and teach him some respect," I inform Jasper, walking again down the hall.

"Not alone, you're not," Jasper says walking quickly beside of me. I watch him out of the corner of my eye. He smiles at me and says forcefully. "You're never alone again, brother."

"Even if it means Salvador no longer lives inside of me?" I question suspiciously, referring to our earlier conversation.

"It doesn't matter. He lives inside of me now," he says patting his chest over his heart.

His fist shoots out and I bump it with my own, returning his smile.

***~*~* Carlisle's POV *~*~***

"I'm on my way right now!" I hang up my phone and make a mad dash back to the building, ruining the goal of making it home early today.

I walk into my office to find Anthony and Jasper sitting at the chairs in front of my desk. Emmett is leaning against my desk with his arms folded across his chest.

"So what happened?" I ask.

"They ambushed Riley and beat the shit out of him," Emmett answers.

"Is Riley all right?"

"He isn't talking about it. He's keeping tight lipped, Dr.C."

"Thank you, Emmett. Would you mind stepping outside of the door and waiting there?" I ask, walking around my desk to my chair.

He pushes himself off of the desk with a, "Sure thing, Dr. C."

The second the door shuts, I sit and face Jasper and Anthony. They look disheveled and angry. I couldn't understand what would possess them to act out in such a manner.

"Jasper. Anthony..."

"Edward Cullen," he says interrupting me.

"Edward... Cullen," I continue, surprised to hear my name tagged onto his. "Would you like to tell me what happened? Why are you acting out?"

They look at each other, exchanging glances. It's like they were communicating silently. _When did they become that close? _They look back to me not answering anything.

So, I threaten, "Should I transfer the two of you out of here like I had to do with Erik and Mike?"

Jasper's expression changed. He was one of their targets and I could tell that the thought of going into a ward where they might be upset him. And then he finally spoke...

"Private Biers was out of line and had to be punished, sir."

"And what did he do?"

Edward glared at Jasper, and Jasper fell silent.

I look at Edward. "Didn't I tell you before that you can tell me anything? I'm not looking to hurt you or belittle you. I just want to know what went wrong so that we can fix it."

Edward shakes his head and in a low tone answers, "He was tormenting Bella."

"Can you give me some examples of how he was tormenting Bella?"

"I don't want to talk about it in front of Jasper." He looked at Jasper and gave a small smile, giving me the feeling that he was trying to protect him.

"Well, can you both tell me how Jasper got involved with this?"

Edward looks away from him, unwilling to answer.

"I volunteered for the mission," Jasper proudly states. "I can't stand an insubordinate soldier in the ranks. There's no room in the Texas Confederate Army for a soldier like that."

His eyes told me that he was one hundred percent serious. I could only nod, unsure if Jasper acted upon his own accord or if he was pulled into the situation by the Edward personality.

"You do understand that I will have to punish you, Jasper?" I ask and he nods in response. "I would rather do that over transfer you to another unit. So I'm going to have to send you to your quarters with Emmett. I think you need some time away from everyone... three weeks.

Jasper pops up out of the chair into attention and salutes me. "I shall proudly serve out my punishment, sir."

As I call out for Emmett, Jasper does an about face. When Emmett opens the door, Jasper marches through the door and stops in the hallway. As Emmett shuts the door, he asks if I want him to return and I give a subtle nod.

Once they are gone, I turn my attention back to Edward. "Anthony..."

He once again interrupts me, correcting, "Edward."

"All right, Edward. What do you want to do?"

"I want all of us to become one whole person," he answers.

Although I was asking about Riley, this was a new development. "Well, I think that's a positive move in the right direction. Does Anthony agree?"

"Well, majority rules, Carlisle. And the majority feels it is for the best." He looks proud of his answer, like he knew in his heart that it was the right thing.

"Yes, it does. So, Tyler agrees with you?"

He looks at me, leering. "Tyler? Of course, but what does he have to do with anything?"

"When I met him, he seemed ready to fight a the drop of a hat. Is he the one who instigated this fight with Riley?"

He tells me that he was only acting in the name of love, and trying to protect Bella.

"Edward, I want to believe you," I tell him. "But I know that you aren't a fighter... an instigator."

"You didn't hear her, Carlisle!" he yells.

His sudden change in volume startles me - the Edward personality had never been loud and outspoken in such a way before. I am determined to regain control."Let's stay calm, okay. Just tell me everything so that I can understand. I only want to help you."

He begins explaining that he walked in on a conversation between Bella and Rosalie. He tells me that he was angry with Rosalie's comments about him but his anger just melted when he saw Bella. I notice a small smirk appear as he continues on with telling me about Bella and the feelings they hold for each other. They share a special connection; something he had never had with anyone before. "She understands me, Carlisle. She loves me, even though I am such a broken soul."

"She loves you?"

"She does. No one has ever said that to me before, Carlisle."

I make a mental note of that statement before I question, "And because of that, you felt it necessary to fight with Riley? It was for her heart?"

"No!" His answer is sharp, angry, causing me to glance towards the door and hope that Emmett has returned.

Trying to keep my voice calm, I tell him, "Then explain it to me, Edward. Please."

"She told me..." he stops there. His face contorts as though the act of just telling me Bella's secrets cause him such pain and torment. After a long moment of silence, he continues, "Carlisle, he tells her things. Derogatory remarks. Threats. Things that no man should ever say to a woman."

"I want to understand." My request is simple, and yet, I am afraid of pushing him to far by reopening the situation.

"He said he wanted to fuck her until she was raw. He wanted to tie her to the bed and lick her clean before he stuck his dick in her. For fuck's sake, she's a fragile human, Carlisle. She shouldn't have to go through that torture."

The whole thing seemed farfetched to me. It didn't make any sense, so I ask, "Why hasn't she told anyone about this?"

"He fucking threatened her. He said that his work record was perfect and no one would believe her. Then he said that if she did tell, he could easily get a scalpel and slit her throat to make it look like a suicide."

As he continues, I notice that his rage is coming to the surface. His eyes look as though they are black. His hands were balled into fists so tight, they appeared white. A sweat breaks out across his forehead, sparkling in the light. His teeth are clenched so tightly, his words are coming out as guttural growls.

Then, suddenly, Edward jumps up and slams his fists on my desk and shouts, "That fucker Riley deserved what he got! He wanted to spill Bella's blood, so I had to spill his first!"

I call out for Emmett, who instantly bursts through the door. In seconds, he has Edward in a full nelson. He struggles to get control over Edward, but it's not long before Emmett is pulling him out of the room.

All the while, Edward is screaming at the top of his lungs. "It's not fucking right, Carlisle! It's not right that he did that! I did what I had to do to protect her!"

And all I could do was sympathize. "I know, Edward. We'll talk more about it later."

I shut the door, confident that Emmett could get him calm. I sit back at my desk and take a few deep breaths to calm myself. With shaky hands, I pull out my recorder and turn it on.

"January twenty-ninth... Additional verbal notes for Jasper Whitlock, Isabella Swan, and Anthony Masen.

"I am sad to say that our Confederate soldier has returned in full force. His moment of lucidity was short lived and will be missed.

"I am concerned that Jasper has followed one of Anthony's personalities into an act of violence against Riley Biers, our janitor. The fact he acted in such a way truly shocks me. He has never acted out violently before now.

"Jasper has gladly accepted his punishment for his participation. He will need to be closely monitored over the next few weeks. I hate to even mention it, but medication may be necessary if signs of aggression continue.

"Anthony's personality, Edward, has now adopted my last name as his own. I understand that it's because this personality feels as though we are one big family here, and this is his way of making it so. None the less, the act concerns me.

"He did mention that he, and the other personalities have agreed to somehow come together as one. I am unsure of how this will happen, or even that it will happen. All my research points to the fact that putting the pieces together again is impossible. I don't quite know how to let him know that for fear that it will separate the personalities in a way that they will no longer communicate with one another. I can't allow that, especially after the appearance of a much darker Edward personality.

"Edward is usually calm, thoughtful, careful with his words and actions. This new side to him was angry, violent... so full of rage. He was out for blood in the name of a greater good. In other words, kill all evil to save the innocent.

"For now, Edward and Jasper will remain separated from the other patients. It's in the interest of keeping everyone safe. If medication is needed, there should be no hesitation.

"There has been a new development in Isabella's well-being on our ward. I am going to call in Esme Platt tonight to come in and speak with Bella. I am hoping that she can get Bella to open up about these threats that Riley Biers has been making to her.

"We also need to get to the bottom of the issue that Bella is in love with Anthony. She needs to understand Anthony's state of mind. I'm not saying that their love would be a bad thing, but I don't want her hurt.

"I also don't want more violence on our ward. I am afraid that Anthony will act out to keep his 'fragile human', as he calls her, safe from harm. This situation will also need to be monitored very closely."

* * *

**A/N: Thanks again! Next up.**

****Based on Matchbox Twenty's Mad Season**

****If you could see the way he loves me then maybe you would understand why I feel this way about our love. ~Tonic**

****High off of love, drunk from my hate ~Eminem**


	10. Sometimes I think you are the only thing

******DISCLAIMER: We do not own Twilight. We do not own Rob. Rob owns IJM... Jackson's my drug of choice, but I'm still a H00r for Rob... We do not own any of the movie characters brought to life by these wonderful people. I'm trying to think of what we do own... **

**We own this story... **

**Thanks for reading!**

* * *

**Sometimes I think you are the only thing keeping me sane.**

**~Daniel Gale, The Bad Mother's Handbook**

* * *

**10.**

**Forest Meadow Mental Health Facility**

**Physician: **Dr. Carlisle Cullen

**Time/Date: **7:22 am, Friday, February 18th

**Ward/Floor: **S. Meyer Wing, 5th floor minimum security

**OBSERVATIONS****:**

**Swan, Isabella  
**Bella has finally started sleeping nights since the removal of Riley from our hospital. She still awakens many times a night, as per Felix Volturri's observations, but seems to be suffering less with night terrors. She has confided in Esme Platt about her feelings concerning Anthony. She understands the situation more than I gave her credit for. She seemed extremely happy this morning as she told us that she is excited to see "Edward" again. Administer Prozac on schedule. Hold back on Lunesta.

**Hale, Rosalie  
**Art therapy has been working wonders with Rosalie, although I wonder if the absence of Anthony is what helped change her mood. I am thrilled with her progress these past few weeks. I'm hoping her road to recovery is stable and there are no more setbacks. Administer Zoloft on schedule.

**Brandon, Mary Alice  
**Alice has seemed depressed these past few weeks. While she and Bella have been interacting as best friends, she has told both Esme and myself that she misses Jasper and Cedric. We have been keeping her busy with art therapy and afternoon activities, but she tells us she misses her best friend and boyfriend. I just don't know who is who.

**Masen, Anthony  
**Over the past few weeks, Anthony has maintained the calmer, more personable Edward personality. Since moving him to one of the spare rooms for solitary confinement, he seems to be back to normal. He has complied with all of my requests. He has shared his journal and explained some of the writings and drawings in it. He has been doing better than expected. I am pleasantly surprised at his progress. We will reintroduce him to the ward later this afternoon.

**Whitlock, Jasper  
**Jasper has been doing well on his solitary confinement as well. He is still under the impression that this stint was for the Riley beating. He has asked about Edward a few times, and I can tell he really misses his roommate (or brother as Jasper would call him). He will also be reintroduced back into the ward this afternoon. Continue administering Clozapine on schedule.

***~*~*~*Carlisle POV~*~*~*~**

I hand off the charts to Emmett and he takes them from me with his usual morning grin. "This afternoon we'll move Anthony back in with Jasper, before we let them go outside."

"Today? You think it will be safe?" he asks, obviously worried.

"Well, we do have a nice day today. 57 and sunny. You know how rare that is around here."

He nods in complete understanding.

I continue explaining, "I would like them to be able to go outside with the rest of the ward. It will allow them to separate from the others if need be."

"Yeah, makes sense. I can't wait to have the brothers back together."

I look at Emmett. Out of my own curiosity, I ask, "Are you including yourself in that statement?"

He smiles and nods. "Absolutely. I've always wanted a big family, being the only child and all."

I clap him on the back. "That's why I'm glad you're here, Emmett. You take good care of everyone here no matter the situation. I do appreciate it."

"Thanks, Dr. C. Does that mean I can get a raise?"

I laugh as I walk to my office to start the plan to re-introduce Anthony and Jasper into the ward.

Later that afternoon, I walk into Anthony's room, He is sitting on the bed. His things were neatly folded beside him. I noticed that he was squinting.

"Anthony, are you ready to go back to your room?" I ask.

He smiles. "I'm sorry. You may have mistaken me for someone else." He answers with a very strong British accent.

I quickly apologize and ask his name.

He reaches out to shake my hand. "My name is Daniel Gale. And yours?"

"Dr. Carlisle Cullen," I respond as I shake his hand. "Nice meeting you, Daniel."

"Well, dad, I am ready to meet my new flatmate."

***~*~* Daniel's POV *~*~***

After lunch and tea, it's my turn. I don't know why I was sent here by Edward. _Collect a clue_, he said. I don't know what I'm looking for. I think he's quite lost his marbles.

_And you take care of her,_ his voice tells me while a picture of a beautiful brown-haired girl floats in front of me. I can barely make her out, but he tells me her name is Bella.

"Bella? A name befitting a beautiful creature such as her."

I wait patiently, trying my hardest not to opt for a quick wank. She is such a gorgeous girl, I can't help but to slide my hand into the waistband of my jim-jams*. I begin sliding my hand over my cock, using the pre-cum on my pecker as lube. Just as I have myself in a good rhythm, he emerges for a moment.

_I didn't send you out for this, Daniel,_ Edward tells me. _Clues, remember?_

"Bugger off, Edward," I answer. "I'm busy."

Maybe he shouldn't have told me about her… After all, she is forefront in my mind. Those chocolate eyes that hold such depth, I could stare for days into them. That long, flowing brown hair of hers, I want to run my fingers through the silken stands. Those beautiful pert breasts, I need to trace the peaks with my tongue.

When I finish, I clean the cocksnot up with a damp flannel and get dressed. There is no other option but to look presentable. It's a scary enough thing to meet all these people that I have only heard about until this point.

I'm not waiting for too long before Dr. Cullen appears in my room. _He's like a father to me,_ Edward explains.

I smile, as I felt at ease right away. Edward is calm, almost happy, and that, in turn, makes me less nervous about meeting everyone. It's been a long while since any of us had someone we could call… dad.

And so I call him dad. He doesn't hit me. He doesn't sadistically laugh or act out. This is what was missing from us all that time.

He walks down the hall, carrying a few of my things. I follow behind with my blanket and neatly folded jim-jams. Before too long, we are walking into another room that a mahusive**, dark-haired man unlocks right before we arrive.

"Hey, Edward, nice to have you back," he tells me as I walk into the room.

"Daniel," I correct him.

He nods and corrects himself, saying, "Nice to see you, Danny. Catch you outside in a bit."

I nod and turn to have my dad, introduce me to my flatmate, Jasper. He holds out his hand and tells me it's nice to have me back. I timidly put my hand in his for a polite introductory shake, and admit that I don't remember him. He nods in understanding and leaves the room.

"I do hope I didn't upset the lad," I tell my dad. "I was only being honest."

My dad does the strangest thing and smiles softly at me. He lifts his arm, and I flinch, afraid that I am in for a slap. But, instead, he wraps it around me and says, "It's all right, Daniel. He was expecting someone else to show up, but I assure you, he isn't upset."

Dad walks with me, talking my ear off and asking questions. He talks more about Jasper and asks a lot about how I am feeling. He tells me about how Alice and Bella really missed me. Emmett, as well. He lets me know that Rosalie will probably avoid talking to me, so I shouldn't be upset by that.

"Is there anything else you'd like to know before you go out with everyone?" he asks, looking a might concerned for my well-being.

"Nothing is coming to mind, but I do need to ask if you've seen my glasses. I'm having a hard time seeing without them," I reply.

He pulls out his pad and pen and jots down something, before telling me he'll have the staff looking. "In the meantime, go outside and enjoy the rare nice day we're having. If they turn up, I'll send them out to you."

I nod and nervously walk through the doors into the bright sunshine. It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust to the brightness. Strolling down the pebbled walk, I spot my glasses lying on a newspaper on a bench. I walk over and pick them up. My eyes take a moment, but then everything falls into focus.

I look out in the yard and see quite a few people are out. Silently, I shuffle into the damp grass and walk through the yard. I stop the second I recognize Bella.

_Don't bother her, Daniel. You need to find clues, _Edward's voice tells me.

"I should at least introduce myself," I say, adjusting my glasses, before I begin walking towards the beauty.

She is talking to a little dark-haired faerie. They stop speaking, probably in mid-discussion, and watch as I approach. They are both smiling.

"I'm so glad you are out!" the faerie chimes. "When can Cedric play?"

_That's Alice,_ Edward informs me. _She's Cedric's best friend and my sister._

_Sister?_ I ask him. _It's been so long since we've had a sister._

_Let's not open that can of worms right now. Just find the clue,_ he responds to my thoughts.

"Edward," falls quietly from Bella's smiling lips.

I introduce myself. "Hello, I'm Daniel Gale."

Bella quirks her head and really studies me before saying, "Nice to meet you, Daniel. Will Edward be here soon?"

"Oh, I see Miss Angela over there. I'm going to go ask when I can finish the castle that I'm making for Cedric. I'll be back in a minute." The pixie runs off, doing pirouettes and pliés as she goes.

I shrug in response to Bella's question. "I don't quite know when Edward will be back. I hope he won't be long."

"Oh." Bella looks so disappointed.

I personally can't stand when a young woman seems upset, so I quickly add, "He does care about you, you know. He thinks about you quite often."

She perks up a bit when I say that. "He does? Really?"

We were interrupted with a scream. We both turn and look in the direction of the blood-curdling octaves. There is a gorgeous blonde girl pinned against a tree. Two awful brutes are pushing at her, calling her names and making threats.

I run towards the girl as fast as my legs can carry me. Bella stays right behind me until she trips. I stop to help her, but she tells me to go help her friend. Following her request, I run on. When I get there, I reach out and pull this dark-haired boy, who is about a head shorter than me, by the white shirt. "Get your hands off of her. A gentleman doesn't hit a lady."

A blond boy yells at me, "Hey, get your fuckin' hands off of Erik, dumb ass!"

The boy I am holding onto replies, "I can take care of myself, Mike." The boy spins around and punches me in the face.

My glasses fly off and I fall back, ripping a piece of his shirt away.

"Oh, fucker, you're going to pay for ripping my friend's shirt," the Mike character yells, just as he swings back and kicks me.

I spot the red frames of my glasses on the grass, through which I see a boy and a girl happily playing together. Combined with the rough kicks to my sternum, the memories come flooding back into my conscious. It's there on the wall of my father's house… the maroon picture frame…a picture of what seems like the perfect family. My sister, mother, father, and me. We're smiling, happy.

Except, we aren't a happy family – quite the contrary. If you look closely, you'll notice that my father's grin is sadistic and evil. My mother's eyes are cold and lifeless – she's there physically, but my father broke her spirit long before that picture. My poor sister's neck shows the contusion marks from where my father had choked her the day before. My eye had make-up around it; a result of a fist to my face when I tried to pry my father away from my sister.

Later that day, he has me in my room, kicking me. He is calling me a fucking pussy for wearing make-up. The last kick has me spitting up blood, for which my father yells at me to clean before the carpet stains.

I feel sick, remembering that day.

So I ask him, _Was this the clue I was supposed to find, Edward? Here's your precious clue! Now Bugger off. Let me live one day in happiness… with a real dad, a sister, a family!_

_You did it, Daniel! I'll let you have the rest of the day, but keep that clue in your head. Write about it in the journal tonight before you go to sleep. I'm proud of you, _Edward tells me before falling silent for the rest of the day.

Three large men run up to us. One of them grabs Mike and tells one of the others to grab Erik. They were pulled back from me into the hospital.

The third large man I recognize from earlier bends down to me and asks, "Danny, are you okay?" as he checks my bones and has me follow his finger while he flashes a bright light into my eyes.

I take a few breaths to calm my nerves and answer, "Yes, I think so. Thank you."

He helps me to my feet. "You certainly are a tough one, Danny. I'm glad you're okay."

Just then the little sprite, Alice, springs up to us. "Emmett, Bella slipped in the wet grass. She says her ankle is hurt."

Emmett looks at the blonde then asks me, "Would you like to help me, Danny?"

The blonde says quietly. "It's okay if he stays with me."

The brutish Emmett turns to her. "You sure, Rosalie? I'm not comfortable with leaving you…"

She rolls her eyes and interrupts, "I'm good. He…" She falls quiet for a moment before finishing her thought. "He saved me from them."

He nods and lets Alice lead him away.

I look at Rose, completely puzzled. I couldn't understand why Emmett was fearful of leaving her with me. I would never harm a lady.

She smiles and hands my glasses to me, "Thank you for helping me… Edward."

Taking the glasses and putting them on, I introduce myself to her. "Oh, I'm not Edward. I'm Daniel Gale. I don't believe I had the pleasure of making your acquaintance."

"Rosalie Hale," she says. "I love your accent. Where are you from?"

"Guildford, England," I answer as I offer her my arm for a walk. "My dad insisted we move here to get away from it all."

She nods but declines my arm. Instead she walks towards a shaded bench and I walk along. "What did he want to get away from?" she asks me as we sit on the shaded bench. I notice that Rosalie keeps her distance from me, but I already know to expect that from the earlier conversation with my dad.

Fiddling with my glasses, I think for a moment. "I can't imagine his reasoning beyond the fact he wanted to keep his family a secret. My mum, sis…"

I trail off there. I'm not quite sure what to tell her… what would be safe to tell her, anyway. I want to be honest and open. It's what my father didn't want. So I tell her…

"My father was abusive. He killed my sister; at least I think he did. He beat my mum until she had no life to her. I was the catch all for everything that went wrong in his life. It was all my fault. The old sot even tried to claim that I wasn't his child, just to justify his beating me. I wasn't his, so it didn't matter if he hit me."

"Seriously?" Rosalie looks at me as though I am relaying a horror story.

"Yes. He was flat out bonkers, though. I look just like him," I laugh at the pure irony of it all.

She asks me about Edward and I explain that he's gone for the day. I did let her know that he would probably be back soon. She didn't seem too happy with that answer, though. She then asked about some bloke named Giselher. I explain to her that I just had no knowledge of the man, to which she replies with a sigh of relief.

As we talk, I tell her more about my home life. I reminisce about my sister and the fun times we had before her early demise. I tell her that my mother and I often avoided my father, especially since my sister's passing.

She nods, seeming that she could relate and after a moment of complete silence, she tells me, "My step-father, Royce, raped me."

My jaw drops. "Are you barking mad?" My hand instantly clamps over my mouth. "I apologize for such a rude outbreak like that, Rosalie. It's that you caught me off-guard with your comment is all." I beg her to continue.

She looks as though she is about to cry. "I don't know that I can, Daniel. I mean, you are going to judge me, they all judge me. I was popular. I was beautiful…"

"You are beautiful," I interrupt and correct all at once.

"I don't want to hear that. I don't want to be beautiful anymore. It's what makes men rape you repeatedly. It's why you have to get locked up in an insane asylum."

"Is that where you think we are?"

"Look around, Daniel. We're not in the French Riveria."

I glance around and realize that everyone is wearing pure white clothing and jackets. I glance down at myself and see that the rainbow sweater I thought I had on is gone and I'm wearing a white outfit as well.

"Well, that may be the case, but it's not why you are here."

"Oh no," she states matter-of-factly, "it is the very reason I am in here. My step-father raped me repeatedly for years. My mother was too damn drunk to give a shit. I think she drank because she knew, but she won't ever admit whether or not she did. Royce was rich beyond any amount of money you could think of, and she didn't want to lose that money and status, I guess. It's the only thing I can think of that would keep her with him.

"That afternoon… That day my life got so fucked up…" She pauses for a moment. I reach over to her to comfort her, but she shakes her head and holds up her hand to stop me.

Then she takes a deep breath and continues.

"That afternoon, my mom went to see my real dad. They were in the middle of an argument over child support. I had just turned sixteen, and my real father wanted to stop making the payments. He thought I was too old or something.

"While she was gone, I locked myself in my room and worked on my homework. What I didn't know is that Royce had made himself a copy of my key.

"Needless to say I was shocked when he walked right into my room."

I notice that Rosalie is trembling and tearful. Slowly, I reach out and wrap my arm around her. My hand rubs her shoulder as she cries. I hand her the torn piece of cloth in my hand – the same piece that ripped away from Erik's shirt.

She wipes her nose and finishes her story. "So Royce did what he always did… raping me… and left me there, telling me that I should go wash his sperm out so that I wouldn't get pregnant.

"I was at my wits end, Daniel. I wasn't thinking straight.

"After my shower, I found him asleep in front of the television. I had to do something. I thought about all the plans I had made for escaping or for making Royce suffer… I went to work.

"I walked into the shed in the back of the property. I knew the gardener kept gas in there for the mowers. So I pulled out a gas can, and took it to my room. I covered everything in there before taking the fireplace lighter and lighting it."

"Rosalie, you set your house on fire?" I ask, unable to fathom such an act myself.

"I never meant to kill Royce. It wasn't my intention. I only wanted to burn my room. I figured that if I had no room… no bed… he couldn't stick his pathetic excuse for a dick in me anymore. I only wanted him to stop."

"Believe me, Rosalie; I understand that desire to make those wretched things not happen anymore." I hugged her tightly.

"At least my parents are back together, although it's too late for me," she says in almost a whisper.

I push her back from me to look into her deep blue eyes. "Don't ever say that, Rosalie. It's not too late for you. What happened wasn't because you are beautiful. Your step-father was a prick. He was selfish and controlling and abusive to you. He would have done that to someone else if it weren't for you. Do you know that?"

She shook her head as though she didn't want to believe one word I had said.

"Look at me, Rosalie. He took advantage of you because you were young and weak, not because you are pretty and popular. And you know what? You proved that you weren't as weak as he thought. He probably burned himself for being such a complete and utter arse. Fuck him! You are a survivor. You are here, fighting and living."

I stop for a moment to try and gauge her reaction. She sits silent, tears streaming down her face. It seems that she is thinking about what I am saying to her.

Adjusting my glasses, I say one last thing, "I wish I was as strong as you are."

She burst towards me and pulls me into a hug, startling me. Then she whispers into my ear, "Thank you, Daniel. Thank you so much."

Rosalie and I spend the rest of the evening together, eventually being joined by Bella, Alice, and Jasper at the supper table. My dad, Dr. Cullen, join us with my new mum, Esme. I keep quiet as they chatter about – laughing and have a jolly time.

This is what I had always wanted. This. A family. I am ecstatic.

When dinner is all said and done, Emmett walks us all back to our rooms for an early turn in. I admit that I am wiped, what with being outside and all.

"Good night, Emmett," I tell him as I enter my room behind my flatmate. "I enjoyed your company today. I've always wanted a brother."

He claps me on the back and says, "Yeah, I enjoyed you, too, Danny. Good night."

After he shuts the door, Jasper turns to me. "So, you're not going to be here in the morning?"

I shrug. "I don't quite know. Edward sent me to do a job, and it was done. I got my reward in the form of my family's company, so I'm sure he'll be coming in soon."

Jasper smiles. "Thanks for letting me know." He collects his clothing and tells me he's going to shower.

Reaching under the pillow, I find the journal in the spot Edward said it was in. I take the opportunity to write in the journal while I am alone. My happy day quickly shrinks away as I write the memories or 'clues' as Edward says.

When I am done, I lay my head back on the pillow and reread what I've written. At some point, I drift off, seeing Edward for the first time since the morning.

"Do I have to really leave now, Edward? I was so enjoying everyone's company. I had almost forgotten what a family could be."

_Yes,_ he answers. _I know. We all miss the familial connections. It's something we all dream about._

"Who's turn is it now?" I ask. "When can I come back?"

_I can't say for sure, Daniel. It's who is needed at the time; you know that, _he tells me.

"Well, if I am not coming back for quite a while, can you at least promise me something?"

_What's that?_

"Promise to keep Rosalie safe. She reminds me so much of our sister. I'd hate to find out something terrible has happened to her… again."

_I promise, Daniel._

And with those final words – that promise – I drift off into a deep slumber.

***~*~*~ Carlisle's POV*~*~***

"Here you go, Carlise," Esme says handing me a folder from across the desk. "Other cases have been confirmed. There are other patients who require glasses for one identity, but not another. The accent is applicable, too. I think it's time to make the official call. Anthony has DID."

I take the file from her. "Thank you, Esme. I agree." I tightly close my eyes, lean my head forward, and massage the bridge of my nose with my finger and thumb. "This is something I wish I had more experience with. I'm not sure I am getting through to Anthony at all."

She walks behind me and bends down, wrapping her arms around me and the chair. "Give it time, Carlisle. This isn't an easy diagnosis, and we both know that there is no cure. I'm sure you are doing your best. Don't doubt that for one second." She pecks my cheek with her lips.

Esme always manages to say the right things at the right time. Her words make me feel better, but, deep down, I still have doubts. _Anthony has yet to appear and his other personalities have been cycling through, wreaking havoc on the other patients in the ward. If I can't get to his inner personality, there will be no chance of helping him at all._

A small, timid knock pulls me out of my thoughts. Esme stands up and walks to the door, opening it to reveal Bella.

She stands there looking at us, chewing her bottom lip. She quietly asks, "Um… If it's all right, may I talk with Esme before I go to sleep?"

Esme reaches out and pats her shoulder. "Of course, Bella. Go on to your room, and I'll be there in a moment."

Bella nods and quietly shuffles off down the hall towards her room.

"I wonder what that's about," she ponders out loud.

"She's probably still worried about Anthony. You go talk to her, and if there is anything that worries you about her state, you have my permission to administer Lunesta."

She nods and steps out of the office before I stop her by saying, "Oh, and if there is any discussion about Anthony or Edward, or whomever, let me know."

"Of course, Dr. Cullen," she replies with a wink. "I take it you'll go down and talk with him?"

I nod. She knows me all too well.

When I get to Anthony's room, Jasper is stepping out of the bathroom, freshly showered.

"Jasper, did something happen with you and Anthony?" I ask.

"No, sir," he says, snapping to attention. "If it's all right with you, sir, I would like to complete tonight's perimeter check before hitting the hay."

"You may," I answer.

He salutes me and marches out of the room.

That's when I see that Anthony had already fallen asleep. I pick up the glasses that had half-fallen from his face, close them up, and put them in my coat pocket. As I do, I notice that Anthony had fallen asleep with his journal in his hand.

The book is open to a page that bears today's date. I read about the incident in the yard. It sickens me that Mike and Eric weren't better supervised. The whole thing could have been prevented. I'm going to have to talk to the hospital director.

As I read more, I am horrified to read a firsthand account of his father's abuse. I have always known the background from the police and medical records that were sent upon Anthony's admittance into the hospital, but… But reading it from his point of view is something entirely different. I am in shock as I read about the degree of which he was abused. The feeling of terror washes over me as I finish his last words…

_Anthony, I know you wish you were dead. And after those memories, I wish the same. I never wanted to remind you of such atrocities, but Edward said it was a necessary means to an end. I'm worried for what he has planned for you… for us. ~xo Daniel._

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**_A/N: Thanks! Next..._**

***jim-jams ~ pajamas**

****mahusive ~ immense, sizeable, very large**


	11. Can I borrow your light? I've lost mine

******DISCLAIMER: We do not own Twilight. We do not own Rob. Rob owns IJM... Jackson's my drug of choice, but I'm still a H00r for Rob... We do not own any of the movie characters brought to life by these wonderful people. I'm trying to think of what we do own... **

**We own this story... **

******Thanks for reading!**

* * *

**Can I borrow your light? I've lost mine.**

**~Toby Jugg, The Haunted Airman**

* * *

**11.**

**Forest Meadow Mental Health Facility**

**Physician: **Dr. Carlisle Cullen

**Time/Date: **7:18 am, Monday, February 28th

**Ward/Floor: **S. Meyer Wing, 5th floor, minimum security

**OBSERVATIONS****:**

**Masen, Anthony  
**It's been just over a week since I met the Daniel personality. Since that time, Anthony has maintained the more docile Edward personality. He has reintegrated into the ward seamlessly, maintaining that we are his family, with the exception of Bella, who he sees as his girlfriend. While I am not opposed to the idea of a stable relationship in Anthony's life, I am concerned for both of their well-beings in the long run.

**Hale, Rosalie  
**Anthony's Daniel personality has helped her immensely. Since their talk (as relayed to me by Esme) last week, she has been a different patient. I feel that getting everything off of her chest mixed with the art therapy is what she needed to do. I have noticed that Rosalie is more outgoing as well as not shying away from new individuals - especially men. I am thrilled with her progress. I think, for the first time, she is headed to a complete recovery. We need to keep her on track, steady and slow. Administer Zoloft on schedule.

**Swan, Isabella  
**Bella is sleeping better at night. She had some concerns with the new janitor, Laurent, coming into the ward, but Esme assured her that Laurent is safe. She seems to have really bonded with the Edward personality. I am glad to see her trust someone implicitly. I am surprised that it came with some ease, though. Keep close watch over her, making sure she stays safe. Administer Prozac on schedule. Discontinue administration of Lunesta unless deemed necessary.

**Brandon, Mary Alice  
**Alice has embraced art therapy. She is thriving and doing well. I have noticed that she is finally acting a little older, more her age. I feel that it's a combination of Jasper and Bella's company that has her seeing things as a teenager instead of a child. I'm also beginning to be convinced that the absence of the Cedric personality this past week may have something to do with her progress as well.

**Whitlock, Jasper  
**Jasper has returned to his full self. The first few days after his release from 'solitary' had me concerned. He withdrew upon meeting the Daniel personality. He hid all that day. It took a few days for the Edward personality to assure him that he was not leaving unless it was necessary. I am happy to note his return to morning perimeter checks this week. Continue administering Clozapine on schedule.

***~*~*~*Carlisle's POV*~*~*~***

The second I finish filling out the morning rounds chart, Emmett comes bounding up to me. He has a frightened look on his face.

"What's wrong, Emmett?"

He looks at me. "You won't believe what's going on, Dr. C."

"Emmett, take a deep breath. Calmly tell me what's happened."

He inhales deeply, exhales deeply. "It's Anthony."

"All right, what's wrong with Anthony? Did another personality come out?"

"Not just another personality, it's him. Anthony."

I drop the chart on the desk and run down the hall. My heart was pounding - partially with excitement for finally meeting Anthony, partially frightened to find out why he is showing now for the first time.

***~*~*~*Anthony's POV*~*~*~***

Waking in the small bed, I crack one eye open to take in my surroundings, recognizing the hospital white room. I find myself to be alone and, listening, I hear no sounds of anyone near. Thankful, I shift in the bed, burrowing under the warmth of the covers.

A loud thud breaks the silence causing my heart to skip a beat before galloping in my chest. Jerking upright, I cautiously peer over the edge of the bed and see the familiar black journal. Shaking and terrified, I reach down and pluck it from the floor.

Propelled by an unknown force, my body is not my own as I open the back cover. Tears well in my eyes as I flip through the pages. The white paper is covered in writing, as if someone started a separate book from the back. Different forms of handwriting are scrawled in every available space, but they all say basically the same thing.

"_My name is Tyler, and I am you._

_My name is Salvador, and I am you._

_My name is Cedric, and I am you."_

It is the last entry that floods me with the knowledge I never wanted. The epiphany begins and spreads like wildfire, alerting all my senses. Swaying and light-headed, I read it one last time before everything becomes entirely too overwhelming and I slump over, the book once again falling to the floor.

"_My name is Edward, and I am you." _

My vision blurs, even as the room and the contents of my stomach spin wildly. A buzzing begins in my head, quietly, then louder and louder. I close my eyes, pushing down the nausea and fear, for once really listening. Slowly, the voices become more focused and I am able to distinguish their individual sounds, calling out their names.

Soon, their voices become unbearably loud. I am unable to think or function, the noise of them overrides everything else.

"Shut up," I whisper, cautioning them. The realization of what I am and what I have done is exhausting and terrifying. My vision has turned cloudy, and my heart is beating too fast and it scares me further.

Louder and louder they roar, faster and faster my heart thumps in my chest. "Shut up," I say louder. "Shut up. Shut up. Shut up..." I scream over and over, covering my ears tightly with my hands to no avail.

Soon, I feel gentle hands covering my own and I chance a peak. Though still blurry, I recognize the blond doctor. I hesitantly reach forward and grasp at him, clinging and desperate, I whisper to him in the only way I know to explain.

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall," I recite lowly. "I did too; I had a real long, bad fall. I think I'm broken," I admit.

The voices in my head quiet and listen attentively as the doctor smiles sadly and runs his fingers through my hair.

"I suppose you are, Son," he says. "The real question is, are you strong enough to put yourself back together?"

"All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put me back together again," I whisper

Closing my eyes, I feel myself floating away from the pain toward the darkness of my mind. Once upon a time, I had been afraid of monsters in the dark but quickly learned it is the real life monsters, existing in the cold light of day that hurt you.

Still, my sanctuary is breached for I can still hear their voices and as I climb the steps to my safe haven, I see them. One with a top hat and one with glasses. They watch as I depart, disappointment clear on their faces.

I cannot help them though. I've nothing left to give of myself.

***~*~*~*Toby's POV*~*~*~***

Why did they have to wake me?

I don't want to be here.

I don't want to be anywhere.

I wish they had just let me die.

Both, my body and mind have long ago split apart. My crippled form no longer able to run from my enemies. My brain no longer able to differentiate between real and dream. I fought as hard as I could against my adversaries, but it cost me my soul-one tiny piece at a time. Surrender was inevitable and, once conquered, I was cast aside as useless.

Once upon a time I was a fighter, a hero, a man. Now, I lie here, in a hospital bed of all places, coherent but so tormented. Assigned a task and forced into the cold, I wait. Time stands still as the big man called Emmett fusses around me. Soon, there are many-too many people with too many questions and too many pills and it makes me feel like hell.

Next comes the doctor with his explanations and words of comfort. He nods and gasps in all the right places as I tell about the world on my shoulders, the weight crushing my spine. I tell him about the ghosts that are never far away, crawling into bed, their voices taunting, as I lie next to them in the still of the night, unable to run away.

In a slow, methodical way he ascertains that I am indeed unable to use my legs. Pleading, he says not to worry and allow him to do his job. He'll take care of everything, he declares emphatically. When I question what I shall do in the meantime he responds, whatever I think is best. His words say, talk, sleep, eat, be comfortable but I wonder if slitting my throat with a straight razor wouldn't be easier for both of us.

As Doctor Cullen rambles on about hallucinations and paranoia, I watch the tiny black spiders crawl from under the bed and surround him. One climbs rapidly up his shoulder where it perches. Distracted, I go a little bit crazy as I watch it's legs move in tandem as if waving evilly at me. Frightened, I cower, shoving my fist quickly between my lips and biting down to stifle the scream welling inside me. The metallic taste of blood floods my mouth and the panic subsides partially.

As the doctor moves about the room, still lecturing, the spiders follow him, moving in tandem with his footsteps. He asks if I am feeling all right. I don't know. He asks if I need anything. I don't know. All I know is what I can see and I don't trust those damn spiders or him. How can I when I can't even trust myself?

Eventually he leaves me with my suspicions; hopeless and alone, taking his army of arachnids with him.

Not alone for long, a nurse soon enters bringing an ancient looking wheelchair for me. I despise the contraption on sight but I have no choice.

The woman has a sweet smile and is quick to anticipate my needs. She helps me to maneuver into the chair, speaking gently as she works. Her voice is smooth and I quite like listening to her harmonious tone.

The warmth and softness of her skin against mine as she helps me is refreshing. I cannot remember a woman ever touching me with so much care. I can't help watching her and feeling the edges of a smile lift from my lips.

"I'm Esme, and I'll be glad to help you with anything you need," she says kindly.

For some reason, I believe her. Something in the way she moves, something different in the way she smiles, behind her eyes, I see truth and honesty. I am hesitant to admit that I like her. I'm sure she doesn't want an invalid fawning over her. All I know is that I feel better in her presence and I wish for the feeling to continue.

"Stay and read with me," I practically beg.

"Of course," she agrees easily.

We spend hours of the early morning reciting poetry to one another and my fondness grows. I close my eyes and listen to the soft lilt of her feminine voice. Her voice is even soft and friendly as she chastises me for asking for cigarettes.

I think about having her in my bed, snuggling warm against me. I wonder if she could ever think of me as a real man and not the broken boy in the wheelchair. I dare to hope that maybe she could bring direction into my life.

Soon it is lunchtime and she tells me she has to go back to work. I am unable to contain my smile this time when she lightly kissed my cheek before leaving in the hallway with directions to the cafeteria. I watch her as she glides down the hall, then I turn my chair and mind toward lunch.

Luckily, I am able to move easily through the lunch rooms open double doors. As soon as I enter, I am bombarded with people waving at me and calling out various names, none of which are correct.

"Daniel?," the blond girl asks hopefully. I shake my head.

"Cedric," the childlike girl proclaims loudly. Again, I shake my head.

A tall man steps forward and reaches for my hand. I allow him to take it as I study the worried expression on his face. "Soldier?" he croaks. "My brother...tell me what the enemy did to you and I will utilize all of my vast knowledge and resources to avenge you."

Unsure how to answer, I simply shake my head again, but I squeeze his hand tightly to show my gratefulness for his support.

The pretty brunette, I know to be Bella, pushes past the others and falls to her knees before me.

"Edward?" she cries, tears streaming down her flushed cheeks.

"Toby Jugg, ma'am. It's a pleasure to meet your acquaintance," I glance around me at the people before me. I can see it on their faces, hidden in their eyes, they are all just as damaged as I. "All of you..." I reiterate.

Introductions were made quickly, there was no pity, only understanding, as they walked to a table. Bella removed a chair and Jasper pushed me forward to fill the space while Alice retrieved a tray of food for me.

An easy camaraderie settled over us, they asked for no questions or explanations. The rest of us ate mostly in silence as Alice regaled us with tales about unicorn named Rob. When I did speak, they all seemed to really be listening to what I was saying, almost as if they...cared. It was a strange feeling.

Something foreign bloomed in my chest. Something I could almost grasp but not quite. What was it called?

"_Hope_," the voices whispered, but I ignored them, turning back to Bella whose hand had remained on my thigh all through lunch. Although, I couldn't feel the weight of her touch, the warmth seemed to spread through my body invitingly.

I liked being with them...my..._family_. Yes, family. I liked the way they make me feel, like I am somehow important to them. That is a new and exciting experience for me. I couldn't wait to tell Esme all about it. I found myself craving her acceptance and wondered if maybe she would read with me some more this afternoon.

When she entered the room, I felt my face heating. Internally, I beckoned to her, needing to be close and feel her touch. I envision her in the sunlight by a cooking stove baking cookies and smiling. I long for her to sing me to sleep with her angelic voice and run her fingers softly through my hair.

A long ago memory threatens to surface of another mother-like figure who had no time nor patience for me, I push it away, not wanting to remember. I just want to bask in the comfort of my new-found companions and the woman who makes me feel special and loved.

A face splitting smile spreads my lips as Esme approaches. My relief is palpable at having her in my company again and Bella notices.

Leaning close to my ear, she whispers. "You need a mother, don't you?"

Gasping at her perceptive directness, I nod. It's true, I need this.

Esme smiles warmly as she approaches. However before she reaches our table, the doctor sweeps through the door, calling her name and motioning for her to follow him. They step through a wooden door with a large frosted glass pane, I can still see their silhouettes, and I watch on in dread.

The memory is pushing harder against my mind, pressing forcefully to the surface as I watch my Esme kiss the doctor's lips, choosing him over me. Again. The memory explodes in full impact causing me to tremble. I bite down on my hand feeling the pain spread through my body even as it expands in my mind.

Alone and scared in my head, I travel back to that house with a woman who should have loved and protected me. One who should have fight for me but instead pushed me away without a thought for my well-being, ignoring me when I was hungry, lonely, or tired.

"Go away!" she screams over and over when I finally gain her attention. "I never wanted you."

I see Esme growing closer and I cannot bear the rejection I know is coming. For the first time in my life, the urge to fight instead of flee overwhelms me. Picking up the Jell-O cup from my tray, I pitch it forward and watch in horror as it drips down the front of her pristine white uniform. Backing my chair from the table in a panic of the repercussions, I say it before she can.

"Go away! I never wanted you."

I have thirty seconds to register the hurt on her face before I am wheeled away by the big man.

Back in my room, once again alone, the flashes come faster and faster. The strawberry-red Jell-O splattered across the white backdrop of Esme's nurse suit has brought forth all the memories and I feel myself fading.

I grasp the journal on the bedside table, but fall from the bed in my haste. Using my arms to maneuver myself backward, I drag my legs in front of me to the corner of the room. I write quickly what I am compelled to tell, just as the doctor steps through the door bringing the horrible spiders with him.

With my mission complete, I put up no fight and go with them willingly. My words on the page my last thought: _I am Toby, and I am you._

***~*~*~* Carlisle's POV *~*~*~***

Esme steps out of my office's bathroom. "Thank you for letting me have your extra shirt, Carlisle."

"It's nothing," I reply.

As she walks past me, folding her uniform, she pauses and plants a kiss on my cheek. I grab her hand and whirl her around into a hug. I kiss her deeply.

"Besides, you know I like it when you wear my shirts. It's hot," I tell her, wagging my eyebrows.

She laughs lightly. "I swear you can be such a devil sometimes."

Just as I was going to take our playfulness a little further, a knock on the door interrupted us. Emmett popped his head into the room. He looked at Esme, then at me.

"I'm sorry for interrupting, Dr. C, but before I leave for the night, I wanted to make sure you knew the meds kicked in and Anthony was asleep in his bed."

"Thank you for letting me know, Emmett."

"Sure thing," he answers with a smile. "Oh, and Esme... looking mighty damn fine!"

"_Good night, Emmett_," I growl at him as he smiles and leaves.

Esme looks at me, her eyes full of empathy. "What are you going to do, Carlisle?"

I shrug and shake my head. I knew exactly what was on her mind, because it was on my mind as well. Her words confirmed it.

"These episodes of acting out seem to be happening more often. I'm worried about Anthony."

"I know you are, Esme."

"I'm concerned about the others, too. I think his personality swings are spinning out of control, and he may wind up hurting one of them, or himself. They're like my children, Carlisle, and I can't imagine living without any one of them."

I hug her close to me, and chastely kiss her forehead. "You know I feel the same way, Esme. I won't let anything happen to any of them. I just need to figure out the triggers that set off Anthony's changes. I need to read through his journal again. I just hate doing it without his knowledge."

We say our goodbyes, and I make the promise not to be longer than an hour or two behind her as she leaves for the night. We walk to the elevator, hand-in-hand. I give her one last kiss just before the elevator doors shut.

Turning around, facing towards Anthony's room, I begin to question if what I was about to do was ethical. I was never one who liked to barge into a patient's personal journal without their consent, but I felt like it was dire straits.

If I didn't read his entries, unlocking the puzzle would be impossible. But, trying to get his permission was equally an impossible task due to the different identities. Edward may give permission, but Tyler would act out. Daniel would openly oblige, but Giselher would go to war before allowing such a thing.

I take a deep breath and tell myself that it's in the best interest of not just Anthony, but every other patient on the ward.

Just as I reach the door, Jasper walks up to me and snaps to attention. "Perimeter is all clear, sir," he says with a salute.

"Thank you, Jasper. Would you mind escorting Alice and Bella to their room for the night? I'd like a moment alone with Anthony."

"Yes, sir." He about faces, and walks to the common room.

When he's out of sight, I quietly step into the room. Anthony's journal is on the floor next to the bed. After carefully picking it up, I start flipping through the pages. What I see astounds me.

There is a beautiful drawing of Bella, and one of Jasper. Both had greatly detailed pencil strokes and no color. Each picture is signed by Dali with a note that reads, 'I am Dali, and I am you.'

I flip to another page with red scribbles and very child-like handwriting that details something about the event that brought Anthony to me. Again, the note at the end reads, 'I am Cedric, and I am you.'

Page after page there are notes and drawings. There are mentions of details about the night his parents were murdered. The color red is the only color - other than black ink and graphite pencil - found in any of the pages.

By the time I finish, Anthony's personality count was at nine. An unbelievable nine. Each personality had its own handwriting, speech patterns, and thoughts. Every entry of theirs ending with the phrase, 'I am you.'

I place the journal back as I had found it. I leave the room, and am startled by Jasper standing at the door's edge.

"Sorry, sir. You had said that you wanted a moment alone. I was complying with your request."

I nod. "Thank you, Jasper. You may retire for the night now."

"Thank you, sir." He salutes me and marches quietly into his room.

By the time I get back to my office, thoughts are swimming around in my head. Nothing about the journal entries was cohesive. Things just didn't fit together as I had hoped they would. So many missing pieces...

As I pick up the phone and make a call to Chief Uley, Anthony's words resonate in me...

_All the king's horse and all the king's men couldn't put me back together again._

* * *

_**A/N: Thanks. On to the next...**  
_


	12. It's sort of a work in progress

******DISCLAIMER: We do not own Twilight. We do not own Rob. Rob owns IJM... Jackson's my drug of choice, but I'm still a H00r for Rob... We do not own any of the movie characters brought to life by these wonderful people. I'm trying to think of what we do own... **

**We own this story... **

******Thanks for reading!**  


* * *

**It's sort of a work in progress.**

**~Art Freeman, How to be**

* * *

**Forest Meadow Mental Health Facility**

**Physician: **Dr. Carlisle Cullen  
**Time/Date: **7:29 am, Tuesday, March 8th  
**Ward/Floor: **S. Meyer Wing, 5th floor, minimum security

**OBSERVATIONS****:**

**Hale, Rosalie**  
I was pleasantly surprised to see Rosalie in the common room this morning. Emmett McCarty told me that she had done so on her own. She also initiated a conversation with him. The most shocking thing was that she had applied make-up for the first time since coming into Forest Meadow. When I came upon her, she was putting on a bright red lipstick and looking at herself in a compact mirror. She has changed so much over the past few weeks. If her progress keeps up at the pace it is, we will talk about cutting back on her prescriptions. Administer Zoloft on schedule.

**Brandon, Mary Alice  
**Alice was found in the common room, sitting with a new stuffed elephant that Emmett McCarty gave her for a birthday present. (Today is her birthday.) She was mimicking Rosalie, using lip gloss that Esme Platt gave her - a gift as well. Seeing her in the act, makes me hopeful that she will see that growing up isn't that bad after all.

**Whitlock, Jasper  
**No changes in his demeanor over yesterday's events have been observed. He was up at 0600 hours and has already done a perimeter check. (as per Emmett McCarty's notations) I found him in the Common Room making notes for plans of attack should the enemy ever breech the lines, using the map reminiscent of the Civil War that he made in art therapy. I'm glad that he is taking the changes in Anthony well, but, given the chance, I would love to talk to him and see if we can't reach a lucid state once again. Continue administering Clozapine on schedule.

**Swan, Isabella  
**Bella seems to have taken the Toby personality with a grain of salt. She did tell Esme Platt that she hates days where Edward isn't with us, and it seems that how she integrates into the ward is also affected by the Edward personality's appearance. While I am glad he helps her come out of her shell, makes her feel wanted and loved in a positive way, she needs to be able to survive without him. Her happiness has become dependent on that one personality, which is dangerous water for her to tread in. Administer Prozac on schedule. Administration of Lunesta unnecessary unless deemed otherwise.

**Masen, Anthony  
**The appearance of Anthony was short lived. He has yet to reappear. The only thing I could state for a fact is that he knows he is broken. Whether he understands that he is suffering from Dissociative Identity Disorder has yet to be determined. After reading through his journal and placing a call to the local police department, I am determined to find the triggers of Anthony's personality changes and uncover more of the truths of why he is here.  
The past week, Anthony has assumed a worrisome personality named Art. He has avoided direct contact with me, but from what I understand, he is in need of constant reassurance. I intend on having a one-on-one with him today to try and figure out what his place is in Anthony's world.

***~*~*~*~*Carlisle's POV*~*~*~*~***

As I hand the charts to Emmett, he thrusts a thick manila envelope in my hands. I look at it, noting that nothing was written on the outside of it.

Before I can make a comment, Emmett tells me, "Police Chief Uley stopped me at the door this morning and asked me to give this to you."

"Thank you, Emmett. It didn't take him long to get this to me." I tuck the envelope under my arm and start walking to my office.

Emmett follows behind me. "You know I thought he was going to give me a ticket."

"What did you do this time, Emmett?"

"I _maybe_ flirted with Emily down at the cafe last night."

I glance at him. "Emmett, you can't get a ticket for flirting with a single woman."

He shrugs and says, "Yeah, I know. But I do run that red light at the end of the street. It never changes at five in the morning when I am driving in. I know the Chief overlooks it from time-to-time, but I may have started a war."

"Don't let Jasper hear you say that."

"Yeah, I know, Dr. C. I'll keep it on the DL."

We reach my office, and I instruct Emmett to not let anyone disturb me for the morning. "I really want to devote my time to reading and understanding what's in this paperwork."

"Sure thing." He glances at the envelope and questions, "What is it? If you don't mind me asking."

I answer, "I hope it's the key to one of the most confusing puzzles I have ever dealt with in my career."

"Do you want me to let you know if anything happens with Anthony or one of his identities?"

"Unless a more violent personality comes out, I think you and Esme can handle him."

"All right, Dr. C. I'll let you know when it's lunch time."

"Thank you, Emmett."

I shut the door to my office and head straight to my desk, opening the envelope, curious with what it holds. The contents spill out across my desk. There are various pictures of Anthony over the years with contusions and abrasions. There's paperwork from the most recent call to the house that details how Anthony was found - his mental and physical states. Most of this information I had already had from his previous file that was sent in with his admission to Forest Meadow.

The last thing that falls out of the envelope is a disc. I insert it into my computer's drive. The window pops open showing complete files that go back for years on Anthony Masen. I open the oldest one and begin to read. It's not long before I am finishing it and opening another file.

File after file of reports of suspected abuse open before me with each click on the folder. Every single one of them having evidence that Edward Masen, the father, was the cause. The reports also state that Anthony's mother, Elizabeth, didn't do anything to help Anthony's situation, constantly denying anything was happening at all.

I read about his sister's suicide. Anthony is the one that found her hanging from the ceiling in her room. Edward is the one who made the call to the police. Elizabeth keeps in her room, not giving the police a chance for an interview. The case was closed as a suicide after a month, citing there wasn't sufficient evidence for a murder investigation.

As I am reeling from all the information Chief Uley had sent me, trying to stomach it all, I open the last file. Photos, statements, and hospital records from that winter night appear before my eyes. Nothing seems real in those images, those words. Blood is everywhere, on every surface in that home. Elizabeth is found dead in the kitchen. Edward is found barely conscious, flat-lining before he arrived at the hospital that night. Anthony found just off the property-line in the woods behind his house, covered with blood and bruises.

There are so many keys to the Anthony puzzle. His puzzle is more complicated and detailed than I have ever thought possible. It's then that I become more determined than ever to find the one right piece that can put him back together and make him whole.

~~~**Art**~~~

"Do you think I'm abnormal because my parents hated me or do you think my parents hated me because I'm not normal? Because I think maybe..."

"Art!" Bella yells, interrupting my rambling. "I think I need a break."

"A b-b-break?" I ask, confused.

Bella nods emphatically. "Yes, a break. I need to be alone for a while...to process all that you have told me. Yes! That's it."

"Oh a break. Yeah, okay Bella. Ummm...so, I'll just go then," I say hesitantly. I don't really want to go. It's safe with Bella. I feel comfortable and...normal. Normal is all I have ever wanted to be.

Bella sighs and stands from the bed, walking toward the door and pulling it open. "You should go back to your room now, Art."

As I move past her, I can't help but feel that she is trying to get rid of me for reasons far different than she proclaims. _Is she mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Oh no! What if she doesn't want to see me anymore? Normal people have girlfriends. I want to be normal. What can I do?_

I move past Bella, out the door, but turn back, deciding to not take any chances and just ask Bella what I fear.

"Bella, do you hate me because I'm not normal or..."

"Oh fuck," Bella mutters, rolling her eyes right before she slams the door in my face.

"What the hell?" I frown, staring at the door when a throat clears behind me. A glance over my shoulder shows Dr. C, clipboard in hand watching me.

"Art?"

"Yeah," I sigh deeply, my shoulders slumping into the exhale.

"Problems with Bella?" Dr.C asks, moving closer to me.

"I'm not sure," I answer just as a thought occurs to me. "You think maybe it's her time of month?"

The doctor stops walking suddenly, scowling at me. "Art that is inappropriate. I don't think Bella would like knowing that you said that. It's disrespectful."

"Ah, okay," I agree, committing the social protocol to memory, even though I do not necessarily understand the reasons for such a rule. I do want to be normal and I appreciate Dr. C's guidance in these matters.

"Hey Dr. C, do you think that if I was normal, people would like me, or does having people like make me normal?"

Dr. C pinches the bridge of his nose and shakes his head. "Art, maybe we should talk in my office."

"Okay Doc," I agree, but feel it only fair to warn him, "I might need a hug."

Dr. C follows me into his office and urges me to sit as he closes the door and takes his place on the other side of the large wooden desk.

"How are you feeling today, Art?" he asks carefully.

"Uh...kinda confused," I answer, feeling my face scrunch up as I ponder all the different things running rapidly through my distraught mind.

Futilely attempting to focus on just one thing, I ask. "Dr. C? Do you think I'm not normal because my parents didn't love me nor did they not love me because I am not normal?"

"Art," Dr. C says with a heavy exhale. "There is no template you can use to make yourself normal. There is nothing you could have done and nothing you can change to make yourself normal. There is no such thing."

He speaks sincerely and I want so badly to believe him.

"Look at me, Art," he says sharply, interrupting my thoughts. "Repeat after me-it's not your fault."

"It's not your fault," I repeat, confused. Of course, it's not Dr. C's fault. It's my fault, it's always my fault. Hell, I've been told that enough that I will never forget.

"No, Art," Dr. C exclaims. "It's not _your _fault."

"It's not _my_ fault," I say slowly, the word tasting bitter in my mouth, the concept foreign in my mind.

"Good! Now say it again," Dr. C insists.

"It's not my fault," I speak again with a bit more conviction.

"That's wonderful, Art. Now, how do you feel about that?" Dr. C asks, resting his elbows on the desk and steepling his hands.

"Uh...I'm not sure," I answer, still slightly confused as to how we got on this subject.

"Okay, well can you tell me how the others feel? Edward, for instance."

My nose turns up in distaste and my words come out forcefully. "I am sick of hearing about Edward, the wonder-boy. How come Pinocchio gets to be a real boy and I don't?"

"Let's just leave that for another day," Dr. C says, waving his arm dismissively. "Tell me instead about Bella."

I shake my head sadly, "She's mad at me. Said she needed a break."

"That doesn't mean she doesn't care about you, Art," he tells me.

I know he's right but it still hurts. "How can she love me like I love her when I'm not normal?"

"No, no," Dr. C says vehemently. "I want you to try not to use the word normal anymore, Art. Can you do that?"

"Yes," I whisper, promising myself I will try.

"So, leaving out all the insecurities, and only discussing your feelings, what would you say to Bella?

"I would say that...the best part of my day are the times she lets me curl up in bed next to her; the way her body fits next to mine, the warmth of her, the way she feels in my arms; safe, happy, and all mine. I would say that maybe that is what love is and maybe that has nothing to do with the way we look, or how much money is in our respective bank accounts, or age difference. I'd say, I think it's worth it."

"That's what you should say to her, Art. Exactly those words," Dr. C says with a smile.

"That's what a normal guy would do?" I ask, unable to stop myself.

Dr. C stares at me for a moment. He seems on the verge of saying something but changes his mind. Running his fingers through his hair and sighing heavily, he finally responds. "Yes, Art," and that's all I need to hear.

Shaking hands with Dr. C in the hall outside his office, I spot Bella coming toward us. As she gets closer I could see she was crying.

She stumbled into my arms before I could speak. "Art, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have gotten so upset with you. You're trying...soooo hard...to be a better person and...I should never have yelled at you. I'm sorry," she snivels into my shirt.

"Hey, hey," I soothed, lifting her face to mine. "It's okay Bella. I'm sorry too."

Her confused eyes meet mine. Licking my lips, I smile at her softly. "Why don't we go back to your room? We could lie on the bed and talk. There are some things I need to explain to you."

Dr. C gives me a thumbs up from behind Bella as she nods her approval, smiling encouragingly.

I kiss Bella's forehead, winking at Dr. C and then take her hand, leading her back down the hall. Just a normal guy about to profess his love to the most beautiful woman in the world.

***~*~*~*~* Carlisle's POV *~*~*~*~*~***

"March 1... End of Day Notes for Anthony Masen..."

"I finally got Art to commit to a face-to-face talk today. I've discovered that Anthony has assigned him to be the one who's over contemplates everything. He is obsessed with being normal, and after reading over all of the police records, I am sure he has convinced himself that he will never be seen as such. I half wonder if Art was sent here to see if life for him as a whole individual would be seen as someone who could blend into the everyday.

"As of now, I can't ever see a path that is normal or run-of-the-mill for Anthony. Once we figure out how to get him whole, it will be a daily struggle with keeping him as such. Any trigger for change that Anthony doesn't want to deal with would send him into pieces again.

"I am worried... What kind of life will Anthony have? I'd hate to think of him doomed to live life in this ward, never going to college... never getting married... It breaks my heart that he was never given the chance to live."

I stop recording there. My personal feelings are being interjected into his records, and I know that it's wrong. In my heart, I know that someone needs to be an advocate for Anthony... because no one has ever been.

After a brief moment of thought, I save the recording into Anthony's file, leaving that night, knowing that it's just the right thing to do.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading! On to the next.  
**


	13. Hey Dollface your dad trampled all over

******DISCLAIMER: We do not own Twilight. We do not own Rob. Rob owns IJM... Jackson's my drug of choice, but I'm still a H00r for Rob... We do not own any of the movie characters brought to life by these wonderful people. I'm trying to think of what we do own... **

**We own this story... **

******Thanks for reading!**  


* * *

**Hey Dollface, your dad trampled all over my civil liberties. Want to make out with me?**

**~Tyler Hawkins, Remember Me**

* * *

**Forest Meadow Mental Health Facility**

**Physician: **Dr. Carlisle Cullen  
**Time/Date: **7:02 am, Friday, March 18th  
**Ward/Floor: **S. Meyer Wing, 5th floor, minimum security

**OBSERVATIONS****:**

**Brandon, Mary Alice  
**Alice is doing well this morning. She was up at seven, going through her new beautification ritual of applying make-up. It seems since the turn around in Rosalie, she has grown as well. I've over heard her giving Bella fashion advice and make-up tips. I am beginning to think that the child in her is finally growing up. Only time will tell as to whether this change is permanent or temporary.

**Whitlock, Jasper  
**Jasper has had only a few brief moments of lucidity since that one instance a few weeks ago. For most of every day, he is still that Civil War Major, performing his monitoring duties and plan of attack regimen. As it stands, I think the periods are brief and not a sign of permanent recovery. Continue administering Clozapine on schedule.

**Masen, Anthony  
**Anthony has yet to return from where ever he is hiding. The Art personality left almost without a word, making me wonder if he got the answer he was searching for. Since that time, our ward has enjoyed Edward. Most of patients are comfortable with him in any persona, but the Edward one fits in best. I have looked into Anthony's life, coming upon the years of abuse suffered at his father's hands. I would like to try telling him that his father is dead to see if Anthony will feel safe enough to come out for longer than a few moments. Although I won't do that now, I intend on doing so in the near future. More research has got to be done on the consequences before I attempt such a thing.

**Hale, Rosalie  
**I am positive about her recovery and ability to merge back into society. She has become more confident in herself, especially around men. I have overheard her using a sassy tone with Emmett, which would have been thought impossible a few weeks ago. She is becoming a stronger individual every day. In a few weeks, we will discuss and implement lowering her dosage of medication in an effort to wean her completely. Administer Zoloft on schedule.

**Swan, Isabella  
**Bella has been on an emotional roller coaster lately. When Edward is not around, she seems withdrawn and unwilling to participate in group activities on the ward. I am going to ask Emmett McCarty and Esme Platt for help in making sure she is integrating smoothly when Edward isn't present. She shouldn't be so dependent upon that one personality. Administer Prozac on schedule. Administration of Lunesta unnecessary unless deemed otherwise.

**~*~*~* Carlisle's POV ~*~*~***

I hand Emmett the morning charts and tell him I'm going to my office.

"Sure thing Dr. C," Emmett says with a goofy grin.

Against my better judgment, I ask, "What's going on?"

He blushes and shakes his head before answering. "Rose said I looked handsome today."

"Your grin tells me it's something more," I say, "but I really don't want to know what it is."

"I wasn't going to tell you, doc."

"Just don't forget she's a patient," I warn him as I walk away.

I wind up taking a stroll through the halls, letting my mind wander. Probably just taking a break and enjoying the rare moment of peace. I find myself just observing my 'children' in their happiness as they walk around me in the halls.

Eventually the halls quiet down and I wind up looking for them. It wasn't until I pass the common room and glance in and notice all of them in there. My heart warms instantly at what I see.

Rosalie and Alice are looking through a fashion magazine, talking about what they like and what they hate. Rose is all glammed up with her hair in a loose bun and bright red lipstick on her lips. She looks like a 1940s actress.

Alice, too, has made herself up. She is wearing a purple dress with a matching ribbon tied in her hair. Pink lip gloss shines from her lips.

Alice is sitting next to Jasper and they are holding hands under the table. Jasper is staring at her, smiling like a man in love. I half wonder if he has true feelings for her knowing that he loves Anthony as well.

I look over and see that Anthony and Bella are on the couch. He has the same smile as Jasper as he stares at her, holding her hand while she reads. He is enamored with her, definitely in love. I know right away that Edward is with us today.

I feel an arm wrap around mine and a head rest on my shoulder.

"It's like they're one big happy family," I whisper to Esme. "I half wish it to be true... to have them never know the suffering they've endured."

"We could move to some small town and tell everyone we've adopted them. You could find work at a small hospital. I could stay at home and make sure everyone is keeping out of trouble. We'd live together, happily ever after. It'd be perfect."

"Can I move with you guys?" Emmett asks leaning near my ear, pulling me out of my peaceful thoughts.

***~*~*~*Edward*~*~*~***

Time passes in a whirl, periods of darkness and control, intermingled with moments of perfect clarity. Days that I am able, I spend with Bella and my new family. These parts are my favorite. Bella and I spend long moments in quiet conversations getting to know one another. However, I also enjoy the private talks with Carlisle and the ability to ask questions without fear of what will happen to me.

Jasper is another great source of comfort to me. We are able to work together easily as if we can read each other somehow. In his more lucid times, I have confided many secret horrors to him. At first I worried it was unfair to unload such a burden upon a man under so much stress of his own but Jasper assured me that he liked being able to focus his energy on something other himself and I confess I find a great deal of comfort in his presence.

The others are amazing too. I've never had friends before and this is definitely a perk of my new life. A life bought and paid for with gallons of blood. I think a great deal about this fact while I sit in darkness waiting while another has control. I think about justice and penance and the price of freedom. But other times, times when the awareness of perfect clarity overcomes me-the others as they reveal their horrible secrets to me. It's as if I can hear their thoughts; webs of lies, punishment, and blame.

It's these moments and the moments when I look into Bella's eyes that I can see with crystal clarity that it was all worth it. No price would have been too high to have what we have now; peace. It's also at these moments that I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I would do anything it takes to conserve the tranquility.

It's time they all understood.

***~*~*Tyler*~*~***

That stupid bastard is staring at my Bella again. I fucking hate that prick-Riley. What a pussy name, though I suppose it is fitting for a pussy. "Pussy!" I scream in my head.

Bella and I came in to the common room together nearly an hour ago, her with a book to read, and me with my journal to write in. I hadn't really written anything, choosing instead to watch Bella as she sits curled up on the ratty sofa with her novel. I was enjoying myself until Riley showed up fifteen minutes ago with a broom and mop, steadily working his way closer to Bella as he throws smug looks over his shoulder at me. Fucker!

He steps closer still and his leg rubs against Bella's. She recoils instantly, her gaze shooting up from her book to watch Riley wearily. I growl in response.

"None of your nihilistic bullshit, _Tyler_," Riley taunts. "Or is that your name today?"

He leans his hands on the broom as he smiles sadistically. "I know your secret, Anthony," he whispers.

When I don't respond, he exhales loudly and continues. "I clean all the rooms in the hospital, including Dr. Cullen's office. I've seen your file; I know what you've done."

I'm a little confused but I can't tear my eyes away from Bella. She's folded in on herself, cradling her knees to her chest. She's scared and I don't like it one bit. I feel the anger boiling in my veins, vibrating throughout my body.

"There is not even anything wrong with you, is there? You're just trying to escape punishment, you monster," he sneers, dipping one hand to caress Bella's knee. Bella's gasp is all I hear before I'm on feet and crossing the space rapidly.

I'm pissed off that he touched her, raging that he interrupted our quiet time together, and fucking fuming at what his little tirade implies. Riley drops the broom and tries to turn and run but the fucker doesn't stand a chance. You'd think he would have learned his lesson the first time.

One swing lands him on the floor, where I keep him, reigning punches to his face. The blood flies from his nose and splatters across the white linoleum floor. A memory pulls at me, nagging at the back of my mind. Before it can fully develop, I'm on my feet again and pulling Bella out of the room and down the hall into the stairwell.

No sooner was the door closed behind us than I had Bella shoved up against it, her legs wrapped around my hips and her arms locked around my neck, urging me on. Every cell in my body screaming out to make her mine forever. I feel the need to consume her, and by the way she pants when my crushing lips leave hers, maybe I am.

A tiny voice in the very back of my mind, pleads not to do this, not here, not now. She deserves better, the voice whispers and even though it pisses me off I know the voice is right. Bella's still gasping when I rest my forehead against hers and shift my hips back slightly. Staring down at her heaving chest is not helping my predicament or my resolve so I close my eyes and do some deep breathing of my own.

"I really want to," I whisper, "They're going to be looking for us."

Then, Bella's chest is heaving again, but this time from sobs. She clings to me as the emotions overspill.

"I was scared. Riley scares me," she wheezes between hiccups. "Now they'll come for you and take you away."

"Hey, hey," I soothe, rocking her in my arms. "No one can keep me away from you. No matter what. Okay?"

She looks skeptically at me, but nods her head. _Not good enough._

"I'm serious, Bella. No matter who gets in our way. No matter what I have to do," I promise her with all my heart. "I know I'm a lot to deal with...all of _us_."

Bella attempts to stop me, but I need to say this. "Things...are changing and I..._we_, don't always cope well. I'm scared of what's to come; what I'll find, but one way or another, I have a feeling it's all about to end."

Bella pulls my hands from her waist, clasping them in her own, and rests them against her chest. "I'm not going anywhere," she assures. "I know you're...different. Broken. So am I. Together though. Together..." she trails off, smiling into my eyes.

"Yes, together," I agree wholeheartedly.

Her lips meet mine with soft, sweet pecks of understanding. All too soon, I hear them coming. Bella pulls away from me with a wicked glint her eyes.

"You know, since you're already in trouble, you may as well have some fun."

_God, I love this woman,_ I think right as the first motherfucker dressed in orderly white crashes through the door and I bust him in his nose. I punch two more the same way before I feel the sting of a needle in my shoulder and pitch forward into blackness.

I wake slowly, my head still spinning from the high level of medicine coursing through my veins. I realize I am alone, in a room that is not my own. Lying flat on my back, I find that I cannot move my arms or legs. Rolling my neck to the side, I see that my wrists are strapped to the bed. Experimentally, I flex the muscles in my arm, splaying my fingers wide and attempting to rotate my wrist.

I quickly find that, while I cannot move my wrist far, I can see my hand from this position. Even quicker, I wish that I couldn't. Dried blood is caked in the creases and crevices, staining every pore. With the sight of it, I am unable to block the onslaught of memories as they filter through my conscious.

***~*~*Carlisle*~*~***

I've been sitting in this room for almost three hours, looking up information on my phone. I want to know if what I have planned will actually be for his benefit. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice him stirring.

He looks at his hands in the restraints and mumbles, "What the fuck?"

"Anthony, do you know what happened?"

The glare I received in response was chilling. "Tyler," he hisses.

"All right... Tyler." His named slipped out with great frustration. I was hoping the Haldol had relaxed Anthony enough to come out. "Do you remember why you are here?"

"I don't know what I did that was so wrong. That fucker Riley is to blame. He's dangerous, especially to Bella."

I pull out my notes and flip through them, landing on the page I wanted to write his reasons. "So Bella is why you felt the need to beat Riley's face to a pulp?"

"Look, he was touching her inappropriately. He threatened me. He wanted to fuck up Anthony. I couldn't let something like that go without some sort of repercussion."

He uses Anthony's name, and that grabs my attention. I see my chance at pulling him up to the surface and, hopefully, keeping him here. I take a deep breath and put my plan into action.

"You mentioned Anthony."

His head falls back as his face contorts with a deep breath. His eyes shut tightly, and his fists clench into tight little balls. He is obviously frustrated, although I can't figure why. "Why the fuck are you asking, doc?"

"I find it curious that you mentioned him as a reason to beat on the janitor. I fully understand why you feel the need to protect Bella. She's beautiful, and fragile... But why Anthony?"

"He's weak. I'm one of the few who has some balls to stand up for him. He needs someone to take his side."

As I make some notes, I continue on with the discussion. "Do you talk to him? Is it possible I can talk to him?"

"No!" His eyes open and he glares at me. "Fuck no! I won't let you hurt him, doc!"

Emmett's looks through the glass in the door, and I shake my head, signaling that I didn't need his help quite yet.

Tyler glances at the door. "I see. You have your muscle to help take me out if I don't cooperate with your attempt at getting to Anthony."

"That's not my intention. I want to talk to him. I know he's in there, and I just want to talk to him."

Tyler starts pulling at his restraints as his temper flares. He begins cursing at me and making threats should I lay a hand on Anthony. His agitation grows by the second, and when one of the restraints around his wrists loosens, I call in Emmett and pull out a needle that I had already filled with 2mg Haldol.

"Hold his leg steady, Emmett."

Even with all of Tyler's struggling, Emmett has almost no trouble holding him still. I jab the needle into the upper thigh, and push the plunger down. Within moments, the sedative kicks in and Tyler is back to a relaxed state.

Emmett adjusts Tyler's restraints as I calmly talk to him, half-hoping that Anthony will appear, and if not Anthony, then the Edward personality that I can talk to.

"Tyler," I say.

He turns his head and looks at me, groggy in a medicinal induced fog.

"I would like to talk to Anthony personally. I understand if you don't trust me. Hell, I'm surprised that you hadn't beat the shit out of me. I would understand if you did."

A drunken smile appears on his face as I say that.

"I want you to know, though, I am here for you... for Anthony. My job is to heal you, but it's more than that now. I have come to care about you as though you were my own son. I have wanted nothing but the best for you since we first met all those months ago. You do realize that, don't you?"

Tyler's head sloppily bobs in response.

"I have some news for Anthony. Is there any way I can talk to him now, Tyler? The news I have is very important. He needs to know."

Tyler shakes his head in an elongated side-to-side motion.

"I can't speak to him? It's of the utmost importance. It's regarding his father, Edward."

As Tyler repeats the motion, I study his features, nothing is changing. This identity is stronger than I thought. He is determined to keep Anthony safe from harm; even while under the influence of the sedative.

"What about Edward? The one we have come to know in the ward. Is there any way I can talk with him? He understands. I know he'd deliver a message to Anthony for me."

Tyler's eyes burn with a fire as he mumbles incoherently. He moves, trying to pull at the restraints, but he is too relaxed to make them budge. Giving up, his head turns from me as it is the only act of defiance he can accomplish.

I resolve to just give Anthony the news about his father, and hope that Tyler allows him to hear me.

"Tyler, I need you to be the responsible one right now. This news I have for Anthony may be that piece that can put him back together again. I'm sure you know that his father, Edward, is an undeserving asshole who should have been sterilized from the get go. He destroyed everything that should have been held dear... I understand that you can never forgive him. I don't blame you one bit."

For some reason I stop there. I don't quite know whether I was waiting for Anthony to magically appear or to see if I had Tyler as an audience. It wasn't for dramatic effect. Maybe I was hoping for a sign that he was listening.

"Tyler, I need you to let Anthony, Edward, Art… all of them... They have got to know... Edward is dead. He died that night while en route to the hospital. He flat-lined."

Tyler's head turned lazily back in my direction, his eyes full of light and questioning me all at the same time.

"That's right, Ty, he's gone. He will never lay another hand on you, Edward, Daniel... most importantly Anthony... ever again. You are free from his rule. His iron fist is gone. You are free to life your life without fear. Do you understand what I'm telling you?"

I wait for a drunken nod, but it would never come. Instead, his features softened, his eyes lightened, his fists unclenched. As I dab the drool from the corner of his mouth, his eyes met mine and a happy smile spread across his face.

I don't regret telling him, and I know that Anthony finally has a strong chance at becoming whole.

* * *

**A/N: eight chapters left... Thanks for reading!**


	14. That's what you dream about? Being a

******DISCLAIMER: We do not own Twilight. We do not own Rob. Rob owns IJM... Jackson's my drug of choice, but I'm still a H00r for Rob... We do not own any of the movie characters brought to life by these wonderful people. I'm trying to think of what we do own... **

**We own this story... **

******Thanks for reading!**

* * *

**That's what you dream about? Being a monster?**

**~Edward Cullen, Twilight**

* * *

***~*~*Tyler*~*~***

I am able to see, hear, and feel each of _their _memories as they become my own. The pain is intense and I whimper with the force of each blow.

_*Flash*_

A five year old Anthony lies in a hospital bed with a broken leg and ribs. The parents calmly explain to the doctor how the clumsy boy fell down the stairs...again, but little Anthony is thinking about the anger in his father's eyes when he grabbed him by the shirt and pushed him...again.

*_Flash_*

Eight year old Art sits at the dining room table as his parents fill their plates with large helpings of meatloaf, creamy mashed potatoes and gravy and buttery corn on the cob. Art's plate remains empty because he forgot to take out the trash on Monday. Today is Wednesday. When Art's stomach grumbles loudly, his father screams at him for being rude.

*_Flash_*

Nine year old Georges is being punished for leaving a wet towel on the bathroom floor. His small body forms a plank across the floor as he attempts to do push-ups as his father swings the belt repeatedly, screaming obscenities and vulgarities amounting to Georges never being a real man.

_*Flash*_

Eleven year old Toby hides under his bed. Tauntingly calling his name over and over his father searches, belt in hand. Toby's back already stings and aches from the lashings he sustained earlier in the day. When his father bends low and grasps his arm, jerking him from his hiding place, Toby screams for his mother, but she never comes.

*_Flash_*

Thirteen year old Edward hides marks that appear suspiciously hand shaped on his neck with a scarf. He covers the slash marks on his wrists with a leather cuff he found left on the bus. He looks into the mirror and snorts aloud thinking how stupid he'd been to think anything for him could be that easy. As for the black eye and the limp when he walks, he supposes he'll tell his teacher he had a bike accident.

*_Flash_*

We stand in the kitchen as mother carries water to the bathroom for father's shower. We are not offered the opportunity to clean up. We've been set the task of fixing dinner but all that is in the cupboard is peanut butter and bread so I get busy making sandwiches. When finished, I reach for plate to arrange them on; it slips from my hand and shatters on the floor.

"Wait till your father sees what you've done, you stupid brat," mother screams.

"You can forget about having any dinner tonight," she spits at me, then turns away still muttering. "Worthless little piece of shit."

She leaves the room as we sweep mess from the floor, only to return a moment later, hanging father's belt on the back of the chair. She looks most satisfied as she nods at me. Then her eyes narrow as she warns. "You better not scream and cry either. For once in your life, take your punishment like a man."

The voices shift, over and over, like the turning of a tide and a decision is made. All are in agreement as we drop the broom and reach for the knife.

Never again.

*_Flash_*

Most times, I wake, I am alone and unable to keep my eyes for more than a moment. Through blackness, I drift. In and out. Once, I wake and Carlisle is hovering over me but I am unable to stay coherent. Bella and Jasper visit with me as well. Sometimes, I do not see them but I feel their presence.

***~*~*Carlisle*~*~***

_The past fourteen hours have been nerve wracking to say the least._

_Hour one:_

3:24 pm

Tyler seems to have totally disappeared. He is still under the influence of the sedative, but Anthony's features have softened and he appears at peace. I can't imagine what's going through his mind.

Bella opens the door and peeks in. "Is this okay? Can I...?"

I wave her in and she steps into the room timidly. She gnaws at her bottom lip and her fingers twirl though the ends of her hair.

I smile gently and ask, "What's on your mind, Bella?"

"Is Tyler...?" She pauses for a brief moment, possibly to gather her thoughts. "Is _he_ alright, Dr. Cullen?"

I nod and explain, "We had to sedate him for his safety as well as yours."

Bella takes a small step towards Anthony. She reaches out for his hand. "You know, Dr. Cullen, it wasn't his fault. Riley was taunting him."

"Yes, that may very well be, but Bella..."

She interrupts me there. "He would never hurt me. I know he's broken, but I also know that he loves me."

She looks at him with all the adoration a girl can have for someone she's in love with. She continues chewing on her lip. "Will he ever be better, Dr. Cullen?"

"I'm not at liberty to make assumptions, but I believe he's on the right path."

After a few moments, I ask Bella to get ready for the evening meal, promising that she can come back when Anthony is a little more aware. She hesitates, but after some coaxing and promises, finally leaves. I pray that she loves Anthony as much as she does Edward.

_Hour Five:_

8:49 pm

The door opens as I am writing in Anthony's chart about his current status.

"Excuse me, sir."

I look up and see Jasper at attention, saluting me.

I finish writing as I tell him, "At ease."

"May I speak my mind, sir?"

I nod. I already know what he's going to tell me.

"Sir, I apologize for letting an interloper through. I had no idea that he was working for both sides. I am willing to accept full punishment for my lack of astuteness."

I finish writing the last few words, and turn my attention to Jasper. "Whitlock, Anthony is no more a double agent than you are. He was on a secret mission when an attack happened that jeopardize the mission at hand."

Jasper glances at Anthony. "Then why the restraints?"

"His safety. Nothing more. You are welcome to complete your perimeter check and come back in another hour or two to visit with him if you'd like."

He nods. "I'd like that a lot. Thank you for the concession... and for clearing up the confusion. I had no idea of his status."

"You're welcome. I'll see you in a little while, Jasper."

He salutes and does an about face and marches out of the room.

_Hour Seven:_

10:02 pm

"Still so broken," he barely mumbles for me to hear.

I look up and see that Anthony is stirring, figuring that the medication is wearing off.

"Can't ever be safe with father. All I asked for was a drink of water...hit so hard I lost two teeth... I was five... Humpty Dumpty...forever broken no more they tell me... no more."

His voice trails off. Anthony makes his first and only appearance that night. From what I was able to piece together, I am thinking that Anthony knows about his father, but will remain behind the others until he can be sure that he's safe. The fact he came out so soon, although briefly is a positive sign that I have found that missing piece. And yet, I can't fully celebrate as I am so repulsed thinking about someone hitting a child because they were thirsty. _Sick fuck._

_Hour Eight:_

11:26 pm

I am asking Felix to run down to Records to find a few tapes I had recorded during a few of Anthony's one-on-one sessions when Daniel appears. The accent was unmistakable.

"Excuse me, Dr. Cullen? Is it possible I might get something to drink? I'm parched."

"I'll wait right outside, Dr. C," Felix says, knowing that Anthony could become violent at any moment.

"Of course, Daniel." I respond as I pour some water in a cup and hold it up for him to drink.

He gulps down the water, thanking me after the last drop is swallowed.

"I suppose you heard the wonderful news, Daniel."

He nods, squinting to look at me. "I did. I am relieved as I'm sure Anthony is."

"And that's why you're here?"

"No sir. I was asked to assure you that everyone seems to be relaxing. The violent buggers are calming, no longer feeling the need to fight."

"That's excellent news, Daniel. I hope they stay that way."

"As do I, Dr. Cullen." He pauses before asking, "How's Rosalie doing? Edward doesn't tell me much about her, I always hear about Bella, though."

I laugh and let him know that Rosalie is doing just fine. After hearing such good news about his friend, he tells me goodnight, and quickly falls asleep.

It seems that the identities may be working together to reassure one another. The darker more violent ones are succumbing to peace, and I hope that Anthony will find it by morning.

_Hour Ten_

1:26 am

"Excuse me... Daddy?" a small timid voice asks.

I recognize right away that Cedric has come out. I stop writing again and look at him.

"I'm sorry. I know shouldn't have called you that, but Alice said it was okay if I called you Daddy," he said, clearly frightened about what will happen to him for calling me that.

I get up and walk to his bed, sitting beside him and reassuring him. "It's perfectly fine that you called me Dad. I sort of prefer it that way."

"Really?" He relaxes only a moment, before saying, "I have something to tell you."

"Anything, Cedric."

"You promise not to be mad at me?"

"Why would I be mad?"

"Because I did something I wasn't supposed to do."

"Well, whatever it was, I'm sure we can work it out. Okay?"

He nods, but I can tell that he is scared to death to tell me what's on his mind. I give him a smile and brush his hair back from his head. He's still a little hesitant, so I coax him just a bit. "Go ahead, Cedric. I won't be angry. I'm sure you did what you thought best."

"I listened to the others," he confesses so fast that it seemed like he spoke only one word.

"You did? What were they saying?"

"I just want to know."

"Know what?" I ask as calm as possible.

His fingers are dancing nervously, and if he wasn't being retrained, I'm sure he'd be wringing his hands together. I take his hand in mine, holding it as though he were a real child and hoping that it would help calm him.

He sits in silence, studying my features for a long while. When he feels it safe to speak, he says, "They're all saying it. They say father's dead. It's all they're talking about. I didn't know I wasn't supposed to hear. So, are they right?"

"I can tell you he did die enroute to the hospital, Cedric."

"Yeah? Oh thank you Daddy. Thank you. I wish I could give you a hug."

The innocent child is at peace. It's only a matter of time before they are all at peace and ready to integrate.

_Hour Thirteen_

4:08 am

I'm startled awake by Esme's lips on mine.

"Sorry, dear. I didn't mean to wake you," she whispers softly.

I stand up and stretch. "It's alright, Esme. What time is it?"

She tells me the time and lets me know that she was sleeping on the pullout in my office, waking up to find that I hadn't been in there once that night.

As she's hugging me, a scratchy voice speaks. "Isn't nice to have the adoration of someone you love with all your heart?"

We turn to see Anthony watching us with a smile.

"Anthony?" Esme asks. "How long have you been awake?"

"It's Edward," he informs us, "... and only for a moment."

An uncomfortable silence falls over the three of us. The fact that Edward appeared confused me. I have talked with almost every single one of his identities over the past twelve hours. I guess for some reason, I have it in my head that Anthony would finally appear for good. Thinking back, though, Edward was always the one who could keep control while assessing the situation, so...

"Carlisle, is it true?" Edward asks, interrupting my thoughts.

"Is what true?" Esme asks, scrutinizing my expression.

"He says Anthony's father is dead, Esme," Edward answers for her. "Tyler told us. All of us, and they voted me to come and check his facts. We all know that Tyler jumps to conclusions before getting the full story."

"I told a few of the others," I mention.

"They don't want to put their trust in a child. And for some reason, they don't trust Daniel. I guess I'm the liaison they put their full trust in."

I nod, giving Edward the answer Anthony was looking for. "It's true. He flatlined on the way to the hospital that night."

"I'm sorry, Edward. I know it must be hard for you to hear this so bluntly," Esme says. I have no idea why she's trying to soften the blow. We both know what kind of man his father was.

Edward's grin grows out of control. He's much like a Cheshire cat. He lays his head back on the pillow and lowly mumbles, "It's true. He's gone."

"Esme, would you please go start a pot of coffee. I'd like to speak with Edward alone." I hand her Anthony's file and give her a peck on the check.

"I'll see you later, Carlisle. And yes, I'll file this for you, too... since you asked." She laughs at her own joke, which wasn't funny, and leaves the room.

I pull my chair closer to Edward's bed and make myself comfortable. "Tell me what's going on, Edward. Are you able to talk with Anthony?"

He lifts his head, opening his eyes. A stern look is on his face. "I'm not sure that Anthony will ever come out again."

I'm dying to pull out my notepad, but I resist that temptation and ask, "Why not? He understands that his father no longer poses a threat, right?"

"He knows," he quickly replies as he lifts his hand that is still restrained to the bed. "Is there any way I can get out of these cuffs?"

"Sorry, Edward. I cannot take you out until we are sure the more...enraged... personas are no longer a threat to you or anyone else."

Before I can say anymore to Edward, there is a knock at the door. Emmett pokes his head in and tells me he showed up early should I need the help.

"Hey, Em. How's it going?"

Emmett steps into the room. "Eddie! Glad to have you back, bro."

"I'll leave you two to catch up. I'm going to head down for some coffee."

Coffee is just what I needed. It's been a long night of waiting and disappointment, and yet I can't help but to feel like we've had a little success in Anthony's recovery. The others finally understand that their life long nightmare is over.

I make it to the front desk, the aroma of coffee that Esme started filling my lungs. I pull out the half-brewed pot and pour myself a steaming cup. I take a sip and feel almost instantly energized. I pick up the morning rounds charts out of habit. I know I am not performing that task this morning, having already decided to let Esme do it while I continue to monitor Anthony.

As I pour another cup of coffee, I hear, "Hey, Dr. C." Emmett is walking by the desk.

"Emmett? What are you doing out here? Why aren't you with Anthony?"

He stopped dead in his tracks. "Well, Edward and I had a few words and he was getting tired. I left after he was asleep. That was like twenty minutes ago."

I check my watch. "That was twenty minutes ago?"

"I tightened the cuffs and locked the door before I left. I had to get out here before Jasper does his morning perimeter check."

"Of course," I say half-sarcastically. "I'm heading back. If you see Esme, let her know I have the charts."

I walk through the hall toward the room we were holding Anthony in, drinking my coffee. My mind wanders about what the next twenty-four hours will hold for him. I should have paid attention.

I am almost at Anthony's door when I walk right into Esme, spilling my coffee all over the front of me. "You have some explaining to do, Carlisle," she yells.

"I am so sorry, Esme. Did you get any coffee on you?"

"Why did you lie to him?"

"What?" I ask. "What lie? To who?"

"Don't give me that, Carlisle. You know very well that I'm talking about Anthony."

"Esme... what are you talking about."

"I'm talking about the fact that Edward Masen is still alive." Her arms cross in front of her chest - body language telling me that she's being closed minded about this situation - as her eyes pierce into me.

I want to explain my reasons, but all I get out is... "How did you know that he was alive?"

"I was organizing his charts, doing one of my jobs. You told him his father died."

"Technically, he did."

"Bullshit! You didn't mention that he was resuscitated and living on machines."

"I did what was best for Anthony, Esme. You know that I have his best interest at heart."

"Then why haven't you told him that Edward is alive?"

Self-doubt runs through me as I look at her. Maybe I did jump the gun in my desperate attempt to help this young man that no one has ever cared about... until now. I should have never allowed my personal feelings to intervene.

"His father can no longer hurt him anymore, Esme. The man is living on machines with little to no chance of recovery. We both know the statistics."

She stands shaking her head in disagreement. "We don't know anything for sure. You need to tell him, Carlisle. Anthony has got to know that his father could wake any time now and take him out of here, since he's not yet a ward of the state."

She's right. But so am I. I know that Edward will never wake from his coma, and if he does, I'll fight tooth and nail to keep Anthony here. I won't let anything happen to him.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Next one now...**


	15. Keeping up the appearance of having all

******DISCLAIMER: We do not own Twilight. We do not own Rob. Rob owns IJM... Jackson's my drug of choice, but I'm still a H00r for Rob... We do not own any of the movie characters brought to life by these wonderful people. I'm trying to think of what we do own... **

**We own this story... **

******Thanks for reading!**

* * *

**Keeping up the appearance of having all your marbles is hard work, but important.**

**~Jacob Jankowski, Water for Elephants**

* * *

***~*~* Edward *~*~***

Sometime later, I wake in the darkened room alone. I shift my head to look again at my hands, thankful to find them clean. Slowly, I become aware of voices outside the room in the hall. It takes me a moment to pace them as Carlisle and Esme.

"Why haven't you told him yet that his father is still alive, Carlisle?"

"His father can't hurt him anymore," Carlisle assures, but I barely hear his words as my heart gallops at lightning speed.

"Don't be naive, Carlisle. He deserves to know that his father could wake any day and decide to take Anthony with him."

No!

"No, no, no, no, no," the voices wail, even as Carlisle and Esme rush into the room.

Ring around the rosy, pocket full of posies. Internally, the brick wall that separates us from Anthony begins to crumble, tumbling end over end, one after another. Ashes, ashes, we all fall down.

The voices of the others continue to scream. Long moments of turmoil pass before we realize one is missing. Cedric speaks no more. Silence reigns as we each ponder the passing of our Young one.

Innocence is lost.

***~*~* Carlisle *~*~***

Anthony has yet to speak to me this morning. Since walking into his room after the discussion with Esme, he has been glaring at me. I don't quite know why, either. I am concerned about his mental state.

It's about 7:30 this morning, and I decide to allow Anthony some visitors. I want him to feel like he's wanted and loved. I also want his mood to improve.

As he is resting, I leave the room, locking it behind me. Right away, I find Emmett and ask him to collect everyone in the common room so that I may talk to them about visiting Anthony. While Emmett is off on that task, I track down Esme in my office.

The glare I get from her upon entering the room sends a shiver down my spine as I assume, "You're still mad, aren't you?"

"Mad doesn't begin to cover what I feel," she tells me.

I walk over to her, wrapping my arms around her. "Esme, dear, I'll tell Anthony. I know you're right."

"When are you going to tell him?"

I kiss her lightly, trying to make up a little for jumping the gun. "I've left a message with the head of the ICU at Forks General asking for information about Edward's status so that I can inform his son." Acid rises from my stomach upon saying the last two words. Anthony should have never been his son.

She studies my face to see if she can tell whether or not I am lying. "Then you'll be one hundred percent honest with Anthony?"

I nod. "Yes. Even if it means he'll come unraveled. But before I tell him, I need something from you. I want you with me when I tell him. We need to make sure Anthony understands that we would never let that monster take him from us."

"Of course," she agrees and kisses me. "I knew you'd do the right thing."

We walk down the hall, holding hands until we get to the common room. Emmett has everyone gathered around the table. I stand at one end with Esme by my side and begin explaining to them about visiting Anthony. I allow for questions before we walk to Anthony's room.

Alice's question comes first. "Will Cedric be there? I miss him so much."

Before I can answer, Bella asks, "Will he be Edward?"

"Last I left him, he was still Edward." Alice pouted at that statement, and Bella lit up.

"Why should I visit him? What is he to me?" Rosalie grumbles.

"Rose." Emmett scolded.

"He's with us now, Rosalie. He's family," I tell her.

"Sir, will he still be in restraints?" Jasper asked.

I nod and explain that it's for the best. I also make sure they understand that we are going in to show him that we care for and will support him no matter who he decides to be.

The group follows me through the hall, being followed by Emmett and Esme. When we reach the door I knock, pull out the key and unlock the door. I tell them that I am going in first to talk to Anthony and let him know he has visitors.

When I enter the room, Anthony is awake. The second I enter into his line of sight, his head turns away from me like he's angry with me. I try to have him face me again, but he refuses.

"Anthony, you have visitors. They all wanted to see you. Everyone misses you. Is it alright if I let them in?"

He nods, but still doesn't look my way. The group enters the room. I allow them one by one to come up to Anthony's bedside and talk to him. Rose went first, telling him that she misses Daniel and owes him so much for what he's done to help her. Anthony looks at Rose and proudly smiles.

Alice went next, sliding a drawing into Anthony's hand and telling him that she misses Cedric so much. She explains that she understands if Cedric didn't like her anymore since she's growing up, but she loves him all the same. Anthony's response was less warm to Alice... almost saddened, which surprised me.

Bella was after Alice. She puts her hand in his, smiling at him. Almost instantly, Anthony gets that 'lost puppy dog in love' look. She tells him to come back as soon as possible. "I swear I am seeing you out of the corner of my eye... it's like you're there, but then you disappear." He nods at her not speaking a word.

Jasper hesitates and turns to me. "Sir, may I request a one-on-one with him? I need to apologize for my assumptions last night. I'll only be a moment."

Since Jasper was known to dwell on such trivial things, worrying and becoming depressed, I give permission. I ask Emmett to watch the door while I take the others back to the common room and talk to them about Anthony.

"Sure thing, Dr. C."

"And Emmett, it's alright if you wait right outside the door. Jasper needs to get something off of his chest."

Emmett nods and follows us out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

***~*~*Jacob Jankowski*~*~***

They sent me here to escape. Whether I agreed to that or not, it was my job to run off to the circus, so to speak. I had only tried it one other time, and got red-lighted for my attempt. But the others assured me it would end better this time.

As I lay there, trying to figure out my predicament, a tall, blond man walks into the room. He's giving me some sort of dog and pony show about how he is looking out for me. He's going to put me in a spec and parade these people to look at me like I am some sort of freak. Whatever. I'm not even going to look at the man that I was told was a liar.

After the group shuffles into my room, I hear this beautiful voice. I turn and see a goddess in front of me. I want to call her Marlene... She's gorgeous enough to be Marlene Dietrich. She mentions Daniel, which got _his _attention, and asks me to smile at her for thinking about him. So I did.

She shuffles away, and a little sprite comes gracefully bouncing my way. She slides a drawing into my hand that I can barely see. It's dedicated to Cedric. I just didn't have the heart to tell her that he no longer existed. So I kept my mouth shut, not wanting to upset the sweet girl.

I couldn't take my eyes off of the girl until I felt this tingling from a touch. I glance to my hand before looking up at the owner of the hand. _Bella_, Edward tells me. Of course I knew. And Edward was right; she was the most spectacular show on earth. As she speaks to me, I get a longing in my heart to be with her, almost to the point I'd fight Edward for her.

I stare into her telling brown eyes, and I can see that she loves me... Edward... us... All that shit Edward said was true. She is where we belong. I want her to melt into me, like butter on toast. I want to absorb her and walk around for the rest of my days with her encased in my skin.

I realize then, that she was talking to me, and I didn't know what she said. Edward knew, but wasn't sharing that information... the selfish bastard. So I smile and nod like some sort of verbal virgin.

When she left my field of vision, there was only one rube left. He glances at me as he talks to the ringmaster about something. Next thing I know, the ringmaster is leading the group out, followed by the roustabout, who shuts the door and locks it, leaving me in the room with the rube.

He walks over to me and starts talking with a very deep, southern accent. "Look, Edward, I'm sorry for doubting you. I know you'd never hurt me, but Tyler... I just don't fully trust him. He snaps at me, and is easily irritated by my mere presence. My allegiance is still with you. I hope you don't doubt that."

I let him finish his obviously prepared speech before a word slips from my mouth. When he's finished, I can't quite think of a way to tell him that I'm not Edward... merely an acquaintance of his. My silence must have made him worried, because he looks directly at me and mutters one question.

"Edward?"

As he studies my face, I introduce myself. "Jacob Jankowski."

He nods immediately as if he knew the whole time. "Nice meeting you, Jacob."

I nod in return and utter in my native Polish, "Milo mi*, Jasper." (* It's nice to meet you, Jasper.)

The rube suddenly looks confused. "You know my name?" he asks.

"Yes," I answer. "Edward told me you were one I could trust."

His features relaxed and he seemed to calm at the mention to Edward's name. "Of course. I'd do anything for him."

"He told me as much before I came. He'd said that you'd be up for a mission of sorts."

"What sort of mission?" The fire in his eyes ignites as he asks. This is definitely the man I can trust.

I motion for him to come closer. In a low voice, I let him in on a rescue mission I have in mind... My rescue from this three ringed hell. He immediately agrees and starts planning my rescue.

"I know of only two sets of keys for this room. One is with Emmett, the other with the Doc," he tells me, beginning to make some sort of plan. "The key Emmett has is usually in a safe box under the main desk."

"How do you know that?" His knowledge of every little detail amazes me.

He slyly smiles. "Perimeter checks. They tell me probably more than they should. And what they don't tell me, I witness for myself."

It's not long before Jasper has a plan laid out before me. It's brilliant. He assures me that the girls will help without a doubt. When I mention the possibility of us getting caught, he smiles and says, "Have faith, soldier."

He knocks on the door, signaling to the roustabout that his time is up. The muscle opens the door for him and asks, "It's all good now?"

Jasper nods, giving me a wink, just as he leaves.

Biding my time, awaiting his return, I double check with Edward that this plan will be successful.

_I don't know about this, Edward. Remember the last time we tried an escape?_ I think, knowing he is listening.

_Of course I do, we were twelve,_ he responds.

_We were beaten until bloody and bruised. We had 3 cracked ribs, _I remind him.

_I know. I remember. But Jacob, I know Jasper. He cares for us more than he should. He would never let anything happen to us. We will succeed this time._

I huff in frustration. I just want to close my eyes and go away. I honestly don't want any part of this menagerie. Unfortunately, I'm in it for the long haul.

Waiting is the worst part. The doctor checks on me a few times, allowing me a bite to eat and some water. He still refuses to loosen the cuffs on my wrists and ankles. I am going insane, feeling like some chained animal in its cage.

At least the animal could pace around.

I was more tortured, like a lion with no teeth. I had no chance at being able to savor life as it should be. Instead I am resigned to live with whatever was given to me.

Hours pass slowly.

I'm lying with my eyes closed, trying to just go away in my mind, when I hear the door open and shut quietly. I open my eyes and I see Jasper walk over to me. He begins loosening the cuffs that were holding me down.

"Sorry it took so long for me to return, soldier. It took longer than I thought it would to get the keys from the doc," he says as his hands are busy freeing me.

"You got the keys from the doctor?" I ask, worried.

"Emmett was at his desk all day, so getting into the safe box was not an option."

I rub my wrists where the cuff had been, enjoying the feel of freedom. "You know we'll be caught any moment, right?"

"The Doc won't notice for a while. He gave those keys to Emmett to watch. He should know that Emmett has a knack for forgetting where he set something."

"So, the muscle is busy, but how do we get out of here."

"I have a plan of action all mapped out. Trust me."

I'm not used to putting my trust into anyone, but I have no choice. I follow him without question and without hesitation. It will work out.

We walk through the halls, Jasper stopping me at every doorway and cross section to make sure the coast is clear. He steps into a room, and I follow. The second I'm in, the door is closing behind me. I turn and see Bella.

"Do Rosalie and Alice know what to do?" Jasper asks her.

She nods. "They were all too willing to help," she answers in a quiet whisper. "Rose wants him gone, and Alice just loves to put on a play."

"What about you?"

Bella takes my hand, her eyes meeting mine. "I'm ready, not for you to leave, but for you to finally not be broken any more."

Although I was terrified to know the answer, I had to ask. "Can you forgive the blood on my hands?"

"I already have." Her smile was radiant, and without any hint of doubt, she answered.

Our fingers lace and the urge to kiss her is strong, but before I can, Jasper clears his throat. "We're on a mission soldier. We have no time for this."

I nod, and set my mind to the task at hand.

Bella opens the door and leads us down a different corridor. She walks into a large room while Jasper and I hang back, out of sight. As she picks up a book, I see her nod towards Alice.

The little pixie from earlier picks up a stuffed elephant, making it walk. "Oh, Rosie, you are the prettiest elephant in the circus. Everyone wants to see your dancing act."

The beautiful blonde goddess gets up from a table, and walks over to Alice. "Hey, Alice, want to look at the new summer line of swimsuits with me?"

"Can't, Rosalie. Busy. Wanna watch Rosie perform?" the pixie I now know as Alice answers.

The gorgeous girl, Rosalie, walks over to Alice. "You're playing with a baby toy?"

"Rosie is not a baby toy!" Alice says. "She's not. She's my favorite elephant. I even named her after you. So you should take it back!"

"How about I just take it?" Rosalie plucks the elephant from the girl's hand. That prompted the girl to get up and reach for it, but Rosalie kept it out of reach.

"You may look like a clown with all that red on your lips, but you aren't being funny. Give her back!"

The arguments began. It wasn't long before they were screaming at the tops of their lungs. The threats against the elephant's life start, being counteracted with threats of lipstick melting. It wasn't long before hands were trying to slap, and profanities were being spilled.

The ringmaster and his maiden ran into the room, trying to pull the girls apart.

Jasper pushed me to move, and I grabbed Bella's hand, pulling her behind me through the hall. We walked quickly, Jasper pausing briefly to check the cross sections as we pass. We walk to a desk where the large roustabout was busy looking through papers, mumbling about keys. The second he bends over to look under the desk, Jasper motions for us to run to the door.

We make it out, and Jasper catches the door so it shut quietly. In the hallway outside of our ward, there were crowds of patients. Some of their directors were shuffling them to chow while others were talking about going to different types of sideshows.

The three of us blend in seamlessly. Jasper leads the way through the crowds. He takes us down a darker corridor to a plain door on the far side. When we reach the door, he checks for anyone that could be watching, and slips inside, motioning for me to follow.

I look at Bella, and she has tears in her eyes. "Bella, what's wrong. We're almost free from this hell."

"I can't go. Not now."

My heart skips a beat. The thought of leaving without her worries me. So I beg, "Just come with me."

"I can't. They'll find us." Her eyes are pleading with me, and a whisper falls from her lips, "Please... go."

"Bella..."

She interrupts me. "Go. I can delay them. I can add time for you to get out. Just go. Do what you need to do to give you peace and then come back to me."

Her eyes tell me everything and I can't argue with her another moment.

Jasper cracks the door open and pokes his head out. "Come on. We need to go."

Bella gives me one last kiss on the cheek and whispers in my ear, "When two people are meant to be together, they will be together. It's fate."

I look around the crowded halls. No one is paying any attention to us as they bustle about. I take my chance, kissing Bella passionately. As our lips meet, she softly moans and her hands run through my hair.

Edward screams in my head to keep my lips to myself. I taunt him by deepening the kiss. The others groan in disgust. Except Georges and Richard, who urge me to take more. I take her in, her breath, her taste, and hold onto it just as I feel a hand grab the neck of my shirt and yank me back from her.

She watches me as the door shuts. "I'll be waiting for you to return. I love you."

Jasper is still pulling me behind him. "Sorry for breaking that up, soldier, but we are under time constraints."

I know he's right, but I'm not comfortable about leaving Bella behind to suffer punishment for what I am doing. I'm sure the others will pay dearly as well. And that's when I pray that this mission ends the way we have planned.

We go down two floors and Jasper informs me, "We have one floor left to go, but we need to change stairwells. This one has an alarm on the first floor door."

We walk slowly down the empty hallway. In the distance, there are screams. A man in white runs by us carrying leather cuffs just like the ones that had restrained me earlier.

I turn to look and Jasper tells me, "Eyes forward. Walk normally."

He turns right and I copy him. We pass more rooms with huge glass windows, through which we see some of the more severe cases in the hospital - people tied down and gagged - some of them screaming, barely audible through the wired glass.

"How much longer?" I ask feeling the urgent need to get out.

Instead of answering, Jasper slightly opens a door, slipping through. I am right on his tail as we descend the last set of stairs. We reach the door and Jasper hold up a hand. I assume he means for me to stop. I wait as he checks the exit, holding my breath. They have to have known that we are missing by now.

But Jasper opens the door, and motions for me to go. I run out into the corridor and, after a few steps, we are running out of the door. We made it. We are almost free.

The air outside is wet. A train whistles in the distance. Rain is lightly sprinkling on us as we make the mad dash towards a thicket of trees and shrubs near a tall stone wall of the far side of the yard. My feet splash through the wet grass and I slip once or twice. I am out of breath as I slide under the shrub to hide.

Jasper is beside me, not breathing hard once. "Not much longer now. We should be able to make it down to the drainage maintenance grid and shimmy through with no problem."

I close my eyes, feeling faint. The urgency to get out is fading away. Why, suddenly, do I feel this way?

As I slip away, I take with me thoughts of Bella and the kiss we shared. It pulls me deeper and deeper away from this reality. Not even the sound of Jasper's voice makes me feel that I should go back.

"Soldier, there is no time for this insubordination. Get back here now. We need to complete this mission. I've got to save you. I cannot fail again."

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading. Next one now...**


	16. Could you at least attempt to control

******DISCLAIMER: We do not own Twilight. We do not own Rob. Rob owns IJM... Jackson's my drug of choice, but I'm still a H00r for Rob... We do not own any of the movie characters brought to life by these wonderful people. I'm trying to think of what we do own... **

**We own this story... **

******Thanks for reading!**

* * *

**Could you at least attempt to control your thoughts?**

**~Edward Cullen, Eclipse**

* * *

***~*~*Art*~*~***

"I don't know if I can do this, Jasper," I told him, my body shaking with fear. "I can't live my life in peace knowing he still breathes but I don't know if I can do what needs to be done. Damned if I do and damned if I don't."

Jasper studies my face for a moment before asking. "Art?"

"Y-yeah," I stutter.

He exhales deeply then pulls me down a path and behind a large sycamore tree where I collapse in the dirt. "I'm not normal, Jasper. I'm so fucked up."

Jasper huffs and squats beside me, forcing me to look up at him. "We're all fucked up, Art. Some people hide it better than others, but those so called normal people that you want so badly to be like are just as fucked up. Trust me," he says wryly, his face twisting.

"All over the world we got politicians getting blow jobs in bathrooms. Judges letting murders walk free for a bit of money in his pocket. Priest molesting little boys. There are doctors who prescribe people drugs they don't need, that cause irreparable damage to their bodies just so they can get a kick back from the pharmaceutical companies," Jasper looks at me seriously, staring me in the eyes.

"So we live in our own little worlds, trapped inside our heads more than others, we laugh at inappropriate times. No one is any better or worse than us and fuck them all if they can't take a joke," Jasper says smiling.

He takes a deep breath and then looks intently at me. "All you can do in this world is the best you can. You have to do what you feel is right; whatever helps you sleep at night. No more and no less. Now what's it going to be, Art? Should we stay or should we go?"

I raise myself up and take his hand. "Let's go brother."

We run together through the woods as quickly and quietly as possible, the trees flying by in a blur. Moving even faster are the voices inside my mind. Louder and louder they whisper, until I can no longer tell whose thoughts are dominate.

In my head, they tumble one after the other each with their own set of priorities and memories to share. I can't stop them, I can't even quiet them down and before I know it, I am lost as another takes over. However, even as I give away control, they continue to crawl over one another.

***~*~*Gisehler*~*~***

I am ready for battle. Prepared for whatever may come, physically and mentally. I have dreamed of this chance to seek my revenge. Lied to and abused, broken and used, the cycle ends this night. _Never again_, my comrades and I chant as we move swiftly through the foliage.

I have been warned that the enemy is wounded. This will not be a fair fight, but I cannot bring myself to care. Many times the tables were reversed but no mercy to me was shown. No mercy was shown when he killed my pet. No mercy was shown when he broke my nose. No mercy was shown as he ridiculed and taunted me. No mercy was shown to my sister.

No mercy shall be shown this night. This warrior shall prevail.

***~*~*Edward*~*~***

I push forward steadily, the thirst for blood leading me onward. I fear for my soul when this macabre task is complete, but I fear more for my sanity if it is left unfinished. I failed once, I will not fail again. _We _had begun to make progress, learning to work as a team with help from people who care. I will not allow any of _us _to backtrack. Just the simple knowledge that his heart still beats have caused the walls to collapse and Anthony weeps steadily.

I'll do anything it takes to keep my family safe and I will not spend my life regretting the consequences that have been forced upon me. If I must become a predator, an avenging angel, to keep _us _safe, then so be it.

I have looked upon the face of the devil, his name is father, and tonight I slay the dragon. We are not safe as long as he lives. He was allowed to hurt us far too long. Some scars never heal, but I assure the others there will be no fresh wounds. I shudder to think what he would do to Bella. No, some people do not deserve to live. I shall solve this problem and be home safe with my family, in the arms of my sweet love, evermore.

***~*~*Daniel*~*~***

I have the abdabs*. I'm so afraid to face him again. I'd rather just scamper away where our presence can cause no pain to anyone ever again. I don't want to hurt anymore. I'm scared to bleed again, has enough of my blood not been shed by his fists?

My cowardice is a stain on our character, but I cannot help how I feel. I slow my running which causes Jasper to slow as well, looking at me inquisitively.

"What's the trouble soldier?" he asks, his southern drawl thick.

"I want an ice lolly*," I wail, unable to keep my emotions in check.

"Daniel?" he asks.

"Yes," I answer utterly knackered*.

"Goddamnit," Jasper yells, stomping his foot. His tone is a little snarky*. "We don't have time for this shit. We're about to come out of the forest and we are going to have to stick to the alleys inside the city. I need you at your best or you're going to get us caught. Man up, boy!"

"I must be barking," I exclaim.

"Join the fucking crowd," Jasper says with a chuckle. "Now. let's move."

Unable to calm my rapid beating heart or my out of control mind, I give up and fade out. Maybe I can talk him into an ice lolly later.

(*abdabs - intense terror and fright; snarky - annoyed; ice lolly - ice cream or popscicle, knackered - tired or weary; barking - crazy )

***~*~*Tyler*~*~***

Jasper crouches behind a bush, watching the road. I'm ready damn it, enough of this shit. "Let's go," I tell him, bouncing on my toes with pent up energy.

"Chill man, we have to make sure it's safe," he says, smiling. "Welcome back, Ty."

"Fuck that!" I yell. "I can't wait. Let's go! We'll beat the shit out of anyone who gets in our way."

He ignores me, continuing the watch the street. I huff loudly and kick at the dirt. I'm about to punch him in his stupid head when a police car pulls up slowly, shining a flashlight out of the car out over the woods.

"Damn it Jas..." I'm unable to finish because the little fucker tackles me to the ground and pushes my face down in the dirt. I feel my lip swelling and taste blood and it only fuels my rage. "Jasper!" I warn.

He only shoves his knee harder into my back and growls at me. "Shut up fucker!"

The cop car pulls away and the woods are silent again before he lets me up. I spring to my feet and shout at him. "What the fuck!?"

"Look, you might not care if we go to jail, but I plan on making it out of here without getting my face or my balls busted up. So, enough of your nihilistic bullshit"

"Did you just say nihilistic?" I ask in amusement.

Jasper's anger fades before my eyes and he snorts loudly. "Yeah, I got it off the back of a cereal box."

***~*~*Toby*~*~***

We move stealthily now from street to street, staying in the shadows. In this part of town all the houses look the same and thankfully, most houses are quiet and dark. My fear spikes as we grow closer, but I can't allow it to rule me.

I know what needs me to be done. We _all _know what needs to be done. I allow our memories to push me forward into action, ignoring the spiders running alongside of me.

_Dali being locked in the closet for three days with no food or water, immersing dirty, gaunt, and smelling of urine, which earns him two swift kicks to the ribs._

_Anthony being drug down the stairs by his hair._

_Rawdy being shaken awake to repair the roof on the garage at six a.m. on a Sunday morning. When he fell and broke his ankle, no one took him to the hospital for three days. He was twelve._

_Jacob being thrown from a moving car._

_Richard, bent over a chair, being whipped bloody across his back with a switch for failing to take out the trash in the kitchen._

***~*~*Dali*~*~***

We're here," Jasper proclaims, stopping short and breathing hard. "The hospital is right across the street," he says, pointing.

"Thank you, Jasper," I tell him sincerely, stepping closer to lightly kiss his lips.

His arms wrap tightly around me. "Salvador?" he says, a choking whisper in my ear that sends a shiver down my spine.

I nod and squeeze him back, but this is not the time to get carried away, so I pull away before I respond. "You've done me a great service, but your assistance is no longer needed."

"Hell no, you're not going in there alone," he says adamantly.

"It's dangerous," I explain. "I cannot allow any harm to come to you."

"I'm going with you or we turn around now," he challenges.

I smile brightly at my love for I expected no less. "Very well. Shall we?"

"We need a plan. We can't just walk right in there," Jasper says tiredly.

***~*~*Georges*~*~***

"No worries, my good man, I'll get us in."

***~*~*Carlisle*~*~***

"Emmett! Where did you put the keys?" I ask, thoroughly irritated with him.

He's tossing paperwork from his desk as he tells me, "I don't know where they are. I left them right here on this file to hand to you when you got back from lunch. It's like they've disappeared into thin air."

"Well, we can't leave Anthony without food and water any longer. Just unlock the safe box and we'll work on finding the other set of keys later."

Emmett pulls out the safe box and punches in the code. Three beeps and the lid pops open, revealing the only other set of keys for all doors on our floor. He grabs them, and we walk to Anthony's room.

The second we turn the corner, I see the door is ajar. My heart rate picks up, as a panic sets in. "It can't be," I mumble.

"Here's the keys, doc," Emmett informs me, pulling them from the lock on the door.

I push past him and look in the room. Empty. The cuffs are still attached to the bed and Anthony is nowhere to be found.

Immediately I order, "Emmett shut the doors to the wing. We've got to look everywhere for Anthony."

I start running down the hall towards Bella's room. "Gather everyone in the common room."

"Sure thing, Dr. C," Emmett says, running off in the opposite direction.

Bella jumps as I burst through the door. "What?" she screams.

"Bella, I need you to come with me," I tell her.

She nods, and I lead her to the common room. When we arrive, Alice and Rosalie are sitting on the couch in silence, each looking guilty. Bella takes the empty spot next to Alice as I glance around the room.

"Where's Jasper?" I ask Emmett.

He shrugs and tells me he hasn't been able to find him, just as Esme runs into the room.

"He wasn't there," she tells Emmett.

"Girls, Anthony and Jasper aren't here," I say like an accusing father to his children. "Do you have any information about this?"

They look at each other, before looking at me and shaking their heads in an emphatic no.

"Look, I am going to give you one chance to tell me without repercussion. I can't keep that promise for long. If I can't find them, we have to involve the authorities."

Alice makes a small gasp, like she wants to tell me something, but won't. Rosalie files her nails, and won't look up at any of us, not even Emmett. Bella gnaws her lips and drops her head like she's trying her hardest not to say anything that she knows.

"Carlisle," Esme says, disappointingly. "We shouldn't jump to conclusions. Did anyone make sure Jasper made it back from art therapy? Isn't there a chance Riley used his set of keys to take revenge on Anthony? Just don't go blaming the girls."

"I'm not blaming them," I tell her, although I am. Their actions are too difficult to ignore. They are hiding something.

After a few moments of not getting any definite answers, I order Emmett and Esme to lock the girls in their rooms. As they do, I make a call to security, placing the hospital on lock down while we look for our missing patients.

"Still no luck, Dr. Cullen," Felix says while walking back into the common room with Emmett.

"It's like they've disappeared," Emmett adds. "They aren't anywhere in the hospital."

Esme sighs. "I can't imagine they'd leave, Carlisle. Jasper is the one who sticks to the rules like glue. We've rarely had an issue with him."

She's right. We've never had a problem with Jasper before... Before Anthony came into his life. I can't believe that I didn't see it before. Anthony is the one person Jasper would do anything for... Even if that meant uncertain punishment. Anthony is his soft spot.

"I'm going to have to call in a Code 7321," I tell them in a disappointed huff. "There's not much more I can do."

Esme rubs my back, telling me, "It will work out. Our boys will be back in no time."

"We don't know what the police will do to them, Esme. I only hope it's not too late to bring them back safely."

It's almost three in the morning. My cell phone is ringing and I answer, groggy and tired.

"Dr. Cullen?" Sam Uley's voice rings into my ear as I answer. "I have to tell you that we've not seen a sign of Jasper Whitlock or Anthony Masen. We're still searching the edges of the forest with spotlights, and we've canvassed the surrounding neighborhoods."

"I'm sure you are doing everything you can, Chief Uley," I tell him, trying not to sound disappointed.

"We'll there have been no reports of stolen vehicles, and the train depot has been shut down until further notice. We're going to set up a canine search in the morning. Until then, we'll have to keep looking in the dark."

"I appreciate you keeping me informed. I just want them back and hope they are safe."

Sam pauses a moment. He exhales deeply and tells me honestly, "I've ordered my men not to shoot them, but if they are armed, or exhibiting dangerous behavior, my men will put safety first."

"I understand," I say, my heart breaking at the thought of not being there to protect them. "Thank you for the update."

I hang up the phone almost in tears. Esme hugs me. "It'll work out, Carlisle. They'll find the boys and bring them back to us."

I can only hope she's right.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Next chapter!**


	17. Why don't you just tell me who wins?

******DISCLAIMER: We do not own Twilight. We do not own Rob. Rob owns IJM... Jackson's my drug of choice, but I'm still a H00r for Rob... We do not own any of the movie characters brought to life by these wonderful people. I'm trying to think of what we do own... **

**We own this story... **

******Thanks for reading!**

* * *

**Why don't you just tell me who wins?**

**~Edward Cullen, Breaking Dawn**

* * *

***~*~*Georges*~*~***

Stepping out of the dark woods into the sunlight, it's quite an adjustment but I do not falter as I cross the road toward the hospital. A nurse in pink scrubs stands, with her back to me, by a picnic table stubbing out a cigarette. I spotted her as Jasper and I surveyed the scene, and I knew right away that she would help me. I bet I can even get her to hold the door open for me.

Women, I understand. Simple creations with base needs. Young, old, thick, thin, it makes no matter to me, as long as I get what I want; they get a piece of me. Quite a fair trade, I might add. Some men do many things well, excelling in a multitude of skills. I, however, exceed at one thing and one thing only and I assure I am the very best at my business. My affection is a prize worthy of monetary value. I provide a service, after all magic and miracles come in many desires, and all at a cost. It would be rude not to collect; I am a gentleman after all.

I have made sex an art form. More than an act, a seduction of all the senses. I know all the words, all the moves, to compel any woman to willingly submit to my charms, screaming out their secrets, and begging to do my bidding. I, in no way, mean to say that women are stupid but I am a manipulative predator, and prey always surrender in the end, one way or another.

I am lucky to be approaching her from the side, she doesn't spot me right away and I slow slightly to take in my surroundings, collecting any knowledge I can to further my advantage. Her hair is a vibrant red fashioned into tiny corkscrew curls. The name tag on her shirt says Tanya. She holds manila folders in one hand, on the tab is a name written in bold black marker. I tap her on the shoulder and when she turns, I remain just a bit too close, accidentally, on-purpose, knocking the charts from her hand.

"I've been such a fool," I say, holding her gaze a moment before bending to pick up the files and making sure I spy the doctor and patients names before returning them to her outstretched hand.

"Excuse me," she squeaks.

"Please ma'am, excuse me," I say with a slight bow. "My name is Georges, I'm a pharmaceutical rep, and I was just speaking with Dr. Simon."

She smiles widely, exclaiming, "Oh, that's who I work for!"

"Well Tanya," I beam back, thinking how easy this is going to be. "That is very lucky for me, you see, after my meeting with the good doctor, I made a stop at the restroom and I seem to have left my briefcase behind."

I reach up twirling a lock of her hair around my finger. "Is there any way you let me in with your key card so I won't have to walk all the way around to the front?"

"I'm not supposed..." she begins, but I cut her off quickly.

"Please," I whisper in my most seductive tone.

"Okay, yeah, sure," she stammers, clearly in a daze. "I'll walk with you?"

Poor Tanya poses this phrase as a question. She is but a spider caught in my web now. _She'll make a lovely treat_, I inwardly snark.

She asks which bathroom as she leads me through the doors. I respond vaguely, saying only that it was private, on the first floor. She keeps up a steady stream of chatter as she directs me to the end of a long, quiet corridor.

"Here you go," she points to the door with the blue unisex sign.

I take one last quick look around before pushing through and pulling Tanya with me. I press her against the wall and kiss her senseless. She moans into my mouth and grinds against me. I run my hands down her sides, squeezing her soft flesh, until I feel the weight and jingle of keys. Pulling them from her pocket and palming them, I shove her elastic pants down in one quick motion.

"I just love keys, don't you?" I ask as I shake them in front of her face.

"What?" she asks, clearly confused.

"Keys," I repeat, as my fingers slip into her panties. "How about you tell me about the keys while I play your pretty pink pussy?"

She's still confused but I still my hand when she hesitates and she quickly agrees. "Hold them where I can see them," I command as she takes the keys from me.

Tanya's voice is heavy with lust as she proceeds to explain each keys purpose. I move my fingers in a steady rhythm in and out of her wetness. The fifth key she holds is a tiny one with red letters, Tanya reveals it is a security key that goes to all of the bathrooms and storage closets.

That's just what I am looking for and I take the keys from her and drop them in my pocket before curling my fingers inside her, making her come forcefully. I muffle her cries with a kiss but pull away immediately as she quiets.

I am out the door, locking it behind me before she can catch her breath.

Always leave them wanting more.

***~*~*Dali*~*~***

I stealthily slip back the way Tanya brought me and open the door for Jasper to slip inside. It's not until he is again in front of me walking through the hospital corridor that I notice the scratches on Jasper's arms. Open and bleeding slashes undoubtedly from whipping tree branches. I have a few of mine own but not near as many as him. My brother, my shield. However, it seems his leading the way cleared the path for me at a cost to him. Favoring his left leg, Jasper is badly limping.

"Jasper!" I grab his arm to stop him and he crouches low searching for a threat. I am the only one around to fear though. Me, I'm an infection contagious to all those that surround me. Jasper's hurt and it's all my fault. Always my fault.

"You're badly injured," I whisper, hanging my head in shame. "I'm so sorry Jasper."

Grasping his elbow, I spin him around and take him back down the hall to the door I noticed before labeled supply closet. Using the tiny red key, I unlock the door and pull him inside.

I sigh, my heart breaking as he slides the wall to sit on the floor. Jasper rubs at his leg wincing. He begins to speak by I hold a hand up stopping him. "Just...don't."

His eyes widen as he stares into my own. "Salvador," he whispers with a reverence I do not deserve.

Ignoring him I go about finding the supplies I need to help him feel better as soon as possible. It's the least I can do.

Jasper hisses in pain a few times but his eyes watch me intensely as I cleanse the wounds with antiseptic and dress what I can with bandages and gauze in silence. The tension in the air between us grows thicker while I work and as soon as I am finished, I'm left staring into his crystal blue eyes transfixed and spellbound.

"Salvador," he whispers again, his voice cracking in the middle.

Unable to help myself, I give in and crawl into his lap, straddling him. His hands fist in my shirt, pulling me tight against him and I lay my head on his shoulder, breathing in his wonderful scent.

"Are you sure you want to do this Salvador?" He asks, hesitantly. "It's not right for you to play God; I'm worried for your soul."

I sigh deeply, having known this was coming. "I have to do this Jasper. I know you don't understand but some people don't deserve to live. I have to do this for Anthony to be safe and I have to fight for myself."

Sighing again, I look away from his gaze. "I should have fought a long time ago and maybe it wouldn't have gotten this far," I murmur.

"You were just a child," he says carefully. "It wasn't your fault."

"You're right, I see that now-we _all _do," I explain. "It still doesn't change that we are unsafe as long as he breathes. It doesn't change what he did to us and tonight we take revenge."

I level him with my gaze. "Nothing you can say will change that."

"Okay then," he smiles, squeezing my ass once. "Let's go then."

**Jacob**

I slip quickly out into the hall, looking both ways. Jasper follow close behind, his hand still on the doorknob when I see Sam Uley turn the corner. My heart feels like it's going to beat right out of my chest. Luckily, he's looking at papers in his hand and I step back right into Jasper and we both fall backward into the supply closet. I kick the door closed with one foot and sit up quickly, my back against the door.

"What the hell?" Jasper admonishes.

"Sshhh," I say quietly, pressing a finger over my lips.

I listen intently for the click-slack of dress shoes to pass-by, holding my breath and praying that they don't stop. They don't.

Relieved, I exhale the breath I was holding and explain. "Sam Uley is here."

Jasper raises an eyebrow. He doesn't speak, just waits patiently for me to elaborate. "Police chief in charge of my case." Jasper's eyes widen almost comically.

"I've known him my whole life. He's a good man, but I can't let him stop me," I explain. "We'll have to be careful."

"Listen..." Jasper begins.

"Jacob," I supply for him.

"Jacob, right. I knew that," he says with a grin but his expression soon turns serious. "You seem like a pretty good guy and I just gotta ask one more time. Are you sure about this?"

"Look, I know you think I'm crazy, but I swear this is the only way. Sometimes some people have to die so that others can find peace. Surely you can understand that?"

"Of course," he says quickly. "I just wonder if you understand the repercussions."

I sigh and decide it's time tell him the rest of the story. "Jasper, some men are just plain bad all the way to the core. My father is like that. The things he's done to me...us, he was never going to stop. There comes a point when it is kill or be killed."

I take a breath, collecting my thoughts, and allowing Jasper to fully contemplate the implications of my words.

"This plan is bigger than you think, Jasper. I'm not crazy; I know exactly what I'm doing. I knew my life was going to change when I attempted the first time and I welcomed it. Anything was better than the life I was living. I don't have any family or friends, never had a girlfriend… and I had nowhere else to go and no other choices. A mental institution seemed better than prison and I was right. I have an adoptive family now," I say, squeezing his shoulder. "I have friends and I have Bella," I say fondly.

"He'll try and take that away from me," I whisper sadly.

"Okay," Jasper say agrees easily. "We'll be careful."

Jasper stands and grasps my hand, pulling me to my feet. "We'll go out the door and to the left. He's in ICU."

***~*~*Carlisle*~*~***

I click the record button on my computer and begin to speak...

"Anthony is still missing. It's almost twenty-four hours since he was last seen. The fact that he disappeared baffles me. What's more concerning is that, somehow, Jasper is involved.

"This is something that is so out of character for Jasper. He is one that always follows the rules. I have never had any trouble from him. Not until Anthony entered the picture.

"Does he follow Anthony because he's in love with him? Is it that Jasper found a true brother in Anthony? Can Jasper survive without Anthony? Those..."

A knock on the door interrupts my recording, so I click on stop and say, "Please come in."

My door slowly opens. Bella is timidly walking into my office, chewing her lip, and using her hair as a curtain to avoid looking at me.

"May I speak with you?" she mutters. I am barely able to hear her.

"Of course," I say, motioning to the chair that is across from me.

She sits and still doesn't make eye contact. I wait for her to speak, and she says nothing. I think I know what troubles her, so I start the conversation.

"Bella, I know you are worried about Anthony, but you know that we have some of the best people out there who are looking out for his interests. We are trying our damnedest to bring him back, alive and unharmed. We all only want what's best for him.

She peeks up at me and nods slightly, still without a word.

"He'll come back," I say, trying to sound confident in that very fact.

"Dr. Cull-..." she barely mumbles, when the door opens and Esme storms in with Alice following behind her.

"I'm sorry, Carlisle, but Alice wanted to talk to you," Esme tells me.

"Can't it wait?" I ask. "Bella was here first."

"Nope." Alice peals. "It's important."

"Bella, would you mind if we continued our talk later?" I ask, half-hoping she would want to stay. I want to find out what is on her mind... what is eating at her.

Instead, she shakes her head and stands. She walks toward the door, passing Alice and Esme. She gives Alice a strange look, communicating silently about something, then shakes her head and shuffles off.

"Alice, you go sit with Carlisle. I'm going to go talk with Bella," Esme says. She shuts the door behind her as she leaves.

Alice walks across my office, pausing in the middle of it (the spot where she usually does a twirl), before sitting in the chair Bella had been in a moment before. She mumbles, "Criss cross applesauce," as she crosses her legs and pulls them up to her chest. Her expression is as worried and mixed with guilt as Bella's was.

I steeple my fingers in front of me, leaning back in my chair, and ask, "What did you want to talk to me about, Alice?"

I'm thankful that Alice is a talker, because unlike Bella, she answers my questions right away.

"I'm worried about Jas," she says. "I had no idea he was going to be gone for so long."

Upon hearing her words, I sit upright in my chair. "How long did you think he'd be gone, Alice?"

"I don't know," her voice wavers as though she might cry any moment. "When we discussed the plan the other day, he made it sound like it was only going to be a couple of hours."

My heart sinks into my stomach. I feel nervous, confused and so worried. Anger, believe it or not, was at the far end of the range of emotions. I just wanted the boys back with me, safe. There would be plenty of time for anger later.

Trying to compose myself as not to upset the child, I ask, "Tell me about the discussion you had with Jasper the other day. Maybe I can try to figure out how long he really intended to be gone."

I pick up my notepad and pen. As Alice gives me what details she has about Jasper's 'mission', I am writing down as much helpful information that I can.

She tells me that Jasper and Anthony had an objective to end Anthony's suffering and possibly make him better. She explains her job in the scheme and why she had to pull it off perfectly. The last thing she says is, "Jasper told me their ultimate objective was to rid Anthony of Edward, but..."

"But what, Alice?"

"But... we all love Edward so much. I mean, I adored playing with Cedric. It's just... Edward was my brother; someone I could love and trust. He always knew what was on my mind and," her voice hitches as a tear falls down her cheek," he cared for me. I just know it."

I hand her a tissue and she wipes away a few of the tears, asking, "I don't understand. Why would Anthony want to get rid of him?"

In an effort to make her feel better, I tell her, "You know, Alice, I am willing to bet that Jasper only intended to be gone on his mission for a day or two. From what you told me, he could be back anytime now."

Her face lights up. "Really? You think so?"

"I do. Why don't we go down to the common room and see if Emmett can get you an ice cream or something while you wait."

She jumps out of her chair and rushes over to me, hugging me tightly. "Thank you, Daddy. Thank you. I knew you'd have an answer for me."

I pat her back and she looks at me and says with a giggle, "Instead of an ice cream, can I be allowed to trade my Barbie make-up case for some real make-up? You know, like the stuff Rose uses?"

"I'm sure we can work something out."

I page Emmett to walk Alice to the common room. She seems to have quickly sprung back into her normal self. Words were flying out of her mouth a mile a minute. Emmett laughs and tells her she should have opted for the make-up and ice cream, finishing his lesson with, "It's a rookie mistake to not ask for both."

The second they are out of earshot, I make the call.

After three rings, I hear, "Hello?"

"Sam? This is Dr. Cullen. I have some pertinent information for you concerning Anthony Masen and Jasper Whitlock."

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**A/N: Four chapters left... Thanks for reading!**


	18. You look so guilty, like you've

******DISCLAIMER: We do not own Twilight. We do not own Rob. Rob owns IJM... Jackson's my drug of choice, but I'm still a H00r for Rob... We do not own any of the movie characters brought to life by these wonderful people. I'm trying to think of what we do own... **

**We own this story... **

******Thanks for reading!**

* * *

**You look so guilty-like you've committed a crime.**

**~Edward Cullen, Breaking Dawn**

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***~*~*Sam*~*~***

It's now twenty-four hours into the search for two missing mental patients from Forest Meadow. The search is harrowing and my men are tired and bickering. I am too. I wish I had never accepted the job of Chief when Charlie passed a few months ago.

But I did.

Jared and Embry have been out in the forest with the dogs, hoping to pick up a scent or, at the very least, find a body. Two rookies, Seth and Jacob, have been patrolling the streets, looking for a sign of those patients. Quil and Paul are assigned with canvassing the surrounding neighborhoods, going door-to-door with pictures and asking for information.

But, nothing has come up. It's like these two have vanished into thin air.

Since their disappearance, phone calls have been coming into the station non-stop. Dispatch has been doing their best to keep up with the calls from as far away as Arizona and Florida. Officers out there, though, have responded to the calls, confirming false reports.

I am just about to give up an all hope of getting any helpful information, when my phone rings. I answer, and Dr. Cullen is on the other end of the line.

He gives me some information that was reported to him from another patient in the same ward. I question the validity of the information.

Then Dr. Cullen explains, "Sam, we need to come to an understanding. I feel that Anthony somehow found out that his father is still alive. He is desperate to be out from under Edward's ruling fist and will do anything to accomplish that goal."

"You're telling me that he is going to try and find Edward Masen and do something to him?"

He takes an exasperated breath and says, "As I see it from Anthony's perspective, there is no other way."

He's right. I, myself, want that man dead. How many times have I wished for payback for what he's done to his wife and children? I completely understand.

"I'll get my men together and we'll head over to Forks General. I'll have them search the surrounding area while I check inside the hospital. I hope you're right, Dr. Cullen. I would like to find them alive."

"Me too," he says, pausing for a brief moment before saying, "Please try not to let anything happen to them, Sam. Both of them have gone through so much, you can't lay all of the blame on them."

I promise, "I'll do my best."

I leave the station, running out while calling the other officers on the radio and telling them to meet me at Forks General. I drive with the lights flashing, but no sirens so that I won't alert Anthony, if he is there. I am anxious to find them.

When I pull into the parking lot, the others are already waiting for me.

"Why are we here, Chief?" Quil asks.

"I got a tip that Anthony may be looking for his father."

Paul shakes his head. "That makes no sense, Sam. Why would Anthony want to actually find his father? You know what kind of man Edward was... er... is."

"I know," I say. "But when Dr. Cullen called, he seemed to be under the impression that he will come here, looking for him. At this point, I have to take every lead seriously. Jared, Embry, I want you to take the dogs around the grounds and see if you can't pick up either Anthony or Jasper's scents. Quil, you take the rookies and search the surrounding parking lots and dumpsters. I need to know if it's possible that they changed their appearance. It's likely that's how they have been getting by without being noticed. Paul, you are going to be our liaison with hospital security. Look through their tapes and see if you can find them. I'm going to do a floor by floor check. If anyone finds anything, I want to be notified immediately. Understood?"

A thorough round of 'Yes, sir' comes from my officers and deputy before they scatter. Embry and Jared get to their K-9 unit and pull the dogs out to leash them up. Quil takes Jacob and Seth across the street to the convenience store to start questioning and searching. I look at Paul and he nods before walking towards the front entrance.

For some reason, I stand looking through the cars in the lot. I don't quite know why I feel the need to linger outside a bit longer. Staying in the same spot, I spin around looking for some hint of their presence. As I turn to face the back of the hospital, I notice a door being pulled shut.

That's where I go...

I come upon the door, and notice the sign that reads: Employees Only. The smell of cigarette smoke is strong. Beyond a small butt on the ground, there is nothing else around. I crush the smoldering butt with my shoe before walking off, shaking my head and wondering why someone would leave their cigarette stem burning.

I walk into the fairly empty emergency room. Glancing around, I see a sick child and a man with a hurt arm, who is mumbling about hospital forms. I hear my name being called and turn around to see a leggy blond coming towards me.

"Is everything okay, Sam?" Irina asks walking my way.

I put on my fake smile, trying to not look serious. "Everything's fine, Irina."

"Oh, thank heavens," she exhales with some flirtatious flair. "Can I help you with anything?"

I nod, keeping my Cheshire grin. "I'm looking for someone."

"Oh, let me get his name, and I can pull him up in the computer and tell you what room he's in," she says excitedly, before a small pout on her face appears. "You are looking for a man, right?"

The moment the word 'yes' slips from my lips, her jovial demeanor returns. I roll my eyes, and explain that Anthony and Jasper aren't patients, but they may be in visiting. I follow my explanation with the description of them.

She shakes her head. "I'm sorry, Sam. I haven't seen anyone that looks like that."

"Well, thank you anyway. I'm going to look around for them."

"Let me go with you," she tells me as she wraps her arm around mine.

We walk halfway down the hall, her flirting with me non-stop. A door swings open and a dark haired girl walks into me. "Are you okay?" I ask as I look at her. "Emily?"

There is a bandage on her left cheek. She smiles crookedly. "Sam!"

"What happened?" I pull my arm away from Irina and carefully touch her bandage.

"It's stupid, really. I was trying to slice the roast for your sandwich, and the slicer was broken, so I pulled out the big knife. I slipped and got cut."

"Sam, maybe you can check the back stairs for those boys you told me about," Irina says, trying to pull my attention away from the injured Emily.

But Emily was more important. "I'm so sorry. It's all my fault."

"It wasn't you who spilled a soda on the floor in the kitchen and didn't tell anyone."

"I should have called you and told you I wouldn't be by today. You wouldn't have been making that sandwich."

Irina interrupts again. "It's not your fault, Sam. You should check the cafeteria. Let me show you the way."

"Sam, I'm fine. It was only a few stitches."

I lean down and gently kiss the bandage, and tell her, "When I am done with this case, I want to take you out. I have to make up for my snafu."

Emily nods and tells me she'll think about it. I give her another tiny kiss on the lips and tell her I am expecting her call. She tells me maybe while her eyes are screaming yes, then she walks down the hall.

I hear a door slam shut and turn around. Irina was gone. I assume she walked into the supply closet just to have a door to slam in her unnecessary jealous state. I roll my eyes at her childish behavior, and continue my search, alone.

I spend the better part of an hour going room to room and searching through halls, looking for Anthony and Jasper. I check in with each of the nurse's stations in x-ray, and the lab with no luck. The cafeteria had seen no one fitting their descriptions. I have gone as far as to look into trashcans for … well, just any sign.

I make it to the general wing of the second floor. This place makes me uneasy with the many sick people just lying in bed. I stop at the station and ask, "Would you mind answering a few questions?"

The dark-haired woman behind the counter, whose name tag read Lucy, turns and answers, "Not at all."

"I am looking for two young men, both about seventeen. One is 6'3", blond hair and brown eyes. Answers to the name Jasper? The other is 6'2" tall, reddish brown hair, green eyes. He answers to Anthony..." I trail off, still not quite sure if I should mention the other names Anthony has been found to use.

She shakes her head. "I haven't seen anyone fitting those descriptions recently."

"Well, thank you. I am going to take a look around, if you don't mind."

She smiles and tells me with such a mom voice, "Keep in mind, these patients need their rest, so please don't disturb them."

I nod and go on my way, stopping to get a drink of water. As I wipe the water from my bottom lip, I notice a tall figure out of the corner of my eye. I turn in time to see a tall man with reddish brown hair entering a room.

_I found you!_ I think as I quickly run to the room. Before entering, I make a quick call to the others. "I think I found Anthony."

"You want me to come up?" Paul asks.

"Not yet. I'll call if I need help. Everyone be ready..."

I open the door, quietly. The lights in the room are dim. The man I saw is sitting in a chair next to the bed, where an old man is lying, possibly sleeping, hooked to machines and oxygen. I take a step into the room. I swear the man glances to me, before he puts his head down on the side of the bed. Crying noises are coming from him.

"Uncle Aro..." comes out between sobs.

The old man pats the man on the head without opening his eyes and barely speaks, "It's okay. I'll be okay."

I walk to the end of the bed where the chart is kept. I lean down, reading the name printed on the label. Aro Traskas. I huff and leave, upset that it wasn't Anthony that I had found.

After telling my officers to stand down, I continue with my searching. I look everywhere on the second floor, with orthopedics being my last stop. I walk into the room, and see a strawberry blonde sitting at the reception desk.

She sees me walking towards her and smiles, greeting me. "Good afternoon, Officer."

"Chief," I correct.

"I'm sorry. Chief. What may I do for you?"

I ask her, like the others, about Jasper Whitlock and Anthony Masen. But she doesn't act like the others, who were clueless. Her eyes darted around and she never looked at me. She knows something.

"Tell me..." I start, glancing at her name tag, "Tanya, what do you know about these boys?"

Her eyes drop to the desk, some of the strawberry blonde curls falling to hide her face. "I don't want to be in trouble," she says quietly. "I thought I was helping."

"Let's go out here and you can tell me what you know. That is how you can help."

Tanya follows me into the hall. She's shaking and on the verge of tears. She doesn't say anything, instead looking at the ground.

"Tanya, this is important. I need to know what you know."

She kept silent, her gaze fixed upon something down the hall. I could tell that she wasn't being resistant, but her silence was wasting my time. So I threaten, "Look, if you don't talk to me here, then I guess we can take you down to the station. If you don't talk there, we can hold you for obstruction."

Her eyes shifted, looking into mine. She began, "I promise, I thought I was helping. The tall one with the bronze hair... or reddish brown hair like you said... he came up to me outside while I was on break."

"Okay. Good. What did he say or do?"

"He told me his name was Georges. He spoke with a wonderful French accent. He knew Dr. Simon's name. He said he was a drug rep. He told me that he left his sample case inside, so I..." She trails off, closing her eyes, then whispering, "I let him in through the back door with my key card."

"So, he came into the hospital with you?"

She nods. "Yes. And I know shouldn't have done it, but he knew a lot about the hospital."

"You let him take off on his own?"

"Not exactly. I... I walked with him to the spot where he said he left his sample case."

"Then what."

Her eyes went straight to the floor before confessing, "He took my keys."

My questions flew at her then. "Your keys? Did he harm you? Did he threaten you? Was the other man with him? Are you alright?" To which she gave me a series of one word answers. "Yes. No. No. No. Yes."

Things aren't adding up and they aren't making any sense. "So, you just gave him your set of keys for the hospital for fun?"

"No. He was a scoundrel. He managed to seduce the keys away from me."

"And you didn't think you should tell anyone?"

"I don't know. It's never happened before. I'm sorry. I didn't know what else to do. And what would he do with keys for this ward and the ICU anyway? I mean, there's not much he can do with those keys. Are you going to have to let the Chief of the hospital know?"

I don't bother answering her. Instead, I call the others on the radio. I tell Quil to bring the rookies to the hospital and watch all doors, and to call for added help. I order Jared and Embry to watch the elevators and stairwells on two. Paul I tell to meet me up at ICU.

To Tanya, I growl. "You don't leave this floor, do you understand me?"

She whimpers a yes, and I run off towards the ICU. _Dr. Cullen is right; he's going for his father._

A few minutes later, I find myself at the double doors to the ICU wing. I'm pacing back and forth, waiting for Paul to show. I want to jump into action, but I can't without my deputy by my side, just in case...

"Why are we at ICU?" Paul asks as he runs towards me from the elevators.

"He's going after Edward."

As we walk into the ICU, I tell him that we need to get Anthony out safely. I remind him that he can't help his mental state and no guns unless I order so.

The nurse's station is our first stop. The big white board on the wall tells me that Edward Masen is in room 312. Paul follows me towards that room at the far end of the hall. We are both quiet. It's deafening and adds to the fact we are on edge.

My heart is pounding as we walk away from the nurse's station. I am literally shaking. The only sounds permeating the air are our footsteps and various machines helping to keep patients alive. When we reach the door, my heart's pounding is the only thing I can hear.

Paul says something, but I can't make it out. I place my hand on the door knob, and before I can turn it, Paul pulls me back. His words are finally audible.

"There he goes, Sam!"

I turn and look in the direction Paul is pointing, and see that the emergency stairwell door is shutting and the alarm is going off.

With an order to Paul to go back to the main doors to keep watch, I take off towards the stairs. The door flies open and I step inside. I stop and try to listen to where he is running. I glance over the railing, both up and down, to see if I can spot his location. The door on the floor below is closing.

While running down, I radio Embry to keep an eye out. He meets me at the door, and while I am yelling at him about his lack of attention at this door, he yells back that he was watching the other stairwell... The one without the alarms.

Jared comes up to us, saying that he saw him run into the OBGYN wing, and we follow on his heels. When we get there, I instruct them to watch themselves, be careful, and to notify me of anything out of the ordinary.

We split up. I leave Jared at the door to watch it. I point down one of the halls and tell Embry to check that way. I take the other hall, knowing that Embry and I would meet up on the other side.

Halfway down the hall, the alarm stopped ringing. The only noise left was a few cries of the newborns in the wing. I pass by one room and see a new mom rocking her baby. I pass by another and see a husband wincing from the grip his wife had on his hand.

I turn the corner, and spot Embry at the end of the hall. I motion for him to keep his eyes open, because we have got to be close to finding Anthony. He acknowledges me and we slowly walk towards each other.

As I am walking by the one room with an open door, I see a mom on the bed, holding her new baby in her arms. There is a tall, blond man standing there. She looks uncomfortable as he walks closer to her. Then I hear, "Those newborns can be dangerous, but your Bree is an adorable one. She can't be too bad, right?" He walks closer to her, leaning down and kissing her.

I am embarrassed for seeing that. I feel like a heel for spying on that private moment. After checking through the rest of the rooms, most of which were empty, I met up with Embry.

"No luck?"

"Not one thing, Chief. It's like he vanished into thin air."

"Let's get back to Jared. He's got the only exit to this place blocked. Anthony has got to come out sometime. And we'll be waiting."

On our walk back through the hall that I had just checked, I notice the new mom poking her head into the hallway. "I'm so happy to see you, officers" she tells me. "There was a man in here, looking at my baby. He kissed me."

"That wasn't your husband?" I ask, thinking back on the words I heard him say. _There was a Texan accent, now that I think about it._

She shakes her head. "I'm not even married. And my boyfriend left me the day he found out I was pregnant. I don't know who that was."

I tell her to go into her room with the baby and lock the door. Someone will tell her when it's safe.

"It's not Anthony Masen," I tell Embry. "We've been chasing after Jasper Whitlock. We need to search every room in the hall."

Embry opens one door while I do another. I step into the next room and check the bathroom and closet. No sign of Jasper. Before I can walk out, I hear a thud and footsteps running.

I step into the hall to find Embry on the floor. "Whitlock is going that way," he says, pointing.

"Get off your ass and come on!" I yell, taking off after him.

I turn the corner and see Jared and Jasper fighting. Jasper throws a punch, hitting Jared in the jaw. He picks up Jared and throws him onto the floor before taking off out of the door.

I run by Jared, who yells, "I'm fine! Go!"

I see Jasper running into the other stairwell, and I follow suit. He's running up, past three. He's headed for the roof. I notify my men on the radio to get the FD out here, because we may have a jumper on our hands.

But as I am closing in on the door to the roof, I see Jasper beating at the door, trying to get it open. It was locked.

"Mother fucker! Just open!"

He kicks the door, and it pops open. Just as he steps outside, I jump up three steps and grab his pants leg. He falls forward, and I pull myself on top of him, straddling his waist. I quickly get him into handcuffs.

"Guys, I have Jasper Whitlock in custody on the roof. Embry, I need ankle cuffs immediately. The rest of you keep an eye out for Masen. He's hiding in there somewhere."

Jasper begins laughing under me. It's not a jovial laugh nor a crazy laugh, but a maniacal laugh that gives me chills up and down my spine.

"It's too late," he tells me. "He's probably already saved himself. He's finally free."

Jasper wriggles under me trying to move away from me, but I don't let him budge. Instead, I ask, "What are you talking about? What is it Anthony is doing?"

"My name is Major Jasper Whitlock with the Unites States Army. I will not and cannot answer any questions you ask for protection of my ranks."

"What are you talking about? I am Chief of Police of Forks, Washington. I demand to know where Anthony Masen is and what does he have planned?"

"My name is Major Jasper Whitlock with the Unites States Army. I will not and cannot answer any questions you ask for protection of my ranks."

After many questions, and getting the same answer, Embry shows with the cuffs and hospital security. Once Jasper is restrained, we move him to a small room that security set up to confine them. I tell Embry to call Dr. Cullen and let him know we've got Jasper Whitlock in custody and he is safe. Jared is ordered to stay on two while I head back up to the ICU.

Every step I take towards the ICU feels me with dread. A sense of deja vu comes over me and I can't shake it. Something wasn't right.

Paul greets me at the entrance to ICU, reporting that no one has come in or out of the wing while we were on chase. I nod and walk back to 312.

I stand at the door, contemplating what I am going to do or say when I walk in and see that bastard lying in that bed. My hand finds its way to the knob. I swallow hard and take a deep breath. A familiar gurgle comes from inside the room, making my heart pound harder than ever before. I turn the knob, opening the door. Everything went into slow motion. Everything. It was all some sort of surreal...

Deja vu.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading! Three left...**


	19. Sometimes I have a problem with my

******DISCLAIMER: We do not own Twilight. We do not own Rob. Rob owns IJM... Jackson's my drug of choice, but I'm still a H00r for Rob... We do not own any of the movie characters brought to life by these wonderful people. I'm trying to think of what we do own... **

**We own this story... **

******Thanks for reading!**

* * *

**Sometimes I have a problem with my temper...**

**~Edward Cullen, Twilight**

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***~*~*Anthony Edward Masen*~*~***

I walk into the room confidently, the _others _climbing over and over one another. I'll make sure they each receive the confrontation they desire, but for now I hold tight just a little longer.

Be brave, I tell myself.

If evil has a smell, it is wafting from the man in front of me. He lies in the bed, in the same tacky gown as everyone else in this version of hell, inclined and covered with a white blanket.

"Hello father," I say, gulping, my resolve nearly slipping. But, I'm being brave and I ball my hands into fists at my side, my fingers digging into my palm.

His head lolls to the side, but when his eyes meet mine, I see they are bright and aware. When I dare to continue eye contact, I watch as his narrow into slits.

He speaks softly, but his words are flat and cold. "There's my little fuck-up," he chuckles. "You just can't do anything right, can you?"

"I've come to finish the job," I assure him, the _others _cheering for me. This is the bravest thing I ever done. I feel a spark of pride in myself, but a part of me can't help but wonder how long I can hold on to the feeling.

"You're not going to do squat, you little fuck," he spits. "You always were a holier-than-thou little bastard. I never could turn you into anything worth a shit."

"You turned me into something alright, _father_," I sneer. "You were never happy unless I was miserable, bruised and broken. Now, I'm never going to be happy unless you are bruised and broken. You made me just like you daddy."

"You're not going to do shit. You're nothing but a punk ass little bitch acting out but I'll talk to you up close real soon and set your ass straight," he speaks assuredly, showing his confidence by turning away and ignoring me.

My courage falters and the _others _seize the opportunity to swarm. A strange feeling of drifting over takes me. Watching from the inside out, I hear every word they are speaking through my mouth but I can't control it. They speak to me and through me. Madness has reached its peak.

My head whips back and forth, hands shaking from the force of our combined terror and anger. Long suffering takes a specific shape inside my soul; interwoven patterns of violence and neglect. Silenced no more, our voices burst collectively from my own mouth, my own intermingling with those like-minded, drowned in a sea of _others_.

*"I'm the voice inside your head

You refuse to hear

I'm the face that you have to face

Mirrored in your stare

I'm what's left, I'm what's right

I'm the enemy

I'm the hand that will take you down

Bring you to your knees"

He gawks at me-_us_. "What's wrong with you, stupid?" he asks, annoyance and a twinge of fear in his voice.

"Didn't you know father? What doesn't kill us makes us stronger...or makes us fucking crazy," the others laugh boisterously as if this is funny because it is indeed true.

"What the fu...?" he starts, terror marring his features. Perhaps he recognizes the dark passenger inside of me, hears him in my voice. More forceful, more alive, and persistent, ever growing inside of me.

I immediately halt his question and any further conversation with him. "I'm going to talk and you are going to listen," I declare insistently.

The others swirl furiously inside of me, deciding who should talk first. At last the decision is made and it begins. They push me forward once again, forcing me out when my nerves make me stall. They speak encouraging whispers, holding my hand and patting my back.

"I am so sick of not having even the basest of my needs met. So sick of begging and borrowing just to get by because you fail to provide, not only monetarily but emotionally as well. I am sick of making excuses for you...for myself. Frankly, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired."

He snorts, his face twisting into the true monster I know so well. "You sound like you think you deserve better than what you have, son," he says sneering.

"I do deserve better. It took me a long time to realize that, but I understand now," I explain, thinking of Carlisle, Bella, and the rest of my new family. "What did I ever do to you for you to treat me so abhorrently?"

His smile is sinister as he responds simply. "You were born."

"That's it. You hate me; treated me cruelly my entire life because of something I had no control over?" I ask, shocked at his revelation.

"What else is there? You've never been anything but a pain in my ass. Always in the way, fucking things up. I hate that your name is the same as mine and everyone will know that your weak, candy ass is related to me. That's why I never let anyone call you anything but your middle name. I'll never forgive your mother for that, but you took care of her for me, didn't you?" he asks, as if he's said something outrageously humorous.

My composure is nearly crumpled. There is no power in this knowledge. I wish I had never asked. I don't know how much more I can take, but of course he's not finished.

"_Yet, not finished yet," the others whisper. "Find courage Anthony, get closure."_

"_Almost done, Anthony, we'll take care of everything else while you rest," Edward promises._

"Do you know what the best part of my day was?" he asks, continuing as if I have answered. "The best part of my day was knowing that whatever hell I endured from this soul sucking world, you'd be there to take it out on," his voice takes on a dreamy quality as if he is speaking of a ride at Disneyland.

"That's what I needed, but you never cared about that did you? Don't worry though. Your mother learned to like it and I'll teach you to like it too," he says with finality.

"You're nothing but a pathetic bully," I spit, outraged at his explanation. "You hurt the innocent to feel better about yourself."

"All the great one's are bullies," he says, his glazed over eyes, staring beyond me. "Corporate executives, journalists, the president, the pope." His eyes snap back to mine, a hint of a smirk upon his face as he imparts this wisdom.

I've heard plenty enough and I tell him as much. Rage fills his facial features at my interruption, but I care not. I realize now that I will never understand him and, as of this moment, I no longer wish to. The time has come for me to have my say and be done with this wicked creature once and for all.

"You terrorized me, your own flesh and blood. Beat me till I broke in to tiny pieces of myself. Blamed for everything till the shame and guilt you made me feel was all consuming. For years, I have hid from everyone, including myself. It ends tonight, no matter what happens to me afterward, you will never touch me again," I tell him with tears in my eyes and for once in my life the wetness on my cheeks does not make me feel weak, but empowered.

Having spoken my mind, far back I stay from them, allowing them what they need to find peace, while they afford me the safe distance that I crave.

"_You killed my sister!" Tyler screams, in rage and agony._

"_You forced me to beg on my knees for food, and then laughed in my face," Salvador cries, the sound mournful and sickening, echoing around the room and inside my head._

"_You made me terrified to move or breathe in my own home. The place I should have felt safest," Toby wailed. "Fathers are supposed to help their sons fly, but you...you crippled me._

"_You made me feel ashamed, like I was never good enough," Art cried, his cheeks flaming red and hot with indignity. "Why did you even have me?_

Over and over they swarmed, pouring out their anger, confusion, and sadness. So busy being emotional, and dare I say, disrespectful, that we crept too close. Rookie mistake. Father's arm reached out quickly and pinched the skin on my thigh, twisting to maximize the pain. I was, however, able to reign in my screams.

Like a good boy.

"Shut up, you little bitch," he forced through clenched teeth. He tries with great bravado to still appear inferior, but I see the fear. We all do. We revel in it. It makes us stronger, driven.

_Something inside us snaps, the same as the night we stabbed him in the shower and slit mother's throat in the kitchen. Our blood boils, body shaking wildly with outrage. This pathetic excuse of a man, who has tormented us our entire lives and has done irreparable damage to our psyche. This bastard who stole our happiness, our future, our life. He lies prone in this bed and thinks he can still control us, thinks he can still leave marks on our body._

_We're almost glad we screwed up the first time and get to do this again, but this time we plan to watch the life drain from his eyes as he watched it evaporate from ours in tiny increments over the years. _

_The one is ready. We are ready. The time is now. The will belongs to all of us._

_The gentleman monster makes his appearance, as the rest of us lay in wait. Watching. Enjoying._

"What are you going to do old man? Huh? What are you going to do that you haven't already done? Want to tie us down and beat us with the belt like you did that day? Want to starve us, locking us in the dark closet for hours?" I taunt, hovering him.

"You didn't think we would get out did you? You didn't think you had anything to fear from your spineless, broken son? I promised you that day it would be your last mistake-underestimating us-today I'm going to keep that promise," I guaranteed him with soft but firm words.

"W-ho...w-w-what are you?" he asks skittishly, his terror palpable.

"I am Edward, but you may call me executioner or, if you prefer, redemption," I tell him sweetly.

In one fell swoop, I ripped the tubes from his arm and pressed my thumb into the hole, widening it marginally. He cringed, but to his credit, father didn't scream. Deeper and deeper, I plunged my thumb into the hole, as his blood began to drip faster and faster to the floor, pooling around my feet.

When I managed to wiggle in knuckle deep, he began to struggle and whimper. Still weak, I was easily able to hold and silence him as I continued to burrow. Blood squirted around us, splattering me and him. I could not stop the smile on my face as it I watched it drain from his body, mixing with the grime on the floor. As I watched the life drain from his eyes, I made myself and the others one last promise. This will be the last second of my life that I give this man anymore of my time or effort than the dirt on my shoes.

I sat heavily in the chair beside his bed, a small smirk upon my face. I watched in rapt fascination as the blood continued to drip from his arm to the ground. I barely took notice of the sticky red smears all over my face and clothes. Just like that, the anger was gone.

The _anger _was gone. _Tyler_.

"Tyler," I internally screamed, my voice echoing in the space, but it was no use, Tyler was silent. Gone the same way as Cedric.

All was quiet, and the only one left was me.

**"Talk to you up close" is taken from the novel about abuse and its effects by Stephen King titled 'Rose Madder'.

**Song lyrics "The Foo Fighters-Pretender

**Dark Passenger is a reference to the novel/ television series, Darkly Dreaming Dexter

***~*~*Sam*~*~***

I walk into Edward Masen's ICU room. The scene before me, reminiscent of that night last Christmas, was one of utter slaughter. "Fuck me."

Anthony is sitting in a chair on the far side of the room. There's blood trailed through his hair and dripping down the side of his face. His face holds no expression what-so-ever. His hands are wearing gloves made from that red plasma as they wring through his hair. There is blood dripping from the bottoms of his pants and covering his feet.

The floor itself is covered with a pool of blood; the trail leading from Ed Sr. He's in bed, his arm ripped open where the tubes had been attached. His eyes are dilated, his face frozen with a harsh glare. He is whiter than the sheets of his bed.

The machines behind him are ringing alarms...

_Ringing alarms..._

"Nurse! Doc!" I yell, snapping back to reality. I had forgotten to tell them it was okay to enter the room.

The staff runs into the room followed by Paul. The doctor slips across the floor like he's wearing skates. A nurse falls; her entire backside is now bright crimson. I try to avoid the blood, but in my effort to help the nurse to her feet, I fall myself. Paul is the only one staying to the edge of the room out of the pool.

He reaches down and helps me to my feet. I get to Anthony, and notice that he wasn't paying attention to the chaos before him. Like that night, I am talking to him and getting no answer. He sits and stares off into some unknown. I reluctantly place the cuffs on him, and radio Embry to let me know the moment Dr. Cullen shows up.

While we waited, I removed Anthony from the murder scene into a private room. He remains disconnected from the world. I'm not sure he's aware of what he's done.

"The lights are on but no one is home," Paul says as he waves his hand in front of Anthony's face.

"Deputy, stop! He's not himself right now. Go take watch over the door. Tell the others they are free once Whitlock is delivered back to Forest Meadow."

Paul nods and takes off to do his assigned tasks. Anthony makes no movement at all. I sit and stare at him, wondering what he's thinking about. Is he even aware of what he's done?

Then, he blinks.

"Anthony, are you in there?" I ask. I receive no answer.

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**A/N: Sheesh... two left... Thanks for reading!**


	20. I promised that we'd try If this

******DISCLAIMER: We do not own Twilight. We do not own Rob. Rob owns IJM... Jackson's my drug of choice, but I'm still a H00r for Rob... We do not own any of the movie characters brought to life by these wonderful people. I'm trying to think of what we do own... **

**We own this story... **

**Thanks for reading!**

* * *

**I promised that we'd try. If this doesn't work...**

**~Edward Cullen, Breaking Dawn**

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As I sit here waiting for Carlisle to come, I reflect on the last few weeks. The solitude, while lonely, was necessary for reflection. I see that now, even though, at the time, I argued with Carlisle about it. I've spent the time interacting in intense counseling sessions with the good doctor. Although, we argue and I do not always agree with him, he makes some valid arguments and I feel much more comfortable in my role as victim.

I haven't heard another voice inside my head, nor lost any time since the night I left the hospital. Carlisle thinks it's because of the new combo of drugs, but I know better. Something changed that night. I'm not sure it was the invasive combining that I had hoped and worked so hard for, but definitely something positively different. I feel calmer, more in control. Of course, I've been alone for nearly a month except for the daily visits from Carlisle. I'll just have to wait and see how it goes when I'm reintroduced in the ward.

That's today and I couldn't be more excited to see my friends and, especially, Bella. I am a bit nervous as well. I can't help it. I hate myself for doubting Bella. I know it's terrible of me to not have more faith in her love but it's sometimes difficult for me to believe that she could love me after what I've done...after what's been done to me. Carlisle tells me that these are Bella's decisions to make and I have to agree, it would be wrong of me to deny her the same thing that was so often denied me. Though, if I have anything to say about it, she'll never know the state I was in when they found me.

_I lost track of time as I sat beside the bed, watch the blood spread across the floor. I was mostly covered in it myself, smears on my cheeks, and matted in my hair. Continuous mumbling and uncontrollable jerking afflicted my head, arms and legs, a side effect of severe adrenaline plunge and shock says the doctor. All I know is that I had no energy, no...anything left._

_So I sat patiently as Officer Uley, the deputies, Carlisle, and the nurses barrel into the room, one by one, slipping in the blood and falling on top of one another. During other circumstances perhaps it would have been funny to see them stumble over each trying to get to me. All that was missing was the Benny Hill music in the background._

For a while afterward, I felt empty without the voices. Like a piece of me was missing and I suppose, in a way, there is. It is difficult to know what to do when there was no one to consult, or persuade. It felt lonely just being me and took some to adjust. I feel good now, thanks to Dr. Cullen, I feel more confident and content. I'm ready to see my friends, my family...my love.

***~*~*Dr. Carlisle Cullen*~*~***

"Emmett, I know you and Rose have gotten rather close lately," I say while he nods. "She trusts you now. I want you to stay by her side as we re-introduce him into the ward. And Esme..."

"I know," she answers. "I'll be by Jasper's side the entire time. This entire situation has been so rough on him."

I can't help but to smile at her. She always knows what I am going to ask of her. "Thank you."

We walk into the common room together. Rose and Alice stop arguing over the newest fashion trend and look at the three of us. Jasper notices the sudden silence and peeks over the top of his book.

"Today's the day," he mumbles as a smile grows.

Bella walks into the room, looking around. "What's going on?"

"Bella, have a seat on the couch," I start. "Rose, Alice, please join us over here."

The girls sit on the couch, Jasper remains in the chair. They all look to me to speak, but I wait for Esme and Emmett to take their places before I utter a word.

"As you are aware, he will be returning to our ward."

"Yeah, so we heard," Rose spouts off.

Emmett places a hand on her shoulder and scolds, "Rose."

"I can't help it, Em. I don't know which... _who_ we're getting back."

"It's alright Rosalie. I know that you and a few of his personalities have clashed with you in the past, but remember, there were a few you of them that you loved too."

"Are you going to tell us who is coming back into the ward?" Alice asks, her eyes wide in anticipation of me spilling the secret.

"I promised him I would keep that under wraps. I feel it's best he tells you himself."

Alice pouts while I explain a few of the rules for this 're-integration'. I tell them to keep their questions to a minimum; he needs to be allowed to set the pace. I mention that their visit will be brief to ease the stress, but if he wants to talk to them longer, let him initiate that. Finally, I remind them to keep their movements calm since it had been over a month since he's seen them all.

I leave them talking, and walk to his room. I peek in and see him sitting in the chair in his grey sweats, and running his fingers through his hair. He looks nervous, making me feel just as nervous.

I step inside the room and clear my throat. "Ready, son?" I ask.

He takes a deep breath and nods. "Carlisle, do you really think they're going to accept me? Even after everything they know I've done?"

I take a moment and think over all of the one-on-one talks and group sessions I've had with the others. "They are waiting to see you. They all seem rather excited."

He gets up, taking another deep breath. I pat him on the back and we walk together to the common room. Just before entering, he pauses and looks to me. I reassure him and he steps into the room.

Jasper is the first to say something. "Hello, Edward. I'm glad to see you."

The other patients murmur while a perplexed look comes across Edward's face.

"How did you..." he begins, but Jasper interrupts him.

"It was in the way you walked into the room. Something about that... I could just feel it."

Edward chuckles.

"I can't say that I'm not entirely disappointed," Jasper says.

Esme gasps. "Jasper Whitlock!"

"It's alright, Esme," Edward tells her. "I know what he means."

"Glad to have you home, brother," Jasper says, standing and saluting him.

"At ease," I order. "You want to meet me in my office and talk about it?"

"Yes, sir." Jasper takes a few steps, and turns, hugging Edward in a 'bro hug' and breaking one of the rules I had just gone over with them.

"Esme, would you mind?"

"Not at all," she replies, pulling Jasper to the side.

Suddenly, Alice squeals, "I knew my brother would win the fight!"

A smirk appears on Edward's face. "I see you haven't changed a bit. Still like crayons and dragons?"

"I'm not a baby anymore," she tells him just before sticking her tongue out. She stomps out of the room, leaving Edward and the rest of us laughing so hard, I could barely hear her call back, "If you want to play chess later, Edward, I'll be in my room."

"So you're the one that came back to us, huh?" Rosalie asks as she saunters up to Edward.

"Rose, babe, we talked about this... be nice," Emmett says, following behind.

She stops in front of Edward. From her expression, you cannot tell if she's angry or happy. Then she says, "Well, I'm glad you're the winner. I sort of liked you... second best anyway."

Edward snickers and holds his arms out for a hug. Rosalie huffs, "I'm not going to hug you. I said I sort of liked you."

She walks away, her hand playfully slapping his arm and calling, "Come on, Emmett. I might need to talk about this with someone."

Emmett glances at Rosalie and back to Edward. "It's so great having you back with us, bro. I have been dying keeping your little secret. You know how hard that is for me?" He gives Edward a fist bump and a wink, and leans in, whispering something to Edward.

"I said come on, Emmett!" Rose yells.

"I gotta go. Later bro." Emmett trots off after her.

Edward can't take his eyes off of Bella, while she shyly bites her lip. Suddenly, I feel like the third wheel, knowing that Jasper and Esme must be feeling like the fourth and fifth wheels.

"Esme, why don't you take Jasper to my office so that I can talk with him?"

"Of course. Let's go down, Jasper." Esme pauses, just a moment, before hugging him. "I'm so glad you're back. You belong with us, Edward."

Then there are three of us left in the room. Edward, Bella, and myself. I'm not sure they know, but I did notice the little side looks he gave her between speaking with everyone else. I have also noticed that she blushes when their eyes meet. They definitely have a connection.

Although I am uncomfortable in the room with them, I'm hesitant to leave, knowing that Edward was most worried and stressed about reuniting with Bella. I feel more uneasy by each ticking minute as their attraction seems to be growing stronger by the moment.

"I'm... uh... I'm going to check on Jasper," I say. "I'll be in my office if you need me. Excuse me."

I step into the hall and wait. I watch as they stand and stare without a spoken word. But it's the unspoken words that are screaming. I see that their relationship is something I have underestimated. And while it's against hospital policy to allow such a relationship, I am going to allow it.

Because in all this world, under the shittiest of circumstances, it seems that they have found happiness, calm... peace in each other. They have helped each other grow and have become dependent upon each other to survive. To take one of them away, would kill them both...

***~*~*Edward POV*~*~***

As they all filed out of the room, I held Bella back, waving them all on and thanking them. I'm sure they all knew Bella and I need a private moment, but I doubt they knew exactly what I had in mind. Bella had waited patiently a long time, and knowing that the others didn't always put her first during their escapades. Tonight, I've made up mind to give her what she wants...what I want and have denied myself so long...too long. Tonight, I'm going to try and be the man she believes me to be...that I want to be for her.

Bella and I are the last to leave the room, just as I planned. I follow them out, holding Bella's hand, but as quickly as I ascertain that no one is watching us as they make their way down the hall. I pull her the opposite way, toward a supply closet that Emmett, with a not-so-subtle wink, promised to leave unlocked.

I pull my girl giggling into the room and kick the door closed behind us, abhorrent to allow her to leave my arms for one second.

The feelings rushing through me are expected but still overwhelming. I kiss her wildly, my hands roaming over her body. I love how her body responds to me. I want to drive her as crazy as she's driving me. Clothes are strewn haphazardly as we bare our bodies and souls for one another.

Soft touches on her breasts let loose a strain of garbled moans from her mouth. I take my time exploring this new territory, feeling the soft weight in my hands as her nipples plump and pebble against my palms. A hunger for her turns my heart inside out when she whimpers my name.

She grins at me boldly as she moves my hands from her breasts to her slick mound. My finger slips easily into her wet heat. Eagerly, she moves against me, encouraging me with her sounds of rapture.

Soon her hand slides down to grip my cock in her tight fist, moaning how good it feels. My knees buckle when she pumps me, the head sliding easily against her hand with my precum. Sliding down the wall, I sit heavily upon the floor, gasping at the cold against my bare bottom.

Bella wastes no time straddling my legs, begging with me to make her mine. I silence her with my lips against hers, for there is no need for my girl to plead for me. I am already hers.

The rush of pleasure that swept over me as she aligned my cock with her pussy was electric.

"Oh Edward. Yes!" she whimpers as sinks down on me. Slowly she takes me inside her as I sit and watch the disappearing act. More than my member vanishing inside her wetness, my soul ceases to be my own; I feel it retract from my body even as her essence fills me. We are no longer two, but one entity to walk this world intertwined.

"Hold still just a moment, baby," I ask, winding my arms around her to keep her still in my lap. "I need just a minute." Not because I need to cum but because I've never felt such pleasure.

Neither of us is able to hold still for long and soon she is bouncing beautifully against me. Up and down. In and out. The ecstasy causing my eyes to cross at times but I fight valiantly to keep my eyes on her.

The one part of my brain that is still capable of thought wonders if it will always be this intense between us, while my whole body answers with a resounding, "yes".

All too quickly, I feel my orgasm barreling toward me, my balls tightening and my stomach clenching. I vainly attempt to hold off the inevitable, but when Bella pinches her nipples between her thumb and finger, screaming my name hoarsely, I am done for.

Spent, but still craving the feel of her, I tighten my grip on her waist as I soften inside of her, I hold her in my lap, rocking her slightly as I rub her back. It's a nice to land back on Earth from the heights of Heaven we have just raised. I am broken from my thoughts of naked angels with long chestnut hair when I feel moisture on my chest.

"Bella, are you crying?" I ask softly, wondering if I've done something wrong.

"I'm so scared this won't last. It feels almost too good to be true," she whispers in confidence as

If she's afraid if anyone heard her happiness they would try and steal it and I suppose in the world we live in that's not such a far leap.

"Hey," I shush her gently. "Of course there will be obstacles in our way, but the two of us together...there is nothing we can't accomplish," I tell her with conviction. "I believe that. Do you?"

Bella turns her head, looking at me with bright brown eyes. "I do! I believe, Edward."

"Then, it's all right, love. Every thing's going to be fine," I rush to assure her.

Bella's mouth popped open wide, but just as quickly, she closed it tight and tried to turn from embrace.

Increasing my hold, I refused to release her. "What's wrong?"

She tried again to turn but I held tight. "Tell me."

"You just called me 'love'?" she questioned timidly.

"I did. I called you 'love' because that's how I feel about you," I told her honestly.

Her eyes widened dramatically, but when she began to speak, I placed my finger over her lips and silenced her.

"Get your own moment," I told her teasingly. "This is mine."

Her brilliant smile told me all I needed to know anyway. "I love you, Bella."

Her breath caught in her throat, and her eyes slammed shut. I allowed her to bask in the moment, knowing that she would do the same for me very soon.

***~*~*Dr. Carlisle Cullen*~*~***

Walking through the halls on my way back to the office for the night, I pass by Edward and Bella, who are smiling and holding hands as they walk down the hall. They continue to speak without words - a lover's language known only to them.

I turn the corner and pass the common room. I see Emmett sitting next to Rosalie. He talks to her in whispers and she laughs and responds like he's her best friend in the world - a sight I thought I would never see.

I quietly leave as not to disturb them, and continue on my way. Walking by Alice's room, I glance in and see her standing in front of a mirror with her blanket wrapped around her and twirling around. Instead of using it as a cape like she has in the past, she has it wrapped around her in some sort of modern day toga, a dress for sure. Her tongue sticks out as she notices a glitch in her design and she immediately gets to work folding and tucking the fabric before murmuring, "Much better." She is growing up.

I continue on, passing Jasper, who is on his nightly perimeter check. He acknowledges me with a nod as he passes. He stops at Alice's door, and I hear, "Good evening, ma'am. You look ravishing tonight." Alice giggles as his drawl strengthens on the posing of the question, "May I have this dance?" I'm so glad Jasper isn't allowing Edward's return to dampen his spirits.

When I get to my office, I open the door, almost walking into Esme, who apologizes profusely for being in the way. I wrap my arms around her and pull her to me, kissing her softly. "I can't think of anyone else I'd rather run into."

She hugs me tightly. "I made you coffee. It's on your desk," she says, expecting me to stay for Edward's first night back.

I surprise her by saying, "I won't be long. Let me finish the notes for the charts while you tuck in the kids. Then we'll head home for the night."

"Yeah?" Her eyes scan mine to make sure I'm telling her the truth.

"Yeah. They've had a big day, but they all seem just..."

She interrupts with the word... "Blissful."

I couldn't agree more.

***~*~*U*~*~***

"April 12th, ending notes for the day...

"I am glad to report that Edward's re-integration into the ward was seamless. He was welcomed with open arms by everyone here, and appeared to have no stress with the excitement of the day.

"I was most worried about Jasper finding out that Edward was the prevalent personality since falling in love with Dali. I know he wears his heart on his sleeve. He surprised me though. He appeared just as happy that his 'brother' is here to stay. After our talk, he assured me that he was doing just fine. He even mentioned that he was starting to take a liking - his words - to Miss Alice now that she was growing up. Good for him.

"He is right, too. Our Alice is growing up before our eyes. She is acting more like an eighteen year old rather than an eight year old. She has implemented a daily make-up regimen on her own accord without help or direction from any of us. I have caught her trying to make her clothing a little more adult as well as reading books meant for her age range. There have been some regression back into her early childhood, but they are few and far between these days.

"Rosalie has been a wonderful influence for Alice's progression. Of course, she has made tremendous strides in her own recovery. She seems no longer afraid to receive the attention of a man. She talks openly with me now. It has become effortless for her. I can also see that she and McCarty are becoming closer and closer by the day.

"Before I can recommend a full release from the ward, I will have to trade McCarty with another floor to make sure that it isn't her being too comfortable with the men here. I have the feeling, though, that she will surprise us all and hold her own. I am going to miss her, but I am so proud that she has overcome those obstacles to become a strong, beautiful, confident young woman... something we knew she always was.

"Bella was very withdrawn while Edward was away. She kept to herself. Most days, she sat alone, in a chair in the common room and stared out the window. Nurse Platt and I were very worried about her ever coming out of her shell.

"She did begin talking and interacting with us over time. Coincidentally, it seemed that she did so as we got closer to Edward's return. That fact does concern me, but I am confident that she can do things for herself, without Edward's presence. I will have Miss Platt, and McCarty help me show her that she is as strong and independent as Rosalie. Her case is definitely a work in progress.

"I think I can even obtain Edward's help with the task. He is willing and doesn't want to see Bella pulled down into nothingness. He just may be the key in her overall recovery.

"As for Edward, his prognosis seems to be positive. He has not shown any signs of a personality change since that afternoon a month ago. (refer to notes of March 16th) I am under the impression that the death of his father, while tragic in its own right, was the necessary step in making Edward Anthony Masen whole once again. He will continue to be closely monitored, especially during the trial next month. At this point, there is nothing more we can really do for him, since it seems that he is finally healed for good.

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**A/N: Last chapter next... Thanks for reading!**


	21. Epilogue

**A/N: This is it. The end is here. (Finally, right?) We hope you enjoy the outcome of this tale. It was so much fin writing all of Rob's characters into this story... even Packer before he was on the screen. (Tells you how far behind I am in posting these chapters here... )**

**Thanks so much to everyone for reading. **

**Thanks to IJM... working with you was so much fun. Our Rob/Jackson debates were hilarious... Jackson wins, though... IMO.**

**Thanks to the beTTa braTT, kiTT... Even with her own works, she took her time to help us... so thank you!**

******DISCLAIMER: We do not own Twilight. We do not own Rob. Rob owns IJM... Jackson's my drug of choice, but I'm still a H00r for Rob... We do not own any of the movie characters brought to life by these wonderful people. I'm trying to think of what we do own... **

**We own this story... **

**On to the Finale... Enjoy!**

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**Epilogue**

**Someone had to spread the good news that we survived.**

**~Edward Cullen, Twilight.**

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***~*~*Dr. Carlisle Cullen*~*~***

"Everyone be seated," the bailiff says.

I sit in a chair directly beside Edward. We had talked prior to the judge coming into the room. I assured him that this was essentially a hearing to determine whether or not he should stand trial for Edward Sr.'s murder. I promised that nothing negative would happen, but some things were going to be said that he might not want to hear. We go over the calming exercises, making sure he has his stress balls within reach.

As a file is handed to the judge, the bailiff announces, "Your honor, this is court docket number 3482, The State versus Edward Anthony Masen, Jr."

The judge flips through the file before looking directly at the prosecutor. "Mr. Berty, what is the state's intention in this case?"

Mr. Berty stands, buttoning his suit jacket. "Judge Meyer, the state wishes to hear whether or not Edward Anthony Masen, Jr. is mentally competent to stand trial for the murder of his father. It is our intention to prove that while though he was in Forest Meadow Mental Facility, he was fully aware of his intentions and actions."

"Mr. Jenks, defense?"

Edward's state appointed defense attorney stands, brushing his black hair back. "Judge Meyer, we fully intend to prove that Edward Masen was not himself at the time of the incident. We will show proof of mental duress and that he suffers from Dissociative Identity Disorder making him fully unaware of his actions at the time of this murder. We will further ask the court to enter a motion that Edward becomes a ward of the state and be allowed to remain with Dr. Cullen at Forest Meadows Mental Facility."

Judge Meyer begins the trial.

Mr. Berty spends the better part of the hour presenting his information... or lack thereof. The only proof he had in his possession was a few of the security tapes - one of which showed Edward standing over his father, talking to him before cutting out.

When all was said and done, he says, "Prosecution rests, your honor," and takes his seat.

Judge Meyer looks our way and says, "Mr. Jenks, you may present your defense."

"I know this is a little unorthodox, but I have two people I'd like to call on Edward Masen's behalf," he replies after standing.

"Mr. Jenks, this isn't a trial. This is just a preliminary hearing to determine if a trial is necessary."

"I understand that, your honor, but to best serve Edward, we need to present facts to prove our position... that he is unable to be held mentally competent over his actions."

As Judge Meyer ponders the motion, I notice that Edward is squeezing the stress ball under the table. I place my hand on his knee to get his attention. When he looks at me, I give him a reassuring smile. He looks forward again without a reaction, and that worries me.

"I'm going to allow you two witnesses but no more, Mr. Jenks. Do I make myself clear?"

Mr. Jenks nods at the judge and I find myself being sworn in.

"Dr. Cullen, do you understand that what I want are the facts you have pertaining to Edward Masen?"

"Yes your honor," I state sitting in the witness box.

Mr. Jenks paces in front of me. "Dr. Cullen, I want you to tell the judge what you know about Edward's mental state - past and present."

"Anthony Masen was brought into Forest Meadow Mental Facility last December. He was covered with bruises and lacerations indicating that he had endured some physical abuse. He didn't answer to the name Anthony, which is what I was told was his name upon admittance. Instead he went by Giselher. I believe that that personality was his outward portrayal of bravery.

"The next day, he was Edward... the same young man you see sitting before you today. He's calm and thoughtful... opposite of Giselher. A few days after that, we met another identity. He was the child that lived in Edward who went by the name Cedric. Over time, Edward had shown upward of fifteen different personalities, some of which went by the same name, but were entirely different in their actions. He used these personalities to cope with the stresses of daily living. I believe that he developed them to cope with the daily abuse he suffered at the hands of his father."

"I object!" Mr. Berty shouts while getting to his feet. "Your honor, are we really to believe that this young man has thirty-five individual personalities? That's ridiculous! This is all hearsay... Mr. Jenks has not shown anything to prove the abuse before introducing the good doctor here. Where is your proof, Jason?"

Judge Meyer bangs the gavel. "Mr. Berty, you may only address me, not Mr. Jenks. Mr. Jenks, what evidence is there that Edward was abused?"

"Your honor, I was afraid to call my other witness before Dr. Cullen, because Dr. Cullen needs to remain in the room with Edward. I didn't want you to throw out the case because you thought Dr. Cullen's testimony had been compromised."

"You had better show me proof of this alleged abuse by the end of this hearing, or your client's future is in jeopardy."

Mr. Jenks nods and says, "Yes, your honor. We will prove the abuse beyond a doubt." She motions for me to continue.

"As I was saying, Edward has shown over thirteen different sides to himself. He's had a French accent as his conniving personality took over to accomplish tasks he knew were wrong. He had a Spanish accent when he took on a personality he called Salvador Dali. That one was also homosexual and acting on those urges. Even the Toby Jugg persona was paralyzed and unable to walk.

"He took on these other identities to help him cope with life... or it was a means to escape... or both. It was how he had to survive. I feel that one of his darker personalities did commit the murder of Edward Masen, Sr., but I also think that in some way, they thought it would heal Edward overall.

"I can't say that I disagree with that. Since the murder in question, Edward has been under close watch. He has shown no signs of regression and his outlook is positive. I believe he will remain whole, but he still needs to be closely monitored. High stress situations can cause him to relapse. I am working on techniques to help him cope with stress, anger, hate... any emotion that he might want to disappear and avoid.

"I would like to recommend that you place Edward under my permanent care at Forest Meadow. It's his home. He belongs with us."

Judge Meyer writes a few notes before asking if there are any questions. Of course Mr. Berty comes for my throat.

"Dr. Cullen, don't you think this label of multiple personalities is a curtain for Edward to hide behind? Don't you think we would be better served if he was sent to prison for his crime?"

"Mr. Berty, I'm sure you cannot comprehend the thought of so many people living in one mind. I can also gather that you haven't suffered through years of abuse and trying to cope with severe mental and physical trauma such as that. To have him serve for a crime that he, in his mind, never committed would be a huge injustice to him. In my professional opinion, sending him to the stress and known abuse in the prison system would hurt him, and so many others. Again, I stress that Edward belongs with me at Forest Meadows. Not just for his safety, but for the safety of others."

After no further questions are asked of me, Judge Meyer asks me to take my seat.

"We call Police Chief Sam Uley to the stand," Mr. Jenks states.

Sam enters the room and walks to the stand. The bailiff swears him in.

***~*~*Sam*~*~***

I take my place on the stand. I hold in my hand a file folder about two hundred pages thick. The file covers the last year of Anthony's life outside of Forest Meadows.

"Chief Uley, please tell the judge in your own words about Edward."

"Well, I'd like to start off by saying that until recently, I knew him as Anthony. Anthony was always quiet and withdrawn. When I'd see him around town, he kept his eyes down and didn't really speak.

"Now, in the past year alone, our department has responded to over one hundred domestic disturbance calls, ninety percent of those calls being made in the last half of the year. I have the records right here, your honor."

Judge Meyer asks the bailiff to hand her the file, then for me to continue.

"On most of the calls, my deputy and I were the responders. We would show up, and Edward... the senior... would give us some song and dance. He would tell us his wife was accident prone and that his son was roughhousing with him. I have no idea what that man thought roughhousing was, but I promise the broken ribs and bashed in skulls are not a normal part of any type of play that I had ever heard of.

"If you look in the file, your honor, you will see multiple pictures of Anthony's contusions and abrasions. And that doesn't begin to cover what I've personally witnessed at their residences over the years I have been in service.

"Anthony had a sister, who has been thought to commit suicide. That was one case we never had a final ruling on... not enough evidence either way you looked at that coin.

"His mother, Elizabeth, was a quiet woman. She never spoke out against Edward Sr. nor did she ever take Anthony's side. She suffered at the hands of Edward as well. She was spotted quite a few times in the local market with a black eye or a cast on her arm."

The judge interrupts my testimony there. "These are from that night in December or are they from various events?" she asks while holding up a stack of photos of a bruised and battered Anthony.

"Those are a series over six months, your honor. Some of those were taken when we responded to a 911 call at his residence. Anthony was in his room, unable to breathe. We opened his shirt to see he had severe bruising over the location of his heart. We noted the welts on his abdomen from being whipped with something. We took those pictures while he was unconscious. His father had left the scene. His mother said he was in a fight with some boy from his school, although she never named a name or could she describe the boy.

"If you flip down, your honor, a few weeks later, you can see his broken leg. It was like someone had stomped on it, snapping into two pieces.

"Things only got worse from there. The house fell into disrepair. The calls went from a few times a month to almost every day. It made me sick knowing that I couldn't do anything to help.

"It wasn't that I didn't try, either. I would plead with them to say something. Chief Swan and I offered them solace and safety in exchange for turning in Edward Sr., but they never said a word. I wanted nothing more than to help them, and to get Edward Sr. behind bars for what he put them through.

"Without their testimony, our hands were tied in the situation."

As I am talking, I look over at Anthony. He seems to be disconnected and in some far off land, like the past few times I had encountered him.

"Chief Uley," Mr. Berty says, "You state that Edward Anthony Masen was abused, the pictures seem to corroborate that, but what about his mental state? Do you think he should stand trial for the crime he has committed upon his invalid father?"

I give this man a look of contempt. "Anthony has not been in the right frame of mind for quite a while. On a few occasions, I have seen him use other names and talk as though he were actually someone else. I will say that after what he's been through in his life, especially the past year, I'd be surprised if he could ever be normal again. He's too far gone to know right from wrong."

Mr. Berty paces in front of me, his hands behind his back. A scowl appears on his face as he asks me again, his voice loudening with each word. "That didn't quite answer my question, Chief Uley. Do you_ think_ that Edward Masen can and should stand trial for the murder of his father?"

"No. I don't _think_ he should. Edward Sr. was a monster. He abused his family for years. I see it as not so much Anthony is a murderer; I see it more that Anthony was trying to find some sort of peace for the first time in his life. I don't think he should be punished for that."

The judge dismisses me and I sit in the audience, waiting for the verdict. She motions the attorneys to the bench for a sidebar. They whisper and talk, while motioning towards Anthony the good doctor, and myself.

If I had my way, Anthony would have a parade thrown for him for saving the world from such a monstrous bastard. It would make me sick if Anthony had to endure a trial. He would never be right... ever.

***~*~*Edward*~*~***

It's nice to be back on the ward. I felt skittish at the court hearing with all those people I didn't know. They were too near and watching me a little too close. I had almost forgotten what it felt like to be judged. Almost. I didn't feel quite myself and before I knew it I had zoned out during the proceedings and lost an hour of time.

Yes, I prefer to be here, in my home. I'm happy for the first time in my life and, thanks to God and the state of Washington; I can officially keep my bliss forever. I lean against the wall in the common room with my arms crossed against my chest watching them.

My family.

Alice and Jasper are playing with Legos. She's building a castle as Jasper constructs the fortress walls. Her positive nature overshadows his pessimism and there is no animosity or conflict as they work together with small smiles for each other.

Rose sits on the sofa, leafing through a magazine. Emmett stands behind her like some sort of personal bodyguard. He watches us all, protecting us from the evils of the world, but none as much Rosalie. The way she glances at him over her shoulder as she turns the pages shows a look of divine love in turbulent times. Almost unheard of, I know. Long live our god and goddess!

Carlisle-he says I can call him that-stands at the door with Esme. He takes notes in his book, like a good clinical analyst, always trying to do his best for us aesthetically. Esme is more vocal. If Carlisle can non-surgically pick our brains apart, it's Esme who puts us back together with soft, kind words of praise.

Looking at them all now, I feel camaraderie, familial allegiance, and love. The best of these is love. She sits next me with her back against the wall and her knees drawn up to her chest, reading her latest novel, a paperback title "Child 44". An aura of bright light surrounds her but, fortunately for me; I am the only one with permission to bask in the warmth. I'm also the only one allowed to touch her girly parts and, for that, I am truly grateful.

Lucky me!

Bella closes her book and stands, wrapping her arms around me and squeezing tightly. She smiles up at me as she pulls away, joy reflected back at me from her smiling face. And with stars in our eyes and the moon ascending in the sky, we exist in Twilight, ever between darkness and light. No more eclipse to suffer through and no longer afraid of the break of dawn, I hold her hand as we walk toward a new moon.

The new janitor started work today and I don't like him. He makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up with the way that he watches the women on the ward. His long dirty blonde hair flips around his shoulders as he turns back and forth studying the girls.

He wears sunglasses constantly, a fact that disturbs me deeply but without having seen, I know the look in his eyes, I've seen it before in the mirror, he's a predator...a monster. I can see the pain and anguish he itches to inflict. I see the lashes and bruises he dreams of leaving on their bodies. I see that the things that make his dick hard in the dead of night are the things most people's nightmares.

Bella empties her lunch tray and kisses me on the cheek. It's time for her art therapy and as much as I hate to have her leave my side, I know she has to go. She slips gracefully from the room and I watch with narrowed eyes as James moves to follow her.

Lightning quick, I am by his side, swiftly kicking over his mop bucket and effectively ruining his exit. "So sorry," I say smiling without a hint of regret on my face or in my voice.

James glances around the room before gazing back at me, his expression stormy. Barely concealed rage engraved in his features. "I'm watching you fella, what's your name?" he asks coldly as he takes the sunglasses off his face.

I stare at him for a moment, seeing that I was precisely right with my assessment. A shiver runs down my spine, but my confidence holds and I dare not break eye contact as I respond.

With a glint in my eye, I take the sunglasses from his hand and place them on my own. "Eric," I tell him, smiling.

You mustn't read and yet you have to read.

This is the double bind.

It's wrong to act and it's wrong not to. There's no escape and whatever happens it's your fault. When Daddy tells you that he loves you, that you are special, but then hurts you horribly; when you're told that you'll go to Hell if you tell your secret; when you are instructed to honor your father and mother despite their betrayal and when you know that you are responsible for making these horrors happen, you're in a double bind. The double bind, repeated over and over, is a living contradiction that simply blows your mind.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading!**


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